Warnings

mentions of depression

☞ strong language

"Why are you always so sad, Niall?"

"Try having such destructive thoughts about yourself Harry; maybe then you will understand my behavior a little better."

"But, you're young, you shouldn't be so . . . depressed."

"My apologies to you Harry, but not everyone can twirl around erupting with ebullience."

"Why not? You have me; aren't I your happiness?"

But you never cared enough to be there for me when I'm at my lowest. You just drill me like it's nothing . . . maybe to you it's not.

"I've told you before Harry. You know why." Niall discreetly diverted attention from the second question.

• • •

"For God's sake Niall, can you please stop frowning; this is becoming way too much for me to handle. You're always so fucking sad, and it's starting to affect me. I don't think our relationship is even healthy anymore."

You are the only thing keeping me alive though baby. Please don't leave me. I try so hard for you.

"You know, if you think I'm always so sad, why have you never tried cheering me up before? Or oh I don't know, try and help me get better? It's so hard for me too Harry. I didn't ask to be like this, and I sure as hell aspire to be the perfect boyfriend you always preach about wanting, but I'm not flawless. I've seen better days. Do you know how scary it was for me to just . . . lose myself?"

"I . . . I . . ."

Of course you have nothing to say to me. You were always so good at questioning people, but it is too hard for you to be on the receiving end of this.

"That's what I thought too." Niall scoffed.

• • •

"C'mon, cheer up already. It's New Years Eve!"

"New year, same old shit."

Same demons. Another year of feeling alone while you're right there, fucking me up even more, unintentionally.

"God, can't you be fucking optimistic for once in your life?"

Can I stop feeling so lonely despite you being there, right beside me? I need you Harry; why can't you see that?

"The only good thing in my life Harry, is you, and knowing that I'm not good enough for you is not the best feeling in the world; if I can't make you satisfied in life, why would I deserve happiness?"

Why can you not see that you're destroying me baby?

"I'm tired of living this fucked up life with you. You don't even try for a better existence for God's sake."

I try; I promise I do, but I need you Harry. I can't do this alone. It's so hard, so so hard.

• • •

When Niall left Harry, the latter felt an overwhelming feeling of sheer sadness for the first time ever, he felt like Niall for once.

It also dawned on him that he has been a major stimulant to everything negative and depressing Niall was going through.

He was never there to hold him close and tell him that everything would be okay, despite the circumstances.

• • •

A•N•

520 words.

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Thank you lovelies

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