I wish I wasn't born here. I wish I was born in another world where everything I touched, touched me back gently without burning my heart. I wish I would love people and for them to love me back with the same intensity. Maybe one day I would be able to live up to this dream.

But have you ever suddenly realized how tiny your past problems where compared to what you were constantly receiving? Well, that feeling sucks because at that point you will find yourself wishing to be back with your old problem, suddenly loving how you thought this was the end of the world.

Maybe the end of the world is not something horrific as everyone else claims. Maybe that's our outing to whatever we are living, and our chance to let go. Letting go is in fact a skill that I do not own. Because I am too weak, I cannot let go, even if the sky is down flat on the ground, I would never let go. Even if it's the most absurd piece of stone, I still wouldn't let go of something that reminds me of those who I am devoted too. I am that weak.

However, being weak is a choice, it's hard. Being strong is also a choice, but it's even harder. Will hard and harder matter? Then why are we holding ourselves back? Maybe I should act like I own it all, the only difference is that I don't actually own it at all.

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

yea, Maybe I will do that. Swim in a big ocean that reminds me of those who I cannot let go. Is that even possible?

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.

Here is a few things I have learnt about myself lately:

1. I don't hate myself

2. I am loyal

3. I am stubborn

4. I love Noah knight with my whole heart

5. I am never going to let go of him, Noah knight, the boy that shines in the darkness, so that we could swim together in the freezing ocean.

I was 7 steps away.

The scorching sun glazed him golden. So inspirational, I thought.

6 steps.

His silver orbs were closed, preventing their blessings from any wondering eyes. The birds were chirping on the trees, looking over him, guarding him from the evil. Yeah, birds can do that.

5 steps.

His long legs were stretched forward, giving in his full length on display while his arms were crossed behind his head as his face still was in the process of absorbing the sun.

4 steps.

His nose scrunched adorably when a yellow butterfly landed on it. It suited him well that I wanted to take a photo and keep it with me forever. The butterfly didn't budge though, instead it looked quiet attached to the stranger that she has just met. He left it there, amusement drawn over his sharp features. Because he was just like that, a disease that made you attached within a second of looking at him; however, I wouldn't mind that deadly pathogen from killing me.

3 steps.

His eyes shot open, but they didn't meet mine. But he knew I was there. Instead, he kept grinning at the sky as if it was the thing that has sent me.

2 steps.

His grin widened, but he still didn't utter a word. His finger reached up for his nose, and the butterfly on instinct, walked across it, happily, delighted with the attention.

1 step.

His eyes met mine, and I...Well, I was brought back to life.

A smile itched its way on my lips as I extended my hand forward, ''Wanna be friends?''

XXX

The bell rang through the hallway painfully. Students rushed in and out of classes, hissing at the disturbing noise as if that would make it stop. I walked through the sea of people with a clear mind. Not because I was problem free, but because I wanted to act like it.

I felt Stella's eyes on me as I passed by her. I chuckled lowly and passed her my sweetest, most genuine smile. Her glare relaxed me as she finally got out of my sight. I continued walking until Asher's eyes met mine. He winked flirtishly, and I aside from being disgusted by how repulsing he looked, I felt sympathy flow through me.

He doesn't know my heart is already occupied.

Finally reaching my locker, I brought out my Calculus book, and speed walked to class. Entering the classroom, the place was buzzing with chatter indicating at the absence of the teacher. Then, I spotted him. Leaning on the wall while sitting down in his usual chair, his hands above his head and eyes straight forward; however, as if on cue, his eyes turned to me, taking me fully. I felt euphoria spread though me when I noticed the twinkling in his eyes at my sight.

I started walking towards our desk in anticipation to be next to him. I plopped down, enthusiasm evident on my face.

''Hey friend,'' I smiled cheekily, to which he grinned too.

''Hey friend,'' He replied, passing his tongue over his bottom lip all the while silver pools glowing. Wow, they looked so perfect.

''How are you doing?'' I asked, peeking my eyes at him childishly.

He answered, ''I am great. What about you?''

''Peachy.'' With that, the teacher entered, cutting our chat early. However, throughout the whole class, he would help me with some questions here and there, also caught him staring a few times, but let it slide and celebrated inside me instead.

The clock rolled by quickly, and class was soon done. I stood up and when I was about to collect my stuff, he reached out for the books and started packing himself. He looked at me, ''As a friend, I can't let you do this with a broken arm.''

He smiled, showing me his pearly white teeth in the process. I shook my head in amusement and resumed walking out of class.

sure, friends. Just friends, remember, Emma.

