《The Best Kept Secret》Chapter 70: Heart to Heart
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Dong Hua didn't let anyone approach his son. He or Feng Jiu were the only ones in Tai Chen Palace who took care of little Gun Gun needs. Feng Jiu thought that he was being overprotective with the baby but understood his intentions behind his controlling actions. After his feedings, Dong Hua will always take over to bathe him and spend time with the baby. That was his time to bond with his son while giving Feng Jiu free time for her to rest or go to her therapy sessions. Feng Jiu will sometimes find Dong Hua talking with little Gun Gun as if he was an adult already. Today was one of those awkward father and son days.
"Son, let me ask you this; how can one repay one's mother's kindness and virtue? Well, I'll tell you about it. Parents continually instruct and guide their children in the ways of propriety and morality as the youngsters mature into adults. They provide them with property and wealth or devise ways to get it for them. They take this responsibility and trouble upon themselves with tremendous zeal and toil, never speaking about their care and kindness. The virtue of one's parents' kindness is boundless and limitless. If one has made the mistake of being unfilial, how difficult it is to repay that kindness! You my son will learn to be filial especially towards your mother. Are you listening Gun Gun?" Dong Hua pointily asked his son.
Little Gun Gun answered him with his babblings. Feng Jiu wondered if Dong Hua understands baby's language. "Dong Hua my parents are here to visit little Gun Gun."
"But I'm in the middle of teaching Gun Gun the importance of filiality and kindness."
"Don't you think he's a little young for these types of lessons?"
"No. Right Gun Gun?" Little Gun Gun cooed excited. "See?" Dong Hua happily said eyeing his son enthusiastic response.
"Well, you can continue later on. It's play time for him. Here let me carry him over to them."
"But..."
"Dong Hua Dijun, you need to learn how to share the baby's time with others." Feng Jiu firmly crossed her arms.
"Little fox..." Dong Hua sternly said.
"Don't start with me Dong Hua. You always hoard over the baby and won't even let me near him. Gun Gun needs to get accustomed with other members of our family too for his well-balanced phycological child development. Now hand him over!" Feng Jiu opened her arms to reach for the baby.
"Don't worry Gun Gun father will continue teaching you later on. Be a good baby and go spend time with your grandparents. Be especially naughty towards grandpa Zhe Yan, he's a crazy old phoenix that needs to have his feathers shaken up once in a while." Gun Gun giggled to Dong Hua.
"Yes, but be nice with grandma, she is a nice lady okay son?" Gun Gun gibberished to him in response.
Feng Jiu rolled her eyes up "I can't believe that you two are like this already; so shameless! Now Gun Gun be nice and behave, mama will be with you later on to feed you." Gun Gun smiled to Feng Jiu. "You're such a good baby, mama loves you so much. Come here." Dong Hua pouted to see his son taken away from him.
Feng Jiu took him over to meet her parents which were overjoyed to spend time with their beloved grandson. "Did you have to bout with your husband for our time?" Zhe Yan teasingly asked her.
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"Don't worry fùqīn, he's just a tad overprotective."
"HAAAAA, that old rock and his pettiness. Come here Gun Gun, grandpa is going to teach you today how to fly.... weeeeeeeeeee." Zhe Yan happily grabbed his grandson and started to play with him.
Over time, Dong Hua saw his little fox progress gradually. Feng Jiu began to show healthier emotional signs, being happier, carefree and cheerier like when she was younger. A trait that he missed and loves about her. Feng Jiu had her days where she was overly sensitive and will cry out of nothing, but she learned how to quickly recover her emotional state of mind after meditating for a while or occupying herself in doing something that she liked to do.
Dong Hua had his private talks with her feline therapist, sharing with him Feng Jiu's biggest struggles as a way to guide him and help her overcome them. Dong Hua was grateful for his insights. One day out of the blue, Feng Jiu asked Dong Hua to watch over the baby, she wanted to pay a visit to Bai Yi's memorial. Dong Hua asked her feline friend to accompany her, which he agreed. But secretly Dong Hua will keep taps on them to make sure that his beloved little fox emotions will not trigger a relapse. This was a hard decision for her to make and he knew how important was for her to get to this point. She bid her goodbyes to him and the baby. "I'll be back soon husband."
