"I swear I didn't," I grabbed Vanessa's hand trying to hold back a smile. "Why the hell would I tp your house?"

Okay I totally did that but, Quincy was with me and we were both high as hell. We thou- he thought it would be fun to become "spies" and destroy the evil lair of Venomous Moe.

I have no idea what we smoked.

"Bullshit Y/n, not only were you and Quincy loud as hell but," she snatched her hands away. "You sent me a fucking messages."

I frowned and backed away. "Wait really?"

She rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone. "You will never be able to complete your evil plan Venomous Moe," she looked up at me. "What the hell did you two take?"

"I honestly have no clue," I bit my lip. "And I'm not admitting anything because someone obviously framed me."

She squinted and walked up to me causing me to back away. "Don't be a pussy, stand your ground."

I scoffed and stopped crossing my arms. "I'm never a pussy."

She nodded came face to face with me. "Your going to clean up all that damn toilet paper Y/n."

"I didn't do it," I shrugged. "That message doesn't mean shit."

She glared at me. "Y/n..."

"Nessa..." I smirked.

She stared into my eyes sucked her teeth. "Okay let me rephrase myself," she cleared her throat. "Y/n, baby, if you don't get every inch of toilet paper from my house I will literally burry you alive."

Welp, good morning Y/n Jr.

"Even the tissue inside?" She raised a brow and I gulped. "Right, I completely understand but let's not forget, Quincy was with me too."

"Oh I know, I'll catch him lacking, but as of right now, I'm here with you." She said.

I smacked my lips. "I'll get right to cleaning your house Nessa."

"Good," she smiled. "But you don't have to do it now, I didn't drive all the way here just to go back home."

"Well from the way you worded things..." I mumbled.

"What was that?" She asked walking towards the stairs.

"Huh, I said what do you want to do then." I followed her upstairs.

"Of course you did," she chuckled walking into my room. "Now let's-"

"Fuck?" I closed my door and started to pull off my shirt. "About time mama."

"Y/n I- whatever." She laid back onto my bed and I paused.

Did whatever mean, "Fine let's just do it already" or "don't be a dumbass Y/n."

"Um-"

"No, we're not having sex." She scoffed.

"Oh okay," I let go of my shirt and went to lay by her. "I figured that."

She nodded looking over at me. "Mhmmm."

I laid on my stomach and smiled down at her. "I wouldn't sleep with you anyway."

She raised a brow meeting my eyes. "Yeah right, I'm sexy as fuck."

"Hell yeah you are but, I don't sleep with people who aren't worth my time." I shrugged smirking.

Her eyes widened. "You really just tried me Y/n, are you saying that I'm bad in bed?"

I shook my head. "Not bad just, not good."

She chuckled. "Well if you want to think that you can, it's not like we'll ever happen."

That's what Jasmine said...

"I don't know I'm pretty," I bit my lip and raised a brow. "Charming."

She hummed. "Ohhh, that look was pretty charming give me another one."

I chuckled and shook my head. "What look?" I licked my lips then clenched my jaw. "I don't have a look."

"Oh shit that just got me wetter than a pregnant lady who's water just broke." She smiled .

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Nice analogy."

"I try," she chuckled as I rested my head on her chest. She started to run her fingers through my hair and scoffed. "What do you put in your hair?"

I wrapped an arm around her waist and shrugged. "Um, water and shampoo?"

She smacked her lips and tugged at my hair. "No shit, what shampoo do you use?"

"Argan oil shampoo, I only use it because it smells great." I said closing my eyes.

"I use that too and my hair doesn't feel as good as yours." She said.

I looked up and picked up a piece of her hair. "Your right," I shook my head. "Your hair is really rough and your split ends are crazy, like did your hair do gymnastics because this shits flexible as hell."

She smacked my hand away and laughed. "No my hair actually did aerobics, don't disrespect me like that again."

I smiled softly as she stared down at me. "Sorry, I won't make the same mistake twice."

"We'll see." She nodded and bit her lip.

I glanced down at her lips and sighed. Dammit what is it about her, why can't I feel this way with Jasmine? There's no point in lying to myself, the feeling for her are there but, it's not the same with Vanessa. Jasmine would be great for me though, we know each other better than Gordon Ramsey knows insults. She's single and she doesn't play with my emotions, at least I don't think she does. She makes my heart race but, it only happens when we touch. Just being around Vanessa drives me crazy.

Vanessa trailed her fingers over my jaw and my grip on her waist tightened. There's no doubt about it, I'm in love with Vanessa. She gulped as I leaned up, my free hand coming up to cup her cheek. It was as if I was in some sort of trance, I just couldn't snap myself out of it, but apparently the universe could.

The doorbell rang and I jumped away from her letting out a deep breath. "Shit um, I forgot I ordered postmates." She said getting out of bed.

"You ordered postmates to my house?" I asked.

She shrugged fixing her shirt and walking towards my bedroom door. "I assumed you would be hungry and that you wouldn't have any food in the house so, I ordered nachos."

Yup, she might as well lock up my heart and throw away the key.

"Of course you did." I chuckled as she smiled and walked out of my room. Sighing I leaned back and closed my eyes. At this point I just need everyone to friend zone me so I can find a completely new person. Maybe I can steal Camila Cabello from Shawn Mendes, it wouldn't be that hard considering their relationship is bs. Or maybe I should date a fan. I shook my head, maybe I'll just buy three more dogs and live happily ever after with Quincy.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

-

"Good job guys, I'm proud of you!" Vanessa yelled from the roof.

