PART V - SOFIA

Helen Collins @Me // 2:42PM: Are you at school? We could go over some lines before rehearsal.

Me @Helen Collins // 2:44PM: yes :)

I looked over at Francis who was doing a pencil sketch of me to improve his skills. We were sitting in the studio, the only room in this whole school that did not rely on artificial lighting. There were floor-to-ceiling windows facing north, and thankfully, they were not shaded by trees. Francis was the only one who was in the arts elective as well as the theater group.

Me @Helen Collins // 2:44PM: where do you want to meet?

Helen Collins @Me // 2:44PM: I'm already in the library, join whenever you want.

Me @Helen Collins // 2:44PM: see you in a few minutes

Me @Helen Collins // 2:44PM: brining mercutio

Having Helen text me so casually was something I was definitely not used to. I hoped the smile on my face would vanish at some point, preferably before I reached the library.

After rehearsal ended, Helen waited for me.

Helen. Waited. For me. For me.

I asked casually, "Do you want me to drive you somewhere? Home or to Jamie's?"

"Can we just drive a bit? I don't feel like going to Jamie's."

I smiled. "Sure. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care."

So I drove and somehow, we ended up on a hill overlooking the city. It was more romantic than I anticipated but Helen didn't seem to pay any attention. The grass was still moist from the last rain or with dew, now as the sun was setting. I spread out a jacket from my backseat and we sat down side by side, our arms touching as there was not enough space. She absentmindedly turned her phone in her hand.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, well knowing that the last time, this question got me and Baker into quite some trouble.

"Yes, sure."

I searched my coat pockets and pulled out a candy bar. "Look what I found." I had bought it for this exact circumstance.

She scanned the ingredients list. When she realized it was in fact vegan, she smiled, broke the candy bar in half, and offered one of them to me.

"Thanks."

It was quiet for some time, then I got uncomfortable. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

She moved her head as if to cure a stiff neck. Or as if she didn't know whether to nod or shake her head. "Jamie and I got into a fight earlier."

"What did you fight about?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "It was at lunch and he was being an ... imbecile."

We stared down at the city.

"What do you like about Jamie?"

I could see the little gear wheels in her head spinning.

"He's super sweet and caring."

"Huh." I just made sarcastically. She didn't look at me. "But what does he make you feel?"

"I feel safe when I'm with him. I know that he'll always be there for me."

"Do you feel happy every time you see him? Does it make your day to spend time with him?"

She paused for a moment. Then she said, "Don't you think, we experience love in different ways?"

"I do."

"But still you think you know everything better than I do, don't you? You think because my relationship is different from what you want it's not real love?"

"Helen, that's not what I'm saying."

"I think that's exactly what you're saying." Her voice was getting louder, but she would still not look at me.

"Helen, look – " I put my hand on her arm.

"Don't – let me! You never liked him, and you never tried."

I didn't think this statement was fair since I really tried to find the good things in Jamie. He just happened to have none. "Helen, I don't –" I don't have anything against him. Which I had. Plenty. It was a good thing that she didn't let me finish, or else I would've lied to her.

"I want to go home."

I nodded silently. We didn't speak on the drive back, but she gave me a tight hug before she left the car.

Wewere alright, but I knew she wasn't.