Casey's POV

"I'm not doing it—no way in hell, nope." I shook my head vigorously.

"Yes you are," Ryder answered, crossing his arms over his chest.

"No I'm not," I firmly repeated myself, glaring.

"You have two options here, Casey. Either come in with me—or stay out here alone." He raised his eyebrows in challenge and I looked around at the dimly lit street. This was where you would scream at the girl in the horror movie to stick close to the guy. This place was definitely out of a horror movie.

"Are you really going to leave me out here, alone?" I asked in disbelief. He raised his eyebrows, turned around and began to walk away. "Ryder?" He didn't stop but kept on walking. "Are you for real right now?" Still he didn't stop. "Fine! Stop!" He turned around expectantly and I walked over towards him. "Under one condition,"

"Which is?"

"we go in and then we're out."

"No. I don't negotiate," he answered. "I don't tell you how to tutor me, so don't tell me how to do my end of the deal."

I stared at him in shock. "What?"

"Are you deaf?" he asked and I drew back a little taken back at his tone.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

He stared at me for a minute. The hollowness shining in his eyes, made me take a step towards him; a movement he didn't even catch, judging by his lack of reaction.

"Ryder?" I tried getting his attention. His eyes shifted into focus, before flicking away and then flicking back to me.

"This was a mistake." He turned around and changed his direction towards the car. I followed behind him, quickening my step to catch him. When I reached him, I walked around him and stopped right in front of him, cutting him off.

"What was a mistake?" I asked him curiously, placing a hand on his forearm.

"Casey, I'm not having a good day, okay? Just let me take you home before I say something we'll both regret." I bit down on my lip in confusion. What was with him? He'd been moody and quiet all day and when he'd come to my house in the night to drag me out of my room for a spur-of-the-moment field trip to what turned out to be a strip club, he'd been strange.

"Ryder...you were the one who came to my house, remember?" I reminded him.

"And it was a mistake. Look, I know you think that becoming someone you're not is going to get that asshole of an ex-boyfriend that you have back, and I'm fine with that. But if you don't want to follow my rules, then you're on your own," he answered in a clipped tone.

"Whoa, back up, buddy—who says I'm not following the rules? I live to follow rules. You just have to bear with me, okay?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, I walked up to him. "I've lived my entire life following the rules, Ryder, and it's not going to be easy for me to start breaking them...but I'll get there, I promise."

"Why do you even want him back? Not that I care, Casey, but the guy is an asshole," he replied, his face strained with confusion.

"He's not," I defended.

"Yes he is, and the fact that you can't see that, makes you a little pathetic," he answered in that clipped tone of his and I drew back in shock.

"You're an asshole," I managed to get out around the lump that was beginning to form in my throat.

"I may be an asshole, but I'm the only asshole that's going to tell you the truth," he answered as he walked over towards me. "You've lived in this perfect little world for so long that you keep forgetting that this world is actually messed up, Casey."

I scoffed. "You think I don't know that, huh? I know damn well how fucked up this world can be, Ryder, so don't tell me what I do and don't know."

"Breaking a nail isn't a third world problem." He rolled his eyes, mockingly.

"What's with you tonight, Ryder, huh? You're acting like a bigger asshole than you usually do," I told him, realizing that something was definitely up with him. I didn't know Ryder so well, but I did know that he wasn't the asshole he pretended to be.

"Nothing! Nothing is wrong!" he shouted and stormed off. "Go home. I'm heading to the club."

I stared at his back for a moment when an idea hit me. If he didn't want to tell me what was bugging him, then fine, but he was my friend whether he liked it or not, and he was going through something; so I was going to be there for him.

I ran after him and slowed down enough to jump onto his back. "What the hell are you doing?"

"You don't want to talk? Fine, but I'm not leaving you alone." I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and my legs around his waist.

"Casey," he sighed, "I just need to be alone right now, okay?"

"Nope."

"Casey," he growled.

"I'm not leaving so you might as well give it up already," I replied.

He groaned. "Fine! But you don't speak, move or whine."

"Mm, um, yeah, sure," I replied hesitantly. Asking me not to speak or whine, was like asking me not to breathe.

We reached the entrance of the club, with me still on his back, and the bouncer at the entrance grinned. "Ryder Cavanaugh! Haven't seen you in a while."

"Hey, Malcolm, you mind if I bring her in?" Ryder replied, nodding his head my way. Okay, so he's on a first name basis with the bouncer of a strip club, not weird at all. The bouncer's eyes flicked to me and he gave me a once-over.

He shrugged. "She's good. If anyone asks, though, you never saw me."

Ryder nodded and the bouncer un-clipped the stanchion. Ryder resumed walking and led us into a dark, smoky room. I looked around as colorful lights shone around the club, moving around the room, lighting a few dark corners. My eyes traveled up to the stage set on the left side of the room, it was dark and sleek, with about five poles parallel to each other. Two girls were currently dancing on different poles. They were both dressed in skimpy little skirts and matching bras that sparkled more than a disco ball, and could literally blind you if you stared for too long.

