"Amy are you still ignoring Matt?" Katie asked me.

"As you already know, we're no longer seeing each other" I replied.

"He called today to find out if you were okay... Five times. Five times Amy. The guy is really into you, I thought you were feeling him too. What happened?".

" Katie I did. But its over between us. I can't talk about it " I told her.

"Amy why not? I'm your friend, if he hurt you or something you have to tell me. I was the one who told you he was cool to go out with" Katie said to me.

"Yeah I know, and he is cool" I replied.

"Then why can't you give him another chance then? Are you scared of commitment or something?" Katie asked me.

"What? No... Yes I mean I don't know but that's not it" I said to her. "I'm scared of how things could get out a control when I'm with him".

"What do you mean?" Katie asked me.

Sighing and taking a deep breath I decided to spill what had be so closed off with the idea of being back together with Matthew.

"Katie, you know how I was hooked on drugs and always lost my mind to how addicted I was?" I asked.

"Yeah " Katie nodded.

"Well you know how I told you about me getting clean and how hard it was for me at first? I asked. "Well I don't want to start doing drugs again, I don't want to become an addict again. I already almost lost my mind".

" But you don't have to. You've been strong so far and turned Nora and I down when we asked if you wanted to joined us" Katie replied. "I understand what you mean, you want to stay clean, and I respect that. If you talk to Matt about it I'm sure he'll respect your decision too. Not because he's doing drugs means you're going to be doing drugs too".

"Well that's just it Katie" I responded. "The other night I slipped up and I indulged. I don't want to start being hooked again and if I start taking simple things now whose to say it won't led to me indulging in more serious drugs once more? I just can't allow that so that is why I broke it off with Matthew. As long as he's dealing with drugs, I can't continue to see him"

***

"What style can I do for you today?" The hairdresser asked as I sat in the chair.

"I'm not sure... Mom what do you think?" I asked turning to her.

"The sun really bleached your hair, you could get it rinsed back to a darker brown with lighter highlights" mom suggested. "And get the ends trimmed"

"How are you doing yours?" I asked playing with strands of my hair. "Maybe I could twin with you?"

"Unless you plan to get your hair cut right off to you shoulders? Approximately 12inches off?" Mom asked raising a brow.

"No way, forget it. I'm not cutting my hair. How about her first suggestion but easy on the highlights okay?" I told the hairdresser.

"Got it" he smiled at me before proceeding to get his things ready to wash, dye and trim my hair ends.

Today I had took mom from the nursing home again and decided I'm going to treat us both to a new hair do. Its been years since I've had anything new done to my hair, especially by a professional. I was the one who usually cut my hair myself or dyed it so with my paycheck I just thought that I could spare a couple dollars to get us proper hair do and treatment.

After the guy came back he decided to watch my hair first before bleaching it and color treating it. After he was done he got straight to mixing the different stuff and painting it into my hair before washing it once again. Then he rubbed some kind of oil or something in there before clipping up the ends and blow drying it. When he was finished my hair looked so new and healthy. Its been a while since my hair was this dark, the sun had literally bleached my hair until it almost had a blonde shade to it before, but now it was dark and shiny and seem to have a lot of volumes to it.

Mom was next in the chair and like she had said, she got a lot of her hair cut off until it was just brushing her shoulders. She had also got her hair rinsed to a darker shade brown it was almost black with lighter brown highlights.

Meanwhile her hair was being done we joked around a lot as I suggested that she should probably get her hair dyed a bright green or something. Mom hated green, it was the worst color yet to her. Why? Well she had said it reminded her of vomit. Don't ask what traumatizing green vomit experience she had, I couldn't tell but I just know she hated it.

After we were finished at the hairdresser I took her shopping, though mom was being stubborn and decided she couldn't buy anything and let me pay for it. We spent more than ten minutes bantering until she finally give in but only took up a single dress. I know she was stubborn and wasn't going to pick out anything else so I went ahead and unknown to her- bought two other blouses and shirt and a pair of jeans for her. When we got back to the nursing home thats when I gave them to her before leaving and of course she didn't have much of a choice then than to take them.

After saying goodbye I headed back home to get ready for work tonight.

~|~

"You haven't been by to pick up any of the new stuff from last week what happened to you? We even got call from persons who didn't get their regular drop off. What's up with that?" Jared asked me.

Jared was like the leader of the crew that I often did the drugs droppings and delivery for. I haven't been here in two weeks now and I came here today to informed him why.

"That stuff is no good man" I replied.

"What do you mean its no good? I tried some myself and it was pretty damn good" Jared laughed. "You taste must've got messed up bro, cause you tripping. My stuffs the best"

"Yeah bro, it's the same. Good as usual" Archie his lap dog nodded.

"I don't mean like that, it's good to try but I meant its no good health wise" I said to them.

"What?" Jared asked in surprised before bursting out laughing. "Are you for real now?"

"Dude, you joking right?" Archie laughed as well.

"Matt bro stop playing" Jared laughed.

"It's not a joke, I'm serious" I replied seriously. "I don't want to do this anymore, as a matter of fact I'm done with drugs"

"Jared I think he's serious bro" Archie said nudging him.

"I see" Jared nodded letting out a laugh. "Mattie, Mattie. What's gotten into you? You can't be serious right?"

"I'm dead serious Jared. I mean it I'm not doing this anymore I'm done so you can find another dude to take my place because I'm done handling drugs" I said to them.

"Matthew, you have any idea how much money you're going to be losing out on?" Jared asked.

"I know, it doesn't matter. I'll find another way" I replied.

"No you don't know" Jared said seriously. "Do you have any idea how much money I'm going to lose if you back out now?"

"You can always find another person to take my place. I can personally introduce you to someone new" I told him.

"Oh Matthew you have no idea" Jared said shaking his head and letting out a humourless laugh. "I always knew women can make men do crazy things and make crazy decisions... Its that girl isn't it?"

"What?" I asked in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

"Your little bartender girlfriend? The one with that cute ass and pretty blue eyes" Jared laugh. "She's the one who have you wanting to give up your life".

"Don't talk about her like that" I defended. "And I'm not giving up my life because dealing isn't my life".

"But it is" Jared replied. "And you can't just walk away from it like this because of some girl"

"No? Well watch me. Find someone else to do your droppings Jared because I'm done" I replied before turning and walking right out.