Sighing, I entered my customized hell hole; English class. My favorite teacher was not here yet as I scurried to sit down next to Abby. She was on her phone, typing away aggressively. I sat down, snatching the phone out of her hand. She got startled but relaxed at the sight of me.

''Damn, what got you panties in a twist?'' I teased, my eyes scanning her mobile screen. mmm, her chat with Levi.

I live for tea.

''Nothing, Just Levi being an ass.'' She muttered, annoyingly.

'Babe, you called me bro. What did I do wrong?'

'Well, someone called me yesterday ordering me delete a specific photo on Instagram'

'You were half naked'

'I was in a bikini, caveman'

'That exactly means underwear for me'

Having enough of their fight, I gave her the phone back, snickering.

''You think it's funny? It's a BIKINI, not an UNDERWEAR.'' she shouted, drawing the letters in the air.

''Where?'' Logan asked as he entered the room. I shot him a glare, smacking his head in the process.

I was about to talk back at him when the three of use whipped our heads to a direction where two boys were talking.

''I would totally smack that ass, dude.''

''She is so damn hot for her own good. I don't even know what we have been doing here in this hell without her merciless body.'' The second boy laughed.

''Hell yeah, maybe I will make a move today.'' The black haired dude suggested.

The other boy grew tense, ''We said I am gonna have Veronica first, dude. Don't be an ass.'' That's when hell broke loose.

I couldn't tell what was happening until I saw Logan's fleeting figure, charging at the two asshole across us. Abby and I shot out of our places and for the first time ever, we didn't try to control the damage, we left Logan beat the shit out of these two horny bastards.

The teacher entered on cue, growing alert by the scene unfolding itself in front of him.

''What in the name of God is happening here!?'' His voice boomed in the class, but it wasn't strong, it was squeaky. Abby and I ignored him as we continued cheering Logan on while the rest of the class stood flabbergasted.

''In the balls, Logan.'' I screamed, using my leg to point where I want him to hit. Abby on the other hand was busy analyzing before she spoke.

''He likes her, sis.'' She stated as a matter of fact. I nodded proudly and waited patiently until Logan was done.

Once he got up from the floor, he was breathing hard, chest moving up and down. The teacher then decided to make his second entrance, but this time the principle was on his tail. I rolled my eyes at the fat ass teacher who couldn't control a single fight and always tend to go like a sneaky mouse to the principle for help.

''What is happening here!? Is this a school or a fight club?'' The principle's voice boomed loudly, making me wince. ''Detention, the three of you!''

XXX

It was now gym time.

So basically after we were promised detention, we didn't attend the session as the teacher didn't want 'trouble makers' to stop him from teaching the others. We spent the class with the principle as he called our parents and lectured us about how important it is to not hit anyone.

Really bitch? I certainly didn't know that.

I stood in front of the mirror as I washed my face with the cool water. No heaters and it's kinda winter, so it was not a fun experience. I wasn't allowed to play or train or anything until the cast is completely removed, so I spend the class roaming around, doing nothing in particular.

It was just when I was about to exit the bathroom Stella entered, venom latched in her eyes with a glue. I ignored her and tried passing her koala form, but she was quick in holding my good arm, bringing me back in front of her.

''What is it that you want? And speak quickly, I don't have all day unlike you.'' I said, sternly, my jaw ticking.

She laughed humorlessly, but before she was granted the chance to talk, I saw Della entering the bathroom. My eyes went wide as I didn't want this encounter now of all times. Della came and stood in front of me in a defensive manner. I wanted to hold her back because the last thing I wanted was to make her stand against her own sister, even if her sister is a bitch, I wouldn't want to be the reason.

''Stop whoring around you bitch. Does she know you've been seeing her brother or what?'' Stella retorted, urging me to kick her proud chin.

''I am the one who initiated the relationship, hun.'' I smirked, enjoying the way her expression fell. She balled her hands into fists, getting irritated than ever.

''He doesn't deserve her, anyways. His loss.'' She looked at Della with disgust in her eyes, ''I am here to tell you, you fucked up piece of shit, to stop chasing Noah like the desperate bitch you are. He doesn't even acknowledge you, sweetheart, so don't sweat it.'' She placed both hands over her hips, challenging me with her eyes to answer her back.

When she didn't hear a retort out of my mouth, a smirk formed on her face as she turned to leave. Huh, stupid.

I walked away from Della's tensed back, hand reaching for her arm as I twisted it behind her. She squeaked in my grip like a wet cat out of the water. I really was amused by myself that I could still over-power her even with one arm intact.