"Take the time that you need little fox. We'll be here waiting for you. I love you." Dong Hua kissed her forehead and held on to her with tenderness. Feng Jiu sensed his concern.
"Don't worry Dong Hua I will be fine. I love you husband." Feng Jiu kissed him with fervor. Gun Gun broke their kiss. "Are you jealous Gun Gun? Mama loves you too." Feng Jiu gave him a soft kiss on his little forehead and little Gun Gun grabbed her face to chew on her chin, making them chuckled.
"You are working on your fox kisses son. Next time try to be less slobbery. I'll be back before his next feeding." Gun Gun grabbed her finger not letting go, he was fuzzing on Dong Hua's arms. "Son your mother will come back soon, be good and let's wait for her. In the meantime, I have something to show you." Dong Hua turned around with Gun Gun in his arms. Feng Jiu left Tai Chen on her way to Qing Qui.
When she arrived to Bai Yi's shrine, her graceful companion silently sat next to her. Feng Jiu sited her incense sticks and placed her food offering on the small table. She kowtowed and remained knelt down on the cushion. She looked at her companion for reassurance. "Go on Li'er, I will be right here" He told her.
"Father. Please forgive this unfilial daughter for coming to visit you late. Many things had happened after the war. I hope that you are well and in peace. Grandfather and grandmother are doing fine, they were able to come out of their seclusion earlier than expected. The family is still in mourning. Just letting you know that we recently had a family gathering. A presentation banquet, since I gave birth to the next Qing Qui heir. Something that you always wanted to see. Grandmother organized it all, well you know how capable she is when it comes to plan this type of things. His name is Guang Gun Gun, he's smart and a good baby. He will be a great ruler. You were greatly missed there...I wished..." tears began to flow down her face.
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"I wished...things would have been different. It's been hard for me to accept the fact that you're no longer with us. What you did that day for me, it can't be repaid. I didn't have the time to give you the forgiveness that you asked father. Things between us were not great, but at least I'm here to tell you that I forgive you. I really forgive you. You were acting out of your own best understanding. You hurt me but I am still here. I forgive you. This is my instant of releasing you and myself from any guilty and unforgiving things between us. I'm getting to the point of genuine forgiveness because I can't hang on to our hard past if I want a better future. Especially now that I'm a mother. Forgiveness comes with healing, and healing begins with honesty and self-love. And by forgiveness, I don't mean saying, 'It's ok what you did because I see you just made a mistake and you had no bad intentions. That's the 'normal' kind of forgiveness that we exercise every day because we as immortals are also flawed, and we do make mistakes. But this kind of forgiveness is different. This forgiveness is saying, I see the truth of what you did, it was hard and unacceptable, and has caused me lasting harm; but I am moving on with my healing in life and letting go. That is the forgiveness I am working toward as I heal from our past dysfunctional relationship. But again, forgiveness is not the goal. Healing is the goal. Forgiveness comes as a result of healing. So, father, wherever you are now, please know that I really forgive you as you asked me to. I will no longer hold any resentment towards you. Be in peace just as I'm working thru it too." Feng Jiu continued to cry out all of her negative emotions jailed within her soul.
"I'm pretty sure that my second brother heard you Xiao Jiu..."
Feng Jiu turned around to see Bai Zhen behind her. "Fourth uncle..." she got up and ran to his embrace. They tenderly hugged consoling each other. "How I missed you my kittling..." Bai Zhen said with a trembling voice.
"Fourth uncle I missed you too." Feng Jiu replied with tears in her eyes.
"I'm glad to see you that you decided to let go of your resentment against second brother. I know it hasn't been easy for you to be here and let off your pain." Bai Zhen wiped her tears away. "I completely understand lassie."
