Chapter 4

They say you come back from mistakes. That life is simply a series of events and experiences that build you into the person you will one day be. I was never one to be insightful. Living on the farm, with my head in books- sure I wished for more.

But I was happy there. In my bubble.

Now that bubble had popped and reality wasn't my friend.

I had walked I don't know how many miles back to the clubhouse. My feet were sore, my head hurt and it was dark. To top that off at any minute it was about to start pouring down with rain. You could smell it in the air, that fresh enchanting smell of the coming rain.

I unclipped the gate and slid into the empty lot.

Saxon still hadn't asked me for advice on his books yet. Which kind of surprised me, seeing as he was putting a lot of out lay to keep me here.

"You're late back."

I froze mid step, slowly turning back around. I hadn't even seen him sitting on the picnic bench. Kind of wish he had just kept his words to himself and let me pass unnoticed.

"I'm not in the mood Leigh." I turned my back to him and kept walking.

I knew that if I had to breathe the same air as him for longer than a minute- we were going to end up fighting.

Wasn't in the mood for a fight. I really wasn't in the mood to talk to him either.

"You can't just walk off and ignore me."

I kept walking, hitting the dirt track. I could walk away from him and I was gunna. He could just face reality like I had too. You don't always get what you want.

"You know I can just follow you right?"

I rolled my eyes but kept my head forward, now that the cottage was in sight. Great another night on the floor. I doubted that Saxon had time to go pick up my bed, let alone put the shit together. Did I expect him to put it together after paying for it? No. Which meant my dipstick of a brother would have got the job and he was as lazy and as slow as sloth.

So yes. I highly doubt that I would be sleeping on a bed tonight.

I fiddled with the keys to the cottage, only to find it unlocked.

"You gunna tell me what is going on between you and Saxon?"

I flung around. "Would you just piss off Leigh? I'm not in the mood to talk to you and I really can't stand to look at you. So. Go. Away."

"You run away from home, and you got the cheek to be mad with me." He pointed an unlit cigarette at me.

Huffing I threw the door open and walked in, nearly tripping over a couch. Well it turns out Saxon did organise for my stuff to be picked up and by the freshly made bed, it had also organised for it to be put together.

Why? Was my only question. Why did he care if I slept on the floor or on a bed?

"Gabriella look at me!"

I dropped my bag on the couch and turned around to stare at my brother. Why had I looked up to him all these years? Why did his visits always fill a whole in my chest since mum passed? WHY did I let HIM become an important part of my life? When I so clearly wasn't to his.

"Fine Leigh. I'm looking at you, what do you want?"

"Why did Saxon buy you all this junk?"

"Because it's his cottage."

"That makes no sense."

"Well that is what he told me. We done now?"

"Why are you so snappy at me tonight?" He put his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes.

He knew I knew something, but he couldn't figure out what it was. Well who was I to keep him guessing.

"I don't know Leigh. How am I meant to act when you have kept me a fucking secret this whole time! You've been living here for what now, three years! And not once did it come up you had a sister!"

He groaned and dragged his hands down his face. "So it is about that is it?"

If I had something to throw at him- I would. But the cottage wasn't bursting with items to be throw.

"Yeah Leigh it's about how you were too ashamed of me to even admit I existed. It's about how you just rode out and left me behind! How could you do that! Just leave me there with a man that can't stand me!"

"Fuck me." He groaned. I bet he was wishing he had just kept silent now.

"No Leigh. This isn't about you. This is about me! You left me behind and you had no intention of ever coming back home."

Was it stupid of me to be clinging to the thought that he would come home one day? That things would go back to normal. That he would be like my brother again before it all happened.

"You just turned your back on me."

His eyes were dancing with emotions, and his lips were in a firm line. Keeping his lips shut right now, wasn't going to help him.

I wanted answers.

"God damn it Leigh just tell me! TELL ME WHAT I DID WRONG!"

"YOU LOOK LIKE HER!" He yelled across the room at me, his face alight with an unmissable pain. "You are a spitting fucking image of mum Gabriella. You got her face, her eyes, the way you both roll your eyes when you know I'm talking shit. You stand like, walk like her, fuck me, you just- your exactly like mum. Hell you even wear your hair the same!"

I was like mum.

He was pushing me away cause I reminded him of mum.

I didn't know what to say to him- so I just stared blankly at him. What could I say? I was sorry for looking like my mother? I couldn't change that.

So this is what it came down too.

I dropped down on the couch.

"Look Gabriella, I didn't-"

"Just stop it." I cut him off. He had said it. Finally giving me an answer to so many questions. Why did he push me away? Why did he leave so quickly after her death? "You know in a twisted way it's kind of what I expected." I dragged my eyes off the coffee table and met his familiar green eyes. "You're just like dad."

"Don't compare me to him."

"AND WHY SHOULDN'T I!" I threw my handbag at him. "You're just like him but instead of running off with another woman you choose this club."

