This was becoming more real as the days go on. I was more aware of my pregnancy now more than ever. I was starting to feel extremely tired now more often, and then there was the fatigue, the boob tenderness and a mass of other pregnancy symptoms minus the morning sickness-which I was thankful hadn't come yet. I was not sure how I would be able to continue hiding the fact that I was pregnant if that started.

Being two months along, I was still the only one who knew this- well that's except for mom. She was the only other person who knew. I hadn't even told Katie and Nora about it as yet even though we hung out quite a number of time since I found out. I was still trying to get use to the idea of becoming a Mom.

Mom had been trying to convince me to tell Lucas about it but every time I remembered how he was, and that he obviously still had issues, I know I couldn't break such news to him right now. I was scared of what his reaction would be.

I was already having a hard time being around him. Every time that he touched me, it was like I froze. It just felt so awkward. And then the next issue was when I was trying to be intimate with him and relax at the same time. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, it was like I had a fear of sleeping with Lucas. It was like I stupidly believed he'd be able to tell. But that wasn't all, Lucas and I had already came to a mutual and natural understanding of sleeping with each other before but now that I was pregnant, I felt so guilty watching him get the condoms. What was that going to do now? What was it going to protect against? I was clean and I could assumed that Lucas was clean because I had came to realize that Lucas wasn't careless enough to leave himself unprotected to catch anything. So the only thing we would be protecting against would be me getting pregnant, which somehow already happened.

How could I tell this to Lucas? And I couldn't just stop sleeping with him like that without it raising some suspicions or something. I just felt like I was in a really bad place. One night Lucas was trying to be intimate with me, and for the first couple minutes I had allowed him and also reciprocate his advances- you know, returning his kisses and touches- but even though things were somewhat going smoothly, it was up until the time when Lucas was pulled out a condom package that I literally freaked out and got out of the bed. I know Lucas had been getting suspicious by my actions but when he mentioned it, I lied to him telling him that I just had a bad flashback of when I was still working at Alfredo's. He seemed to buy it for the time and didn't press the discussion any further but how long was I going to be able to keep this up and keep this secret? If I couldn't find it in myself to tell Lucas about what had happened, I had to try get him to allow me to leave. I didn't think I could do this secret thing anymore. Lucas wasn't stupid and pretty soon he was going to put the pieces together. I knew that mom's family so wanted us to fly out to Barbados for a while, and I was actually considering it. I had told mom about it but I just needed Lucas to allow me to go without any issues.

I was currently serving drinks at the club and I wasn't feeling too good right now. I was feeling tired and a bit dizzy.

I decided to go get some air after serving the last sets of liquors. I went through the side door and went out back where most employees would go to smoke. Fortunately for me, no one was out here. I sat on a bench that was out there before leaning my head back trying to ease the dizzy and nauseous feeling.

"Everything alright with you?" I heard someone asked causing me to jump a bit with fright.

"Gio? Oh uhm... Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I just got a bit lightheaded for a second in there. Inside is a bit uh...stuffy." I replied after looking up and seeing him.

What was he doing out here? Did he follow me or something? Wait, if he saw me and followed me out here did that mean that Lucas was here also and may possibly be coming outside too?

"Uhm, is Lucas..." I asked looking towards the door.

"He's not here." Gio told me before coming to stand in front of me. "Are you sure you're alright? You don't look okay, and I've noticed this some days ago."

"I'm sure, Don't worry I'm okay." I nodded which was probably a bad idea because I was suddenly more dizzy and felt as if I was going to throw up any minute now.

This wasn't good, I couldn't allow Gio to see this. He would definitely pick up that I really wasn't fine.

"Right now, you're my employee and if you're sick and not feeling well, I have to be concern because that'll affect your work. I have to be concerned about my employees' health." Gio replied. "So if you're not feeling well, you tell me."

"No I'm okay now, I'll be right back in in a second." I said trying to get rid of him as quickly as possible.

No doubt that vomit was coming up any minute now.

"Amy, you look like you're turning blue." Gio said to me.

"Oh no..." I groaned before getting up and running over to one of the corners with trashcans and spilling everything out my stomach.

As I bent over slightly throwing up, I felt my hair being gathered and pulled back from around me. As I was sure that everything was out, I spit trying to get whatever left out of my mouth before standing up straight. Gio handed me a handkerchief before letting go of my hair.

