~ Sweetest Devotion (25)

held my breath as I watched her beautiful eyes wander around my face, frequently jumping from my lips to my eyes. I wanted to kiss her, to devour her lips before I lost my mind. It almost seemed impossible for me to go a minute without thinking of her soft lips since the restaurant.

And now here I was, asking for her love. I knew I was being stupid as I was saying it to her. I was confessing feelings that needed to be complied and drowned in a never-ending ocean.

"Say something," I whispered a plea, trying to coax an answer out of her before the negative thoughts in the back of my mind about this all going wrong too soon took the front seat.

Then, she smiled. It was so precious, that smile of hers. It brightened up her whole face and radiated this contagious lightness to the rest of the room. My lips turned up at the sight of hers and my heart sped up at the beauty that sat before my eyes. "That has to be one of the sweetest things that have been said to me in my entire life."

I chuckled, because it was the sweetest thing I have ever said to a woman in my entire life. Sure, there were many romantic interests, but none that felt this way. There wasn't a woman that took the front of my thoughts regardless of the fact of how little I know her. There wasn't a woman who had a smile that lit up my whole being. There wasn't another woman with the smile of Adele's and for the first time since I took notice of it, I started to think that maybe living forever isn't so bad after all.

However, that in itself is a whole other issue, because it's why Adele and I shouldn't happen. I would surely outlive her and it would be excruciatingly painful to not grow old with the woman that I love, to outgrow my own children if we were to have any. Hell, I'd outlive my great grandchildren. What kind of a life would that be? Of course, it would be an enjoyable one for the first decades, but then time would start to take toll. It would take away all that I care about, all of my reason to exist and that would be even more of an anguish than the pathetic life I lived now.

When she reached to grab my hand, pulling my focus to her wide eyes, I saw her sweet smile that stood unaltered. "I do want to try with you, Harold. You need to know that."

I nodded uncertainly. "Is there a 'but' coming?"

She giggled, smoothing her hand on top of mine and lightly rubbing circles on my hand with her thumb. "No, there isn't. You've got nothing to worry about."

I almost laughed. That had to be the understatement of the year. I mean, I couldn't blame her. She didn't know of the secret that I hid so well; she didn't know how easily it could tear us apart. But I knew. I knew and that left some undeniably heavy weight on my shoulders. "Can I ask you a question?"

She shrugged freely. "Of course."

I pondered on whether to go forward with my question. Finally deciding to go through with it, I said, "what do you think is really going on between us?"

Her smile waned, the circles she drew on my hand coming to a halted stop. "What do you mean?"

"We've talked about this before if you remember. There's something between us that shouldn't be there this early. I was curious if you knew what it was."

"Harold, of course I don't know what's going on," she spoke almost dismissively, her smile returning. "If I did, I'd put it in a bottle and sell it online."

Now that got a loud chortle out of me. "And why would you do that?"

"Well," she feigned a thinking face, "we met a week ago and this all happened. Do you know how many people would kill to just feel what I feel for you right now just once?"

Quite taken back by her statement and question, for that matter, I blinked a couple of times to regain my posture. "Many would, love. I don't doubt that for a second. I just have a small worry, that's all."

"What is it?"

I studied her calm features for a second before deciding that I should just answer her. "I'm worried that maybe this is pure physical attraction."

"Well, of course it is," she laughed.

"No, that's not where I was going," I rebutted, "I was talking it about it being completely lust."

"Oh," she let out, understanding my point.

I saw it in her eyes that she was starting to think about what I had just said. I feared that she would overthink it and cause problems for herself that were avoidable. "Yeah, but that's not something that you need to worry about. It's not something even I should worry about. It's just a small thing that my mind is obsessing over for no reason."

Nevertheless, I knew why my mind was obsessing over that one small problem that wasn't even a problem to us yet. I was scared; I'll admit that. I was scared, because if I fell for her and decided that her love was worth the miserable life I'd put her through and the torturous years I'd have to live after her and she rejects my love for her, it would hurt like a bitch.

And I wasn't ready for that.

She took in a deep breath. "I don't want you to worry about anything that could happen to our relationship, okay? I mean, why can't our relationship be as non-problematic as most relationships are?"

Of course, there were many reasons why our relationship can't be as non-problematic as most relationships are. I wish I could explain to her what they were. I wish I could give her the excessively detailed terms and conditions of being with me, so that she could understand what she was really getting herself into. I wish I could give her the chance to run, but if I was being honest with myself, I was glad that she hadn't gotten the chance to run. I was glad that she was with me. I was glad that for now and until she or life decides to end our united paths, Adele was mine.

Knowing that, I smiled proudly and reached for her, holding her face gently with both my hands. I leaned in closer and closer, but allowed for a couple centimeters to lie between our lips. "I'm not worrying about anything that could happen to us, love. I'm just glad you're with me," I whispered, catching a light sparking in her eyes. The amount of joy that radiated from her smile and her green orbs overjoyed me. "I'm just glad you're mine and I yours," I finished, unable to resist the urge to be as close to her as I can possibly get.

And so I laid my lips upon hers, catching them with a passion I didn't know I had within me.