I debate with myself on what I should and should not bring with me. I stare at my nearly empty bag and my dresser drawers with heavy shoulders. Nothing seems necessary in the grand scheme of things, but I pack some of it anyway, just to be sure.

Maybe they'll come in handy. I eye the cashmere sweater in my hands. It's one of my favorites, but it's so loose now that it hangs off my body like a sheet. Another obvious reminder of my condition.

Squeezing my eyes shut I shove it in my backpack and zip it up without a second thought. It's easier to disguise my body in the winter when I'm wearing baggy jackets and big coats. I thank the Goddess that I was at least granted that mercy.

I observe my bedroom and think about how much I'll miss my bed and covers and books. The peaceful mornings. The warm nights.

I'm heading out into the unknown, and I should be terrified. Oddly enough, I feel better than I have in a long time. I have hope now. Hope for the future.

I close my bedroom door and rush down the stairs as fast as my weakened body can take me. I say a silent thanks that Dad's not here to ask any questions of me. That's all he's been doing lately is asking questions. He's noticing the change in me and his suspicions are growing.

I have to get out of here. I need to find my mate.

My whole life is withering away in the mirror. I know deep down that I'll be dead before the snow melts. Winter still has a few months, but I'm not sure how much longer I have.

Even knowing that, and knowing that I could likely fail trying to get to Keifer, it's still my last chance. Even if I die on the way there, at least I'll have tried.

If I can have a happy life with my mate, I have to try before it's too late.

My boots crunch in the snow as I close the back door with effort, pushing the screen through the thick fluff of white. I exhale, my breath fogging in the frigid air.

"Opal." I leap at the sound of my name, darting my head around, my neck scratching against my scarf. Rhiannon stands nearby. Her eyes are dark with questions, and her long arms are crossed as she taps her foot expectantly.

I wasn't expecting anyone to show up. It's not exact great timing.

"What?" I wonder innocently, clutching the straps of my backpack down harder on my shoulders.

Rain lifts her eyebrows, shaking her head.

"Where exactly do you think you're going?" She wonders, motioning to my bag with her head. I pale, knowing I've been found out.

The desire to run back inside bubbles up, but I burry it away and take a deep breath. I have to take a stand. This is my life that's on the line, and Keifer's. If I died, he would go insane. I have to do this for him. For me. For us.

But how am I supposed to tell all of that to Rain? How would she even understand? Her mate accepted her right away, and as soon as she's shifted he'll mark her.

She won't let me leave if she discovers my plan. I clear my throat, ready to lie until my tongue falls off.

"Just to the cafeteria to get some breakfast." I murmur, playing with my fingers idly in my jacket pockets.

"I'm calling bullshit." Rain disagrees, pinching her lips.

I hadn't noticed before, but Rain is taller. A lot taller. She has to be past 6 feet at this point. I use the new information to my advantage.

"Have you shifted yet?" I wonder, and she clenches her jaw. She transfers her weight back and forth from one foot to the other.

"No, but it will happen any day. But you need to answer my question. Where are you going?" Rain demands, with a very no-nonsense tone. I open my mouth to respond when she claps back again. "And don't say that you're going to the cafeteria again. You don't eat anymore. You look emaciated. Your personality is dying. Your hair is thinning. I'm terrified, Opal! Terrified. What is happening to you?"

By the end of her interrogation there are tears in the lycan's eyes. I always thought Rain was so tough. Despite the age difference between us, I've always looked up to her. And now she's falling apart because of me.

"Rain..." I move forward a little, my backpack suddenly feeling too heavy.

"No, don't start with me. Just tell me what's wrong!" She says, rushing to wipe the tears away before they make it down her face.

I give up. I guess it's going to get out some time.

"My mate. I met my mate, but since he hasn't claimed me, I'm... I'm dying Rain. That's why I'm like this. That's why I have to leave. I have to go find him." I admit, my voice breaking along with my heart.

Rain's mouth drops open, and she covers it with both hands. I take a deep breath, trying not to cry too. I barely have enough energy to walk out of this pack with my head held high.

"I didn't know, oh my Goddess, Opal. I had no idea. I'm so sorry." She rushes out, shaking her head as her face crinkles with worry.

She's only 16 years old, but she looks so much older now. I'm shocked she's even older than me.

