It's been a week since that day, the day I met her.

I was going to tell my father about her but he's in Spain with my mother, They will be back in 3 days. I can tell him now but I want to tell him in person.

Word got out about Jacob's death and everyone was affected for about 2 days before everything went to how it was.

This is why I have high trust standards, everyone was all over him but when he died it took them 2 days to go back to their normal lives.

I dealt with the police and everything went as it always did.

Amber hang out with Levi or whatever his name is every single day which only added to my urge to fucking rip him apart.

I got her phone number from my sister, she gave it to her, but I haven't made a move yet.

Patience is the key to everything.

I didn't talk to her or do anything, I just watched what she did.

I often found her staring at me which added up to my ego. However she doesn't seem normal today, something is up with her.

she looks distracted and I don't really know....she is good at hiding her emotions.

" that's a good answer amber." The biology teacher said making me look at her.

She sat on her chair and let out a sigh.

She held her head between her hands and said " I will go to the bathroom." Before standing up and walking away.

I stood up and walked after her but I saw nothing but the empty hallways when I got out. I know I wasn't slow because it took me less than 10 seconds to come out which means she must've ran.

The hallway only has one end, I went there. all the classes are full so I continued walking till I reached the bathroom.

I got in not caring about the fact that it's the ladies'.

It's empty...

I jogged to the other hallway and saw a glimpse of her running out to her car. I ran after her and just as I was about to motion for her to stop she drove off.

I got in my car as fast as I can and followed her. I honked for her to stop but she didn't.

Whatever it is, it must be serious. She is not the one to act like this for something silly from what I know about her.

She pulled to the parking lot of a park and got out. I parked behind her and followed her while calling her name.

She turned around with tears in her eyes then turned around and walked away.

The fuck?

I went after her calling her name again but she ignored me and sat on a bench. I sat next to her and she said " just leave me alone will you?".

I put my hand on her shoulders earning a shiver from her.

"What's wrong?" I asked worryingly.

She put her hands on her face and said " the last thing I want is for you to act like you care, just leave me the fuck alone! You have the entire year to try your stupid games.".

I ignored her statement even tho it pissed me off because I have no reason to act like I care, I do.

"You don't look fine, I will go get you some water stay here." I said.

" JUST LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE! I BEG YOU! WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND A SENTENCE AS SIMPLE AS THAT? I. WANT.TO.BE.ALONE! I DONT NEED YOUR PETTY." She semi yelled semi sobbed as she broke into tears.

My eyes widened and I involuntarily wrapped my arms around her. She tried to push me away but I held her tightly and said " calm down please.".

She sobbed and took my shirt into fists then laid her head on my chest.

this kinda turned me on but She's hurt and it makes me want to burn the world down.

Last week was very busy, Jacob...the jerk I had a fight with died. No reason was given but everyone thinks I have something to do with it.

Normally police would've questioned me since we were in a fight but nothing. They didn't even come to our school or ask anyone.

which means he either died by a medical cause or was killed by someone powerful, I honestly won't be surprised if he was in a gang or messed with one.

The teacher's voice pulled me out of my trance when she asked a question. I answered it earning a praise that I didn't even hear then sat again and let out a sigh.

The dinner with Levi and my father went great and everything was till yesterday....

What happened is all I am thinking of and I can't help but feel hurt.

I usually have control over my feelings with everyone but I never knew I would need it with my own father.

The man who wanted nothing but my happiness.

*Flashback*

I am in my father's office looking for my gun, the one he took away because apparently I can't be trusted with one.

I opened the first drawer...nothing.

The second one....nothing.

The third one.....nothing.

The fourth one is locked.

It probably has it!

with that said I took the third drawer off completely which exposed what the fourth one has.

There are 3 envelopes and some photos.

My curiosity got the best of me so I opened the first envelope to see a letter....

That's my mother?...the woman I know nothing about.

She wanted me to know her yet I don't even know her name.

What did she mean by never wanted to be pregnant and forced to be? Did my dad force her to?

What does she mean be like her?

My father never told me anything about her. He ignored my questions as a kid and once I was grown enough, by that I mean 8 he said she left us.

I never hated her because I didn't understand why and I don't hate people without knowing their side of the story but this letter.....

I just can't understand how my loving father who always taught me to stand up for myself could possibly act this way.

Maybe he changed yes but it's not an excuse for keeping all of this from me.

The door opened and he walked in with a smile on his face. I looked at him with a frown trying to hold back tears.

I don't usually cry easily but all of this is too overwhelming for me.

Knowing that I was a mistake my father made and that he's not who I always thought he was is too much to take in.

His smile dropped as his eyes settled on the letter in my hands.

"Please explain this'" I intended to say but it came out as a whisper due to the lump that had formed on the back of my throat.

His eyes turned hard and he said " there is nothing you need to know." Sternly.

" really dad? This letter says that my mom wanted me to know her...it says that she didn't want to be pregnant with me which only leaves me with one assumption....." I swallowed the burning lump in my throat and a few tears fell down my cheeks.

I sobbed and continued " did you rape her? Am I a result of rape?".

His hard look got even harder and he said " you know what you need to know amber.".

I chuckled with zero humor and said " I know nothing dad, not even her name. I was okay with it and respected your wish of me not bringing the subject up because you made it seem like you were the victim. You made it seem like she hurt you that's why I stopped asking questions but now...God do I even know you?".