I watched as the two girls moved around the pole with great agility, not once stumbling in their nine inch heels. It was frightening how good they were at it. My jaw fell open when one of them raised her legs up in the air as she held on with one hand onto the pole, and twirled until she was flat on the floor in a split.

"What.The.Fuck?" I muttered over Ryder's head in complete shock. "How the fuck can she do that? Is she a ballerina?"

"I doubt she's a ballerina, Casey," Ryder answered from below me. We reached a dimly lit corner in the club and he turned around and slowly lowered so I could climb of his back and sit down in the chair behind me. Once I was siting down, he sat in the chair next to mine.

"Hey, there, love," a beautiful blonde, with long legs, a small little waist and boobs that were bigger than a beach ball, greeted, walking up to us.

"Hey, Diamond," Ryder answered and I turned to him with knitted eyebrows. Diamond? "Stripper name," he answered my silent question and my mouth formed an 'oh'.

"What can I do for you, sugar?" Diamond asked with a suggestive smile.

"Nothing for me, Diamond. I want you to give my friend here, a lap dance." My jaw fell open and my eyes widened as I turned to stare at him in shock. Was he serious?

"Are serious?" I asked him in disbelief. "You don't have to do this," I told the stripper and she grinned.

"That's okay, love, I don't mind," she answered.

"But I might," I mumbled under my breath. She, of course, didn't listen and instead backed her glittery derriere up to me and start to shake it like Nicki Minaj did in Anaconda. Have you seen that video? If you haven't, don't. That video will literally give you nightmares to last a life time. I am actually serious. Who the hell moves their ass like that? It's unnatural, that's what it is.

As the stripper began to lower herself and move her hips in a swaying manner, I couldn't help but watch. She swirled around to face me and my eyes traveled down her body. Not in a pervy way—I swear. Just in a curious, fascinated way. My eyes bulged out at the size of her chest and how firm and perky they were.

"Are those real?" I blurted out, a blush creeping up my neck. Had I just asked that out loud?

Diamond smiled, running her hands up her body. "Sure. You wanna touch 'em?"

"Huh?" I gave her an incredulous look and she nodded encouragingly.

"Go ahead."

I reached out hesitantly and grasped her boobs. This was not weird or creepy in any way. Nope. Just a regular teen in your regular strip club, groping a stripper's boobs. Move along, people. "Wow, how did you get them so firm?" I asked, cupping one of mine to feel the difference, completely forgetting where I was and that I had a pervert, who was obsessed with boobs, sitting next to me.

"Pilates, honey, works wonders," she told me and my brows knitted together in confusion as I looked down at my boobs.

"Oh my god—I think I just died and went to boob heaven," I heard Ryder mumble next to me, reminding me that he was there and my eyes widened in horror. Oh fuck, shiz, fucking shiz. Did I just grope myself and a stripper in front of him? Someone please kill me now. Make it fast, please.

My head slowly turned in his direction to find him staring at my hands—which were still grasping my boob and Diamond's boob, I might add. Nope, this couldn't get anymore mortifying even if I tried. I stared at him, my face become hotter by the minute. My mind kept screaming at my hands to drop to my sides and let go of the boobs, but my hands had a mind of their own and at the moment seemed very determined to embarrass the living donkey shit out of me.

Ryder's eyes traveled up to meet mine and he smirked, making me blush even harder. "Is it my birthday?" he asked me, his eyes completely lit up like a Christmas tree and I groaned. "I mean, it has to be, right? What other day would I get to see Casey Stratford molesting a stripper?"

I gasped and snatched my hand away from the stripper. "I was not molesting her. She told me to touch them."

He shrugged with a smirk. "I like my version better."

"I hate you," I grumbled, crossing my arms under my chest. Immediately unfolding them and placing them at my sides when his eyes traveled down to my chest.

"Mm, if you hated me, you wouldn't force me to be your friend, now would you?" he smirked and I gritted my teeth with annoyance. I hated that he was right. I didn't hate him. I thought I did, but that was before I got to know a little about him. He wasn't the asshole he pretended to be. Yes, he fucked anything that moved and, yes, he treated those girls like shit, and yes, that made him an asshole...wow, I really don't know how to make an argument, do I?

"Whatever. Can we go now?" I asked him and he nodded with a sigh.

***

"So..." I trailed off, staring at Nissa with a grin. She lowered the spoon that was halfway to her mouth and gave me a skeptical look.

"What?" she asked cautiously and I grinned.

"Have you seen Seth today?" I tried to ask casually, but it just sounded like I had a whale down my throat.

"No...why?" she asked, her eyes squinting suspiciously.

I shrugged. "Just asking."

She rolled her eyes. "Just ask what you really want to ask."

I gave her an innocent look. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Casey..." she trailed off.

"I know you like Seth," I blurted out and she flung out of her seat to clamp her hand over my mouth.

"Would you keep it down?" she hissed as she glanced around at the mostly empty diner. Nissa and I had gone to our favorite diner the next day to have some girl time. We usually did this two to three days a week to spend time with each other. We'd found this diner on the corner next to our favorite shoe place and had decided to have a break from shoe shopping, a few months ago when we were having our weekly shoe shopping spree. That was the only thing I shared with Nissa when it came to shopping that I actually enjoyed. You tell me what girl doesn't love to shop for shoes?

