"You mean he's missing?!" I am just seconds away from passing out.

"Not necessarily, Caroline. I just mean that I couldn't spot him. And neither could Jeff. None of the guests we asked saw him today. And so we thought that maybe you know where we can find him. He hadn't left the resort. At least not today. Could he have left yesterday?" Silver replied calmly. That was, obviously, fake. She seems as panicked as I am.

"Yesterday..."

It can't be. Could it?

"Yes. I mean it's hard to believe that he really didn't spend the night here. Especially if he didn't return till now. It would be very irresponsible of him. Unless it's an emergency that you're aware of."

"That's why we thought we should ask you first, before we make assumption," Jeff said like he was trying to defend Justin.

Rollercoasters raced in my head. Is it because I am getting married in about an hour? Or is it because I am getting married to a missing man? Wait, does that mean I am not getting married. Wow. Things escalate, huh? And I tell myself I need those pills. The ones that made my stomach feel funny and my toes tingle. They smelled like potatoes. I've always loved potatoes. I need to nap, too. Because I haven't slept in thirty-two hours. I promised Justin I will sleep yesterday, but I couldn't. I stared at the ceiling for three hours and forty-eight minutes straight. You know how that felt like? Like going into a coma with your eyes open. I counted seconds and minutes. I named them. I named the fiftieth minute Leo. That was the last minute I remember.

I've lost track of two hours yesterday. My therapist promised that I was getting better. That I won't have more manic episodes at least for a while. As long as I stayed away from stress, he said. And I did. I mean what could be stressful about getting married? About leaving the person you were all your life and starting over? With a person who thinks you're perfect. A person who doesn't know you're corrupted product. A killer. What could be stressing in inviting all these family members that you truly loath? About making them meet the love of your life for the first time? I still can't see a single source of stress.

So it happened. I lost two hours again. I told myself not to think about them. At least till the wedding is over. Little did I know that I'll be sitting here wondering what the hell happened in these two hours. If anything happened to Justin I will never forgive myself. Forgive myself? I will, literally, kill myself.

"Caroline? What is it?" Silver urged, concerned.

"You think something happened yesterday that made him take off?" I replied.

"I don't know. I am here to ask you THIS same question."

"Seems like I don't know either," I shrugged with a weak smile. Tears threaten to erupt.

Oh my god.

"Caroline. I don't know if you're catching up or not, but it's almost one hour before the wedding starts. And your lover jerk didn't show up yet. He's being very irresponsible. Call him, Carl, what are you waiting for!"

I am not waiting for anything. I am just not ready. Not ready to know what happened to him. Not ready to know what I might have done.

I grab my phone.