a week has almost gone by and we haven't told the others yet. smitty, kryoz, and grizzy are still here and i'm pretty sure they are also getting along with the idea that me and cam have been lying about our relationship. currently, i sat beside cam on the couch as we played minecraft on the xbox. "no! don't set my house of fire!" i yelped as he used the flint and steel to burn down a house i spent twelve minutes making. "oh my god! fuck you!"

"is that a threat or a promise?" looking around, i saw nobody else downstairs. most of the crew went out some place so the others could meet eden.

"it's a promise," i whisper and stare deeply into his eyes. his hand slapped down on my thigh and he squeezed as hard as he could, earning a squeal to fall from my lips. it didn't hurt one bit, but it startled me.

"and you both say you aren't dating." swagger shook his hand as he passed by the couch. my face turned a deep maroon from embarrassment. "i mean you're really not fooling anyone." looking to cameron, i could see the panic in his eyes.

"what do you mean?" cam asked.

"don't fucking lie to me. you can lie to anyone else, but me? nah, i don't put up with that bullshit. the matching rings, the obvious tension between the two of you, the crazy amount of time you spend together, the touching! come on dude!"

"what do you want us to say eric?"

"tell me the fucking truth."

"fine, fine!" i angrily shift on the couch to face him. "me and cameron are dating. there, is that what you wanted?" swags nodded his head.

"what was so hard about that?"

"everything."

-

walking in the rain, i felt my nails dig into the palms of my hands as the little drops beat against my black rain coat. it's been a while since i was able to see the rain. growing up, i found the rain to be the most comforting thing. it would pound against my window and roof, playing songs of nature. it was a perfect night when it would pour and pour.

"deep down, deep, deep, deep, down, i knew this was going to happen." i sniff to myself as i replayed the scene. i had most likely lost that connection me and eric had. knowing that made me feel so dark.

i'm sorry for my dumb mistakes. i need you to know my apologies are sincere, but before i say anything stupid on social media, i just want to thank you for being there for me when i needed you the most. you know who you are.

i wiped away the rain that hit my face as i walked the same direction the wind was blowing. i know i'm being selfish, but i need a little 'get away' i need to go back to oregon. just for a little bit. i can't stay here right now.

-

as i walk back into the manor, instant noise flooded into my ears. the guys were arguing about something, but i had no context to really understand what it was. "matt, calm the hell down!" cameron shouts as multiple people try to speak as well. "listen, th-th-this isn't any of your decision."

"bullshit! i think it is!" one shouts back. many voices talk over each other but stop once i enter the kitchen. matt pushes passed me and bumps my shoulder as he leaves the room with haste.

"what the hell is going on?" i question. everyone did some sort of sigh to show their displeasure. some hummed or widened their eyes. "i mean, i leave for 20 minutes and you all break?" damn.

"don't even start with us, audrey." swagger points, making his anger apparent. "for fucks sake."

"whatever. i guess i should let you all know that i'm leaving for a month. i'm going back to oregon. i need a break. and don't fucking call me selfish. i NEVER wanted to admit to it, but i've been depressed ever since that fucking camping trip and i can't stand it anymore. i need to get away." cameron slammed his fist on the island and shook his head. "don't follow after me." slamming down my jacket on the couch, i watched as the remaining boys shook their head.

"you can't leave, audrey, i love you, please don't leave me." bitting my lips, i feel the little bits of blood gush out. "please, audrey."

"i love you too, cameron. but i think we sped things up too quickly. i am just too overwhelmed."

-

for the rest of the night, i stayed in cameron's room with him. we watched a couple movies and spent time talking about our relationship. of course i wanted to be with him still, but just wouldn't work with me being in oregon. when i come back though, it's gonna be like nothing even changed. i know that people must think, if you really love each other- blah blah blah- but we both came to the conclusion that we rushed things. and when you rush things, it ruins the whole thing.

"goodnight, baby." i kiss his cheek for a couple seconds as i savor his presence. i was leaving before he awoke in the morning and i didn't tell him that. "don't forget about me." he shakes his head and whispers in my ear.

"never." his head leans against mine as he slowly drifts to sleep. a singular tear raced down my cheek as i felt the immense pain that flowed through me. i wanted so badly to not leave him, but i knew it was for the best.

"i love you so much." i say aloud, knowing he was asleep and not able to hear me. "i just want you to know that. it is so important you know that. because there are so many places i want to see with you, so many songs i want to show you, so many friends i want you to meet, so many little memories i want to tell you about." i close my eyes and felt a few more tears slip down my cheeks. "you were perfect. absolutely perfect. i could never ask for more...."

"we've been dating for two weeks, man. two weeks and we already say we love each other? i think that's what freaked me out the most. but i think i just need a month to myself. and trust me, a month isn't too long, but i'm about to say the most cliche thing ever, so feel free to scold me. a month without you feels like an eternity."

"from the moment i met you, there was a little part of my heart that opened up just for you. i know we didn't really end up talking until the last year me and matt we're together, but you are the person that made me realize i wasn't meant for matt. you are the whole reason i didn't stay with matt. the day where matt had me pour the lemonade but you stopped him and poured yourself a glass, that's the moment i realized i'm nothing to matt other than his pet. i didn't matter to him."

"i know i'm clueless, i know i'm a total airhead, but there wasn't a single moment where i didn't feel something for you. your smile just made me smile. and i remember the exact thoughts i had when i first saw you. i asked myself; why does matt have such cute friends? and when you admitted to being bullied, my heart broke a little. i couldn't grasp the fact that anyone would hurt you like that." i kiss his cheek once more and rub his bare chest with my hand. "i know how you said you were going to teach me how to love myself, but you already did. and if that's not enough, you reminded me that love isn't always bad and that it won't always end in heartbreak."

i try my best to move away without waking him up, and i succeed. "you are an dick sometimes. but you are a perfect dick." i chuckled to myself as i process what i just said. "i'm sorry for leaving you on such short notice, but i will be back, and you better be waiting for me."