L I S A

I budged in my bed trying to forget about everything.

Sleep was something I needed or rather desired to escape the torture of my mind but I was born as a wretched.

Millions of thoughts hovered over my mind creating an invisible halo. There were questions and questions.

If I escaped from one question by coming up with an absurd excuse, another doubt was already to attack me without giving a heads-up.

Eventually giving up I walked to the mirror in front of me.

I used to stare at myself all the time and murmur things that only the girl in my fantasies was able to understand.

It'd bring me a great relief that at least I was honest with myself.

Talking to that girl in the mirror, who was my best friend, my own reflection, would help me figure out things about myself, my deepest desires that I'd never shared outside my room, outside myself.

Lonely may it sound but I was fond of this kind of talking, I wouldn't hesitate or lie or try to escape myself.

The opposite of it happened with Jenna whenever she tried to induce me into talking.

Now that I stared at my best friend, she looked slim and starved.

Dark sockets covered the space beneath her eyes, her hair was a mess with split-ends, her eyes were no longer glinting with mischief and lost the eagerness she'd hold as a child.

Her lips were shriveled like a leaf of summer and her skin lost the gleam it used to have.

Her legs were thin like the shafts of a stool, barely supporting her upper body. Her clavicle was popping out of her skin, her collarbone looked terrifying.

The girl was no less than a walking corpse and the paleness of her complexion, the loss of blush on her cheeks aided in proving the theory right.

What was happening to me? I wondered gazing my reflection up and down to get an answer but nothing seemed to make sense.

I wrapped a shawl around myself to hide my disgusting body.

I didn't want to trouble Jenna. She seemed enough worried when she saw me with Edward.

I still couldn't believe he refused to answer any of my questions but then, I kind of expected it.

I unbolted the door and went downstairs, careful to hide myself properly.

I watched Jenna browsing through the webs on her phone. I wondered what she must be looking for.

Unable to contain my curiosity I went ahead and took a seat beside her. She didn't notice me until my head was leaning down on her shoulder.

I sighed. I just wanted to do that.

"You're okay sweetie?" Her palm went on my cheeks to caress it but instead found my bony jaws.

She ignored it and continued her caressing.

"I'm just tired." I blurted, not sure how tired I was.

"Why didn't you sleep then?" She lifted my head from her shoulder and cupped my face between her palms.

She searched my face as if looking for something. "Are you okay?" She asked drawing me closer.

"I'm not tired physically, just mentally I think." I paused unable to understand my own words and watched her confusion.

"No―nothing feels good anymore." I struggled to find words.

"What do you mean?" She asked with her gaze more softening and her ears urging me to speak.

"It's just that . . . um . . . lately I've been feeling like I'm trapped somewhere and I . . . I'm out of breaths even when my mind is clear and my room is filled with empty space." I took a deep breath, trying to find a way to make it easier for her.

"I . . . I feel as though―I want to cry and I cry myself to sleep most of the times but―" I inhaled endeavoring to suppress a sob tearing my throat.

"I feel like I've wanted something but I didn't get it and the loss makes me want to cry." I let out, watching her gaze intently as she tried to make some logic out of my words.

"The worst part is I don't even know what I was crying for. Only the fact that I wanted to cry and I feel like a claustrophobic all the time." I chewed at my bottom lip setting my tears free from the captive of my eyelids.

Before I knew I sunk myself into her chest as much as I could.

She didn't protest and took me in her heart just like she did five years ago. I shrunk more and more and wet her neck with my tears until I got a grip on myself.

"It's okay dear. I'm willing to listen." She drew me back and wiped the tears away from my cheek.

"Tell me when you find out what you're longing for." She pecked on between my brows as I melted under her touch.

After I recovered from my little breakdown I was in my right mind again to figure out a way to get the answers for my doubts that were growing complicated by each moment.

"How long have you known Edward?" I asked.

She looked at me dazed for a while.

"Three years." She answered nonchalantly. Something told me she didn't want to talk about this.

"Where did you meet?" I continued.

For some reason she thought it was funny and laughed but I gave her an awkward look, not able to understand her gesture.

"I've met multiple friends over time. I can't remember how I met everyone." Just like that she shrugged her shoulders.

She did that when she didn't know about something.

She trusted this guy enough to let him stay at our house, how came she not knew how they met?

My suspicions on Edward were growing with every pace of my heart. Something about this guy was disturbing and out of the ordinary.

"Is he home yet?" I questioned.

"No. Why?" I didn't give her another glance as I slid the chair to the side and ran upstairs with the shawl tightly enveloping me.

He couldn't just kill someone in front of me and did he think that he was going to get away without getting caught by the cops?

He didn't hesitate to take a life!

