《Smile》Sixty two
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Quincy and I were chilling on the couch as Jasmine and Vanessa came downstairs.
"Hey, I'm um- I'm leaving, Eric wants to show me around the studio so..." Jasmine glanced at me before looking back at Quincy.
I rolled my eyes as Quincy stood to give her a hug. "Coming back over later?"
She shrugged pulling away from the hug. "Probably not," she looked at me. "No hug?"
I cleared my throat and stood. "Sorry I got lost in my thoughts."
"Mhm." She wrapped her arms around my waist as I wrapped mines around her neck. "I'll call as soon as I leave."
I pulled back and nodded turning towards Vanessa. "You leaving too?"
"Yeah I got some stuff to do but, it's cool if I-"
"Yes." Quincy cut in.
Vanessa chuckled. "Well, I'll see you guys later tonight."
I glanced at Jasmine and then back at Vanessa nodding slowly. "Yup."
She cleared her throat. "Okay...bye Trav!"
"Bye Nessa!"
She threw a small smile at me as Jasmine and her both walked out of the house.
I sat back down on the couch and groaned. "Man it's not fair that fucking Eric is getting to be this close to-"
"Fucking- Y/n seriously!?"
Did this bitch just yell-
"What?"
"Your not being fair at all."
"How?"
"It's not fair that Jasmine wants you to move on yet your moving on with Vanessa yet you get jealous of Eric yet you feel bad for using Vanessa yet she doesn't mine."
"What?"
"Exactly, you wonder why you're so confused yet your over here playing flip flop," he shrugged. "Focus on Vanessa during the tour, if it's not as good as it is with Jasmine then you know but, if you don't even think of Jasmine while with Vanessa then...maybe you should stick with her."
I bit my lip. "But Jasmine is fucking-"
"I know dude and I know you're in love with her but, Jasmine wants you to move on for a reason-"
"What fucking reason!?"
"She knows you better than I do and she knows herself, honestly right now Y/n your just too immature and your immaturity will definitely lead to problems with you and Jasmine and at the end of the day she'd rather hurt you a little and suffer not having you than to lose you forever over something stupid."
"I'm not..."
Shit, I am immature.
"Fuck...well what makes you think Vanessa is the one and Jasmines not."
"I personally don't but, love is crazy and sometimes the weirdest couples are meant for each other."
"So what if when I'm with Vanessa all I can think about is Jasmine."
"You come home and either prove to Jaz you can do a relationship or...you find someone new."
I groaned. "If you love someone you let them go huh?"
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"And if they come back..." He trailed off and I nodded. "Dude Vanessa obviously really likes you so, don't hurt her and don't mess up because before you know it someone else will swoop in and steal her heart."
"And is that really such a bad thing?"
He smacked the back of my head. "Um yes."
I rubbed my head and rolled my eyes. "Yeah a bad thing for me but would it be such a bad thing for her and well...her heart?"
"What are you hinting at?"
I shrugged. "Dude I can't get over my baby momma what if I hurt her? What if those damn insecurities come back? What if something bad happens again and I run away? What if-"
He smacked the back of my head again and I groaned. "What if this and what if that seriously? Give me something better than that."
I huffed. "What if-" He raised his hand and I shook my head quickly. "I-I mean...I don't have any reasons I'm just scared."
He nodded. "Why are you scared to be with Nessa and not Jasmine?"
"I don't-"
"Yes you do."
I sighed. "I know for a fact Jasmine would never hurt me."
"You don't know that for sure."
"But I do," I looked down. "Jasmine loves me more than I love her and like you said she loves me soooo much that she would rather suffer than make me feel a sliver of pain."
"Yeah, that girl is crazy about you and has been since we first met her."
I nodded smiling at the memories. "She was so protective that we legit had to lock her in the janitor's closet so she wouldn't go beat up my dad- Eddie for hitting me."
"That low key when you fell in love with her."
I shrugged. "Probably."
"Not probably, the first song you ever wrote was for her and I bet she doesn't even know-"
"And she never will."
That song is soooo cringy.
I chuckled. "Anyways, I was upset when Jasmine told me she didn't want to be with me but, her reasons are one hundred percent valid. Being with Vanessa has the possibility of me getting hurt and...I don't think I can get hurt again I mean I just lost my fucking mom Quincy, my rock, my support system, the person that loved me more than anyone could in this fucked up world."
He sighed rubbing my back as I continued. "I know she was supposed to die and you already know I've been preparing myself for her death since I was six," I closed my eyes. "But, every time I would imagine her dying it would always be because of something normal, old age, car accident, maybe even falling down the fucking stairs but, in all those scenarios I got to say goodbye. I got to hug her and have her wipe my tears away telling me everything would be okay and that I knew this would happen one day." I quickly wiped a tear away.
