Fuck was all I could think of on the drive. Fuck. FUCK. Fuckfuck fuck. Fuckity fuckingfuck fuck, and various other ways of saying 'fuck'. 'WHAT THE FUCK?' also went through my head a lot. I finally stopped driving when I got to the car park of a local mountain, and practically ran all the way to the top, stopping for breather against the huge stone rock that indicated the summit. As I sat there, looking out over the exquisite views, my eyes started leaking. I put my finger up to my eye, and took it away, looking at the tiny drop of water that now rested on my fingertip. I studied it. It was so perfectly round and clean, completely different to my rough, calloused hands, covered in cuts, plasters and blisters. But this droplet, it was pure, and was a manifestation of all of the emotions I had held down for so long. As I turned my hand slightly, the droplet of water slipped down the side of my finger, resting in the gap between my two fingers, and then continued to fall down my hand, and I watched it all the way. Although only one drop of water came out of each eye, this was the first time I had cried in years, and the liquid that now coated my finger was the first tear.

I took out my phone from my pocket, the one with my mother's number on, and dialled. It picked up almost immediately.

"Hey honey," spoke my mother's soft voice.

"Hey mum," I closed my eyes, breathed out, and tilted my head back to rest on the rock.

"We miss you!" I heard her say.

"I miss you too... I'll try and visit soon, no promises though."

"Of course, darling."

"Mum?" I asked.

"Yes honey," she replied.

"When is my birthday... and how old am I?"

My mother chuckled at my question, "twenty-third of December, the day before Christmas Eve," she answered, "I'm surprised you forgot, it is right next to some very memorable dates."

"I don't celebrate Christmas either."

"Of course."

"And my age?"

"Oh yes, sorry, twenty-four, twenty-five in a month! Are you celebrating your birthdays again? If so, give me your address so I can at least send you a card!"

"No, no, nothing like that, I was just curious... I overheard a conversation about birthdays and realised I couldn't remember my own."

We finished off the conversation, and we said our goodbyes.

I didn't feel like going back to the house that night; I just felt like it would be really awkward when it didn't have to be, but I didn't have my purse, and I didn't fancy sleeping in my car that night when I had a perfectly good bed waiting for me back at the Russos. I made sure to wait till the early hours of the morning till I went back though, so hopefully I would be able to sneak into my room without meeting anyone. I quietly opened and shut the front door behind me and walked silently through the house. As soon as I went into the main living room, I made direct eye contact with Fabricio, who was sat on one of the sofa's, twirling a glass of whiskey around in his hands.

"Sav," he quickly stood up, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say what I said, I think it was just the alcohol and the jealousy and I am so ready to forget it if you are?"

I smiled slightly at him, "pour me a glass."

We sat on the two sofas that were opposite eachother, sitting in the positions on the sofas that were directly opposite eachother, both silently sipping. We often made eye contact, before we darted our eyes away. I decided to start first, technically he already started the conversation when I walked in though, I was just starting to continue it...

"I have been supressing every single emotion a person could ever feel, and I, I just don't feel things like that. I don't feel love, I don't understand it, I don't feel sad, happy, guilty, angry, except you have amazingly made me angry a couple of times, but I still felt it way less than I should... I just, I don't feel."

"I completely understand," he nodded his head, "I regret what I said, and I hope we can move on from it," he smiled.

"That'll be nice," I smiled back at him.

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FABRICIO'S POINT OF VIEW

I actually hate myself right now. Why couldn't I just stay damn quiet? But the words just blurted out of my mouth, I couldn't help it. Part of the reason I never made any advances on her was because I knew she had a boyfriend, and I know I would despise someone else touching her if she was mine, so left it out of respect. Then she agreed to go on that date with Diego, and I was furious, even more so when I found out she never had a boyfriend, and I had simply missed my shot. I promised myself that if there ever came a time where I thought it was appropriate to tell her how I felt, I would, but I didn't expect her to run away that fast.

When she finally came back, I was half a bottle of whiskey down, well on my way to finishing it. I couldn't understand what she meant about not feeling emotions, because I felt every emotion ever, and they were always intensified, especially anger. However, I was a ruthless man, and I rarely felt emotions like guilt, but I still could feel them, she never did.

There, Sav was sat in front of me, and I knew barely anything about her except that she was a completely unavailable, cold-hearted, brutal killer, and she had blonde hair. I didn't even know if Sav was her real name, or a nickname, or part of her real name or a fake nickname. I didn't know anything when it came to Sav, but I knew how she made me feel. Unlike her, I cannot push my emotions down, but this is the first time in my life I have ever felt this emotion. It was weird. I felt like I wanted to do everything for her. I wanted to make her happy, anything to see a smile on her face. I wanted to stroke her hair, and smell it. I felt like I wanted to protect her, even though I knew she was very much capable, I wanted to fight away everyone from her, whether they had nefarious means, or wanted her sexually. I felt like... I felt like the room lit up for me whenever she walked in, and I felt like my life lit up when she came into it. When I was stabbing and shooting men who wronged me, I thought of how I wished she would be there besides me, and we would do it together in some kind of sick romantic way. I thought of how badass our kids would be, how sick our wedding would be, how good it would feel to fuck her...

"Look, forget about all this, we have a bigger issue: Domenico. He is threatening to take half of our cocaine and two thirds of our turf because he thinks we are expanding too much, and he is worried I'm going to take over," I explained to Sav.

"Well he should be worried, because you are going to take over, and I have an idea... So, remember when I went to Bosnia?" she asked.