He clenched his jaw and said " go to your fucking room amber, I am not going to repeat my words!".

I sobbed again and said " I am not a kid dad, I need to know the truth! Who is my mom and what mistake was she talking about in the letter.".

"ENOUGH! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW AND THATS THAT!" he yelled surprising me and slightly scaring me because he had never yelled at me before.

"No dad what I know is not enough! I need you to explain this to me." I said as more tears ran down my cheeks.

He took long strides towards me and hissed " don't make me repeat myself more than I already did! Drop the fucking subject and go to your room.".

I shook my head and said " you not answering me only confirms my assumptions....I am a result of rape right? She said she loved someone else and you knew but still forced yourself-" but before I could continue a harsh pain shot my right cheek.

He slapped me....

I felt a metallic taste touch my taste buds as a buzzing pain erupted the corner of my lips and my cheek filled with a burning sensation.

More tears welled up in my eyes and I didn't even want to look him in the eyes.

I don't want to see the kind of things I am thinking in his eyes...the eyes I once considered my safe place and home.

I chuckled with zero humor and said " what a great way to shut me up." Before leaving his office with the letter in my hand.

I got in my room and locked it then slid down the floor. I let out all my tears and the urge to just scream increased.

All my life I respected him and listened to every word he said. I respected his decisions even tho some hurt me, all because I love him and out of respect.

I never asked a single question about my mom after he told me she left us because I thought he was the victim, I thought he was hurt and thought mentioning her would hurt him more.

It hurt me to see other people with mothers and me not even knowing who mine is.

Being rumored of being a daughter of a slut or out of an affair.

Seeing other kids make Mother's Day cards while I watched not being able to make one because I don't even know the name of mine.

I took all that in because I didn't want to hurt him by asking about her.

I don't even know who that man is anymore.

*end of flashback*

I put my head between my fingers trying to soothe the unbearable pounding in my head at the flashback.

" I will go to the bathroom" I said before standing up and walking away.

I can't stay without crying anymore and I don't want anyone to see me this way. I am in no state to face anyone right now.

I ran out to the other hallway and out to my car. I got in and drove as soon as I turned the car on.

What makes things worse is that he made no effort in talking to me or even apologizing or explaining what he did.

I tried to avoid him but I saw him once, he gave me a cold look and walked away.

I took my phone out to call nathan because he's the only one who knows what to say, to my luck his phone is off.

I sobbed and pressed on the petrol increasing the speed of my car because someone is honking probably because I am slow.

I arrived at the park I've seen a few times going to school and parked my car in the parking lot which is in front of the gate.

I got out and heard the screech of a car, the familiar voice that I've been avoiding and him the same called my name.

I turned to see Carlos standing there with a frown. The last thing I need right now is him trying to pull a game on me.

I turned back and ignored his calls hoping he'd just leave.

I sat on a bench and not even seconds later he sat next to me adding to my anger.

" just leave me alone will you?" I said trying to maintain my tears because I hate crying in front of people. Specially him.

He put his hand on my shoulders making me shiver at the contact.

"What's wrong?" He asked worryingly.

I put my hands on my face trying not to break down and said " the last thing I want is for you to act like you care, just leave me the fuck alone! You have the entire year to try your stupid games.".

"You don't look fine, I will go get you some water stay here." He said getting on my last nerve.

What part of I want to be alone didn't he understand?

" JUST LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE! I BEG YOU! WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND A SENTENCE AS SIMPLE AS THAT? I. WANT.TO.BE.ALONE! I DONT NEED YOUR PETTY." I yelled at first but the rest came out as sobs and I broke into tears.

So many emotions are roaming my heart and I just don't know what to do. I felt the lump rise to my throat and more uncontrollable tears escaped my eyes.

I can't put a tough act on, not this time. I am tired, truly tired because this is the last thing I expected myself to go through.

I felt his large arms around me hugging me, I tried pushing him away but he held me tightly and said "calm down please.". making me feel some comfort and at ease.

I stopped trying to push him away and laid my head on his chest wanting to just disappear and forget I ever read that letter.

He rubbed my back up and down and said "it's gonna be okay.".

His words only make me want to cry more because I will never be the same. I will never see my father the same and I will never feel the same.

To some I might be overreacting but that's my whole existence in question. that's me not knowing the woman who gave birth to me. Me not knowing the man who raised me and taught me everything I know.

At this point who carlos is doesn't matter, seeing my weakness doesn't matter. All I care about is the way a stranger is comforting me whereas the person I've known my entire life has caused me this much pain and doesn't even care.

I dug my head in his chest and poured my heart out.

" everything will be okay, just calm down." He said with worry in his voice.

I shook my head and said " nothing will be fine, I am tired..." As another sob escaped my lips.

I felt his hands go under me and soon he scooped me up and placed me on his lap with my head still on his chest.

His hand found it's way to my hair and he started playing with it which made me relax a little. we stayed like that me crying and him holding me tightly and playing with my hair.

——————

I don't know how long it's been but I am tired of crying, my whole body hurts and I am exhausted.

I really am both mentally and physically.

Carlos hadn't said a word which I appreciate and is still holding me tightly and playing with my hair.

I can feel my eyelids getting heavy and my uneven breaths returning to their normal rate. I soon after closed my eyes and let my mind take me to it's depths.