the masked man with brown eyes crossed my mind as I slowly opened my eyes, I don't know why.

just like any other time my eyes made contact with the asshole's. I sat up as quick as I can but choked out as I felt the chains pulling my down by my throat.

the collar...

he tsked and said "be careful you have a human being inside you now.", my heart ached at that.

I don't want this baby, it's innocent and doesn't deserve to be in this world with a dad as messed up as carlos.

or a mother as fucked as me, I don't know what I am supposed to give it because I have nothing to give. I doubt I will even have a purpose when my revenge is done.

I know what it's like to be a result of rape and even tho I've only known for a year and a half and had a lot going on, it still hurts to think about it.

I don't want that to my kid, I don't want my kid to wake up every day and know she or he is a result of a mistake.

I don't want my kid to see me and doubt my love or want for her/him, or think of herself/himself as a mistake.

assholes like carlos don't deserve to have kids, kids are supposed to be a blessing not a tool to hold someone down.

I am not stupid to think that carlos likes this baby or wants to keep it because he wants to be a father, if he did he wouldn't have announced it for all his rivals to know.

he would've wanted to protect it but to him this baby is nothing but a tool to keep me with him.

"I want an abortion." I said blankly, he chuckled dryly and said "I heard you on the stage, my answer is still the same. you don't have a choice.".

I looked at him to see that he's walking towards me, I clenched my jaw feeling a wave of rage wash over me.

" you fucking raped me! you forced this on me the least you could do is be a man at least for once and respect my decisions. you already have me chained like a slave in your bedroom, you rape me whenever you want! why include an innocent life?"

I said shaking as a new ache for this unborn child settled in my heart joining the others.

he clenched his jaw and said "I would've remembered your fucking shot if you didn't try to kill yourself! but you did and that led to this! that baby is one of the consequences of your reckless behavior now own up to it.".

I laughed as more rage filled me, is he fucking serious?

" so it's my fault you killed everyone I love, raped me, abused me which led me to loose hope and then boom I wake up and you rape me again. as if that's not enough I find out I am pregnant at fucking 19 with your kid which is the main problem here. if I wanted to fuck you and this baby was because we were childish and got carried away, I would gladly take it's responsibility."

I said then took a deep breath and continued" but it's not! you forced yourself on me and I would take this if you let me go and be away from you but I fucking know that you only want to keep this baby to keep me. that I won't allow to happen! I won't allow you to control me using an innocent baby, I won't allow you to make someone's life miserable if I can stop it and I can now. it's my body!".

he took long strides towards me and in matter of a second his hand was grabbing my hair harshly.

"aha, so the problem is the baby being mine? you would want it if it was someone else's right? someone like nathan?".

*flashback*

"uhh that looks painful" I said to nathan , we're flipping through channels trying to find something to watch because we got bored of netflix.

we came across this channel and this woman is screaming for her life because she's about to give birth.

he winced and said "it does.", I changed the channel and said "adoption it is.".

he laughed and said "as if any agency will allow you to adopt a kid, you can't keep a hamster alive let alone a kid.".

I glared at him and said "I was only 16 and hamsters die all the time, it's like they have a contest on who dies first.".

he clutched his stomach and laughed some more before he caught his breath and said " you're still 17 chill.".

I poked his chest and said" I didn't say I wanted one right now, I still wanna travel around, drink martinis by a beach and go to parties-" I was about to continue my list because it always shuts him up but he gave me a mocking smile and said "all with me".

I rolled my eyes and said "keep dreaming.".

he took a strand of my hair and twirled it around his finger then said "you too.", I looked at him to see his amber eyes looking at me.

"you're here mocking me as if you're gonna be a good father, you can't even make a healthy meal. what are you gonna feed the baby? burgers?".

he smirked and said "you will be there to feed all my babies.", I raised an eyebrow and he said "you will be their godmother.".

I laughed but stopped when he said " the god is silent".

I grabbed a pillow and smacked his head with it, he groaned and let out an "ouch" for a dramatic effect then said "you're aggressive".

"and you're getting too comfortable" I said to which he smirked and said "I am plus I am already a daddy.".

I looked at him trying to predict the joke but he said "to you" before I could even think.

I smacked him with another pillow and said "you're creepy asf", he laughed and said " I buy you boxers, I buy you food, I know how to cook the food you love too and I make you happy. you're my sugar baby.".

"that my friend is what best friends do, the girl you were with yesterday is a sugar baby or a gold digger because the moment you're out of cash she's out of the door." I said taunting his hook ups, it became a thing. he taunts mine and I too.

he laughed and said" replace her then, I rather spend more cash on you.", I put my hand over my heart and let out a dramatic "nathan!, how dare you!".

he hummed then said "never mind I already spend money on you.", I crossed my arms and said " I do too mister.".

he raised an eyebrow and I said " do you happen to know an arrogant bull who randomly barges in my room and eats my snacks?".

he hates it when I refer to him as bull, it all started because I made him wear a fake septum ring in halloween and horns to present the devil but one of the kids laughed and called him a bull.

he glared at me and smacked my head with a pillow, I was about to smack him back but I burst into laughter when his hands started tickling me.