''You listen, and listen carefully because this will be the last time I will be wasting my breath on you, next time there are gonna be real punches. You will never ever, under any circumstances talk to Della like that again. A bitch like you doesn't get to comprehend the good people around her, and if you think that she is not worthy of my brother, you are wrong, because worst case scenario, my brother is the one who is not worthy of her. Unlike you, she doesn't throw herself at every passing guy.'' I tightened my grip, as if stressing on my words.

''If I hear you talking about Noah again, I will rip you limb from limb. If you think he doesn't acknowledge me, then he probably doesn't even see you.'' She winced, ''Am I clear?''

With that, I pushed her sorry excuse of a body away from me. Her eyes were blazing in anger when she turned around, ''You will regret this, you bitch.''

''I would like to see you try.'' I smiled, eyeing her with disgust until she scurried out of the bathroom.

Sighing, I turned around to Della, who had tears in her eyes. My heart tugged at her sight, and all of a sudden I felt guilt wash over me.

Her lips trembled, and I found myself throwing her body into my embrace. I cooed her, trying me best to console her.

"I am so sorry, Dells. I didn't mean to upset you, I swear." I said, sincerely, still patting my hands on her back.

"It's not you Emma." She sniffled, "I am just so sad that this is my sister, you know?" I winced when a lone tear escaped her puffy red eyes, "She wasn't always like that, we were actually on good terms. We used to hang out, do each other's makeup, but it's not like that anymore."

I held her hand, reassuringly, "Did you try talking to her?" I asked slowly.

She laughed, "more than you could ever imagine, Emma."

"I am so sorry about her, baby" i hugged her again, and she back. We stayed like that for a while before we broke away at her phone ring.

She smiled when she checked the caller's ID, and it didn't need a genius to know that this was my brother.

She took a moment composing herself before answering, "Hey babe—" she broke out crying.

I tried my best to stay cool and not to burst out laughing. She glared at me and opened the speaker.

"Della, baby. What's wrong? Where are you?" He shot questions out, surprising me by how cuter he could get.

"Damn chill, your girly-friend is all right, in one piece." I said, earning a smile out of her.

He sighed in relief, "Where are you, Emms. I am coming."

"You want to enter the girls' bathroom, you sneaky little devil?" I joked.

"You better not, Lucas green." Della said sternly.

"God, I am waiting outside. Bring your asses out." He groaned.

My eyes widened, "Hey Della, wear your clothes." I whispered, loud enough for him to hear. Next thing we know, he is inside the freaking bathroom.

I rolled my eyes, "too quick, she might start thinking you are a sucker for her." I joked, "Might start." I stressed.

He gave me an eye roll, his eyes shifting to Della, "Are you okay, babe?" He asked her in a soft tone. She nodded her head weakly, placing her head on his chest.

I took this as my cue to get out and leave them in the girls' bathroom. I considered hanging a paper saying 'electrified' but got too lazy even thinking about the idea. I walked out and decided to spend the rest of the session out in the opened area where Noah and I used to meet.

Not a moment after getting out, I noticed a figure sitting on one of the benches. Noah looked deep in thoughts, staring at the sky. He has been doing that a lot lately.

"Hey friend." He said, his eyes still gazing at the serene sky.

I smiled, "Hey, friend."

He straightened, his astonishing grey eyes locking with mine in the process.

I miss Noah. And not the friend one.

"I need some advice from my friend, do you mind?" He grinned, and I felt like there was something behind this smile.

I was still standing a few feet away from him, but it felt like we were so close. "Sure." I was uncertain, though.

He bent his upped body forward, placing his elbows on his knees, "I have a date today, where do you think I can take her?"

What you mother fucker?!

Xxx

"What were you thinking!?" Veronica exclaimed out loud. I had just told them about this whole friend thing, and let's just say they think I am an idiot now.

"Do you want me to stumble across the school, and write on Logan 'what were you thinking?' " I shot back, silencing her.

"A tie." Nora announced. "Fair enough."

"Real point: what the hell are you going to do?" Abby asked, bringing us back to the main point.

"This sucks dude, I don't know what would I do if Lucas is to—" Della got cut off, noticing my glare.

"Not helping, Dellz." I warned.

Abby sighed, "Will Levi be a kind of help in this situation?" She suggested.

I shook my head, "Not even a little bit. Noah is testing me, he knows this friend thing is not gonna work."

"Well then, there is only one option left." Veronica stated seriously, her eyes staring at the empty universe straight ahead.

"Are you ready for some detective work?" Hell yeah, I was!