It was so foreign. I hadn't kissed anyone in three years. The feeling was forgotten in my mind.

After about five seconds I pulled away to look at him, as much as I didn't want to pull away. I honestly could have stayed like that with Niall all day.

"Does that answer your question?" he asks. I manage to nod. "Look, I'm sure you don't want a boyfriend. I understand if you don't. I just couldn't stand to wait another day without you knowing how I really-"

I kiss him again, mid-sentence, to shut him up. I pull away, smiling at him. He looked very shocked.

"Okay...I'm confused," he declares. I giggle and roll my eyes.

"Goodnight Niall," I say, turning to go back to bed.

"Wait," he says, grabbing my wrist gently. "What are we now?"

"I don’t know," I say shrugging. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see." I smile sweetly at him before climbing back into bed. I fell asleep to silence.

I didn't need Niall to sing to me. I didn't need to stay awake all night. I just slept. Like a normal person.

How? Why? What?

I had a nice dream I suppose is the reason. That's my theory at least. All my others had been nightmares or involved someone dead from my past like my parents or Jake.

This dream wasn't a nightmare. It didn't involve anyone that brought back painful memories. I don't know what it was. Maybe it could be a shot of the future. Whatever it was I liked it. I liked this dream. It didn't frighten me or traumatize me or leave me in tears.

So for the first time in a long time I got back to sleep on my own. With no one's help.

