Me: G- Gon what's wrong? Why are you crying?

Gon: I should of died

Me: What?

Gon: *sits up* Killua I should have died so why didn't I?

Me: *frowns* Gon what the hell are you saying?! Did you want to die?!

Gon: Well-

He looks down tears flowing down his face. I relaxed my body without saying anything. Did he want to die? But why?

Gon: I'm the reason-

Me: You're not the reason for anything. Stop blaming yourself!

Gon: But that's all you do! You take the blame for everything!

He was right. I take the blame for everything. I couldn't argue that. But I only did it to make him feel better.

Gon: You blame yourself for not protecting me, you blame yourself for me almost dying. You blame yourself for-

Me: I get it ok! So what if I blame myself for a lot of things. It's true isn't it? The only reason that Illumi came here was because I said I wasn't going to kill you ok!

He doesn't look up or say anything. I'm a horrible boyfriend.

Me: I'm a horrible boyfriend and I'm sorry

Gon: *looks up at me* What? No your not

Me: Yes I am!

Gon: Killua

Me: No Gon you don't understand, I'm a horrible person I can't do anything right!

Gon looks away from me. Shit he's mad at me.

Me: Maybe your life would be better withou-

Gon: Shut up, just shut up!

Me: *frowns*

Gon: Yeah maybe I did want to die back there but the more I think about it the more I don't understand why I wanted to. I knew if I fought back that Hisoka would have killed me. The whole time I thought of you and what would've happened if I had died-

Me: Stop saying that you want to die already!

A tear falls down my face.

Me: You don't mean it ok! You're just saying that because you almost died ok

Gon: Killua I-

Me: No!

Gon: What's your problem? Why are you freaking out?

Me: Why am I freaking out?! Really? You said you wanted to die-

Gon: Yeah I know.. But-

Me: But what? Like I said if you had never met me you wouldn't be where you are right now! You wouldn't have had to go through everything that you have

Gon: Your right

I look up surprised.

Gon: I wouldn't be where I am right now, I would be a whole different person.

Me: ..

Gon: If I hadn't met you I wouldn't have grown as a person.

Me: Yeah but if we hadn't met-

Gon: Who cares Killua, you can't change the past

Me: Whatever

Gon: *takes deep breath*

Me: Hey if you uh wake up tomorrow and I'm not here um just know-

Gon: Your leaving? *looks a me with a worried face*

Me: N- no *looks away*

Gon: Please don't leave me again

That sentence made my heart sink. When he said that his voice sounded like he was going to cry again. I ball up my fists trying not to cry. Damn it. He doesn't need me hurting him anymore, if I wasn't in his life he would be much happier. He wouldn't have to worry about me or worry about anything.

Gon: *hugs me* Please

I sat there looking at the wall in front of me while Gon hugged me. Was I making the right choice?

Gon: Killua *pulls away and looks at me* You won't-

He looks at me with fear in his eyes.

Gon: Y- your gonna leave aren't you?

He said that as his voice cracked.

Me: *looks down*

Gon: Why?

Me: I- *looks up at him*

I stopped talking when I looked up at him. He was crying but he was scared. Why?

Gon: *shakes head no* No no, you can't leave

Me: What other choice do I have Gon?

Gon: Stay here! Why would you leave!?

Me: All I'm doing is causing you pain! Look at you! You're crying over me

Gon: Because I care about you Killua I don't want to lose you again

I said nothing. I knew I wasn't making the right decision. I should stay here with Gon but what if my father finds out that we're alive? What would happen then?

Gon: If you do end up leaving just know that-

Me: I won't leave ok

Gon: Really? You promise that?

Me: Y- yeah I pro- promise

Gon: *hugs me* Thank you