"Your fans are hilarious." Vanessa chuckled scrolling through Twitter.

"Really? I wouldn't know."

"Yeah because you don't fucking get on Twitter, you'll literally see the funniest shit," she put her phone down and looked at me. "But other than that, are you excited?"

I stared out the window while bouncing my knee. "Nope, more so nervous."

"Reasonable you are going on Ellen," she leaned forward and rested her chin on my shoulder causing me to look at her. "And there will be about what, a hundred people watching you? Let's not even forget after the episode airs, that's probably a million more people who will be watching you on tv." I gulped as the driver softly chuckled. "But, other than that you don't have to worry." She smirked and sat back.

"You're an asshole."

"Whatever you love me."

I smiled softly and shrugged. "Never said I didn't."

She rolled her eyes trying to hold back a smile. "Corny ass."

I chuckled and held my hand out making her instantly intertwine our fingers. I looked down at our hands blushing because I'm pretty sure she could hear how fast my heart was beating.

"So are you nervous about Ellen or nervous about holding my hand because your palms are sweaty - and don't you fucking sing Eminem."

I pouted. "Well, you actually rap it not sing it." She rolled her eyes. "But why the hell would I be nervous holding your hand?"

She shrugged looking down at our hands as she played with my fingers.

Man, I would like to play with my fingers in her-

"Because I'm Vanessa fucking Moe, who wouldn't be nervous to hold my hand?"

I chuckled and bit my lip. "I love the confidence but, I wouldn't say nervous."

She raised a brow looking back up at me. "Then what would you say?"

"Um, I would say holding your hand is like going in a really scary haunted house for the fifth time but taking a completely different path."

"So," she bit her lip. "What your saying is that even though you've held my hand before, it never gets old because there's always something new?"

I nodded. "Smartass that's exactly what I'm saying," I ran my thumb over her knuckles, looking at how perfect her hand looks in mine and shrugged. "I've experienced the feeling I get when holding your hand before but, every time those feelings are completely different. I mean, I'm holding your hand mama and that means we can literally go anywhere. I guess knowing that holding your hand has such an impact, on me at least, makes me so-called nervous."

I looked up just in time to see that sparkle in her eyes. My body felt warm as I saw the light in her eyes. I think this look might be my favorite thing about...

Vanessa smiled brightly and looked down as her cheeks turned red.

Never mind, my favorite thing about her will always be that damn smile.

The driver cleared his throat. "We're here."

I shook my head slightly and smiled at him as he stepped out of the car. "You ready to watch me shit myself."

"Gosh, I was born ready." The driver opened the door.

I raised her hand to my lips and pecked it. "Let's go."

As soon as we stepped out of the car we were greeted with screams and what looked like a thousand people. Three really big black men walked up to us.

"Hi Ms.Y/ln I'm Terry, follow me." One of the men said in a voice so deep that I thought God was whispering in my ear.

We started towards the door and I looked around wide-eyed at all the people. Were they all here for me? I'm literally getting goosebumps looking around at everyone. There are so many people and the fact that their all this excited to see me feels amazing.

"Oh my God Y/n I'm such a huge fan!"

I smiled in the direction of the voice.

"Y/n can I get a picture?"

I looked around for the person who yelled that but got nudged forward by one of the men.

"Your voice makes my nipples hard!"

"Thank you!" I yelled in a random direction laughing.

We finally entered the building and I turned to Vanessa smiling. "Holy - are they all here for me?"

Vanessa smiled and nodded. "Yup, Ellen tweeted that you'd be on her show today so," she nodded towards the outside. "People came to show you love."

I looked outside at all the people and shook my head. "This is insane."

"And it's just the beginning." I turned and saw Lilly smiling at me. "You looked like a kid in a candy store out there."

"I felt like one too."

She nodded. "That's what supporting fans do to you."

"Man I wish it was a way I could communicate with them even more."

I felt someone slap the back of my head and I turned glaring at Vanessa. "Oh really Y/n? If only there was an app named Twitter that would allow you to communicate with your fans."

I rolled my eyes. "Are you sponsored by Twitter or something?"

Lilly chuckled. "Vanessa I'm so glad you came with her."

"I'm not."