"Shut up!" Quincy yelled laying back on the grass. "We were fucking high, we shouldn't be held accountable for our actions."

I chuckled and shook my head looking up at Vanessa. "Can you get down before you hurt yourself?"

She shook her head. "Nah I have a better idea, how about you come up here with me?"

I bit my lip and smiled. "Snacks?"

"Duh." She said.

I looked back at Quincy and he just shook his head slowly standing up. "I'm going to take a nap in her guest room."

I nodded and kissed his forehead once we got into the house. "Goodnight buddy."

He yawned and and headed upstairs. "Love ya."

I shook my head and grabbed a few snacks before heading up to the roof.

"A little help." I said sticking my head out of the window. Vanessa turned around and took the snacks from my hand as I stepped out and sat on the roof.

"Oh, you made some good choices." She said opening a bag of gummy worms.

"Of course I did," I said taking a sip of my water. We sat in silence for a while, looking out at the night sky and eating snacks. I could see Vanessa constantly glancing at me from the corner of my eye and I chuckled. "What?"

She sighed and bit her lip as I looked at her. "How are you so...strong?" She whispered.

I chuckled softly. "Um, these snacks weren't really that heavy I don't know-"

She chuckled. "No idiot, how are you so strong, you know like mentally."

I frowned and shook my head. "I'm not strong at all Nessa."

She raised a brow. "Why do you think that?"

I looked out at the sky and sighed. "I don't think, I know," I bit my lip. "There's a difference between being strong and being good at hiding your feelings which I'm not even that good at, I mean you literally saw me have a panic attack."

She shrugged. "Everybody breaks sometimes, that doesn't mean your not strong."

I nodded. "Yeah but, I break a lot when I'm alone. I guess you could say I'm strong because I can hold in all my emotions when I'm around others but other than that, I'm super weak and part of that is because I always break myself down," looking at her I shrugged. "I've been through so much shit and I'm still going through it, that stuff fucked my head up."

"Everybody goes through stuff and I kind of figured that you've gone through a lot, that's why I asked. Your always putting people before you and you never give up, I find that strong. I want to know how you can always smile and crack jokes but still have so much going on." She whispered.

I looked down and sighed. "Like I said, it's all a facade. If I wasn't so worried about everybody else's emotions I'd be the most depressed person you know. But you basically want to know how I keep going right?" She nodded. "I guess I depend on other people, if it weren't for Quincy, Jasmine, my mom, brother, shit even you I honestly might've taken a whole bottle Tylenol a long time ago, and I actually still think about taking the easy way out sometimes."

I closed my eyes. "You know when I'm trying to fall asleep at night the thoughts just run through my head and the pain keeps coming. And most of the time I think to myself, why not just take the whole bottle you know, there pain pills there supposed to get rid of the pain and just two or three won't deal with all the pain," I scoffed. "But then I think about the affect that'd have on the people I love and I just push the thoughts away. Doing that isn't good at all but it's the only way I can cope. So yeah I'm so "strong" because I have people who care about me."

I looked at her as she cleared her throat. "What about the shit that's so bad, nobody can make you feel better?"

"Want to elaborate?" I asked.

"Not really." She said.

I hummed. "Okay um, when I was sixteen I got drunk and decided to drive myself home. That ended in a car crash and luckily I was fine but I um, ended up killing a four year old girl," I cleared my throat. "Knowing that I took someone's life away and someone's kid still hurts me till this day. Back when the cops told me I hated myself and nobody could help me. I dug myself into this huge hole and nobody could reach me because nobody could understand. What made it even worse was that the girls parents didn't press charges because "it was an accident." That's what they said, it was an accident and that was the icing on top of the fucking cake." My voice cracked and I inhaled deeply.

"Long story short, I never forgave myself for what I did even though everyone else did. So, I had to go by a motto that I've been going by my whole life. Forgive but never forget. I eventually forgave myself and realized that it was a seriously stupid mistake. I dealt with it and yeah, sometimes I have nightmares about that night but, I can handle what I did, what I caused," I shook my head and looked at her. "Now I don't know what's going on with you but say somethings happening that you didn't cause," I started to think about how my mom would beat herself up and say how weak she was when she thought nobody was listening.

"You feel like you could've stopped it and ended everyone's suffering but, you never did and now you think your weak," I zoned out and remembered how I would hug my mom and tell her how strong I thought she was. "Your not, your pretty fucking strong because your still here. Fear is something that can petrify the strongest person and just because your scared doesn't mean your weak. It means your smart because you know what battles to fight, it means your caring because you don't want to ruin someone's else life by bringing them into your mess, and it means your strong because even though you don't fight back your still powering through." I snapped out of my trance when I heard Vanessa sniffle.

I watched her wipe her now wet cheeks and quickly pulled her into me. "That example might not come close to being relatable to you but, that doesn't matter," I squeezed her tighter. "Everybody's strong in their own way wether it's physically or mentally and if you want my opinion Nessa, your both. Mentally because I can see that slight dullness in your eyes and I can tell somethings going on but, your still pushing just like me. And physically because damn, you can pack a punch." She chuckled and pulled me closer. "Don't ever think your weak trust me, your far from it."

She looked up at me with wet eyes and smiled softly. "You should listen to yourself." I frowned. "You said your not strong but, everyone's strong in their own way right?"

I smiled and nodded. "Right."

I just have to keep pushing.

-