17/11/2019 - Sunday -At Tambaram.

Aparna's P. O. V :

" Why are you leaving now? The engagement is in a week. Rajiv is stuck in some office work, now you too. " Rajiv's mom said as we were eating lunch together.

" Don't worry, I'll be back in three days " I said assuring her. Well, I don't know if it would work.

" This Shiva is my only tension. With you around, he was at least listening to me. " She said.

" That's not it Aunty, he just needs to spend time with you. That will solve everything. " I said.

" Even today, you saw him right! He didn't even care about you or me. He just walked out. " She said disappointed.

I was silently praying to God that I wasn't related to his sad face today.

Even if this hurts him, or makes him regret his choices, he needs to get through them. Else he will be spending his entire life on this.

" And, Rajiv appa wanted to meet Jeya today, we might go to their place in the evening. It would also be a formal invitation for them to attend the engagement. " She said.

" It's nice to know that you are still inviting people in person. " I said.

" Sending invitation in whatsApp, isn't really the tradition. Seeing the relatives in person and inviting them with warm smiles, that's what makes the bond. " She said.

For the first time ever, I was looking at her with respect.

" Though we didn't get a chance to do all that in your wedding, at least we can do it now. " She said.

Respect level back to zero.

I nodded back and smiled.

I started packing my bag. Rajiv's parents left to the relatives house, I was all alone in the house. I changed into my kurti and Jean for the travel.

After packing, I started taking pictures of the house, the room I stayed in, the wooden windows. I walked all around the house and ended up in Shiva's room.

I wasn't going to steal anything. I opened the door slowly and the shabby room was just like how I saw it last week.

I slowly walked in and sat on his bed. This was the first time I had time to look around his room. The spiders were a permanent tenant in his room, with their cob webs every corner.

There were torn posters of cricket players and Cinema heroes.

My eyes then landed on his work table. It had crumpled papers all around.

I took one and opened it.

" Dear Aparna, "

The words were scribbled on the top.

I took another paper and the same was written on it.

I was mortified and curious too.

I opened nearly 10 papers and all had the same two words and nothing else.

I was pulling my hair off. He wanted to tell me something?

Was I really the reason why he was depressed?

I sat on his floor and checked for more papers. Finally I found a notebook, badly scrunched laying near his dustbin.

I dusted it off and then opened it.

The papers were turning yellow, must have been a really old note book.

I tried to stop myself from reading it, but I was leaving anyway. It wouldn't hurt him. He bloody threw it away.

The first two pages were empty and there were writings here and there, with different coloured pens, maybe written in different times.

" Working for one's passion should what be called as a career. Doing a job for the sake of income would kill the inner passion. "

So many writings were about his disinterest in his dad's shop and his passion for building construction.

After few pages, it started to bore me a bit. That's when my eyes landed on something interesting.

" So, Hari is all into a relationship now. I look at him and sometimes I do feel jealous. He had a choice and his parents understood him.

The other thing, I was jealous about was the love he was able to share with her.

If I had found someone with whom I can be completely myself without hiding anything, that would be everything.

I would get married and we would move into our new house. A small house with huge garden spaces all around. We would spend weekends at beach and malls, sometimes too lazy to even go out. Play in rain, cook together. Buy new car, learn car driving.

Sit on terrace and talk all nonsense. I will forget all the important dates and console her by taking her out every time. At each bike ride, she would start hugging me a tad tighter.

She would take care of my family as her own. I would be there for her family.

We would fight on where we should go for our honeymoon. She would win. We would have our first baby within one year of our marriage. The first one would be a girl, and the second one, a boy. Third one is her wish. Triplets would also be nice.

I would take care of her, keep her within the palms of my hand. We would never age. Always ranting about small things, still in love. "

After reading his words, I felt like I came out of a romantic couple song in a movie. I was seeing Shiva in a different light everyday.

But boy, having a baby within a year of marriage? , why so soon?, you can't decide what baby we get! and then triplets! , I would die.