"Sure now," Lilly started to walk and gestured for me to follow her. "Let's get you to the dressing room."

I gasped. "Does the dressing room door have my name on it?"

"You don't get your name on a door here until your third interview with her."

I pouted. "Dammit."

I looked next to me at Vanessa who was looking around in awe. "You look more excited than me."

She looked at me and shook my head. "Gosh Y/n it's been my dream to be here for the longest."

I threw my arm over her shoulder and pulled her into me. "Just remember this day when your coming to get interviewed by Ellen."

She scoffed. "Why would I ever be on this show?"

I shrugged. "You have a lot of fucking talent Nessa and you'll realize that one day and make the most out of it."

She bit her lip and looked straight forward. I pecked the top of her head as we reached the dressing room. Vanessa and I gasped when we walked in but for completely different reasons.

"Look at that fucking set up." Vanessa exclaimed walking briskly towards a mirror with lights on it.

"Oh my fuck they have sour patch watermelons," I jogged over to the table and damn near moaned. "Oh I love this table." I picked up a red velvet cupcake and bit into it. "Fuckkkk."

"Good thing you got frosting all over your face before you got your make up done," Lilly walked up to me and shook her head. "So the make up artist will be here in a few, she won't do anything too serious." I nodded picking up another cupcake and unwrapping it. "Um, so before you go out there I want to know if you'll be telling everyone about- that's actually the fattest shit I've ever seen."

I stopped the vanilla cupcake topped two Reese cups, four m&ms, and two gummy worms, inches from my mouth. I looked down at the cupcake and frowned feeling bad because I was about to eat that...without the m&ms being placed evenly. I arranged the m&ms and then took a huge bite and nodded towards Lilly. "You may continue."

She sighed and shook her head. "Do you want to tell people that you were born with a penis?" I cringed and Lilly's eyes quickly widened. "I'm sorry if it's a sensitive-"

I chuckled and shook my head. "You did nothing wrong I'll talk about it."

"Why'd you cringe then?"

"Because I just pictured myself saying penis on Ellen."

"So immature." Vanessa walked up to us a took the cupcake from my hand biting into it.

"Who the fuck-"

She pressed her finger against my lips. "Shhhhh."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to Lilly. "Can I say dick instead?"

"Dick is pretty vulgar Y/n."

"What about cock-" I laughed shaking my head. "Never mind."

"Jeez Y/n," Lilly shook her head. "I suggest you bring it out as soon as you can because we both know how forgetful you are."

I frowned. "Get what out?"

She shook her head and chuckled before looking behind me. "Oh Marian."

I turned and saw a lady in about her sixties walk in. "Make me another fucking cupcake Nessa."

"Make me."

I looked down at her just as she took another bite, but this bite was slow and seductive and, damn.

"Damn mama, you keep eating the cupcake like that and I'll make you another one."

She bit her lip and leaned up. "We'll get to it."

"Vanessa stop seducing Y/n so she can get her makeup done."

I shook my head and pushed Vanessa. "Try again."

I walked up to Marian and shook her head. "Hi Y/n take a seat." I sat down and let out a deep breath. "Okay just sit still this shouldn't take more than five minutes."

Vanessa came and stood by me.

"So um, Summer was asking-"

"No thanks." I mumbled.

"Y/nnnn, please just talk to her."

I sighed. "No thanks."

"Okay, your mad and I would be too but-"

"No."

"Y/n."

"Thanks."

She sighed. "Okay fine, I won't pressure you into talking to her, that wouldn't be fair."

I clenched my jaw as Marian started to apply...blush? I closed my eyes and tried to think about talking to Summer but honestly, this fucking brush feels amazing against my face. Next time I watch an ASMR I'll definitely think about this moment.

Hmm, that kind of sounded sexual. No wonder people who never watched ASMR's think it's a fetish.

"Okay all done."

Wait no.

I opened my eyes and pouted. "That's all?"

Marian chuckled and nodded putting her things up. "Your good looking kid, there wasn't much I could do."

"Thanks."

No lie she could get it, I don't discriminate.

She smiled and walked towards Lilly just as a knock sounded at the door and someone peaked there head in. "Ten minutes."

I stood and looked at Vanessa who sat in front of another mirror. I walked up behind her as she just stared at herself, she was completely zoned out.

