It has been three months, three long months since I've spoken to Ryder. It was unbelievable, he promised everything would be alright, it wasn't. If anything things were terrible.

As the time passed it felt as if I was there but, I wasn't living. Like I was just the focal point and everything in the background was a blur. I always wondered if he still thought about me or moved on. It hurt to think he could have and yet here I was still thinking about him.

I never tried with any boys that flirted with me it just wasn't the same. In a way it kind of felt like Ryder never existed but, I know he did and I missed him like hell.

I finished writing in my journal I now keep before getting up to get ready for the day. Writing about Ryder makes me feel like he's still here, with me.

I'm supposed to meet Jake and Maya at some pizza place and I'm already late. I quickly slipped on black jeans with a burgundy shirt then headed towards the front door.

"Where are you going?" my dad asked as soon as my hand touched the door knob.

"Remember the pizza place I'm supposed to meet Jake and Maya at." I said trying to refresh his memory of when I told him this yesterday.

I hated speaking to him as if I was walking on egg shells.

"Well you know your time limit." he replied before walking away.

Every time I go out I have a time limit of two hours until my curfew at eight o'clock. It was completely stupid and irrational. Internally groaning at the stupid new set of rules I started my walk to the pizza place.

•••

"My mouth is right here not over there." Jake said smiling at Maya as she missed when she tried throwing a pepperoni in his mouth.

"Oh right here." Maya replied touching his lips smiling as she leant in.

"Yes." he replied sweetly leaning in with her.

I looked away so I didn't have to see them kiss then I thought about Ryder and how much I missed his sweet gestures.

Maya and Jake ended up getting together a month after everything happened between Ryder and I. I thought it was great but, they did feel guilty because of me feeling sad at the time. They thought they didn't deserve to be happy if I wasn't until I convinced them other wise.

Jacob had cheated on Maya but, she surprisingly didn't care, that's when she realized it was because she had feelings for Jake.

"Hello earth to Octavia." Maya said waving a hand in front of my face with a worried look.

"I'm sorry did I do it again?" I asked, I have been zoning out a lot lately.

Maya answered a quick yeah while Jake said, "It's okay." with a sincere look.

I only nodded and continued to look out of the window. They knew I took everything pretty hard after that day. As I scanned everything outside of the window my eyes widen once I seen who was sitting at another restaurant.

It was Ryder and he was with a girl, he had his hand on top of hers as they sat at a table outside. It seemed to be a Chinese restaurant. My eyes couldn't stop staring at him, he looked as handsome as the first time I seen him.

Now who's the stalker? I thought to myself as I smiled at the joke Ryder and I continuously used or used to. I saw he was wearing a plain fit black shirt with dark blue jeans. It took everything in me not to go up to him but, the insecurities stopped me.

What if that was his girlfriend? What if he had forgotten about me? Even if he didn't I couldn't take him away from her, they seemed or he seemed happy and what we had was over...

I sat and watched as he laughed at something she said, his eyes glowing as the sunlight reflected off of them. I watched as he leant in to whisper something in her ear, making her smile. Thats when the tears in my eyes fell and I couldn't stop them.

"Hey Octavia are you alright what's wrong?" Maya asked instantly concern seeping through her words, Jake looking worried as well.

"I um I'm fine I'm just going to go home." I rushed out, as I got up and walked away wiping my tears.

As I walked out of the pizza shop I was angry that the tears wouldn't stop falling. I wiped aggressively at my eyes while I looked up just so I could see Ryder one last time.

Then I seen he was already looking right at me, fuck.

It was like the world had stopped in that moment. Time froze and all that mattered was him. I desperately wanted to feel his touch again but, I couldn't. I was so lost in his eyes I forgot about my tears, quickly I wiped at my face again. Then I turned quickly and started walking away.

"Octavia." I heard not even a second later, it was him, hearing him say my name again made butterflies in my stomach.

I couldn't stop though I kept walking until I heard him call me again. Checking my phone I seen it was almost my time limit, ten more minutes then my dad would start looking for me. Soon I started running while my tears came flowing down again.

Once I made it to my house I walked inside closing the door behind me. I slid down to the floor slowly as I clutched my chest and cried.

This was my absolute breaking point.