Another day of existing. Lunchtime, a proper way to fill the emptiness in my soul. I walked past Tsukkishima and Yamaguchi talking again to get my drink which was chocolate milk and the only chocolate-flavored drink available.

"What are you so insecure about? just talk to them, they're just girls," Tsukkishima said nonchalantly.

"Well, I would but most girls always talk to me because of you. They don't like me you know tsukki" Yams said brushing his hand on his head as he looked down sadly.

"Bullshit," you thought to yourself. There was no way girls he can't literally see how much of an awesome person he is. He is literally the embodiment of strawberries on a cool summer afternoon.

Thud

I bend down to get my drink and feel my backbone crack. I peak at Yamaguchi. There is no way he doesn't know how much he is worth. Well, I would know obviously since I have been watching him like a hawk aka pseudo stalking. I have to admit it was curiosity at first but the more I watch him, the more I can't help it but fall in love with him. You don't see guys that don't act tough, show tenderness and try their hardest.

Well, when I went to one of Yamaguchi's matches to do more "research". I watched him try so hard and to someone else, it may have seemed like he sucked but I knew. I knew how much he tried, he went above his comfort zone to that. Sometimes some people view certain things much harder than others would but the fact they are trying to go out of their way to their best. It was so admirable. Different hells for different people.

Then I started sneaking and watching him practice. I would walk past the convenience store and i would still see him practice. That.. that made me want to be better, work harder, and try like him. I wanted to be a better version of myself and that's when I realized I loved him when he made me want to be a better person.

And now since I unbelievably have a crush on someone, I've been always trying to somehow be close to him even though I don't dare to talk to him. Most people tell me I look hard to approach and look like I want to murder someone.

And I'm not sure how this love thing works. So you tell your crush you like them so you can get heart broken into a million pieces? No thanks. I rather just keep this to myself, because he would never go for a girl like me. Why try? when I know I will be rejected. He would be interested in those soft girls, I'm more of a 'weird not sure I exist' girl. I'm not trying to say I'm not like other girls but I'm trying to say I'm not the type to be wanted. There I said it. I may look stuck up but I don't really think I'm confident not when I'm in love. when you have a crush on someone, how can you even think that they would like you back?

Well, that doesn't mean I won't admire and support him in ways I can. I do love him after all. And that's how it began the days I would just stare at him and have a mental folder of what he likes and dislikes.