"Woman what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the woman that dad has been seeing for the last year." At first I didn't want to believe it. But today when I saw them. It hit home. My chest exploded into pieces. "You know the real sick and twisted thing is. She has a daughter too, same age as me. Only when he looks at her, he isn't reminded of his dead wife. So I guess you can hide your feelings behind that vest you wear, and he can start fresh with another family."

"Gabriella I'm not pushing you away."

"No instead you are acting like I don't exist. Well you know what Leigh. Fuck you. Now get out." I pointed an arm at the door beside him. "GET OUT!"

"I'm not leaving you like this."

"Why? Why even pretend you care now when you haven't for three years. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"No."

"Fine." I picked up my handbag from the floor beside him and threw open the cottage door. "I'll leave."

"Where are you going Gabriella? You got nowhere."

I didn't care. I didn't care what he said. Sure he was right but fuck him. I didn't want to be near him. And from what he said to me, I doubted he wanted to be near me either.

"You can't just take off like this." He reached for my arm and I was quick to pull away from his grasp.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I sneered back at him, still walking backwards. Angry fat tears slid down my cheeks. I hated him. I hated him for making me cry. I hated him for making me think things were different.

He didn't want me here.

"What's going on?"

I flung around, just about to walk smack back into Saxon. I stumbled out of his way and wiped my eyes.

"Nothing." I didn't need him to know my business.

Leigh's eyes weren't leaving me- as if staring through me would change something.

"I'm going." I swung around and took off, my eyes locked on that small gate.

"Bit late to be walking the streets sweetheart."

"I'M NO ONES SWEETHEART! AND IF I WANT TO WALK THE STREETS I WILL CAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE WILL GIVE A DAMN ANYWAY."

I firmly stood my ground and glared between the two of them. Neither of them owed me anything and as for Leigh well he could just sit on my middle finger and twist. I didn't give a fuck anymore.

I was out the gate and storming up the footpath and either of them stopped me. I reached the second block before it started to pour down with rain and my pride took a drive down, smacking the ground.

---

You can prepare yourself as much as you like but when it came down to it, when reality finally steps in and slaps you across the face. It doesn't matter how prepared you were for it- it still hurts.

I pulled my head from under the tap and reached for my jumper, drying my hair.

If someone had told me earlier today that I would end up in a petrol station toilet, dying my hair in a basin I would have laughed in their face.

But now as I stared back at the jet black hair that fell below my shoulders- it was no joke. I poked around my handbag finding the pair of scissors I had just brought.

So this was the big moment. Is there something you are meant to say before you start chopping at your own hair?

I pulled my hair to the side and took a deep breath.

Any chance of me looking like my mother was about to disappear. I couldn't change my eyes but the hair I could do something about and I was.

So as the scissors closed, sending a bunch of dead ends to the ground I didn't regret it.

--

Saxon's Point of View

"You wanna explain why I have a black head storming around my lot in cowboy boots and looking a hell of a lot like your sister?" I kicked Irish's boots off the table.

"Nope." He dragged out the word and met my eyes. "Got no idea what her problem is."

"You're lying."

"Why do you care if she has the shits or not?" Irish narrowed his eyes at me. "You got better things to do then worry about my sister?"

"She's stomping around barely wearing any clothes, stirring up the boys and you saying I have better things to worry about- your bloody right so that's why you need to sort your shit out."

"I'm not talking to her and you can't fucking make me." Leigh stood up to me, looking more like a dead man by every passing moment.

"Remember your place Irish."

"Yeah, how can I forget it is right under your boot." He pushed the empty bottle of beer over and stormed out of the front.

"Don't go after him." Blue sat at the bar, turning on his seat. "It isn't worth it. The boy is going through some shit."

"Well that shit is effecting my club." I pulled out a stool and reached over for a beer. "Got the boys staring at her every fucking second, got Irish stomping around acting like the world owes him something. Got the guns coming in from Kelly and still haven't set up a safe house for them off site." I took a large gulp from my beer. "Need shit to quieten down not heat up."

"Maybe you should talk to the girl. She seems to like you."

I nearly spat my mouthful of beer out. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "Don't think so Blue. Never was a family man, you know that."

"She's a lost kid. How many lost kids have you helped by bringing into this club."

"That's different, there men."

"Yeah well this one will test you then. After all she's family now and you know how we treat family."

I knew better than anyone the lengths I would go for this family. But Gabriella was different, mainly because I didn't see her as daughter- which might be the screwed up reason I didn't want to go talk to her.

Never had to watch my words, like I do around her. I knew it wouldn't take much to upset her. One wrong word. One wrong look.

I shallowed the remaining of my beer. Fuck it. Did I have the guts to talk to her?

--

Gabriella Point of View

As fair as I was concerned I only had one choice. I had to do good at school, get a scholarship and make my way out of this town. I had nothing keeping me here. I cracked open the fridge, the pizza box and six pack of vodka being the only things in it.

I cracked open a vodka and went to lay on the couch.

First day of school tomorrow and I needed to do my best. Like book nerd best. I was sipping down the vodka which was slowly numbing my bad day when there was a knock on my cottage door.

