december 21, 2016

long island, new york

••

octavia was back to her old routine. she woke up in her childhood bedroom, the sun shining through her window. she grabbed her phone, seeing a god morning text. she texted tom good morning, even though he was 5 hours ahead.

she rolled out of her bed, putting her glasses on. her oversized shirt reaching her mid thigh and sweatpants that were tom's, she shuffled down the stairs, the smell of her mother making breakfast.

"morning momma." octavia said, hugging her mother good morning. her mother smiled, leaving a quick kiss on her cheek.

"morning avi, i made pancakes." octavia's eyes widened as she pulled out the stool of the island, sitting down. she had a small conversation with her mother, stopping when a half asleep sebastain walked downstairs.

"morning ma." he said, kissing her cheek. she smiled, hugging her son. he then came from behind octavia, leaving a kiss on her temple.

"morning o." he gave a sleepy smile, him sitting on the stool next to her. the christmas tree was up, decorated with lights and ornaments. the two ate, sebastain making a joke which almost caused octavia to choke on her pancakes. their mother was not happy about that.

the two washed their dishes, sebastain watching octavia look at that one ornament. it was her grandmothers ornament. octavia's grandmother passed 9 months ago from cancer. even though they weren't blood related, sebastain knew how bad it was to watch her grandmother suffer like that. the 9 month mark was today.

"i can take you now avi, if you'd like." sebastain called out, her looking over her shoulder. she nodded, giving a small smile.

"thank you seb." he nodded, going upstairs to change. she followed him upstairs, her going to her room. she put a sweatshirt over her t-shirt, slipping her shoes on. she met sebastain down stairs, car keys in hand.

"ready?" he asked, seeing the sadden look on her face. she quickly grabbed a rose from the vase as she nodded, the two walking out of the house and to his car. she got into the passenger seat, him starting the car. he pulled out of their driveway, driving towards the cemetery. her tears began to well up with tears, her blinking them away.

sebastian took his eyes off the road for a moment, noticing. he sighed, him taking one hand off the wheel and holding her hand. she sighed, leaning her head against the car seat. they get to the cemetery, seeing a car similar to their father's leave.

"is that dad?" asked octavia, squinting to see the driver. sebastian did the same, the car getting onto the road.

"i think so."

the two step out of the car, the brisk air hitting her skin. she crossed her arms over her chest, rose in hand. sebastian walked next to her towards the headstone. she stopped infront of it, reading what it says.

beloved wife, mother, grandmother and sister

octavia placed the rose infront of the headstone, her hand then resting on the gravestone. her finger grazed the words, her eyes watering.

"i miss you nana." she whispered, her tears tricking down her face. the memories of her when she was little all came rushing back. the times where they made the homemade italian food, to when she taught her italian, to the endless times she slept over. she missed it all.

a lump appeared in her throat, her covering her mouth from the sob trying to escape. she dropped her hand, her breaking down. she cried into her hands, shaking her head.

"doll, it's okay." said sebastian, his eyes watering too. he missed her as much as octavia did. she wrapped her arms around his torso, her sobs breaking his heart. her chest heaved, her body trembling in his arms.

"i know avi, i know. i miss her too. she's okay now. you remember what she went through? she's not in pain anymore. remember that. she loved us so so much. even if i wasn't her own." he mumbled the last part, a tear falling down his face.

"cancer sucks doesn't it?" sebastain asked, wiping his tear away. she nodded, still holding onto sebastain.

"i miss her so much seb." "i know, i miss her too." sebastian rubbed her back, comforting her and keeping her warm. she looked up at sebastain, him kissing her head. she walked back to the gravestone, kissing it.

"i love you nana, so much." she whispered, stepping back as the tears continued to fall. sebastian stepped forward, whispering stuff under his breath. he kissed the grave stone, turning and walking towards octavia, tears falling down his face and his lip trembling.

"come on doll, let's go home, and we'll bake something to cheer us up? how does that sound?" a small smile appeared on octavia's face, her nodding. sebastian kisses her temple, his hand on her mid back, the two walked to the car.