I grabbed her hand and pulled it off my face. "Oh my god, you do like him, don't you?!"

She gave me a glare as she slowly lowered her body into her chair. "Can you speak any louder?" she hissed, sarcasm dripping of her voice.

"Sorry...I'm just excited," I told her with a giddy grin, which fell when something came to my mind. "Wait, Nissa, don't you like Ryder, though?"

"What?" she gave me an is-that-a-joke? look. "You're kidding, right?"

I shook my head, confused. Why would I be joking? Nissa had obsessed over Ryder since the minute he walked in our school for the very first time, wearing a glare that dared anyone to look at him.

"Casey, I never actually liked Ryder, I just liked the idea of him." I raised an eyebrow, silently letting her know that I expected her to elaborate on that. "You know how you're obsessed with Dylan O'Brien?" I nodded, "how you know nothing is ever going to happen, because although he is hot as hell, you could never see the two of you happening in a million years?" I nodded again, beginning to understand. "That's what it was like with me. I didn't like Ryder in the way that you like someone and wish for something to happen, I just liked staring at him...I mean, can you blame me? The guy is sexy as sin and looks like he just walked out of an underwear magazine."

I laughed. "So, you never really actually liked him?'

"No, like I said, I just liked the idea of him. Just imagine what it would be like to be girlfriend's with a guy like him?" She took a sip of her drink and I let that piece of information sink in. I guess I could see where she was coming from. "All the girls in school would be so jealous—and every guy in school would want to get with you. Why? Simply because the hot guy in school was dating you."

"I guess I see what you mean," I told her, thoughtfully. "Getting back to Seth." I gave her an expectant look and she sighed.

"I don't know, Case, I mean, I really like him," she started, "he's smart, funny, sweet and best of all? A gentleman. But this is my first real crush...I have no idea what to do with it."

"What do you mean?" I asked her as I bit into my veggie burger. I hated that I still ate veggie burgers, but I couldn't bring myself to stop after so many years. I was proud of myself for eating bacon, but I still wished I could break her hold on me and eat whatever I wanted.

"So..." I pushed, when Nissa paused for a minute to stare at my half-eaten burger.

"Right...what I meant was—I like Seth...like, a lot. This is the first time I've ever liked someone this much...it's just different with him, and I don't know how to react to it," she explained, her eyes clouded with uncertainty.

"Well it's a good thing you have me as a best friend." I smiled and she gave a weak smile in return. "Operation Get Seth and Nissa Together, is a go."

She rolled her eyes playfully and gave me a grateful smile.

***

A few hours later, I found myself walking down the familiar hallways of the hospital. Nissa had been tired when we'd gotten home and had passed out like a log the minute we reached my room. So I'd decided to go visit Bubba. I wanted to see her and I knew she would be happy for the company.

As I walked past the waiting room, my eyes landed on a tired-looking teenager. I walked over to the hunched over person, curiously. I would recognize those boots anywhere. Those were Ryder's favorite boots.

"Ryder?" I spoke up once I reached him, announcing my presence. His head slowly rose, his eyes traveling up my body. When they finally met mine, I felt my heart clench in my chest. There was so much sadness. So much anguish. "Are you okay?" I whispered, moving closer to him. He stared at me for a minute unblinking; almost as if didn't even realize I was there.

I walked over and crouched down to a kneeling position right in front of him. His eyes remained on a point over my head and behind me. I placed a hand on his knee and gently shook him, trying to grab his attention. His eyes snapped down to my face and I offered a small smile.

"Hey, there delinquent, you look like you've just seen a ghost," I smiled and he pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth.

"Well we are in a hospital," he muttered in a monotone, his voice sounding almost robotic. "Visiting Bubba?"

I nodded. "Uh, yeah. I thought she might like some company. What are you doing here?"

I watched his body turn stoic and I cursed internally. I'd watched Ryder do that in more than one occasion and it was usually when he didn't feel like answering something. Which was most of the time. I could hardly get him to answer any of my questions. And since I had a very similar reaction when people asked me questions that they didn't really want to hear the answer to, it made me worried that something bad could be going on with him.

"I'm scouting out the nurses. Have you noticed how hot nurses are?" he replied, his tone anything but playful. Where was the annoying, smirking-jerk, and who the hell was this person?

"Ryder, what's wrong?" I asked, worriedly. This wasn't the Ryder I knew. This guy was a completely different person.

"Nothing. Why ever would you think something is wrong?" he replied, giving me a forced smile.

"Ryder." We both turned to the person who'd just called his name. When my eyes landed on a young doctor, I felt myself grow confused. Was he sick? She motioned for him to follow her, and I stood up just as he did.

"See ya' around, sweetheart." He walked away without a second glance. I stared at his back. Gone was the confident and commanding walk. This Ryder was tired, defeated and worn out. I watched him disappear with the doctor through the restricted area doors, before deciding to let it go for now and head to Bubba's room.