Because she was zoned out I took this as my chance to be a creep and stare at her as much as I wanted. I ran my eyes over her whole face and smiled softly. Man did God take his time on her. I looked at her eyes and sighed. They almost seemed to change colors like when she gets that sparkle in her eyes, they damn near turn silver. I studied every inch of her face. Leaning down I rested my chin on her shoulder and dammit, I ruined my moment. She blinked rapidly and met my eyes. "Dude, you are fucking gorgeous like, how are you even real?"

She smiled softly. "I could say the same about you."

I gasped. "You think I'm gorgeous?"

"Oh course baby."

"Alright Y/n you're up."

I stood up straight and smiled. "Well, you just gave me a lot of confidence so thank you."

"Anytime," she stood up. "Go out there and kill it."

I saluted her. "Yes ma'am."

Placing a quick kiss on her forehead, I walked out of the room with Lilly and onto the side of the stage where a guy ran up to me and attached a mic to my shirt.

"Thanks dude."

He chuckled and nodded. "No problem."

"Alright Y/n you ready?" Lilly rubbed my back.

I nodded as my heart sped up. "I guess, there's no backing out now."

She nodded. "Damn right now, no cursing out there Y/n, the only bad word you should say is penis."

I shrugged. "Dick but okay."

She rolled her eyes as Ellen sat in her cheer and the crowd cheered. "Should I wave at the crowd and smile when she calls me out?"

"Just be natural Y/n."

"Well you guys know me I'm always the first to have the newest stars on my show and today we have one of the fastest rising stars, everyone welcome Y/n Y/ln." The crowd started to cheer and I shook my head.

I'm gonna die, I'm going to die.

"Go Y/n." Lilly pushed me forward and I walked out onto the stage.

The crowd got louder and I smiled waving at everyone as I made my way to my seat.

Okay Y/n don't trip, right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot, left- wait right.

"Hey, how are you?" Ellen smiled and stood up.

"I'm great thanks for asking." I smiled as we hugged.

I took my seat and let out a sigh of relief.

The crowd calmed down and I looked over at Ellen.

"Wow, Y/n Y/ln, okay first are you okay?"

I chuckled and wiped my hands on my jeans. "I am now, my biggest worry was that I would trip walking over here."

Everyone chuckled and Ellen nodded. "Well, you made it."

"Thank God for that."

"So Y/n, nobody really knows anything about you other than you have an amazing voice and you take very awkward pictures."

Everyone laughed as two photos of me popped up on the screen. I blushed and shook my head. "I'm not awkward I just have a hard time smiling on cue so I tend to do weird poses with my body in order to take the focus off of my face."

"Oh, right I completely understand that's why I usually dance while I'm singing so that nobody focuses on my voice."

I chuckled. "I didn't know you could sing."

"No, I can't that's why I dance." I nodded smiling as the crowd laughed. "So today I'm going to try and get as much information out of you as I can."

I grimaced. "Oh no wait um, can I give you the most interesting information about me?"

"Oh please do."

I glanced at the crowd and back at her. Okay it's not like I'm worried about telling everyone I have a dick, well I am because I let people fuck with me too much but that's not my biggest problem, I'm not sure if I should say penis or dick.

"So I have this thing um where I was born differently?" I nodded slowly. "Um I'm a female but I was born with a thing..."

Fuck.

Ellen leaned forward. "A thing? What's the thing?"

I blushed. "Oh you know, things that, people have."

Some people chuckled quietly in the crowd as Ellen shook her head. "Nope, you have to elaborate more."

I groaned and shook my head. "Ugh I just made this harder than it has to be, I was born with a penis," I cringed. "And no I wasn't a male before I'm not transgender I was just," I shrugged. "Born differently."

"Like everyone on earth is born different, that was pretty confident Y/n even though you look like a tomato right now."

Everyone chuckled and then the crowd started to clap. I relaxed a little now that I go that out of the way. "So what do you identify as if you don't mind me asking."

"No not at all um, I really could care less what someone addresses me as, him, her, it- actually not it that's kind of rude." A few people laughed. "But yeah anything really I don't mind."

Ellen nodded. "That's amazing Y/n, and now look when you become a global superstar I can say I got the information first or should I say all the tea?"