As much as I love Niall's beautiful voice, falling asleep to silence after waking up from a dream is something I don't get to do often. And I liked the change in routine.

~~~~~~~

"GOOD MORNING HAPPY WORLD!" I hear Louis' voice ring out through our hotel room.

"Go away," I mumble, covering my head with blankets.

"Niall why are you on the couch? Any who, GET UP! We need to leave for the tour!" he jumps on my bed as he speaks. I groan. "See? Even Niall's up now. COME ON LEXI! You're the only one."

"Ugh. Louis!" I move my leg, tripping him. He falls onto the soft bed, glaring at me. "That's what you get for waking me up."

"Psh. Fine. I'll let blondie wake you up from now on. We leave in an hour. HURRY UP!" he yells cheerfully as he hops off my bed and leaves the room. I hear Niall chuckle. I cover my head with my blankets again, closing my eyes. Just five more minutes...

"Lex," Niall's Irish accent makes me open my eyes again. I could hear that he was close now.

"What," I say from under the blankets.

"Please get out of bed," he says nicely.

"I'm tired."

"You're gonna suffocate under those blankets." I sigh and move the blankets from over my head. I discover Niall is inches from my face, smiling at me. I smile back at him.

"Hello," I say.

"Hi." After a moment he pecks my forehead. "Time to get up!" he cheers, walking over to his side of the room again. I smile and roll my eyes, deciding to finally get out of bed.

I shower and get dressed in a purple sweater with a white top on underneath. I wiggle into my dark skinny jeans and slide on my black shoes. My hair was in its natural blonde curls and my necklace hung around my neck, just like it always did.

I packed up my things and soon enough we were on the road. I made nutella toast for breakfast before we left though so I wasn't starving the entire ride to Virginia.

I remembered how I promised Austin I would call him on the bus ride so as soon as we were moving I pulled out my phone and headed to the back of the bus where the beds were. I dialed in his number and let it ring. He answered after the first ring.

"Hey Lex!"

"Hey! How's the job?"

"As good as it's gonna get. Not that anyone really cares. I'm more curious about how your show went! I looked it up on YouTube and you were amazing. Seriously, I am the proudest older brother right now."

I smile wide. "Thanks. It was so much fun! I can't wait to do it again tonight!"

"Good. Those boys are treating you well?" he asks in a serious tone. I roll my eyes.

"Didn't you ask practically the same thing yesterday? We've had this conversation before. Yes. The boys are great."

"Sorry. I'm just trying to protect my little sister."

I smile. "I know."

"It doesn't help that I haven't even met these guys yet and they're watching over my sister. I'm especially worried about that Niall kid."

"Lighten up. He's a great guy. Seriously."

"I'm sure he is, but I just want to get the chance to know him so I can make my own judgments." I roll my eyes.

"And you will. I believe Los Angeles is one of our stops. I think we go there in about two or three weeks so we can meet up then and I'll introduce you. But really, you don't need to worry so much. The boys all love me and Claire, and we're having a great time with them. Good guys, really." He sighs on the other end.

"Okay. I'm trusting your word."

"Good."

"Talk to you later. I need to get back to work. Don't give up."

"Don't give up. Love you. Bye."

"Love you too. Bye sis."

I press end and sigh.

Why is it that every time I talk to my brother our conversation ends up going back to the boys? Ugh. I know he just wants to protect me from getting hurt but he needs to give them a break! He hasn't even met them yet.

I open the door and see all five guys smirking at me. "What?"

"These walls are paper thin," Louis explains, still smirking. I roll my eyes.

"I'm guessing you heard that conversation then?" They all nod. "Eavesdropping isn't nice," I mumble plopping down on the couch next to Niall. I rest my head in his lap and put my feet up on the arm of the couch.

"Comfy?" he chuckles. I nod and smile.

"Very."

"So we are getting to meet your brother?" Harry asks, smiling.

"Don't get too excited. He's a bit overprotective of me and Claire," I say, giving a small smile. Claire's head snaps up at the mention of her name.

"Are you talkin bout Austin? Oh yeah! One time this guy went up to Lexi and, and he asked her if she had a boyfriend and Austin told him to go away or he would hurt him," she says, smiling brightly. I chuckle, remembering it. I feel Niall tense up. I look at him and roll my eyes playfully.

"Don't let him scare you guys. I wouldn't let him hurt you," I assure them. Niall relaxes a bit, but still seems unsure.

For the rest of the ride I try to get some work done on my laptop. I don't put in too much effort though because there was no way I could get it all done in the end anyways.

When we get to Virginia the boys do some interviews. Claire and I joined them back stage as always. They talked about me occasionally but not as much as they were when all that gossip was happening. By now the rumors had mostly been cleared up. Thank God for that.

That night was the concert. I was excited for my second show but not as manic as I was the night before. I go through the same routine again.

This time Kristy picked out a simple dress for me to wear. It was black on the top and white on the bottom. It was a bit puffy at the bottom but not like a marshmallow. A black ribbon was tied in a bow around the waist separating the black top and white bottom. It was really cute in my opinion.

I was allowed to keep on my necklace this time without any protest. I was happy about that, of course.

I had on a pair of strappy black heels. I liked them but I wasn’t in love with them. They went well with the outfit though.

My makeup was done perfectly just like before. My hair was in luscious curls. I looked stunning if I do say so myself. I guess the power of stylists is something you have to get used to.

I was nervous again, but not nearly as nervous as I was the night before. I pace back and forth as I text Austin.

Good luck tonight! xx tell me how it goes. Proud brother ;)

Thanks bro! :) Ahh so nervous. have to get going now. Don't give up xx

Don't give up. Love you bye xx

I take a deep breath and take a sip of my water. "Ms. Blake? You're needed. The show begins in ten minutes," a young girl says, popping her head into my dressing room. She looked to be about my age. I smile and nod.

"Okay. Thank you." She smiles and leaves. I rub my necklace between my fingers as I start for the door. I hear it open and shut before I can reach it. I look up and see Niall pulling me into a bear hug.

"You're gonna mess up my hair," I say into his shoulder. He laughs.

"Too bad. You nervous?" I nod. "Don't be," he whispers in my ear, still hugging me. It sends shivers down my spine. God, why does he do this to me?

"Remember, you can always kiss me to calm your nerves," he adds smirking. I giggle.

"How would that calm my nerves?"

"I didn't say it would work," he says, still smirking. I laugh. "But really, don't be nervous. You'll do just as amazing as you did the other night. I promise." He winks at me.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," I warn, wiggling my finger at him.

"But this promise I can keep," he says back.

"What if you can't? What if I mess up? Hmm?" I challenge. He grins.

"Then I'll admit that you're right." He pulls me into another hug. "Good luck," he says to me. "And by the way, you can kiss me anytime you want," he whispers in my ear adding a wink. I smile at him, liking the idea.

"Bye Niall," I say, smiling and waving to him as I leave the dressing room.

Wow so much for being cautious. We're practically a couple. I'm not good at this whole waiting thing. Part of me just wants to run up to Niall and kiss him and stay like that forever. I want to scream to the world how much I love him and tell everyone that we're together.

