《The Dandelion System》Chapter 32

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I went to the castle often after that. Sometimes to talk to Otto inside the tower. Sometimes to ask if Princess Oda was fine.

One day when it snowed lightly again I couldn't find Otto. No one knew where he went. But I knew. It wasn't Otto, but I knew where he went.

I trudged around in the forest until I found him at the fountain.

"Oscar," I called out to him. He turned slowly, snowflakes landing on him, his eyes landing on me.

"Karlina."

"What are you doing?"

He turned his head up to the sky.

"I was thinking about things."

"What were you thinking of?"

"The Queen. The Kingdom. Otto. Oda. You." I smiled.

"Oda is busy as the new Queen," I told him. "She's going to be the third female to ever rule in Taraxac, and the second youngest to rule. It took a long time for the King's advisors to decide on it, but eventually they did because she has so many supporters."

"I always thought she was more suited for the throne than Otto or me," Oscar said. "She's stronger than us."

"Maybe. But she is scared too, although you wouldn't be able to tell. She always wears a mask so people can depend on her, and she supports them in return." He nodded.

"How are things between her and the Queen?"

"She hasn't went even once to see her mother."

"I see." He didn't sound surprised. "Is the King any better?"

"No, but everyone is sure Oda is replacing him permanently, not temporarily. It will be hard for the King to rule even if he recovers now because all the secrets have been revealed to the public."

"Oh." Oscar's face still didn't show any emotions. I wondered what he is thinking of.

"Oda has made plans," I continued, "for Otto to finally leave Taraxac, this place with bad memories. He's going to a village in the south, where the kingdom is less oppressive, under a new identity. I doubt he will be coming back."

"That's good," Oscar said, and started to walk. He turned back to see if I'm following. I laughed. Royals sure had something for having people follow them

"It is. It's really good." I had to force the next words to come out. "Oda wants me to go with him."

Oscar didn't reply immediately. I only heard the snow pressing under our boots, making a sound akin to that of something breaking very softly.

"That's good too."

The blizzard inside me grew. I tried very hard to keep the smile on my face.

"Yes, it is."

I didn't know where we were going, but I continued to follow him. Trees covered with snow passed by us, and the ground was perfectly smooth and white. It's like we were in the fountain, on the frozen water.

"It's a beautiful world, isn't it?" I asked. "I never realized how beautiful this world is."

"Me either." He stopped, and turned to me. "I never realized until the very end."

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His calm voice and steady eyes and the silence and stillness surrounding us scared me. It scared me so much, even more than when I was in the same room as a murderer. Is was a different kind of fear, an expected and unavoidable fear.

"Oscar?"

"When I was small I hated the snow." With each word he said, white clouds escaped from between his lips. "I remember once when I got lost in this forest during winter. That time the trees seemed so big and scary. The snow was so thick and cold. I couldn't walk, and I didn't know where to go, and there was only silence—my voice couldn't reach anyone. I was so afraid."

"What are you saying?"

"But now it's different. The snow is beautiful. I can see it now. The trees, too. The cold air feels calming. Even the feeling of being lost doesn't scare me. But maybe that's because you are here. If we got lost in this world together, wouldn't that be nice? I wouldn't mind if the end was now."

What he said should be making me happy, but I frowned and shook my head, not wanting to hear anymore.

"What do you mean, the end?"

"I'm finally going," he said. I shook my head again.

"What do you mean? You can't just go—what are you talking about?"

"Otto's getting stronger. Happier." The wind blew his long hair away from his face. I could, finally, clearly see his eyes, pained, but his lips are still smiling. "I suppose I was feeding off his unhappiness. That describes me perfectly, doesn't it?"

"Don't say that."

"What? The truth?" He laughed now, but it's hollow. Unlike his menacing laugh the first night we met. It's hollow and empty.

"I was terrible to you, wasn't I?" he asked." I was terrible to everyone, wasn't l? That's why no one loved me. I was always pitying myself, but I brought it upon myself."

"No—"

"I'm a monster."

"I love you," I declared.

"Don't."

"I love you!" I trembled all over, and he noticed it. He held his hands in front of him, like he wanted to comfort me, but didn't know how. "You never knew love! They never gave you love! But you've changed!"

My voice softened as I sob.

"Your touch is gentle, your kiss is tender, and your laugh doesn't scare me. You're not a monster. You never were."

He closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Karlina."

"Tell me, please," I begged, "that you aren't going."

"I am," he whispered. "But you can't cry, Otto will still be here."

"But you—"

"Thank you, Karlina." His face was no longer tense.

"Otto is a lot happier after he met you. He is happy because of you. He had lived a life of misery because of me, his crown, and his duties. He was always lonely, afraid, and didn't have anyone to protect him or anything to protect. But now he has you."