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march 15th, 2016. i was graduating in two months, but we knew you weren't gonna last much longer. with that in mind, i put my cap and gown on, and sebastain drove us and we went to see you so you could what i would have looked like. you fought cancer for 2 years nana, and you fought with all you had. all the times we made homemade italian food, how you would always tell stories about my father at sunday dinners, how excited you would get when sebastain showed you his movies, the two of us sleeping over your house, to you coming to my recitals every year. 9 months. 9 months without you and i don't know how i'm doing it. my second mother. you meant the world and back to me, and watching you suffer was one of the worst things i ever had to witness, and i hope i never have to witness anyone going through that again. i can finally breathe knowing you're with grandpa, finally at peace. ti amo forever and ever nana❤️

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i know for sure she loved you very much avi. you are the strongest person i know, stay strong love, i love you darling❤️

↪︎ i love you more t❤️

9 months? damn. i miss nana maria. i love you princess, stay strong❤️

↪︎ love you more chris❤️

she loved you so much, never forget that doll. i love you so much

↪︎ she loved you so much too seb, you were the grandson she never had. she adored you and your passion to act. she loved it and you so so much seb. i love you more

aww nana maria😭 miss my second grandma a lot right now:( love you avi, stay strong❤️

↪︎ love you lil, and she loved you a lot, you were her favorite friend of mine

stay strong avi, i know you loved her so so much and i know how hard this was on you. i love you sweetheart

↪︎ i love you more robert

•••

"you remember when nana watched the first captain america, and how she yelled at you in italian for not warning her that you fell off the train, then we immediately had to show her the winter solider, but then she yelled at you again cause you were evil?" octavia said as the two were laying in sebastain's bed in the dark at 1 in the morning. he chuckled, nodding his head. the whole family has been distant to each other the whole day, grieving in their own ways.

"i didn't understand a word she was saying but i knew she was pissed." octavia smiled, thinking of that day.

"remember when you were doing your solo and you said you heard someone yell and you got really confused you almost fell out of your turn sequence and you got really mad?" sebastain asked, octavia looking at him, she nodded.

"i swore to nana i wouldn't tell you this because she felt so bad but, that was her." octavia's hand went to her mouth, tears pooling in her eyes.

"that was her?" she barley got out, sebastain nodded.

"oh my gosh." the two then laid there in silence, sebastain playing with octavia's hair.

"you remember after grandpa passed, how we slept over that one night? you had to be like 8. it's when you, nana and i fell asleep in her bed that night, then woke up the next morning to the breakfast grandpa would make for us." octavia smiled, remembering the moment.

"she was so heartbroken that grandpa passed. i bet she's finally happy she's with him again. i miss him too." octavia said quietly, sebastain letting out a sigh.

"her last night. when she was in hospice back at her house. after you said your goodbyes and she wanted to talk to me alone. she told me, that she knew how hard this was on us two. she told us that no matter what is going on, or where we are, she'll be with us. she also told me that we need to make sure each other is okay. she wanted us to be strong. from there on out. she loved you. so much seb. she couldn't emphasize it enough. she didn't care that you weren't her blood grandson. she treated you as if you were her own. don't ever think she loved me more then you. she had started crying to me, saying she didn't want to leave you and me. when everyone walked back into the room, and you, dad, mom and i surrounded her in the bed, her last words were something in italian that i know you didn't understand. i miei due piccoli amori, ti amo. my two little loves. i love you." octavia finished, tears in her eyes as tears were already falling down sebastain's face.

octavia rolled on her side, her arm draping over his stomach, sebastain brought her closer to him, a kiss on her forehead.

"i love you seb." "i love you too octavia."

she shimmed under his sheets, sebastian not protesting to tell her to go to her own bed. she sat up, and was able to see the tear streaks on sebastain's face. she frowned, his eyes watering again. she sat him up, her arms wrapping around his neck.

his face was smushed into crook of his neck, her knowing how he feels. she rubbed his back, her kissing his cheek. the two laid back down, them drifting off, their nana appearing in their dreams for the first time.*

•

*when someone you are very close to passes, they could appear in your dreams. it's already happened to me multiple times with my grandma

and this chapter meant a lot to me, touching a still pretty sensitive subject:(