"Thanks." I said to him as I took it and wiped my mouth.

"I don't know who you think you're fooling Amy but I'm not one of them. I know when a person isn't feeling well and I have a wife who often tries to convince me she's feeling alright when she isn't." Gio said giving me a look which made my heart skipped a beat before started racing.

It was like he was telling me he knew everything that was going on with me without actually saying the words. And that scared me. He couldn't know. If he knows then Lucas knows.

"I guess I was feeling sick from that shrimp dish I ate earlier." I tried playing it off ."It's probably bad shrimp but I'm okay now, promise."

"I'm taking you home, come on." Gio said to me before going towards the door we had came out through.

"Wait, but I drove Lucas's car here. I can't leave it." I told him.

"You don't worry about that, just give me the keys and it will be at the apartment." Gio said to me. "You're not exactly in any condition to work anymore tonight or drive home."

I felt uneasy with Gio driving me back. I was still scared of him but that wasn't the situation now why I was feeling uneasy. It was more because of the things he was saying to me, like he could see right through me and knew what was going on with me. I was probably paranoid but I couldn't help feeling that Gio had already figured me out and somehow knew about my pregnancy secret. The worst part about this too was the fact that he hadn't really said the words 'I know' or anything so I couldn't try to explain or deny anything.

Gio even told me about Lexi's first pregnancy and how it was his fault why she lost that baby all because he didn't know and allowed anger to overpower him. Lexi had told me about that but she had never really gone into details or told me that it was Gio's fault. While he told me all those things, I felt as if he was somehow telling me that he was aware about my pregnancy secret. And that if I difn't want things to go like it did with Lexi I should tell Lucas or something. I wasn't sure but that was the impression I got, which made me believe now that I was more paranoid than I thought.

"Thank you for taking me home Gio." I said to him once we were at the apartment complex.

"Amy, there are certain things you can't just keep to yourself. Especially when it comes on to you and you're health- how you're feeling." Gio said seriously. "If you're not well and there is something going on with you, I suggest you tell someone. Lucas is there, you can tell him too. I'm sure he's not as bad or heartless as you think."

"Okay," I nodded. I couldn't help but think that there was a double meaning to what he says. "Thanks again. Tell Lexi I said hi."

"Yeah. Carter is dropping off the car and keys later." He said to me.

"Alright." I nodded before opening the car door. "Goodnight Gio. Bye."

As soon as I was in the apartment, exhaustion came down on me. All I could do was take a quick warm shower before getting dress and going to bed.

****

I had gone over it in my head over and over. I was so close to start plucking off rose petals to come up with the final decision 'tell him?' or 'tell him not'. I hadn't thrown up again from the night at the club when Gio took me home but I was still feeling sick. I knew the longer I waited, the harder it was going to be to hide it from Lucas. So I decided I was going to tell him tonight and get whatever rage he was going to dish out at me out of the way sooner. Summoning what little courage I could find, I made my way to his office and knocked on the slightly ajar door.

"Come in." I heard him answered.

"You can do this Amy." I said to myself before letting out a shaky breath then entering.

"Hi," I smiled at him as I entered.

"Hey," he replied looking up at me. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, yeah everything is good." I nodded giving him a smile.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay now." I nodded "I was wondering if you were busy."

"Not really." Lucas said digging through one of the table drawers. "What's up?"

"Oh... Uhm, I wanted to know if you had time to talk" I said to him.

"Talk?" Lucas asked looking back at me.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I wanted to tell you something."

"Alright. Are you going to do so standing?" Lucas asked me.

"Oh yeah...no I just wanted to know if you had the time first." I said sitting down.

"So what's on your mind?" Lucas asked as he placed two guns on the table in front him and what looked to be a cleaning kit.

Seeing those guns in front of him on the table made me more nervous all over again. I had a lot of unpleasant experience with guns including one where I had witnessed my first real boyfriend getting killed. And the others all include Lucas, so I wasn't exactly calm or comfortable with seeing them out right now.

"You know what? Maybe...maybe I should come back another time." I said nervously standing up again.

"Come here." Lucas said noticing my nervous state after seeing the guns.

"Lucas I don't think..." I tried coming up with an excuse but Lucas cut me off.

"Amy come over here." Lucas said more commandingly.