No way was it Leigh.

The boy would rather shallow a glass of razors then come near me. He didn't do drama. He didn't do sorry either.

I swung the door open, standing in my shorts and singlet. I regretted not wearing real clothes immediately.

"Saxon." I opened the door wider. "What have I done to deserve your visit?"

"Gabriella, just seeing if the furniture was up to your standards." His soul sucking eyes locked onto mine. "Can I come in?"

The man owned the place, who was I to say no.

I side stepped and let him in, closing the door behind him.

"If you're here because of my brother-"

"Not here because of Irish." He sunk down on the white sofa, he pulled out his phone, wallet and packet of cigarette's putting them on the coffee table. "You wanna explain the new hair cut?"

"What can I say, being blonde is over rated." I went and sat on the edge of the coffee table, facing him. "Is me being here causing you problems?"

His expression tightened and he blew out a long breath of air.

"Life here is always complicated, with or without you."

"Thanks for making me feel special."

"Can I ask you something?" He moved forward on the couch, his legs brushing mine.

What would a man like him, want to ask me. Curious I titled my head to the side. Saxon looked like the type of man that was always in control. Yet right now, he didn't look as scary or as cold as when I first met him.

"Sure."

"What's the go with your name? Why don't you like it being shortened?"

My chest clenched for a moment and my eyes dropped to the floor, staring at my bare feet. Why couldn't he have asked me a simple question?

I sighed, running my fingers threw my short hair. Still wasn't use to it being around my shoulders.

"My mum named me Gabriella. She didn't name me Abby, or Gabby or Gabs. She named me Gabriella and if people can't get their lips around it then they don't deserve to speak to me." I lifted my head, looking him squarely in the eye. "Guess you could call me stubborn." I shrugged my shoulders, "Or stupid."

"Nothing stupid about it." He leant forward causing me to gulp. God he was close. "You start school tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Irish taking you?"

I scoffed, "I doubt he will even look my way for a month he hates fighting. Would rather avoid me all together then there be a chance we fight."

"Well I can drop you off."

"You can?" I arched my eyebrows. "I don't want to be a hassle."

"Not a hassle. Heading into town anyway. Just means I'll be heading in earlier. Not a big deal." He shrugged it off like it wasn't a big deal- but it was to me.

"Can I ask you something?"

A smirk spread across his lips, "Suppose so."

I leant forward, I wasn't sure if being closer to him was the right idea right now but it just happened that way. Like my body was being drawn to his. "Why are you so kind to me? Your boys barely speak to me. My brother is flat out ignoring me and yet you, who is meant to be the meanest of them all- is kind. Why?"

"If I could explain that sweetheart, I would be answering a lot of my own questions as well."

I chewed my bottom lip, supressing a smile. "I'm glad I met you Saxon."

"Now I don't hear that every day." He reached for his packet of smokes. "Do you mind?"

"Please I have better than that." I reached under the coffee table, pulling out three perfectly rolled blunts. "Now this is what you should be smoking of a Sunday night."

"You nick them off one of the boys?" His eyes judged me.

"Please. I've been supplying myself for years now."

"And what would a pretty girl like yourself need to escape from?"

"Take a pick. A dad that hates to look at me. A dead mother. And then a brother that can stand me as much as my father." I reached for his lighter off the table. "You know when I first started smoking I would picture all the ways mum would tell me off." I took a long drag in and slowly let the smoke escape my lips. "Then one day I stopped wondering." I handed it out for him.

His eyes were frozen on me, examining me- as if he was taking me a part piece by piece.

His fingers brushed mine as he took it from me. "How long has your mum been gone?"

I sighed and got up from the coffee table and decided now was the perfect time to get a refill.

"Three years, six months." I cracked the fridge open, "Do you want one?"

"Vodka is the devils drink." He shook his head.

"Aren't you meant to be for things like that?"

"Trust me darling, you only drink that stuff when you want to be messed up in the morning. Speaking of which should you really be getting high and drinking the night before school?"

I stood in front of him, cracking open my drink. "Do you want to be my father Saxon?" My intense eyes stared into his.

"Fuck no."

"Then you really shouldn't care."

He handed me back my blunt, "Just take it as friendly advice."

"Noted and ignored."

"For a smart girl you're acting pretty stupid."

"Define stupid?"

"Drinking and smoking with a man like me sums up stupid, fuck that, it defines it." He looked at me like no other male I have ever met looked at me. Like he could see through me.

"You should be getting back to the club. I'm sure you have men wanting to be bossed around and women waiting for your attention."

Was I pushing him away, cause I was afraid? Maybe.

"Yeah you're right." He stood up, collecting his things from the coffee table. "I'll um see you in the morning. If you can wake up that is."

I smirked at him, "I promise you I'm not getting that smashed up." Not tonight anyway.

"Night Gabriella"

"Night Saxon."

My door swiftly closed behind him and I went reached for my drink off the coffee table. I was trying to fill a whole and it wasn't working- still that didn't stop me from trying.