Wait, I?

That moment I realized that, all the while reading his words, I saw myself there. Without even being conscious about it, I imagined his words with me being his wife.

My face was getting hotter at each passing moment. It finally dawned on me that, I might have liked him a wee bit more than I should or could.

A bitter smile took over my face, this is what regret would taste like.

I finally knew how Shiva would have felt, to be able to see it in dream, but never feel it in real life. This would always be just words for both of us.

What a tragedy our story is, only if Shiva actually had a chance to be with me, only if we had met in a different story.

I smiled and placed the notebook back on his cupboard.

I got up and closed his room after taking pictures.

It had started to rain outside. Something that I'll miss is the chill brezze inside Rajiv's room whenever it rains.

I got message from Rajiv that his mom called him, they were stuck in Jeya aunty house due to rain and Shiva will be here soon. And he might drop me off.

Why should I look at his face again!

After checking the entire room, I decided to wash my face and get ready.

Aunt flo decided to visit me three days before her due date. I wasn't prepared to get my periods.

I walked out and started checking the bag if I had placed any napkins.

Bad luck, I had none. I was getting tensed. Because the only lady in this house other than me is thinking that I am pregnant, I can't ask her.

But I can definitely use one of hers. I ran down to Rajiv amma room and check her open cupboards if she had any napkins.

Fuck, I am not going to let my menstruation screw up all the drama I went through for the past Eight days.

I was starting to sweat as all her cupboards had only sarees.

I was walking in the living room cursing my luck. I opened my phone and started searching for online apps that deliver medical items to door step. That would be my last plan.

The sound of the door bell made me jump. What if Rajiv's parents are back?

I was stupified to even move to the door. The bell rang again, my thoughts were running wild.

Should I open or shouldn't I?

If Rajiv's parents have come back, then my plan for online order is also gone.

After few seconds, the landline in the living room started ringing.

I hesitantly walked to the phone and picked it up.

" Hello! Anni! Are you okay? " Shiva spoke from the other side. I breathed out relived.

But still I can't order online! It was starting to rain heavy.

I had only one option left. Rather than Rajiv's parents finding out, better it be Shiva.

I remembered Rajiv saying that Shiva was considerate and not Orthodox. Maybe he will understand, why I was here. But still lying to him was a big mistake.

Why was I worrying about Shiva when I am the one who's going to dead the minute he founds out I am Aparna?

Something inside me was telling me that, it was better if I told him the truth. The burden will be gone, but I'll be put face to face with Shiva. I don't know if I can handle that.

A part of me was wanting to tell him the truth. Maybe it's time, I told him.

I opened the door finally and he looked at me surprised. His smile was still a fake one.

" Come in! " I said shaking a bit.

I locked the door behind him as he walked in. I don't want all the neighboring auntys to know , if Shiva decides to shout at me.

" I need your help" I said.

" What? " He asked.

" Can you buy me some sanitary napkins? " I splurted out closing my eyes.

He was silent. Internally I was screaming.

When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me open mouthed. He was about to say something but he stopped.

He nodded and then walked out slowly. He opened the door, started his bike and then he was gone in a jiffy.

I was even more confused at his actions. Wasn't he supposed to have the " Are you really pregnant " Discussion with me?

He just left. Why he didn't ask me back?

He was so into finding Aparna yesterday, now I have literally blown off my cover and he didn't react at all? , and he really isn't stupid to not know about this!

I was mentally preparing myself to face him when he returbed.

He walked in after closing the door and handed me the napkin pack in a plastic bag. He was dripping wet due to the rain outside.

I got the bag from him and looked at him.

He looked at me back. Obviously shock written all over my face, but he looked calm.

He raised his eyebrows and waved at me to go.

I ran back to my room and closed the door.

After changing, I laid on my bed and waited for the clock to strike 7 , so that I can go out and run to the bus stop.

This was the calm before the storm. This time it is going to rain down with thunder.