CW // transphobia and suicide

PART II - LENNY

Sofia was late for rehearsal.

Not really late but later than usual when she was ten minutes early. I impatiently tapped my fingers on my thigh. Baker took my hand. "You're making me nervous."

"Sorry."

"She'll be here."

We were still the only ones in the auditorium when the door opened and Sofia entered with another person at her side. They strode down the middle aisle, quietly talking to one another. They stopped in front of us.

"Hi," Sofia said, not looking at me.

"Hi," I echoed.

"This is my cousin Francisco," Sofia said. Her cousin. What exactly was Francisco doing here and why did Sofia decide now to speak to me again?

I put on my publicity smile. "Hi, Francisco, nice to meet you. I'm Helen."

"Baker," Jonathan inserted.

Francisco smiled timidly back at me. "I think I owe you an apology. I'm sorry for keeping Sofia from you."

I tried to make sense of all of this. But I couldn't.

"Can we talk?" I asked Sofia. She looked over at Francisco who nodded assuringly at her. I got up, Francisco took my place, and started a conversation with Baker.

We took the backdoor outside but I regretted it instantly. The wind was cold and I was only wearing a hoodie. I waited for Sofia to start the conversation. After a minute or two, she did.

"He is my cousin who I lived with when I was in Mexico."

"Okay."

"When he came out as trans two weeks ago, his parents said he wasn't their child anymore. He – he tried to kill himself. Saturday morning, when – when I was over at yours. A friend of ours found him and called me. I arranged a flight. That's why I haven't been here." She started crying. "I was just so afraid – for him – and – angry at – at my family – and I didn't know how to tell you or if I even had the – the right to talk about him and – and his experience – and I am so, so sorry to – to have kept you at – at a distance and I didn't want that, believe me."

I took a step in her direction.

"I'm so sorry, Lenny. I love you and I feel so bad for the way – the way I acted last week – I just didn't know how – how to handle the situation."

My heart skipped a beat. "I understand," I said finally even though I wasn't sure I did. "But you still could've told me that you were going through something with your family. I was so worried about you, I thought you didn't want to be with me anymore."

"Why wouldn't I want to be with you anymore?"

I kept quiet because I didn't want to say it. After everything, I went through with Jamie...

"Hey, come here," she said and closed the distance between us. "I love you. I mean that. I won't ever put the pressure on you that Jamie did, I promise. Believe me."

I nodded but didn't say anything because I didn't trust my body not to cry the moment I opened my mouth.

"Can I kiss you?"

I nodded again and finally looked at her. Her eyes were red from crying but she was smiling at me and I couldn't help but smile back.

I've had a million different scenarios in my head and in none of which I forgave her that quickly. But having her here, with her warm hands on my freezing cheeks, I couldn't help it.

She kissed me.

"Don't you ever," I mumbled against her lips, "do that again."

"I promise."

"So, Francisco was the one you were living with, right?" She had told me about her cousin she had moved in with. Basically the only person from Mexico she still was still regularly in touch with.

"When I told you about him, I used a different name."

"I can't even remember," I said firmly.

She kissed me again. "Would you like to come to dinner tonight? I would love you two to meet. He was the person I was closest to in Mexico and well, you are the person I'm closest to here."

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."