"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope."

—Jane Austen

Eventually, Julian and I calmed down enough to fall asleep. It wasn't the most pleasant conversation I could have had with him, but once I did, we instantly felt closer.

While I didn't tell Julian absolutely every detail of my history, I told him nearly everything that came to mind—and that was more than I had ever shared with anyone else.

There was a certain poetry to exposing the ugliest parts of my past to someone, only to have him grip tighter and care deeper. He should have been running away from me, not closer to me, and yet I got the impression that Julian was only going to become a bigger part of my life. This scared and excited me endlessly.

I was anything but charming the night before, and somehow, Julian still drew me in with open arms. It would have been so easy for him to dismiss me, but he offered me a taste of the affection and warmth that I'd been starving for my entire life. It was precisely what I needed, precisely when I needed it the most.

I cringed to think about what I might have done, had Julian not called exactly when he did. My story wasn't exactly a feel-good one, but I hoped at least some of Julian's tears last night were due to the fact that he was starting to feel about me, the way that I was feeling for him. I wasn't ready, though, to face and admit exactly what that was. There would be plenty of time for that later.

Since my energy levels were through the roof, from all the extra sleep I had been getting, I cleaned my entire apartment before showering and making myself some breakfast. I found a recipe online and made a mushroom, onion, cherry tomato, and cheddar cheese omelette, while water for earl grey tea boiled on the stove.

I set my table, even though it was just for me, and ate slowly to really enjoy the food. After washing the dishes and pans, I felt strangely inspired, so I grabbed a blue pen and a notebook before making my way over to the couch. Once I was in a comfortable spot, I pulled a thin blanket over my lap and pressed the pen's tip to the top line of the blank sheet of paper.

The words started coming and did not stop. Lines of ideas and prose seemingly wrote themselves before I moved onto stanzas of poetry. A lot of the lines, though not all of them, dealt with love and hope. I would have been lying to myself to deny Julian's presence in my life as a driving force behind this inspiration.

Never before had I written so quickly and effortlessly, while also feeling so satisfied with the outcomes. I read and reread the poems to myself, smiling with gratification at the final products. For once, I felt extremely happy and proud of what I had created.

My buzzing phone drew me out of my pensive state and I answered to a sing-song voice.

"Brooke, what are you doing?" Laina's voice hinted at plans.

"Nothing really. I was just writing, but I'm done now. What's going on?"

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

I was weirdly hungry, even though I shouldn't have been, since I had just eaten the omelette. I took the phone down from my ear to look at the time and it was past seven o'clock in the evening; somehow, I had spent the whole day writing and didn't even realize it.

"Yeah, actually, I am," I finally answered her.

"Do you want to grab some dinner with me? I just got off my shift, so I can be there in fifteen minutes."

"Oh, sure. Let me just get changed. I'll be ready when you get here." I started moving off the couch and made my way upstairs.

"Okay, see you in a few!" Laina ended the call.

I threw on a black cardigan, over my white tank top and skinny jeans, figuring the restaurant would be chilly with air conditioning. My hair was already pulled back and I decided to leave it in a ponytail instead of trying to style it. Quickly, I swiped some concealer over my face, then some powder foundation. As I was coming back downstairs, to slide into my silver sandals and grab my purse, I heard someone honking. Just in time.

While Laina drove, we decided on sushi and pulled into the parking lot of a quaint Japanese restaurant. The inside was unspectacular, but very clean, quiet, and inviting, with dim lights and calming music playing in the background. Aside from a few other patrons, we were the only ones there.

Once we were seated, and had placed our order for a combination of rolls, Laina smirked at me while sipping on her lemon water.

"Why are you smiling at me like that?" I took a sip from my own water and furrowed my brow at her.

"No reason." Laina tucked her hair behind her ear, and moved the straw around some ice cubes in her cup.

"Are you going to make me guess?" There was a little more than a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

"Someone's been checking out your profile pictures." Laina smiled wider this time.

"What?" I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Who's Riley?"

Oh no. No, no, no.

"Listen, Laina, you cannot try to add him, okay?" I suddenly felt flustered, and tried to keep my voice down.

"I won't, if you tell me who it is." Laina's lips turned up as she stared right at me.

"You can't blackmail me like that." The indignation was clear in my tone.

"Oh, sure I can! Start talking." Laina leaned forward, as if she would hear more if she moved a few inches closer.

Maybe I would tell Laina. After all, she was my best friend and I mostly trusted her. But first, I would make her work for it. Two could play at this game.

"Oh, he's just a friend." I casually tapped my finger on the table.

"Oh," Laina said, the realization of what I was doing set in. "Do I know this friend?"

"I'm not sure." My eyes scanned the room. One of the dining couples was standing up to leave. I smiled as they walked past us.

"Have I ever seen this friend?" Laina continued, unable to hide her growing excitement.

"Yeah, I think so." I focused on the light fixture above us, trying not to smile.

"Have I seen him recently?" Laina tapped her feet under the table.

"Yes, we both have," I said, finally meeting her enthusiastic gaze.

"Is his name actually Riley?" she asked, already aware of the answer.

"No," I admitted, hesitantly.

"Is it Julian?" Laina finally came out with it. The whole reason for her proposed dinner date tonight. She wanted details.

"Is it?" she repeated the question.

I simply nodded.

Laina clapped her hands together once and squealed, much too loudly for the setting. I could feel my face reddening at the rapid-fire questions that were about to come.

"Oh my God! He likes you, doesn't he?! What happened after the concert?! Have you been talking to him a lot? Why didn't you tell me? Are you, like, dating now?"

"What? No. Of course not." I chose to ignore the previous questions and only answered the last one.

"Are you sure?" she asked, smile still wide.

