once again, i sat in the old gazebo, but this time i was alone. i've noticed a change in myself after we got back from that camping trip. i'm not my normal self and it is really difficult trying to fit back into that old mold. when i was on that date with cameron i just felt so out of the norm, like i wasn't even the same person at all. maybe it is from the lack of sleep or lack of eating or something. thinking back, the only time i ever remember feeling simular was the the last couple months i was with matt. perhaps it is just a repetitive cycle or something. besides my current state, i think life is going alright.

"damn," i sigh and rub the palms of my hands over my face as i feel this sudden feeling of tiredness wash over me. i think something that makes me really down is that i base my whole life around the guys because i literally have no one else in my life other than my parents. i mean, ya, i have my older brothers, but they stayed in america when me and my parents left for melbourne.

"you sitting here all alone?" looking up, my vision was blocked with a tall man. he had a darker complexion and was decently skinny. i nod my head and gesture for him to sit down. "you look like you could use a stranger to rant to." i did but this whole thing was a little ironic. "if not, i will not be offended if you tell me to leave."

"where do i even start?" the man smiled as so did i. i began to tell my story on how everything has just been flipping and flopping around me lately. i even went on to explain how i feel a little odd. "so, there. there is my half an hour story full of twist and turns." the man chuckled lowly and clapped his hands together.

"damn, you should make a book about that shit," he suggested. "i mean, who doesn't love a love story that is very chaotic?" we sat and chatted for a little longer before i felt the need to get back home. "my name is jerome by the way."

"audrey," I nod and stand from the little bench. "any how, i should get going. it was nice talking to you, jerome." I smiled and grabbed my hand bag. i slide him a little white paper i had been doodling on that also had my number. "in case you ever need to rant."

_

walking into the manor, i saw all of the guys hussling around the house. there were bowls of some liquid that reminded me of punch and red solo cups sitting beside them. other bowls were being occupied by chips and mixtures of candy. "what is going on here?" i ask with a little chuckle. everyone turned to me and raised there eyebrows.

"shit, we forgot to tell you." matt shook his head and smiled softly. "a couple of our friends are coming in for a visit so we are throwing a small get together," he explained. i felt myself become a little tense at the thought. why did cam not tell me about this? was he embarrassed of me? i always think the most negative and its starting to get on my nerves

"oh! i don't want to intrude or anything. if i'm not invited that's fine." i understood boundaries and i didn't want to overstep any.

"no, you should totally stay and hang. even invite-uh- what's his name again?" matt inquired and set down the ps4 controller. "jack?"

"jehan," i answer. he nods and shooed away our conversation with a flick of his hand. "umm i don't think i will. but i guess i'll stay if that's cool?"

"ya, ya! totally." matt messed with his hair as he shuffled around the couch and took my bag from my hands. "i'll go put this in our little safe room." i nod and watch him scurry away. it was weird how even though it was their friends who were coming over, they had to hide their personal items.

"so uh, who are these guys?" i ask and sit in the kitchen upon one of the countertops. cameron comes over and whips open the fridge. he looked a little different but i couldn't decipher what had changed.

"friends we have been creating content with since 2016. we've met up other times as well but we haven't seen 'em in a while." matt went on to explain. "you'll like them, trust me."

"i watched a couple of your guys' old videos so i might be able to know some of their names."

"kryoz, smitty and grizzy." swagger peers into the room with his chainmail hiding his face. the names were familiar, i'm sure i had to of watched some videos with them in it.

-

once everyone had finally calmed down, i scooted closer to cam. i haven't really talked to him these past 2 days and i was starting to feel a little in the dark. swags nudges me and points to his head. i furrow my eyebrows and shake my head in confusion. i didn't know what he was implying. head? i mean i can think of a couple things but it doesn't even sound like swagger at all. "cameron, can we talk outside?" i ask. he turns to me and uncrosses his arms.

"sure," he sighed and stood from the couch. we walked into the backyard and closed the glass door. he seemed very reserved and put off a little.

"what's up? i feel like we haven't really talked all that much." i place my hand on his shoulder and feel him tense up a little bit. "you can talk to me, cam. always." shaking his head, he turned away from me and hunched over. an irritated groan fell from his lips as he ripped off his hat. he turned back around with a straight face. gazing up, i saw his bald head reflect the patio lighting.

"al-alr-alright-" he was stuttering and struggling to form a sentence. i just stared in awe at the man in front of me. for a moment, my heart began to beat insanely fast. but it became more rapid as the thought began to actually make sense.

did he have cancer?

"cameron..." i whisper out to him and caress his cheek. his hand fell over mine as he closed his eyes. "talk to me." i didn't want to make assumptions, there was so many other things this could be a result of.

"i shaved my head," he sighed softly. "i can feel your heartbeat in your wrist." my eyes widen as i realize he must think i'm disgusted by his new cut. "i know you're scared. nothing is wrong." i was glad he was reassuring me. there was some misunderstanding between us. "my family has a path of balding, so i thought maybe, why not fucking go bald?" he chuckled lightly as i removed my hand. thank god.

"i thought you were dying," i confess.