EIGHT

Dear Asshole,

Hey, Xavier. I can feel you glare at this right now and I feel like laughing.

So, it's been about three months since I last wrote to you and to be honest, my therapist doesn't seem to think that writing to you was still good idea.

But, screw him.

I honestly think this is still very therapeutic. I mean, I cry a lot less now because I get to tell you how I feel.

Anyway, let's get back to business.

I am now going to tell you my thoughts about your party animal behavior. You didn't really think I'll skip that, did you? I did rant to you about your pretty little face so I guess you shouldn't really be surprised.

So, during the time you and Tina Hale were “dating” (or whatever you called you guys were doing), I was having this weird notion in my head regarding my feelings for you. You know, when you're starting to fall for someone and is currently “in denial.” Well, that was me that time, and that means I don't want anything to do with you.

But I shouldn't really be surprised that you didn't want that.

You just had to invite me to a party while Tina was hanging on to you like you were her oxygen supply. It took everything inside of me not to punch her – and you – in your pretty faces. I never felt anger towards Tina Hale but I guess things change when I fall for someone like you.

So, I said the usual.

NO.

And yes, you know the capitalization there was needed since I almost breathed fire on your face when you asked me.

Of course any guy would just back away.

But let's face it, Xavier, you're not just any guy.

So, when you told Tina to go outside while you try to convince me to have fun. Unsurprisingly, she obliged, smiling at me encouragingly. And I wanted to kick her in the mouth for that.

Being all alone with you was never a problem but right then it was. It was a big problem.

You pestered me to no end. Following me till I said yes and, sorry for you, I never did.

I was stubborn.

And it wasn't just about the party. I wanted to be stubborn towards my feelings for you. I wanted to think that there was no way in hell, I was in love with you.

And when you finally decided that I wouldn't budge about that party, you gave up. I was thankful that you gave up. That was exactly what I needed.

But, you know what, Xavier.

WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE UP REGARDING MY FEELINGS?

Why the hell did you persisted more until I cracked? Can't you just give up like how you did about the party? I was stubborn but you took the cake, the day you made me admit to myself that I was in love with you.

I love you, Xavier.

You just had to make me admit that to myself right?

Fuck you, Xavier.

Oh God. I didn't even rant about your stupid party ways and ranted about something else instead. And now, I can't rant about that anymore since I'm crying right now and I don't know how I can write anymore.

You were a party animal.

That's the only thing I could say right now.

I just wish you left me alone,

Robyn,