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"I imagined holding one hand while an adult Travis held her other hand and my kids laid by her side while my wife hugged me but no. A-and to make matters worse she didn't even die happy, I know she felt like shit for leaving Travis and well me and she didn't complete her goal of getting Travis out safe," I let out a shaky breath and chuckled. "I got way off track," I cleared my throat. "I just don't want Vanessa to hurt me you know, she's only ever been with David and she's never been in a relationship where someone treated her right so if she does settle for me how long will it be before she finds someone actually worth her time?"
Quincy smacked the back of my head softly and I looked back at him as he wiped his cheeks. "Okay first, your mom did complete her goal of getting Travis out, he might've gotten hurt but, he's safer now than he was with your mom," I nodded. "And the part about her not dying happy, think again."
"What do you mean?"
"Think of it from her point of view, she knew all you did was worry about her and Travis, she knew that every time you saw her with bruises you died a little inside. Imagine how happy she was to die knowing her son will be safe with his older sister, knowing that you didn't have to cry because you couldn't help her. Travis told me she took her last breath with a smile on her face and if that doesn't count as dying happy than," he shrugged. "I don't know what does.
She died with a smile...Travis is safe now and...that's all she wanted.
"And the part about not being able to say goodbye," he sighed. "That sucks but, what most people do to say goodbye to a loved one is have a funeral, it's going to be hard which is why I think you should wait till after tour but, you need that closure."
"Hell yeah I do."
"Better?"
Way better.
"Yeah, thank you Quinchilla."
He stood and held out his hand. "No problem now, let's go cuddle with Travis and take a nap."
I grabbed his hand standing up. "Let's go."
-
I laughed as Eric walked back up to me. "You're a damn idiot."
He smiled down at me. "Your laugh is adorable."
I smiled softly sitting against the wall. "Thank you."
"So you ready?" He asked sitting next to me.
"I was born ready."
"Can I ask you something?"
I nodded. "Ask away."
"You're a great dancer, why haven't you done anything with it?" I sighed and nodded down at my baby bump. "Oh, you got pregnant before you could?"
I nodded. "I was supposed to tour with Chris Brown but I found out I was pregnant so..."
"That sucks."
"No it doesn't, I was upset and pissed at first but damn," I rubbed my stomach. "The fact that I'm bringing life into this world feels amazing and, I already love this baby sooo much."
"That's sweet, do you know the baby's father?"
My smile got a bit bigger at the thought of Y/n. "Yeah I do."
He shifted. "You love him?"
I looked up at him smirking. "You tryna ask me something?"
He shrugged. "If I have a chance."
Does he? I mean we will be spending a lot of time- is he coming closer?
Okay, his face is definitely coming closer and now my heart is pounding.
Shit should I kiss him? Would this be fair to Y/n? Of course it's fucking fair I want her to move on.
Do I-
I felt soft lips connect with mines. My eyes widened for a split second and then I squeezed them shut. Our lips moved slowly against each other's as he cupped my cheek.
I tried to feel something...anything but, I couldn't.
I pulled away and sighed. "Eric-"
"It's Y/n isn't it?"
"What? N-no, Yes- look, If you want a chance this will have to move wayyy slower," I shook my head. "Y/n has nothing to do with it."
That's technically the truth.
He nodded. "Right, plus we've only known each other for a month," he hummed. "That's completely reasonable."
"I'm sorry for kind of ruining the moment."
"Hey, it's cool Jaz I get if you need time." He bit his lip.
I can't deny this man is fineeee.
"Can I take you on a date tomorrow night?"
Huh?
Well, he's an amazing guy, he's handsome, we have a lot in common...maybe if we take things slow I could eventually feel something for him.
"Okay um...okay yeah but-"
He smiled brightly. "Nope, just let me be happy before you decide to friend zone me."
I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "I wasn't gonna friend zone you."
"Yeah yeah, thank you."
"Thank you?"
"For giving me this opportunity."
I laughed. "You talking like I just hired you for a well-paying job."
He chuckled and shrugged. "This is way more exciting than a well paying job."
I hummed. "Smooth."
"Yeah? Too smooth or..."
"You can turn it up a bit."
He smiled at me. "Are we flirting?"
"Oh is this what you call flirting?"
He chuckled. "Well, when you put it like that I'm not sure."
I smiled and went to talk but I got interrupted by my stomach growling.
"Looks like both of you are hungry."
I chuckled. "How about we go on a pre-date and you take me to Five Guys."
"Deal." He jumped up and reached out for my hand.
I took his hand and stood. "Someone's eager."
"I'm ecstatic."
"You're cute."
"Now that was flirting."
I smirked walking towards the door. "Maybe, maybe not."
Maybe, maybe not...
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