But part of me also wants Jake back. I feel like trying to move on is like trying to forget him. How can I forget someone who died for me? That's not right. I feel like I'm betraying him even though he's long gone and not ever coming back.

What would he want me to do? Would he want me to do whatever makes me happy? If that's the case then I would happily date Niall. But what if he wants me to remember him forever? What if when he died he thought 'I never want her to forget what we shared' and that's why he lost his life for me?

There's so many things to think about before just diving into a new relationship. And it's not like I haven't already spent hours trying to figure these things out, but I feel like I'll never be prepared to date someone else because that part of Jake will always be there. I can't forget him. It's not possible. I can always move on, but I can't forget. A part of me will always love him and if I were to date someone else I would feel guilty.

I sigh as I step onto the rising platform or 'elevator' as they call it. I take a deep breath and prepare myself. I clutch my mother’s necklace in my hand as I rise up. I let go just as I come in view of the audience. The music has already started playing and my time to start singing was coming up. I take another deep breath as I begin to sing the words of Hear Me by Kelly Clarkson.

The nerves were gone. It's funny how they just magically disappear like that. It's like...natural.

I finish the song with a huge smile on my face as I exit the stage just like the night before. I come backstage and wrap up my little sister in a hug, amazed that I even get the chance to do something like that onstage after how bad things used to be before meeting the boys. They seriously changed my life and I will be forever grateful to them.

This routine goes on for about a week or two. I sang each night before the boys perform and the crowd got louder and louder with every show. I loved every hour, every minute, every single second of it. It was a remarkably dramatic change for me. One day, I’m taking pictures, hating my job, and the next I’m doing what I love.

We traveled across the states doing the same things every day, but somehow it didn't seem repetitive. I enjoyed it. Every day we found some way to make things exciting and interesting. The boys always knew how to have fun, which I loved about them.

Eventually the time came where we were nearing California. Niall and I still weren't officially 'dating'. We were like best friends who occasionally kissed....

Strange, right?

Yeah, I know.

Austin would be asking questions once I introduced them and I didn't know what to tell him. I'm sure if I tried to explain our relationship now he would assume Niall was taking advantage of me or something and kick his ass. Which isn't the case at all.

In fact, it's my fault we aren't officially together. Niall has brought it up a few times over the weeks, asking what our current 'relationship status' was. I kept telling him I didn't know because I honestly didn't.

"Whatcha thinkin about?" Niall asks, playing with my hair. We were sitting in our hotel room in Phoenix, Arizona. We were lying on the bed together, watching TV. Well, I wasn't really watching. I was thinking about tomorrow. My head was rested on his chest and his arm was around me.

"Tomorrow we go to California," I point out.

"Yeah?"

"You're going to meet my brother," I emphasize, looking up to see his reaction. He tried not to show emotion, but I could tell he was nervous by the way he tensed up. I chuckle. "Don't be afraid of Austin. I won't let him hurt you," I assure him.

"You're sure?" he asks, looking down at me. I smile and nod.

"Besides, it's not like we're dating."

I hear him sigh.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

"Nothing."

"Liar," I say, poking his cheek. He gives a small smile.

"Really, it's nothing."

I frown at him.

"Niall, I'm not gonna take 'nothing' as an answer. What's wrong?" He doesn't answer me. "Is it because I brought up the fact that we aren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend?" He stares at his hands.

"No," he mumbles.

Lies.

"I'm sorry, okay? I just...need time. I don't want to say yes to you when I'm still not over Jake. I couldn't hurt you like that..."

"I get it. I'm not trying to rush you. That's why I haven't really brought it up much. But how long do I have to wait before I can call you mine? It's killing me, Lex. I understand it's hard for you but he's never gonna disappear from your mind. You can move on now or you can wait for nothing to happen. It'll still be the same."

I didn't know what to say.

"Can I just ask you a question?" he asks. I nod. "Do you love me?"

"Yes," I respond without hesitation.

"Then that should be it. I love you and you love me. Neither of us is taken by anyone else so there shouldn't be a problem."

"There's more to it than that."

"There's always gonna be more to it than that!" A moment of silence passes between us. "I love you, okay? And I'm willing to wait, but I'm just saying some time the press will find out. Somehow. They'll snap a picture of us kissing or...something. They always manage to find out stuff. And when they do the questions will start. Are you or are you not dating. We're gonna have to give them an answer, Lex. If we say no and keep doing...whatever it is we're doing....then it's suddenly reported as a 'scandal'. When that happens you're going to have to make up your mind."

I bite my lip, not sure how to respond. "I've already made up my mind,” I tell him. He raises an eyebrow questioningly. "I love you. I want to be with you. I never would want to lose you, especially over something stupid like what you just described, but I don't know what's gonna happen and...." I trail off.

"And what, Lexi?"

"And...I'm scared," I say softly. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my head.

"Why are you scared? You know I would never hurt you..."

"I don't know. Neither do you. I know you would never mean to or try to hurt me purposely, but no one knows what will happen in the future until it happens."

He looks me in the eyes. "Do you know how much I hate it to see you cry? I would honestly do anything I possibly could to keep you from shedding another tear and if I was the one who caused your tears you can't even begin to imagine how horrible I would feel..."

I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his shoulder. He hugs me closer to him.

"I just can't afford any more pain or heartbreak in my life..."

"I would never cause you that." I wanted to believe him. "Please..." I did believe him.

I take a deep breath and look into Niall's eyes. They were begging me to say yes. His sparkling blue eyes looked so...kind. Innocent. Trustworthy. Needing.

Like if I didn't say yes he would break down.

Niall knows my past. He knows how terrible my life is -or was- right? He wouldn't hurt me. He's not heartless enough to do that. He's the opposite of heartless. He gave me a home, an amazing job, a whole new great life in general.

Heartless people don't do that.

It took me awhile to completely realize it, but I love him. Not just what he did for me. I love Niall Horan. The person that he is. Not for his fame or his money or his connections. I love him for his caring personality. His kindness to everyone. His fun attitude. His care-free outlook. All of the little puzzle pieces matched up in one.

I love him for him.

Everything put together.

Sitting there for what feels like ages I finally decided my answer. I was deciding right now if I was ready or not. I'll never be more ready for a relationship than I am now. I take another deep breath.

"Okay," I say. Niall's face brightens up.

"Okay?"

"Okay. I love you, Niall. And I don't want to wait any more. I want you to be my boyfriend," I say, smiling.

He looked so happy that I thought he would burst.