"Dwelling in anger and resentment is like drinking a poison that slowly destroys your insides and kills you. It will lead you to the dark side. It's a heavy burden to carry and cope with it different ways, that slowly erodes our innards because we fail to address that those negative emotions are there. Sometimes you just have to let yourself off the hook. Forget everything you didn't check off your to-do list, forgive yourself for any mistakes, and stop dwelling on everything you think you could have done better. The past is behind me, and it can only control you if you let it. So, I let go of what I should have done and focus on the best I can going forward." Feng Jiu explained him.
"My little kittling has grown so much. I'm so proud of who you've become." Bai Zhen regarded the white lion next to them. "Who do we have here?"
"This is my friend and therapeutic companion. He has helped me throughout my healing journey."
"A pleasure to meet you." Bai Zhen said. The white lion gave him a low growl. Bai Zhen furrowed his brows as his aura and scent was familiar to him; but remained quiet.
"We didn't see you at the presentation banquet. Where have you been?" Feng Jiu asked him.
"I've been away doing some soul searching too kittling. I needed to be away from everyone."
"Are going to stay around for some time?"
"Yes, I still need to visit an old friend of mine. Afterwards I will come and meet Gun Gun and my other niece. Xiao Wu will kill me if I don't go and see them."
"We'll be waiting for you at Tai Chen Palace. We are spending some time there for Gun Gun's to get accustomed there too. Is so good to see you back."
Dong Hua saw their interactions from a hidden small portal that he casted nearby. He was glad to see his little fox getting the closure that she needed.
Zhong Lin entered his studio interrupting his train of thought. "Dijun, Demon Lord Yan Chiwu is here to see you."
"Send him in."
"Yes Dijun."
Dong Hua sipped his tea looking at him with a stoic face. "It's been a while, Yan Chiwu."
"It has been." Yan Chiwu nervously replied.
"My Dihou was expecting you at Gun Gun presentation banquet, but you failed to show up. She was disappointed and unhappy. May I remind you that I dislike to see my wife disappointed and unhappy."
"My apologies Dijun, I couldn't make it in time."
"And your reason was?"
"I was busy dealing with important decisions concerning some appropriate arrangements."
"Hmmm. Appropriate arrangements? What brings you here?" Dong Hua inexpressively asked him.
"I'm here to discuss clan matters with you and Dihou."
"Clan matters? Since when we get involved in your clan matters?"
"Since we signed a treaty with Qing Qui and swore an oath with your Lordship."
"Ahhh, I see. This clan matters of yours it has to do with your estranged wife, am I correct?"
"Dijun is most perceptive." Dong Hua gave Yan Chiwu a piercing cold expression, making him uncomfortable. "I'm listening."
Yan Chiwu knelt down with his forehead touching the floor. "May Dijun extend his mercy towards my consort."
"Mercy? Your consort didn't extend any mercy towards my Dihou and others at any time. Should I list you all of her crimes?"
"No Dijun. I'm well aware of her crimes. Please reconsider. I'm begging for a lesser punishment for her."
"I can respect any person who can put their ego aside and say, 'I made a mistake. I apologize, and I'm correcting my behavior.' But she hasn't even faced anyone to do so, how are you asking me to show her mercy when she's unrepentant? I warned you Yan Chiwu not to ever cross me. Are you seeking death too?" Dong Hua angrily said.
Feng Jiu arrived at Tai Chen with her furry friend when she felt a heavy atmosphere. Dong Hua's mood was rising. She quickly scanned the palace and ran towards his study to see what was enraging him. "Dijun?" Feng Jiu entered to see Yan Chiwu kneeling down in front of an irate Dong Hua. "Xiao Yan? What is going on here?" She asked them.
"He's here begging for mercy for his wife!!!" Dong Hua glared at her.
"Xiao Yan how can you do that?" Feng Jiu was shocked.
"Dihou, please hear me out; the true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back." Yan Chiwu replied.
