(A/N: I am so sorry I haven't updated, but here is a little something and I will be updating on Sunday or Monday ❤️)

*2 weeks later*

Me and Luke haven't talked about the whole 'I love you and haven't stopped' moment yet.

He has been really busy with shows and him and the boys are always so tired. I mean I would be too.

Jayden has been acting weird lately and I'm getting a little worried.

"Hey Jaym you okay" Elly ask knocking me out of my train of thought.

"Oh um yeah, just thinking" I say covering up my feelings quickly by flashing a smile.

"Okay" she says then walls away.

She walks up to me again and I sigh. Can I be left alone.

"Okay, calm down I was just gonna ask you if you want something to eat" she ask chucking

"I'm not hungry" I say with no trace of any emotion in my voice.

"You haven't eaten anything all day" she states worriedly

"I'm okay Elly really" I say lying

Elly doesn't know that I used to stave myself. No one knows that I used to. I have been starting up again too.

Sometimes I just feel like I need to and once I start it's easy to just keep going.

Jayden walks by me, but I stop him.

"Hey bub, what's up" I ask softly

"Mommy, why doesn't daddy hang out with me anymore" he says a single tear running down his face.

I pick him up and huge him tight, him face nuzzled into my neck. That's when I feel more tears streaming down him face.

"Baby, daddy is really busy, he has shows and is always tired I know is hard" I really do know, I miss Luke too.

"I'm tired mommy" he chokes out.

I pick him up and walk him over to my bed.

Right when his head hit the pillow quite snores leave his mouth.

I smiled down at the sleeping boy and kiss his head.

I lay down next to him and just look up at the ceiling slowly falling to sleep thinking about my past.