"I'm sure. Well, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, no, I'm positive. We're not." I really didn't know what Julian and I were. It was certainly more than friends, but I didn't know if he would ever consider me for a title like girlfriend. The label seemed childish and the idea was preposterous to consider. Wasn't it?

"And what about the rest of it? What happened after the concert?" Laina pressed me for more.

I wanted to keep this private, but Laina already knew a lot, and I could have used her advice.

"Well?" Her resonant voice filled the air when I did not respond right away.

Our waitress returned, saving me momentarily, and placed a giant plate between us. The various sushi rolls all looked delicious and I cracked open my chopsticks to dig in. Laina followed suit, still eyeing me.

"I stayed in his room the entire time and we had an amazing evening. That's all I'm going to say about it," I said, while placing a piece of the calamari roll in my mouth and chewing slowly. I could not bring myself to meet Laina's eyes just yet.

She dropped her chopsticks onto the plate with an echoing ping, and picked them up again, to take a giant bite of the salmon roll.

"And you've been talking a lot since?" Laina tried to sound casual, almost disinterested, though I knew better.

"Yes, quite a lot. He's incredible," I admitted.

"I knew it! I knew it, Brooke. I can see a difference in you. You're just so... so happy," Laina gushed. "I can't believe this! My best friend and Julian M—"

I cleared my throat loudly to interrupt her.

"Please, not here," I begged.

"Right, sorry." Laina smiled wide and dotted the sides of her mouth with a napkin.

She seemed satisfied with the small pieces of information I offered her, so I asked her about work. It never took much to get Laina talking, so I was relieved to have the focus off of me, and hear her ramble on about her boss and annoying coworkers. Before I knew it, we had cleared the plate of sushi between us and I felt entirely too full. We fought over who would pay, only to compromise on both of us paying half.

"See you soon?" I asked, when Laina dropped me back off at my place.

"For sure," she promised.

I kicked off my sandals once I got inside and went upstairs to scrub the makeup off my face—one of the most refreshing feelings to me. Since I knew that Julian had a show in Las Vegas that night, I didn't check my phone very often, to avoid disappointment if there wasn't a waiting message.

While drying my face with a clean, soft towel, I remembered what Laina said about Riley checking out the photos on my profile.

My old computer booted up faster than usual, much to my amusement and delight, and I was able to log in to find the notifications from Julian. He was checking out my profile, several hours ago. I clicked over to his page, to see an update about being excited to play Vegas for the first time.

When I decided it was late enough, I checked my phone and saw a few texts from Julian, sent just a few minutes earlier.

Been thinking about you all day.

Can't wait to talk to you tonight.

About to hit the stage, Brooke... wish me luck? x

My heart jumped from my chest and I wrote him back with good luck wishes, before flipping on the television to an old That 70's Show rerun. If this was going to be our new routine, where we would talk every night before bed, until both of us drifted freely into sleep, I could've certainly gotten used to this.

My phone rang unexpectedly, and I was surprised to hear a rattled Julian on the other line.

"Brooke?" he asked, shaken.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" Panic set in for me.

"I just... I don't know. I'm really nervous tonight for some reason. I saw the crowd through the curtains, and it just hit me really hard, and I'm sick in the loo. I don't get stage jitters like this. What is going on with me?" His voice was rushed.

"Julian, it's okay. You're okay. I can hardly blame you. I'd think you were weird if you didn't get extremely nervous from time to time. Are you even human?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Julian laughed, some relief washing through him. It worked.

"You are amazing, Julian. All of those people out there love you. They are there to see you because they love your music."

"That's why I'm nervous. We've got two new tunes in the set tonight and I haven't properly practiced them. There wasn't enough time. I don't want to let them down. What if I fuck up?"

"They will forgive you. People make mistakes, right? That would only make me like you more. But I don't think you'll mess up. And you definitely won't let them down. It's impossible. You're too good," I promised him.

"You're too good," Julian said. "I'm already starting to feel a little better."

"You're going to kill it tonight. And when you get done, I will be right here waiting to hear all about it. I..." I stopped myself. "I will be thinking about you the whole time."

"I'll be thinking of you as well. If I picture you somewhere in the crowd, it will be a bit easier," he said, quieter.

My breath hitched in my throat. I composed myself before responding, "You're going to be amazing. You always are. And your bandmates are there to take some of the pressure off of you, too. Lots of noises all at once. That can mask any minor mistakes."

"You're right, Brooke. You're so right. I feel a lot better. I think I'm ready now. They're waiting on me, so I'm gonna go grab my gear."

"Okay, Julian. Don't stress."

"No stress. None. Not with you. Thank you, Brooke, so much. I'll ring you as soon as we finish."

"Good luck, though you won't need it." I smiled, and wished I were there to wrap my arms around him, pulling him into my chest so tightly. The spice of his cologne felt worlds away now and I longed to feel it kiss my nose.

"You're the best. In a bit, Brooke," Julian said, with more confidence, before hanging up.

My head fell back onto the plush pillow as I waited for Julian to complete his set, so I could hear the sweet bass of his voice in my ear again. It seemed that sharing in his nerves helped him, almost as much as him listening to my burdens helped me.

Before, I figured that Julian was giving me way more than I was giving him, but perhaps I was mistaken. Out of all the people that Julian could have called, any of his family or friends, even his bandmates right by him, he chose to call me for support and encouragement.

We were an odd team... strangers by the length of time we had known each other, but kindred in the way we immediately connected and trusted one another.

I was beginning to think that maybe there was something to the old saying that there were no coincidences in life.

1. "Take Care" (cover) by Conor Maynard feat. Felicity Abbott

2. "Spark" by Amber Run

3. "Better Love" by Port Isla

4. "Someone to Stay" by Vancouver Sleep Clinic