"STOP! NATHAN! I WILL GIVE YOU A BACK MASSAGE IF YOU STOP" I screamed unable to hold my breath.

he smirked and pulled away then took off his shirt immediately and laid on the couch.

"off to work now!" he demanded playfully.

I rolled my eyes and began massaging his back, he let out a sigh and said "I will miss this.".

I slapped his back and said "you're an asshole, I expected an "I will miss you amber" or something.".

he reached out to my hand and said " I will miss you.", "yeah yeah" I said with playful annoyance.

"you doubt that?" he asked as he turned around to face me, I shook my head fighting a laugh and said "not at all".

he sat up and said "you need a hug to show you how much I will miss you?", I scrunched my nose in fake disgust and said "ew no.".

he pulled me into him and held me tightly his warm skin feeling nice and said "I will miss you."

I smiled and said "I will miss you too, I don't know what I will do in new york without you.".

me and my father will move in a month, I hate it because my entire life is here.

I will miss kiara's annoying comments about me and nathan's state, ivan's humor, trisha's comebacks and mine and nathan's flirtationship.

*end of flashback*

("aha, so the problem is the baby being mine? you would want it if it was someone else's right? someone like nathan?".)

that memory was the first thing that crossed my mind when he said that, I snapped out of my daze and said " the problem is you!" with the new found rage in me as my heart ached for everyone he killed because of me.

he slammed my head against the bed board making me wince and unlocked the chains around my neck.

he then walked away and memories of what used to follow every time he left flooded my head.

I breathed in and out hoping he went to control himself or something.

to my horror he came back with a belt and a harsh look on his face, fear filled every inch of me because I am terrified of what this could cause.

I might not want the baby for it's own good and mine but what if he forces me to keep it or I decide to keep it after I get away and this causes my baby to be unhealthy or affect it?

he suddenly flipped me over and a scream ripped it's way through my throat as he landed a whip on my ass.

he put his hand under my stomach making a shiver run down my spine and hissed " there is nothing you can do amber, the baby...our baby is growing here and you better accept it. now fucking say it! say " I am weak and pathetic"."

I fisted my hands around the chains ready to answer but he landed another whip on my ass making me scream and my eyes to water.

"fine if you really need someone to tell you, you're weak and pathetic!" I said and closed my eye knowing what follows.

thankfully the hits are on my ass not somewhere else.

he landed another whip then another followed by another and another.

he threw the belt away and the room became silent except my hard breathing and his panting.

I suddenly felt his skin on mine causing my eyes to widen, he thrusted in me ripping a scream out of me and said " I will fuck this attitude out of you.".

he thrusted in me again but not as hard as the first one nor the thrusts in the bathroom last time.

he grunted then thrusted again and said "you're lucky I am willing to let you keep the baby.", making tears well up in my eyes.

he pinched my bruised ass earning a cry out of me and said "now say it!", I shook my head refusing to give in.

he grabbed my hair harshly and said "say it or I will fuck this baby out of you right now!" as he increased his pace.

I may not want it but I of course don't want it to be like this.

he thrusted in me harder making a pain shoot all over my abdomen, tears streamed down my face and I said " I-I am weak and p-" I cried out from another thrust then continued "and pathetic.".

he pulled out of me and cursed under his breath then left somewhere.

I stayed still just like that night and cried till I couldn't anymore, but unlike last time I have hope.

domenico....and my mom.

unlike last time I have a possible escape, he didn't confirm his agreement but he could've if carlos didn't come.

the pain in my lower abdomen is easing a little and I have an urge to wrap my arms around my stomach as if doing so will protect the baby but I can't because my hands are cuffed.

I honestly don't know what to think, I don't want my kid to be born here or even live a second with that monster.

abortion is the best option, unless I am out of here.

I heard his footsteps approaching the room and he got in, he walked towards me and uncuffed my hands.

he turned me around making me wince in pain at both my bruised ass and abdomen, I involuntarily clutched it and brought my legs closer curling myself into a ball feeling a little better.

he carried me bridal style and said "you need a check up.", my eyes fell on the bed to see a bit of blood.

my heart began beating rapidly and I found myself praying that nothing happened.

I looked at him to see a cold look on his face, no guilt, no remorse no thing. I can't believe how I once thought he was good.

I stayed still and silent because I don't want more to happen.

he left the room with me in his arms and got into another one then laid me on the bed and said "the doctor will be here in a minute.".

I closed my eyes not wanting to cry because it will only add to my anxiety and wrapped my arms around my stomach.