Emma

''hi,'' my voice broke on the first words. he looked devilishly handsome in the dark as his eyes shone with silver lining, looking alluring as ever. i swallowed when he jumped into the room, not once did he break eye contact. And not any eye contact, it was intense yet soft, angry yet lovely, sad yet comforting.

without a word, his arms came circling around my waist and i was pulled forward as his lips claimed mine.

our lips collided not just touched. it sent shivers throughout my body that i had to cling onto him afraid of falling. it was obvious how demanding the kiss was that every time i tried to keep up with his pace, he would bite my bottom lip softly not to hurt me. i was receiving a punishment for something i had no clue of, but i didn't really protest and took it willingly.

my head was pressured with thoughts. i shut my eyes tightly together trying to steady my breathing. i love him, but how can i? i have never been selfish and not planning to anytime soon, even though i know that both of us will end up hurting, but at least it's better than him not being there.

i pushed away taking him by surprise . i breathed hard as i looked into his confused, blazing eyes. i felt tears blurring my eyes, but i was quick to blink them away.

he took some steps closer to me, but the thought of him being close makes me weak, so i again, moved away. he looked at me weirdly with puzzlement in his eyes that choked me. i hate this! all of this....

why can't i just run to him and hug him, take in his smell, kiss the living hell out of him, and tell him how much i love him and how mush he has grown on me?

''stop,'' i extended my hand out, preventing him from reaching me. my body was shaking, and at this point i didn't know if it was because of the cold or the sadness pooling out of me.

he reached for my hand instead and pulled me harshly into him. my face hit his chest as his smell filled me, and i felt myself getting upset at the fact that i might not be able to do it. i tried to wiggle out of his hold, but his strong arms kept me in place. his hand reached out and gripped my chin, raising it to look at me. his gaze didn't waver from mine as the way he was looking at me made me feel like the world's most hardest puzzle.

''what happened today?'' he asked, and i could tell by his tone that he was trying to neglect the hurt i caused by trying to get away. i bit my lip and looked away. the tightening in my throat suffocated me, and my eyes stung with tears.

he cupped my cheek and forced me to look at him, and that was the last thing i wanted to do. not because i didn't want to but because i know what those eyes are capable of. they are capable of turning my world upside down, making me feel breathless but in the same time the most alive, making me feel safe even if there is a hurricane behind me. i wouldn't let this go, this most precious thing to me go, but i can't stay if am gonna cause harm, and i wouldn't be able to watch how selfish i am if i stayed.

taking a deep breath, i tried not to stumble on my own words, ''n-nothing happened.'' i forced my face away once again, and he sighed.

''what is wrong with you? why are you being distant?'' he asked, his voice holding irritation.

gathering enough courage, i raised my face just enough to look him in the eyes. i narrowed my eyes at him, and in one movement i was out of hold.

''i- i hate this, okay? i don't want to be like that, but i don't know what to do, alright? i am tired, just j-jus....'' he cut me off by snaking his arms around me bringing me closer to his body. his fingers dried away my tears that i haven't noticed falling on my face. his eyes were softer now, and they held nothing but pain and concern making my heart twist in guilt.

''NO! NO, Noah!'' i raised my voice and barged out of his embrace again, ''you don't understand!'' i whispered, tears still flowing down like a broken fountain. ''i want to stop this,'' i hiccupped, moving my finger between us. his eyes were confused at first, but they only got more confused and nothing else.

he took a step closer, but i was quick in taking one backwards, ''w-what do you mean?'' he asked in a husky voice that only sent shivers down my spine.

trying not to get distracted by how much i wanted to run and bury myself into his embrace, i fisted both hands and tensed my body up.

''c-can't you see that this is not working? i've hurt my brother because of you, and don't tell me that we should tell him because this is not the solution, Noah!'' i cried really hard. i love him so much, God...

''so you are pushing me away? that's the fucking solution?'' he asked in a raised voice. i am still surprised how no one woke up yet.

''yes! i don't want to be with you anymore, alright? i am done with it. i don't have the energy, nor the patience for all of that.'' i hate myself.

he is gonna die if you don't do that.

i hate myself.

but you love him...

in one long stride, he was in front of me pulling me to him harshly. i gasped at the sudden contact and tried to keep my distance, but his hands held me still preventing any kind of movement.

his breath fanned my face tensing up my stomach in anticipation. his mouth got closer to my earlobe sending excited volts up and down my body. i shivered.

