"I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age, forever."

—Rabindranath Tagore 

As I lay there, Julian stood at the edge of the bed over me. Our bodies were no longer touching, and still, I could hear his breaths as if his mouth was just beneath my ear. There was a nervous haste to his fingers, as he reached down to grab the bottom hem of his white top and lifted it over his head. 

As the fabric moved upward, along his skin, I was granted a clearer view of his abdomen. Shapes of natural, soft muscle matter made their home on him, beautifully so.

Like stanzas, I wanted to study the lines and crevices of his chest, but Julian shifted quickly. With a flick of his tensed forearm, Julian sent the tank top flying across the bed. It landed on a lamp to the side, which was already lit. This darkened the room, noticeably, though I wasn't sure if that had been his intention.

Light or no light, the mere silhouette of him left me parched. I lifted myself onto the back of my elbows, wanting to better stare at the outline of him. As I did, I caught Julian's eyes trailing down my frame. Instead of focusing on something more interesting, he seemed to be trying to glance at my forearms. I wouldn't let his focus linger there. To abate the sweeping sensation of self-consciousness, I readjusted my body—keeping that skin out of view.

My tummy churned. It felt as though a net was lodged at the back of my throat, catching every other breath of mine. I must have looked like a nervous wreck, but he smiled—a beautiful, skin-warming smile. It was hard to believe that those plush, reddened, perfect lips had just been pressed against me. With this change in Julian's facial expression, he reassured me, without needing to say a single word. 

Everything was alright. I just had to get out of my own head.

The effort to do so was helped by Julian slipping his thumbs into the waistband of his sweatpants. He loosened the elastic and allowed the fabric to slip down his body. I admired the curvature in the flesh of his thigh, as he tensed the muscles there. Julian fidgeted—hurrying the clothing to the floor—and finally kicked the sweatpants off his feet. 

I was still clothed, but he stood before me, in only his black boxer-briefs. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that Julian looked incredibly nervous. What a silly thought, I reasoned with myself—he probably did this all the time. 

But I couldn't focus on that because, somehow, for this one night, he was all mine.

Julian reached for my hands to pull me up. Within a moment, I was standing with him. I stared up into his burning eyes. His nose flared slightly, as he breathed deeply. This brought about a perceptible expanding and retracting of his chest. The skin there was flushed, inviting me to touch it.

I ran a single finger from the center of Julian's torso, down the length of his stomach. I felt the warmth of his whole being, against the pad of my finger. I felt no opposition in my body as Julian wrapped his arms behind my back, embracing me while slowly unzipping my dress.

With nothing but heat circulating my face, I let the fabric fall from my skin, to the floor between us.

Julian eyed me adoringly. I didn't count the seconds, before that adoration shifted into a rabid hunger. My spine melted into the delicate comfort of the bed, as he threw me back onto it. With Julian climbing over me, I could feel the protective pressure of his body weight. It was obvious that he was trying not to be, yet still was, very feverish while kissing my neck. I felt his fingers running up and down my sides.

"So beautiful," Julian murmured. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

My skin felt like waves of static, on an old, signal-less television—tuned to dancing blocks of black and white. 

Prickling. Stinging. Buzzing, like a powerfully plucked string.

His soft lips wonderfully contrasted his discernibly rough fingers that had begun to trace my hips. Julian twirled the cotton which covered me there, around his index finger, as I tried desperately to swallow the last remaining nerves inside me. 

He rolled over, onto his side, and grabbed my hand, in order to place it on his body. The way he relaxed at my touch was the oddest, and most unexpected, compliment. Still, my worries carried through to my fingers—tensing them—as I brushed along him. He noticed. 

"It's okay," Julian panted. "Touch me. I want you to touch me."

With my eyes closed, I ever so carefully grazed him. My fingertips traveled along Julian's body, mindful of every subtle difference in shape, texture, and temperature. He was a stunning canvas; my palms moved meticulously. I nuzzled deeper into his shoulder, learning that the skin there was much like the rest of him—scorching velvet.

He wanted my touch. I touched him.

The moans falling from his parted lips seemed to emanate from deep within—some primal pit of his stomach. I would have done anything to keep the moment from escaping me. 

I willed my hands to stop shaking, just long enough to reach behind my back. I unhooked the clasps there, and let one strap fall off my left shoulder. On the right, the other strap took its time falling, as Julian watched—patience and restlessness warring in his eyes.

The material barely had a chance to fall to the mattress, before Julian was throwing it somewhere behind us. His burning lips found mine.

Kisses. Grasping. Whispers. Caressing. Whimpers.

One thing was for certain: we were the epitome of electricity. Every graze of his fingertips sent a current shooting up and down my spine. I was ablaze, and Julian was the constant flow of gasoline, fanning and flourishing my flames.

Courage—or desperation—found me. I summoned every particle of boldness in my cells, to remove the last bit of fabric that remained on his body. Through every unhurried moment of it, his eyes never left mine. He was uncovered, and nothing about it felt dirty. No, instead, it was one of the most beautifully intimate moments of my life.

I stared longingly—wanting not just his body but all of him—and reveled in the sensation of a million butterflies being released in my stomach. 

Julian was studying my face for a reaction, and he found what he wanted.

"I'm yours." Julian's voice was shaky. "All yours."