I laughed. "Yes, you got all the tea."

"Well let's find out some more tea, hows your love life?"

"Oh, I need hours to talk about that."

"I can help um," she pointed to the screen I saw a picture of me and Jasmine from months ago. "That's Jasmine Ortiz right?"

I nodded. "Yes that is, wow people were taking picture of me for that long?"

"Oh Y/n your face is everywhere on the internet."

Hmm, maybe I should use Twitter more.

"Well, that is two friends leaving a store with snacks."

She nodded. "Right okay I'll believe you for now."

"Thank you."

"Well is there anyone we should look forward to hearing a song about in the future?"

"Oh definitely."

"Well, will it be a love song?"

I bit my lip and chuckled. "This is my first time on the show why are you trying to expose me?"

"You said you'd give me the tea Y/n."

I nodded. "Yes I did but, I can't really say who the song will be about because I would prefer to keep that a secret."

"Of course I can respect that just don't say their name."

"You see I would do that but then the person would know who they are and I can't have that."

She nodded and said Jasmine between coughs. I chuckled along with the crowd as she continued. "But Y/n next time you're on my show I want you to have some relationship information for me."

I placed my hand on my chest. "Aw, you think I'm going to be famous long enough to come on this show for a second time?" The crowd laughed.

"Of course I do Y/n," she smiled and patted my hand. "Now, let's get to know a little bit more about Y/n Y/ln."

-

"I'm so mad you didn't trip while walking on stage."

I rolled my eyes and cut the engine after pulling into Vanessa's driveway. "Shut up you've been saying that since we left."

I got out of the car and walked to her side opening the door. "Thank you," she smiled up at me and climbed out. "So are you staying?"

I quickly shook my head. "Nope just walking you to the door."

She sighed and nodded as we walked towards her front door. "I had fun today."

"Of course you did you were with me."

We came to a stop outside of her door and she turned to face me. "Hey um, I just want to make something clear to you," she met my eyes. "The only reason I rejected you was because of David. I didn't want you to have to deal with him and I didn't want to ruin our friendship because of him. I know I was being an asshole when it came to your feelings but, I assumed you would move on if I decided to be a dick."

I shook my head as I literally felt my heart do a backflip. "I get it trust me you didn't have to explain."

"No, I did."

I walked closer to her and bit my lip. "Um, did you feel the need to explain so that I could know I have a chance with you now?"

She chuckled. "You've literally always had a chance with me."

My stomach started to go crazy and my body got hot. Fuck I'm not even touching her and my bodies going crazy. "So it's okay to make my move?" I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"I didn't say that." She laid her hand on my chest.

"Well, your mouths telling me no but your body, your body is telling me yes." I sang quietly.

She laughed and pushed me back before quickly gripping my shirt and pulling me back into her, our faces closer than before. She trailed one hand up my neck and leaned forward brushing her nose against mines. I couldn't tell if my heart was beating that loud or hers because we were so close.

I rested my forehead against hers and closed my eyes. Honestly, if our lips didn't meet, I'd be perfectly fine because just being able to hold her this close to me is amazing. But eventually, I got the best of both worlds since a second later her lips connected with mine.

The kiss was slow and passionate as I pulled her body closer to mine. I shivered as I felt the goosebumps start to rise on my skin. I ran my tongue over her bottom lip and she opened her mouth slightly allowing my tongue to greet hers. She gripped my hair and leaned up further into my body, it's like we weren't close enough even though there was no more space between us.

The kiss became rougher as our breathing became harsher. I ran my hand up her waist and over her stomach.

Wrong move.

She quickly pushed me away causing me to stumble backward. "I'm sorry," she mumbled running her hand through her hair. "I'm sorry Y/n."

"Hey," I took a small step towards her. "What's wrong mama?"

She shook her head rapidly and looked up at me as a tear rolled down her cheek. "He's fucking dead and he's still ruining everything."

My heart dropped and I sighed holding my hand out. She looked down at it and shook her head wrapping her arms around herself.

"Nessa." I whispered moving my hand slightly closer. She sighed and slowly slid her hand into mine. I stepped closer to her. "What'd you just feel?" She frowned looking up at me. "When our hands met, what'd you feel?"