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His eyes were sincere, and I finally see that he was Otto's brother. He always was. He just didn't know it.

"You've freed him—you've freed me."

The wind stopped the moment he said it. The world slowed down. The snowflakes landed on him but didn't melt.

"I hate how sly you are," I said, trying to not be pulled in by his words. "You are making this sound like a happy moment, but it's not."

"It's not? Otto is happy. I'm happy." He laughed, this time almost like he's teasing me. "I think this is a happy moment."

"I'm happy because of you, so please, won't you stay?" I whispered through my cracked lips. His fingers crawled up my face before his hands caress my wet cheeks. I remembered the time we kissed in the forest. He had done the same; putting his warm hand over my cold cheeks—before leaving.

"I can't." His voice was unsteady again. "I want to love you, Karlina, but I can't. I want to love you in a body that is mine. I want to love you with a life that will not end. I want to love you—and never have to stop."

His voice wasn't only unsteady. It was broken.

It was the first time I've heard him cry, and his cries were so soft—so gentle. So sad.

"I can't love you in a borrowed body. I can't love you when I'm already dead. I can't love you if I have to leave you. I can't."

I pulled him onto me, and he rested his head on my shoulder, his sobs not ending. I could feel his tears, his warm tears, soak through the fabric and onto my skin. He was clutching my back, but his grasp was weak. His hands were shaking.

"Cry," I murmured. "Cry out all that you've been holding in all your life. I'll be here with you."

His tears are hot on my skin, and his breath is ragged as he sobs, cries, screams, and asks.

"It's not fair. Why did I die? Why did Otto have to suffer? Why couldn't we both be happy? Why? Why did it have to be like this? Why can't I be with you? Why can't I be with you forever?"

It hurts to hear his voice. Then he whispered.

"Karlina—why?"

I wished I could answer him. Answer all the questions the world gave me. Why Catalina's lover left her, why Oriana's father cannot love her, why Annabelle's sisters must hate her, why Tristesse, Lorna, and Priscilla must die. Why Aideen, Oda, and Otto were so lonely.

He dropped to his knees, and I followed. We both knelt in the snow, his head in my bosom, and my arms around his shaking shoulders. I rested my cheek against his hair and watch more snowflakes land in his hair, this time dancing slowly and calmly, swaying from side to side.

Life was full of these unanswered questions—life was a question itself—and we can't do anything. If trying to find an answer only gave us pain, then we should forget about it and live our lives to the fullest.

But what about someone who can't even live anymore?

"I didn't want to go in winter," Oscar said softly, hoarse from the screaming, "I wanted to see the dandelions. To feel the sun on me. To see the red leaves again. To live, again and again, and love this beautiful world forever. But now I understand that I'm like those ephemeral things. The world doesn't keep anything forever. Nothing is eternal. We are all dandelions in this garden."

Everything inside of me grew cold and the blizzard returned, stronger than ever. I clutched at him. My teardrops fell on his face.

He turned to look at me. Then he wiped them away.

"Don't cry, Karlina. One day it will be Otto who wakes up in this body, not me. But it'll be fine, because I'm a dandelion, a strong flower." He kissed my eyelids. I bit my lips.

"But it's not fair. I want to see it with you. Summer, spring, autumn, and so many more things." He pulled away and puts both hands on my cheeks and put his foreheads against mine.

"You've given me enough. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I am immortal. As long as I'm in your heart, I'm not a dandelion that passes with every season."

"Remember what I said before?" The words that left my mouth were hardly audible. "That I always liked telling stories? I will tell your story. Wait for the day you return, and then read it to you."

"Yes," he said, smiling a little.

"Play the piano, have a tea party, bring you outside and into town. Kiss and dance with you. Live a long and happy life with everyone else."

"Yes."

"And I'll always tell you, I love you, Oscar."

"And I'll say it too," he laughed. "I'll say it again and again. I love you, Karlina."

He fell against me softly. I sobbed, but I had to smile. So I continued to speak.

"Remember the day the three of us went out to town?"

"Yes," Oscar sounded far away. "It was fun. Otto ate so much and I was so full. And the places were so noisy and loud. So different from the palace."

"Yes. And you met my sister, too."

"Yes, Catalina. You two are different, just like me and Otto."

"Yes."

"And I saw the places you grew up in."

"Yes."

"It was wonderful. I wish I lived a life like that."

"Let's live a life like that one day," I held on to him, who was quiet. "The two of us, in a story where there are no 'why's' and everything is as we want."

His lip trembled, and then he said it.

"Yes."

The snow kept raining down and buried us in the soft, white blanket. It's like all the dandelion seeds we couldn't find have rained from the sky and covered the cruel world with its purity.

The blizzard inside of me finally disappears.

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