But that man, his eyes and his canines, they seemed like they're growing and itching to press on something.

I couldn't witness something with my eyes being closed but what had he done before Edward interrupted his schemes.

How did Edward kill him so simply? Why was he here? What did he want?

My feet never stopped in the meanwhile when my mind was putting the pieces together.

My every dream, every nightmare, every memory of that accident that was blanked out and I could never see anything further.

The man who killed my parents, why did they leave me alive? What did they do with me after I passed out? Why couldn't I remember his face!

I found myself gasping against the brown door. I knew every answer to my question was hiding behind this door as my hand trembled to unbolt the lock.

I had to do it if I wanted to continue living as sane. So I did and peeked inside out of my lashes.

Darkness made the room gloomier through the pale curtains tucking away the moonlight.

But even in that dark I could ensure myself nothing had changed.

Even though it was my first time in his room I could tell the room was in the same shape I'd last seen it.

The pillows were arranged in a perfect queue and the bedsheet had no folds on the surface. I doubted if he'd ever slept here.

The study table had a lamp just like I remembered it.

The only thing that was different was his haversack laid against the wall behind the bed.

I'd never snooped on anyone before and this would probably be my last time if luck would allow.

I wasn't planning to bear the embarrassment of getting caught so I should get over with this soon.

With that thought I hauled up the heavy bag and perched it on the edge of the bed. It was in different shades of brown and black with patterns drawn on the cloth.

I pulled open the first chain and carefully put my hand inside, waiting for a touch.

I sensed some linen and cotton and the edges of the garment helped me in visualizing the cloth.

Disgusted I took my hand out. I was snooping into his clothes! Holding my breath I extended my hand once again and found only garments so I moved onto another.

I unchained the second one and peeked with my head inside the chains.

I didn't want to torch a light to let Jenna suspect I was doing something as low as this and removing curtains would rise Edward's suspicion towards me.

So darkness would have to suffice my needs for now.

I found an old book tucked in deep into that chain so I hauled it up.

It was a stack of legal papers: passport, visa, and even land properties information.

In a map of our town many places were circled with red marker and some with green marker.

I couldn't understand the need of traveling with real estate documents. They could easily be stolen! He surely seemed smarter than that.

Deep into the papers I found another document, a typed paper. I wouldn't have paid much heed to it if I hadn't seen my name on the top.

I found one of my pictures in a red dress in the same document.

What was I supposed to make out of all of this? Maybe some more information would explain.

I sank deeper into the chain and soon felt a plastic wrapper against the skin of my palm.

Slowly I took it out preparing myself for the worst but god I had no idea.

I felt like a child standing in the middle of a battlefield, struggling to run my way out of it. I had prepared myself for the worst but what I saw was beyond my understanding.

How could I put it in a category if I had no idea what I was holding onto? What it meant?

My fear crossed all limits and my head started to lose in my thoughts.

Fear ran up through my veins and arteries to my neurons making them burst out as I stood holding a blood bag in between my palms.

I was about to swoon and got complete out of control. My senses got over me and I impatiently turned back only to collide with a cold metal like furniture standing still.

I took a step back and drew my sight above to see.

It was him.

He covered my mouth before I could scream for help and held me pinned against the wall. He was rough and fast.

He was standing right in front of me with his eyes infuriating with rage. I didn't know what I feared more, the blood bag or his eyes.

It had to be his scorching eyes that held anything but any positive vibes.

His clutch on my arms tightened, holding me more forcibly in place and looking for my eyes.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs realizing this guy was a beast and I was an assignment given to him by someone like himself.

I had to run and escape but my legs wouldn't budge. I felt my knees weakened as I cowered under his gaze.

"You'll forget everything you've seen in this room today, no bag, no document, nothing. I want you to forget it" He murmured against my lips.

His tone was harsh and cruel. His breaths were laced with alcohol and his eyes were still burning into mine.

They turned golden brown as his words came out like little sparks of fire and his pupil increased the diameter of the crystalline lens.

"Forget it." He demanded grasping at my nape.

I squealed trying to catch my breath but all I inhaled was more alcohol.

My head was throbbing in pain, my legs felt weak, being this closed to him made me nervous and the whiff of alcohol made me want to puke all my insides out.

The moment he stopped with his weird magic I felt abruptly dizzy and went into the core of my subconscious mind.

I hoped tomorrow would be better as I sunk into one of my dreams.

However this time it felt like I was sleeping in a nightmare to wake up in another nightmare.

I didn't know sane anymore. I wasn't aware with truth.

I forgot the meaning of ordinary. I was lost in my tribulations I was meant to fight.

Maybe tomorrow would be better. I kept chanting until my gaze no longer could find his sizzling ones that sent shivers down my spine.