''so you are telling me that you don't want me anymore, huh?'' he whispered huskily in my ear, and all i could do was nod slightly, afraid my own words would betray me.

he slowly traveled his nose up my jaw that i had to clench it real hard. he used one of his hands to grip my face sensually sending me over the edge. all i wanted to do was lean into his touch and tell him to never let me go, but i knew better than that.

''you don't want me to kiss you?'' i shook my head, ''you don't want me to hug you, babe?'' he whispered and suddenly bit my earlobe gently. i bit my lip harshly and closed my eyes tightly, all the while my heart twisting.

he distanced himself from me to look at my face, and slowly his hand reached for my lip as he freed it from my torturing teeth. he used his other hand that was on my waist to pull me even closer making me gulp a big breath.

his face lowered again to my collar but this time he started peppering feather, sloppy kisses down my jaw, along my collar. my stomach tightened in bless, and i tried so hard not to knot his hair in my hands. i raised my hands up his shoulder and tried ever so gently to push him away from me, but in return his hands clasped mine as he looked me in the eyes.

his jaw ticked, ''what do you want?''

''N-noah, leave...'' i stuttered the words out, not meaning them at all. a part of me wanted him to see through my lies, but my mind was telling me that this was for the better, but how could it?

''why do i know for sure that you don't desire that?'' his lips traces my cheek featherily.

i closed my eyes, and the first thing came to my mind was Ethan. he would kill him and i know it. he almost did it to me before. i can't put Noah in risk just because i want to stay with him. i can't be that selfish...

''Noah, i don't want this. i really don't. we don't work together. it's messing everything else up, and it's not worth it. you are gonna grow up and realize that you've wasted a lot of time and energy on something that isn't even gonna last.'' i said as i broke away from him, knowing that one touch from him will be enough for me to fall right here, right now.

his nose flared in anger and distaste as he pinched his nose impatiently. i swallowed down the hard lump that formed in my throat and forced my eyes else where. his eyes turned hard and emotionless, not the ones i was used to. he's always given me soft eyes, even when he is angry with me, but this look right now is very foreign, and i feel myself regretting everything i once said.

''say it one last time,'' his voice was void of any emotion, like a mono-tone. God, how much i hate this!

taking a deep breath, i looked at the floor, ''i don't want this anymore.'' my voice was on the verge of breaking, but i knew better.

''look me in the eyes,'' he added, and i bit my lip. i wanted to go and hug him. kiss him. take in his smell that now became a part of me.

raising my head up, i looked at him, but words refused to go through the outing.

''say it.'' he said harshly. i tried looking in his eyes in search of anything left of me there, but it's like he's closed the curtains. i was of no reach now.

''leave,'' i bit the words out, every letter paining me to the extinct that i wished i was dead by now.

he nodded his head almost instantly, and in no time he was out of the window.

i stood frozen in my spot. i couldn't move and probably forgot to breathe. after what seemed like forever, my legs took me to the window where there were only traces of him left. his smell was still lingering the place causing my eyes to water severely.

he was not there.

he left...

xxx

''is she inside?'' i heard their voices from the other side of the room. shaking my head, i placed one hand over my head, afraid the headache i have spreads. i have been in my room all day. i didn't go to school. i didn't even have the appetite to eat which is weird and rarely happens.

the door opened slowly, revealing a bunch of heads peeking through. not able to say a word, i groaned and gave them my back by just sleeping on my other side. they came closer and stopped by the bed that dipped by their weight.

''Emma,'' Abby whispered to me, her hand stroking my arm softly. tears brimmed my closed eyes, and my nose got congested again at the tightening of my throat. my eyes were puffy, nose red, face flushed, and body was tired shitless.

''what happened?'' i heard Della ask, then her hand followed to stroke my electrified hair. i bit my lip and kept my calmness in place. i don't want to talk about anything. all i want to do is lay in bed and sleep till i wouldn't be able to wake up again.

''you know we are here for you, right?'' Nora's soft whisper reached me making me clench my fist causing my barely existed nails to scar my palm.

''yeah, just let it out, baby.'' Veronica said in a hushed voice.

sighing, i blinked my eyes a few time to get rid of the collected tears in my eyes and slowly sat up on the bed.

they all looked at me, relief washing their features, but it was soon changed into concern. i played with the tissue in my hands, twirling it, fidgeting with it, just anything rather than looking at them.

''Noah and I broke up.'' i threw the bomb.

XOXO

i am so sorry for the late update you guy...

anyways, let me ask you a question....

what is your favorite food?.....