I did not risk speaking, knowing that my own voice would be lost. But it seemed that I was not alone in my impatient fretfulness. Julian's rapid breathing acted as the impetus—fueling an urgency—and alerted me to his own electric nerves.

We could not settle. Together, we were only wild momentum; we knew only frenzy. I wanted him fiercely. Fervently. To know I was making Julian breathless made me feel dizzy with ecstasy. 

To make him happy, I would have done just about anything.

With one hand in my tangled hair, and his other at my hip, Julian tugged on the material around my waist. I inhaled sharply, finding notes of leather, cedar, and spice in his cologne. Slowly, he pulled off the last bit of clothing covering me, with slightly shaking fingers. All the while, Julian never took his eyes off of me.

"You're trembling," he said, climbing up to me, so we were eye-to-eye again.

"Don't be nervous," he said softly, with a candid promise in his voice. Julian placed his head on my chest, with his body slack and relaxed. "I would never, ever hurt you."

There was a truth in his irises. I paid heed to it. 

Almost reflexively, I softened. My limbs began to loosen, and my mind cleared. Every part of my body melted into his. I had never felt more comfortable with anyone than I was in that very moment. I barely knew him, and yet I knew him completely. 

I knew him my whole life. 

Trust came over me in waves, and I would not let my nerves control me anymore.

I pushed Julian onto his back on the bed, and climbed over him. Though surprised at first, Julian showed his enthusiasm with an impish grin. His hips moved longingly upward, into the air, while my hands gripped the sweltering, sweat-glazed skin of his chest. With a strange, newfound confidence, I gazed down into his beautiful eyes—wide with anticipation, excitement, and something else I couldn't quite read.

He was glowing. Absolutely alight. So bright, in fact, that he might have blinded someone else who dared to get too close to him. 

Luckily, or unluckily, for me, I was no stranger to staring directly into the sun.

Julian grabbed the back of my head, gently, and pulled my face closer to his waiting lips. He kissed my forehead, along my burning temples, down my heavy eyelids, and along my cheek, to the tip of my nose. My mouth opened slightly, waiting. I needed his kiss more than I needed to breathe. 

My eyes were closed but I could feel his warm breath on my face. The two of us were so close that we shared the same air. Just when I was about to open my eyes, finally, came a pressure on my lips. 

Julian kissed my upper lip first, then my bottom lip, nibbling on the swollen skin with care and gentle precision. The tip of his spearmint tongue traced and slipped inside my mouth. In perfect rhythms, our tongues danced slowly together, naturally conveying the words that neither of us knew how to say.

We kissed until we were nearly breathless. We kissed as if this would've been the last time we would ever kiss each other—the last time we would ever kiss anyone. Long and drawn out at first, we drank every moment like it was the last gulp of water in the torrid burn of a desert sun. Then shorter, more rapid and needy, like we were both tasting sugar for the first time.

Our naked bodies melted together into one form. When one of us moved, so did the other, almost instinctively. There was an invisible magnetic field between us that refused to ease. A constant, steady, overwhelming flow of power between us that I could not understand or explain.

Julian stared at me with frenzied eyes as our hips met. Undulations. 

"Please, Brooke," he begged. 

The fire within him spread through my soul, ripping through my body in a sea of flames, and it shocked me to life once more. Every ember sparked at once, and in that moment, Julian awakened the heart in me that I thought had been long dead. 

That same heart began pumping pure heat throughout my veins, as I heard him speak once more—breathy and deep. 

"Please," he repeated, softer. 

His body tensed under mine, as I guided Julian inside me. The inflections of his moans were intoxicating, and only made me more fanatical with desire. The way his russet eyes fluttered, and rolled back involuntarily, led me to almost believe that he needed me, just as much as I needed him.

Short, quick breaths escaped from Julian's lips, as we rocked back and forth. Our fingers moved through wild seas of hair—golden-brown and jet-black—gently gripping handfuls of strands. Our bodies pulsing and drumming—we made love to the sounds of our own hearts beating rapidly, fiercely.

We stayed intertwined and we floated. 

We moved as waves. 

We soared off the sheets into the star-scattered sky.

Pass this current straight through

And jolt my trembling hands

As yours move softly to my face

To part the wild strands

Everything inside softening 

I feel that I will drown

Melting, fading, sinking

Into the warmest auburn brown

Skin like sweltering velvet

Eager mouth is at your neck

Though over you, I'm helpless

Sharing beads of sweat

Pausing this embracing

We stop just to undress

I feel your heartbeat racing

It's pounding through your chest

As your tongue parts my lips

My eyes are closed and burning

Rough fingers find my hips

And then the world stops turning

And though you're loud, I just can't hear 

The word that you're repeating

I need to focus on just how

To stop this night from fleeting

Arms wrapped tight around me

The smallest moment in devoting

Breathing in your scent, exhale

We've left the sheets, now floating

I grip at you, like you will leave

At any point in time

Instead you press your face to me

In this moment, you are mine

Handfuls of hair and rocking back

Your inflection just a murmur

Muscles going limp and slack

A fierce and present fervor

Scorching, smoking, smoldering

Your love that makes me soar

And though my glow is blistering

It pales compared to yours

1. "Sex on Fire" (cover) by RevelDay

2. "Electric Feel" (cover) by Henry Green

3. "Want to Want Me" (cover) by Travis Garland

4. "Unworthy" by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

5. "Crash Into Me" (cover) by Boyce Avenue