"Yes..."

"Well, I killed a man there who was terrorising a company who outsources assassins to perform jobs. He was an ex-employee, and was really angry at being fired, so was going through all that assassins in Bosnia killing them and their families. I went there to kill him, and I did, and the man who is the head of the company said that we have him and all the assassins in Bosnia as allies."

I stared at her with my mouth open, "the Bosnian mafia is one of the biggest mafias that Domenico has as his allies. They are his biggest source of cocaine and cannabis, surely the company cannot just change the minds of the Bosnian mafia because you assassinated one guy?"

"They can help, and we will do the rest," she smiled at me, and it made me feel warm... snap out of it! "We should fly to Bosnia as soon as we can."

"Tomorrow morning," I stated, "I have been under Domenico's control for too long, I can't wait any longer."

"Don't be impatient," she said softly. I was so impatient though; it was my birthright, and I was going to have it, whether or not I would have to claw it out of Domenico's cold, dead hands.

"See you in the morning," I nodded my head and went upstairs.

The flight to Bosnia was not as relaxing as I wished; I couldn't get the private jet ready in time, so we had to fly commercial, which I hate. I was thankful that were at least able to get first class seats, which were divided into small rooms. It was about four hours, so I got settled in my seat and drank champagne. There was a large chair in my room, and a smaller chair where I could put my feet on.

I heard a soft knock and slid open the door, it was Sav. She came in and sat on the smaller chair, as I removed my feet.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah I'm fine, I was just bored," she answered. Bored so she came to talk to me? I tried not get my hopes up, but it was hard, they weren't staying down!

"You wanna chat?" I asked.

"Yes! Ummmm," she pouted her lips slightly as she thought about what to say, "well, when I was in London I met with my friend, who also hasn't really seen films, long story, and we watched all of the 'Back to the Futures', because a man in the film shop recommended it."

"Back to the future is a good film, I still don't understand why you haven't watched any films though?" I looked at her questioningly.

"Well," I could tell she was thinking about her words, "the entire of my life, apart from when I was a useless baby, I was training to be an assassin by my father. When I could walk, I was running, learning to fight, learning gymnastics and how to jump from high places. When I could talk, I was learning different languages. When I got my first computer I learnt how to hack. I guess... I guess I didn't really have time."

"Is that why you never celebrate your birthday?"

"Yes, I just don't have time, and my entire actual identity is useless, there are no documents on me at all, so I just forgot it all and made space for other important birthdays... but I did call my mum."

"Oh yeah, what did she say?" I was intrigued.

"My birthday is the twenty-third of December, and I am twenty-four years old!"

"That's in like a month... I hope you realise my mum is going to throw you the biggest party ever, and usually I would stop her, but this time, I'm going to egg her on!" I smirked and she laughed, playfully hitting my arm. "Were there other things you missed too, prom, graduation, discos?"

"I was homeschooled for most of my life, so I guess, yeah, I missed all those. I'm not sad about it though, if that's what you're asking, much like emotions, they are just a waste of time," she shrugged her shoulders.

"I feel emotions though, and it's not a waste of time for me..."

"Are you the boss of bosses though?" she chuckled, and my face went angry.

"Too far," I said coldly. She kept giggling, and I couldn't help but let it thaw my icy glare. She leant over, and placed her hand over mine that was clenched on my knee, and squeezed it slightly, saying, "don't worry, we will make it right." I couldn't help but feel the electricity pass through her hand into mine, and I froze.

"So, what's so good about Ratatouille?" she asked, I snapped out of my trance.

"Well," I grabbed the remote and found the film on the TV in front of me, "find out for yourself." I extended the chair into a bed, which, spread out, and there was just enough room for us to sit next to eachother at the head of the bed, with our legs outstretched. It was a squeeze though, and I was very distracted as I could feel her electric touch constantly on me, and her feminine perfume enveloped my nose, with hints of jasmine and rose that played around in my head, and caused my heart to accelerate every time I breathed in. Every so often she would complain about the 'anyone can cook,' shtick, saying she was an anyone, and she definitely couldn't cook, which made me laugh.

"Well Sav, technically you did cook that spaghetti Bolognese, I mean, it was pretty well done in the end since it was on fire," I joked with her, and she started laughing hysterically, making me laugh hysterically too. She stopped laughing, so I looked up at her and made direct eye contact. I looked right into her sky-blue eyes, with specs of amber, and it felt like she was looking directly into my soul. I broke away to look at her lips, which she was subtly biting, and looked back up at her eyes, she leant in slightly, and I followed her lead, but she snapped out of it before our lips touched.

"I don't know what happened there... let's um, let's forget about that," she said as she twiddled a lock of her golden, silky blonde hair around in her fingers. She looked up at me and I nodded.

"Forget about what?" I said with a smirk.

"Good," she smirked back at me, "I'm going to take a nap before we land, will see you when we are in Bosnia."

I felt myself counting down the hours till we landed in Bosnia, just so I could see her again, and breathed a discernible sigh of relief when we landed. I grabbed my duffel bag and headed out through the doors, waiting for Sav just outside of the plane. Her blonde hair had been messed up slightly by her nap, and she looked half-asleep, dragging her carry-on suitcase behind her. I quickly took her bag from her and she smiled at me as we headed through the airport. I saw a sign that read 'Anastasia Hills', and remembered Anastasia was what Sav had called herself when I met her in the shop all those weeks ago. She already knew it was for her and walked right up to the man.

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next update tomorrow maybe, or Sunday

hope you are staying safe xxx