Letting out a breath, I walked over to him slowly and hesitantly. The minute I was in front of him, Lucas patted his lap telling me to sit. Nervously and hesitantly, I sat on his lap sideways. As I sat down, Lucas reached over and took up one of the gun from the table. Having the gun this close to me had me breathing harder than before.

"Hey, relax." Lucas whispered near my ear before taking my hand and putting the gun in it.

"Lucas no, I don't want to..."

I tried protesting and tried to pull away my hands but Lucas closed his hands over mine causing the gun to be trapped between them.

I had no choice but have to be holding the gun in my hands like I was going to fire it.

"The only way for you to get over your fear is to conquer it." Lucas said to me. "The gun can't harm you on it's own. Now it's in your hands, you have control over what it does or what it can do. So just relax okay."

Trying to get my breathing under control as I watched the gun held in my hands, I tried to calm down.

"Now learn to conquer your fear." Lucas said to me. "See, the gun won't harm you if it isn't pointed at you or loaded."

As he said that, he took out the loaded magazine and rest it on the table leaving me with the empty gun in my hands. Even though I was still scared of it, I felt much better knowing it wasn't loaded.

"What did you want to talk about?" Lucas asked caressing my hip.

"Uhm, can we talk about it another time?" I said to him.

I no longer had the confidence or courage to tell him what I had planned to before. I just couldn't bring myself to do it anymore.

"No, something is bothering you and you should tell me since you brought it up." Lucas said to me.

"Can I... Can I just put this down out of my hands?" I sighed as I put the gun back on the table.

"Amy, what's on your mind?" Lucas asked holding my chin and turning my face towards his.

"I don't want you to get mad." I said to him nervously not meeting his eyes.

"Why would I be mad?" Lucas asked me.

"I just... Please don't get mad." I said to him. "I want to leave."

"What?" Lucas asked in a frightening manner.

"When my grandparents were here, they told me I should feel free to visit them and the other family members back in Barbados." I told him. "I think I would like to take them up on that offer."

"Why now?" Lucas asked me seriously as he searched my face.

"I... I just think it's time I go for a visit and meet the other people in the Stewart's family. And I never travelled before, I just think it would be nice to go." I said to him.

"And your mother would be going with you?"

"No, it would be just me." I said to him.

"And how long would you stay? A couple days? A week?" Lucas asked me.

"I don't know. Maybe a while." I said to him.

"A while?" Lucas asked his voice obviously getting angry now. "Amy what's the real deal with you?"

"What? I'm not sure what you mean." I said to him as I stood up from his lap.

"You know exactly what I mean Amy. This obviously isn't just about you wanting to go visit your family. There is more to it." Lucas said to me.

"Lucas that's not..."

"Amy, do you think I'm stupid or something? I've been noticing how different you've been acting lately." Lucas said to me. "At first you couldn't get enough of me and then you started acting distance and start freaking out every time I touch you. And now you want to leave? Tell me what is that about?"

"I told you it's nothing. I've just had a lot on my mind." I said to him.

"Enough that you're now running scared of me?" Lucas asked. "Quit telling me bullshit and tell me what's really going on with you!"

"So what Lucas? I'm still your prisoner so I'm not even allowed to want to go out? I cant have an adventure or any freedom!?" I snapped at him.

"You and I both know that there's more to it than that."

"Lucas I don't want to be your prisoner anymore. I've been coping with it for months now and I've dealt with it because I didn't want you getting mad at me but I can't take it anymore okay!? I need my freedom! And you need to grant it to me because honestly as much as you've saved my ass more than once and you've been so good to me -which I really appreciate- you don't own me!"

"So that is it huh?" Lucas asked letting out a humourless laugh which chilled me to the core. "You're tired of putting up with me now so you want to leave?"

"Yes. I can't stay here with you any longer. I want to go. I need to go." I said to him. "It's like you're so consumed with the thought of always having control. You enjoy having that control over me but I can't handle it anymore, I'm sorry."

"Alright." Lucas said to me. "I'm not going to be the one to put you out and I'm not going to be holding you back anymore like I usually would. I trust you know not to be stupid. You should know what to and not to do by now. If you want to go, then go but just know that I won't be running after you to save your ass when you run into trouble."

"Don't worry. I think I'll be able to save my own from now on." I said to him.

It hurt me to make this decision but I had to do this. I couldn't be around Lucas much longer and keep this secret and I don't think he was ready to know the truth. It was best if I did leave.