"I know, but don't blame yourself. No one knows, not even my Dad." I say in a hushed voice as if talking about him will summon him here.

My young lycan friend continues to sniffle and rub at her nose as I warily scour the treeline with interest. I already have the closest route to the pack boarder mapped out in my mind. I need to leave as soon as I can so I can get far away before Dad decides to come after me.

"So you're leaving? Do you even know where he is?" Rain asks, and I stare at my feet. Something her voice tells me what she suspects.

"I do. And I think you know too." I murmur, glancing up at her for a scant second. Horror and realization shines in her red eyes.

"Keifer." She whispers.

I bite my lip, wondering if I should confirm it or not. I picture my mate, wondering what he's up to, wondering why he hasn't answered my last letter. It's been weeks since I've heard from him.

Screw it. I'm leaving anyway, I'm dying, telling one person won't hurt, will it?

I nod my head slowly. Rain gasps.

"How long have you known?" She whimpers, taking an unsure step towards me with her hand held out like she wants to comfort me with her touch. I flinch away, hugging myself. Physical contact makes me antsy when it's not from my mate.

"Since the day I met him."

We both just stand there in the morning chill, staring at each other as she soaks in the new information.

"I can't just let you leave. We can tell my Dad, he can do something about this." She offers, but I'm already shaking my head before she can finish.

"I can't do that. Keifer told me not to tell anyone." I sigh, wishing I never made that stupid promise all those years ago.

Fury is born on Rain's face.

"Why the actual hell would he ask that of you?" She demands, the sheer anger in her voice startling me.

I shrug, growing tired of this conversation.

"I don't know." I say honestly, because I really don't know. I try not to think about it too deeply. Is he ashamed of me?

The question grows in the back of my head, spreading through my head like a rotting disease. I feel like I'm shrinking, decomposing, becoming so insignificant.

"That asshole." Rain huffs, rubbing a hand over her hair. "You can't go out into the human world though, Opal, especially by yourself. It's dangerous out there. You need to stay in the pack where you're safe." She reasons, and I press my lips together.

"Human's are not dangerous, I can handle myself. I'm stronger than any human."

Rain nods, but continues her argument.

"That may be true, but they can team up. Like any species, they're stronger in numbers. There are plenty of humans who are a threat to our kind." She tries to reason with me, but my mind and heart are set firmly.

"I'll be in my wolf form most of the time. I'll travel through the woods and stay away from the towns. I'll be fine." I say with more confidence than I feel.

I've never been outside of a pack, besides the time that I was taken here by my Dad. My parents were killed by rogues, my old pack ripped apart. My Dad saved me that day, and I learned just how dark the world can be. I've just never had to face it alone before.

It scares me, but so does death.

"Okay." Rain's broken whisper has my head snapping up in surprise.

"If you're going to go, I cant stop you. But, at least let me come with you." She begs.

My natural reaction is to scoff.

"Rain, you cannot come with me, you're about to shift." I insist, and she clicks her tongue as if she had somehow forgotten.

"That's right. Damn it." She snaps. Despite myself, I smile. I'll miss Rain.

She moves forward to give me a hug, pulling me tight to her chest and sniffling sadly in my ear. I pat her back awkwardly. Rain finally pulls away and wipes her nose with the sleeve of her shirt.

"It's like hugging a damn skeleton." She mutters. I cringe. My withering body isn't going unnoticed apparently.

"Good luck, you'll need it. Be sure to call me as much as possible. And be safe." She makes me promise, tears already shimmering in her garnet gaze.

I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe she's actually letting me leave.

I turn to walk towards the woods, ready to embark on my journey. I cling to my bag, hoping it will give me balance when my brain suddenly turns on, and I stop dead. I turn quickly. Rain is still standing there, watching me go with tears streaming down her pretty face.

"Tell my Dad that I love him, and that I'm sorry." I call out to her. She simply nods. I nod back.

"I'll be back soon. I promise."

I only wish I believed myself.

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If you're reading this, you are brave :)

Thank you for taking the time to read, comment, and vote. It means a lot to me❤️

I will try to have another chapter up soon. I'm trying to get myself back into writing. I love with all my heart, but sometimes it's hard to do it when I'm not feeling up to. I hope you all can understand.

Love you, and see you soon!