"The best apology is simply admitting your mistake. The worst apology is dressing up your mistake with rationalizations to make it look like you were not really wrong, but just misunderstood. Ji Heng obsession with my husband caused the death of many Xiao Yan. How can you intercede on her behalf when you saw, fought, and bled with all of us that day!!!"
"I'm not asking to remove her sentence because it wouldn't be true to myself knowing that she contributed with Miao Lou causing a great devastation. I'm only asking for a lesser punishment."
"A lesser punishment? Tell that to all of the families that lost loved ones on the war. She deserves to die!!" Dong Hua furiously said.
"Xiao Yan, think about all of the achievements you have done for your clan as their leader. Qing Qui treaty, the peace that we can finally have. I know that you genuinely love her, otherwise you wouldn't be here doing this. As a monarch you need to see the whole picture and get your priorities in order. She can be the next threat to universal peace. Be reasonable!!!"
"Jiu Ge, if you were in my place, you will be begging for leniency on behalf of your lord husband. You will endure anything just to see him safe. All I'm asking is a chance for her to redeem herself. If she proves worthy of it. Even if we don't end up together, I just have to try even if there is a gleam of hope for her. Please don't deny this from me, in the name of our sworn friendship." Yan Chiwu pleaded with Feng Jiu.
"Xiao Yan, I completely understand your plea, but it is not up to me to decide whether she can be pardoned or not. Remember that we created a confederation, justice needs to be upheld. This matter needs to be discussed with Mo Yan. We can suggest a lesser punishment, but it is up to the confederation to decide how to proceed with her sentence. This is all we can do for you, not for her, but for you Xiao Yan because you're my brother."
"Jiu'er, are you asking me to forget all the harm she did? I almost lost you! Do you know what will happen if something happens to you? Everything with everyone in it will cease to exist!!! That's how important you are to me. She employed ways to eliminate you for good endangering our son life too. I can't ignore her evil intentions." Dong Hua argued with Feng Jiu.
Feng Jiu breathed hard. "Dong Hua my love, please hear me out. I'm not asking to turn a blind eye because it will be unjust from my part to ask that of you. You and I have been in Xiao Yan's position. We know how it feels to go to the extreme and exhaust every chance and possibility to save each other. It doesn't mean that her behavior was 'OK.' But we've moved on. We are alive, well and together with our son. She can't hurt us anymore."
"Yes, I know, but we've suffered too to finally be together. You're too merciful for own good Jiu'er. I don't have the same compassion that you have. I can't forget the factual evidence that it is against her. We have to lead by example as members of the confederation. I can't make any exceptions and bend the rules that we created. It will not be justifiable." Dong Hua seethed.
"Let's do this, take us to her Xiao Yan so we can evaluate her behavior from ourselves before we present this case to the confederation. If she has truly repented from all her wrongdoings, then we can suggest a lesser penalty. But her crimes will not go on unpunished. Is not only us that she hurt, but there are also other realm leaders that want her dead. Think about that. Are you going to deride yourself in front of them too?"
"Is there is a slim chance to save her, then I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Even if I don't see her again." Yan Chiwu firmly stated.
"You're too good for her Xiao Yan. Search deep in your heart and ask yourself if she's really worthy of this and your love brother." Feng Jiu turned to Dong Hua to ask: "Do you concur with my suggestion husband?"
"As upsetting as it sounds, you have a point. I'm willing to endure it as I want to see for myself if she really has changed as a way to comply with her father's wish. You owe us big time Yan Chiwu, do not forget who you're allied with. Leniency is not how . Remember that!!!!"
"Thank you Dijun, you're most merciful." Dong Hua got up and left his study angry. Feng Jiu felt his bitterness towards the whole situation. He needed space to calm down first before she could approach him again.
"Xiao Yan, I will arrange for you to stay here. We'll leave tomorrow."
"Thank you, Jiu Ge."
Feng Jiu went outside the garden to meditate and regulate her mood. Afterwards she went to Gun Gun's room for his feeding. When the baby saw that her mother was back, he gave her the sweetest smile and kick this little feet and arms for her to carry him.
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