I felt my air supply running out and quickly shot my eyes open, tried to be specific because a hand is pushing me down on what seems to be a pillow.

panic filled my chest and I started struggling but I stopped when a sharp pain shot my lower region causing me to scream on top of my lungs but it came out muffled.

I tried to move but the hand which is carlos' pushed me further into the pillow making it harder to breathe.

I received another thrust making my eyes water at the pain, but I have to be strong. I have to win whatever this is and kill him. for my father and levi.

he thrusted in me again but I held my scream back and fisted my hands around the cuffs, I won't beg him to stop because that's what he wants. me begging.

his thrusts got faster and deeper but I kept myself under control and didn't make a single sound.

he will pay for this, every single second of this.

"got used to my dick inside you I see" he said as he pulled my hair back making me wince.

he trailed his finger over my ass and stopped near my anal then said "I bet your tight ass isn't, let's find out.".

my eyes widened at that but soon rage filled me when he said " or say yes and everything stops here.".

"you can rape me and put a claim on me but that will never change my answer, I rather die trying to get away from you than live as your little obedient wife. you may have my body now but you will never get to my head or change the kind of encounters I wish we would ha-" I said but screamed on top of lungs in pain from a hard thrust in my anal.

he grunted and cursed under his breath while my tears wet the fine fabric of the pillow and I breathed in and out heavily trying to maintain the pain.

he pulled his dick out and thrusted in my pussy which is not as painful, but still.

I just want to think of something to get my mind off of what's happening. anything to make this less real.

he pulled his dick out again and thrusted in my anal making me want to scream from the horrible pain but I bit my lip and closed my eyes keeping it in.

I won't give him the satisfaction of hearing my pain and I will never beg him to stop, the purpose of him doing this is for me to beg and submit. going through this is enough, giving him what he wants will only make me feel more shitty and helpless.

nathan's face appeared in my mind and I remembered the first party we went to together when we were 15.

*flashback*

"I regret wearing heals" I whined as we walked down the dark street, he chuckled and said "why did you wear them then?".

I rolled my eyes playfully and said "because you said you wouldn't drink, and I thought you'd give me a ride . I didn't think I'd have to walk back home.".

"rightt" he dragged then kneeled down and probably fixed his shoes. I felt his hand around my ankle and looked down before realizing what he wants to do.

I put my hand on his shoulder for support and stepped out of my heels, he helped me wear his shoes which are way bigger than me but comfy.

he then picked up my heels and stood up again towering me with his height.

"awww, frienromance at it's finest." I said looking at him with a smile.

he shook his head in fake disappointment and said "am I really that bad? you're always friend zoning me." as he put a hand over his chest for some dramatic effect.

I punched his arm playfully but a little hard and said "shut up, you have a girlfriend or are you just seeing her? whatever it is.".

he chuckled and said "nah I'm single.", my mouth formed an o shape and I said "bro you should work on your commitment issues.".

he let out a sigh and said "don't bro me, and I don't have commitment issues, I just...my mind is somewhere else.".

I looked down at my feet in his shoes and said "your dad is giving you a hard time again?", he shook his head and said "something else.".

I nodded because I know I should shut up. we understand each other very much and know when to shut up and when to ask. this is a shut up situation.

*end of flashback*

I was brought back to reality by a tightening sensation in my stomach, I hate that I have no control over my body. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of my response but I have no control over it.

he thrusted in me again and I involuntarily screamed and let go causing him to grunt.

he pulled away and thrusted in my anal causing half a scream to leave my lips but I held back the rest.

his thrusts became animalistic just like yesterday or earlier, I honestly don't know.

I breathed in and out and ignored whatever he's saying as my mind drifted to another memory.

*flashback*

"nathan, can I ask you a question?" I asked curiously breaking the comfortable silence that roamed the cold air around us.

he hummed and I asked "why is your dad so shady?". he's never around and we as our group only saw him twice when we were at nathan's house. he only said hi and gave nathan a nod then left.

being involved in a gang or something has crossed my mind but being that shady is just sick.

nathan let out a sigh and said "he's not shady, just busy.", this seems like a shut up moment.

I looked up at the sky and said "do you believe in fate?" to change the topic, I felt his gaze on me before he said "sometimes.".

"why sometimes?" I asked, he put his weight on his elbows and looked up his jet black hair shining under the moonlight and his amber eyes looking at my grey ones as if his answer will leave a big compact on me.

"I believe in fate for so many reasons, meeting you being one of them. but sometimes I don't because... I am afraid someday you will walk out of my life or I yours and that will only mean that we weren't meant to stay together. I don't want that to happen. "

I put my weight on my elbows too and said "if we do end up being apart, our friendship would be the reason we met.".

he closed his eyes and said " I don't want it to be". uh what?

he opened his eyes and looked at me then my lips then at me again and said "I want you to be in my life. I don't want us to be a memory, I want us to be the present.".

