There are moments of self-reflection that seem too loaded and intolerable. I live within these moments since I met her. I don't stop. Days and nights. Reflecting on and judging every decision I ever made. To be responsible of a life you're ashamed of isn't what anyone would want. The responsibility. It's suffocating. And then someone becomes more important than the life you're living. You chose to hold on to that person but then a past threatens to unveil. And once that person knows you well, you know she will never look at you twice. You still take the risk. Because you're too in love? Or too selfish?

I marvel her as she sips on her lemon juice. It's a picnic if you're wondering. Her idea. She made us sandwiches, for god's sake. Jam, peanut butter, and cheese. Cheddar. And there's lemon juice and grapes. The Central Park wasn't really my favorite destination. I wouldn't just go there for some quality time. But this. This moment. This look on her face, so carefree and relaxed. Her hair swaying in waves with the wind. Her lips cherry-er than cherry. Her eyes in sky probably following birds. Or clouds. Or god knows what. She's stunning. And I have been staring for so long. I am talking within my head but my eyes won't leave her. Not even for a second. Because I want this moment to stay vivid within the loops of my brain. Because this. This moment for some reason seems to be a favorite. I want it to stay fresh and lively forever.

"You know I can see you staring from the corner of my eye, right?" She said without even bothering to look.

"Ah... yeah... sorry." I gasp.

"Why? Because you're acting all creepy and obsessed? Not at all." Then she looked and smiled.

"I am sorry." I want to be dead at the moment. The embarrassment, god.

"I was just kidding. You don't have to tense. I, literally, can feel the heaviness of the mood at the moment," she laughed out loud as she said it. Her laugh was too overwhelming for me to look away. I am someone who was just caught obsessively staring and all I do is stare even harder.

"Okay, seriously. Stop the awkward staring. Say something. I won't bite."

"Do you like your job?" Seriously! That's all I could come up with?! What's happening to me?!! I was a number one playboy who needed not to even talk to impress any girl I wanted. I seemed to attract what I wanted too easily that I didn't even try. And now I am trying my best to come up with a proper question, and this is all I get. Seems like I am dropping my skills already.

"Are you kidding? I love my job. What can ever be better than being surrounded with all these books and reading anything you want. The fact that my job is to sort out books and read some when I'm free makes me wonder about what I have left to do in my leisure time. I am offended you even asked me that question."

I never thought she would buy that question. I thought she would ridicule my choices. The fact that she actually found such a question interesting enough to reply that enthusiastically makes her even more attractive.

"Ah, I really didn't know you're that drenched into books. My bad. I wish my job was as appealing to me. Your job seems like a best."

"A best? It's THE best."

"Okay." I laughed, searching for the words to vocalize.

She looked away again. Another five minutes of silence. Then a question pops. And after I finally got over it a week ago, it started nagging again.

"Hey."

"Yeah," she said, returning her attention to me.

"Remember that day in the coffee shop? Like three or more weeks ago. When you said you wanted to show me something, but then for some reason you changed your mind. Can you tell me now?"

"It's nothing significant. Just forget about it."

"I am curious."

"Don't be."

I sighed, unintentionally, and then drop my eyes to my hands, tracing the veins under my skin. She looks away again.

"I am not telling you this to entertain your curiosity. It's just because we can use a subject for discussion at the moment."

I nodded.

"I was going to show you this," and she took her necklace out from under her shirt, "This is called Omega."