*end of flashback*

a warm liquid filled my insides bringing me back to my horrible reality, that means he came in me....

thank god I took a womb cancer shot, it works as a birth control for at least 3 months.

he got off me and started unlocking the handcuffs, I just stayed still not wanting to change his mind but he will get it once my hands are free.

my hands fell beside me making my sore shoulders hurt and a pain spread across my back.

I turned around but the pain in my abdomen, my sore legs, my aching shoulders, my stinging wrists, and my bruised back all hit me at once.

I involuntarily wrapped arms around myself and breathed in, I can feel his gaze on me. he's wrong if he thinks I won't be able to look at him or face him.

I looked up meeting his gaze and stood up ignoring the pain in my lower region. he smirked and the next thing I know is my fist colliding with his jaw.

he groaned and I said " I broke jacob's nose for hitting on me which is what most guys do, imagine what I will do to you after what you've done to me!".

he glared at me and grabbed my hair roughly then said " that's if you don't submit bonita, but trust me you will. I will make sure to break every single part of you into submission.".

I chuckled just to piss him off and said "if my father's death didn't completely break me, you think you raping me will? I said this earlier and I will say it again. it only makes me want to kill you more.".

"I didn't rape you, you enjoyed it." he hissed trailing his hand down my body.

"if you let your arrogant and asshole ways out of your way, you would know that that's how the human body reacts. if your own sister did anything to pleasure you, you will enjoy it because that's an involuntary response." I responded looking at his eyes because I have no reason to look away. he should look down in shame.

he tightened his grip on my hair and started dragging me to a door, I scratched his hand and tried to get out of his grip but it only tightened more causing me to wince in pain.

he opened the door revealing a bathroom, I didn't have time to take in the new place because he pushed me to the floor and said "you have 30 minutes to take a shower, I will come and take you even if you have shampoo on you hair." before slamming the door shut and locking it from the outside.

I clutched my abdomen feeling sore and laid on the floor not caring if its clean or not.

everything settled in with the right emotions.

my father is dead, the only family that I know....I'm in who knows where with no phone or any sort of contact with the outer world. my friends' lives are on the line and I can't do shit about any of it.

tears fell down my cheeks and to the cold floor, my whole body hurts but what's making me cry is my state.

I can't even choose what to with my body, I'm strong but how much more will I take? I can take beatings, torture but can I take rape, humiliation, and mental abuse?

my eyes fell on the ring on my finger and my mind took me to the day nathan and I tried making cookies the day after I lost my virginity to him.

*flashback*

"add vanilla" he said reading the recipe from a website, I added the vanilla then mixed the mixture.

I scooped the dough into a tray and put it in the oven after setting the right temperature.

"do you know how sexy you look when you cook?" he asked eyeing me up and down, I chuckled and said "it's called bake not cook." mockingly.

he huffed and said "I'm beginning to think you're immune to my pick up lines not that this one was, you do look sexy when you bake.".

I placed a peck on his lips and said " nope, I just love messing with you.".

he wrapped his arms around my waist and looked at me for a few seconds, something he does when he's about to say something he doesn't usually say.

instead of saying something he leaned in and placed his lips on mine softly, I moved my lips with his and the soft kiss turned into a heated make-out session.

the make-out session turned into me on the counter with him hovering over me and placing light kisses on my chest earning a few moans from me.

the oven beeped pulling both of us out of the heated moment, I quickly stood up and turned the oven off then opened it too see perfectly burnt cookies.

I turned around and burst into laughter then said " these cookies are probably as hard as you are" as I looked at the huge bump in his pants.

he smirked and said " you can't really fix the cookies but you can fix this", I shook my head teasingly to which he pulled me into him and said "you really do love messing with me.".

*end of flashback*

I sniffed and slowly stood up debating whether to look in the mirror or not, a part of me wants to but the other part is scared of what I will see.

deep down I am still as strong but what if I loose it all when I see myself? what if what I will see is what will break me?

I took a deep breath and walked in front of the mirror, my eyes teared up at the sight in front of me.

my hair is a mess, my eyes are red, my lips have 3 cuts with dried blood on them, my neck is filled with hickeys, my boobs are sore from the bite marks. one of them has dried blood on it. there is blood between my thighs and some bruises, mainly his hand prints.

I turned around and to my horror my whole back is filled with bite marks with dried blood meaning he didn't stop even after I fainted.

I turned around and looked at my body not really focusing on it, I don't want to see this whenever I look at myself in the mirror.

I don't want this to be my reality, I have to find a way to escape or have any contact with domenico.

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh, I'm fine. this shouldn't affect me. it could've been worse than this. I just have to hang on and try my best to get out.