Warnings

☞ none

When the circumstances had me and Louis come together and begin to associate outside the university projects we were assigned, I got nothing but disapproving glances and warning mutters from my friends and acquaintances.

Louis screamed trouble and no one wasted time denying that, no one but me.

The antisocial boy piqued my interest, and I was the only person who managed to look past the tattoos, piercings and dyed hair to see a heart of gold hidden beneath a fake persona of hostility.

What I uncovered might have been a shock to many, but it sprouted in me a feeling of adoration directed towards the endearingly shy and kindhearted boy who wore his pain and disdain towards the world on the outside, choosing to keep his abused kindred qualities to himself and to whoever was willing to figure him out.

I have come to know that Louis decided to make people think twice before approaching him after he suffered the painful aftermath of many failed relationships, so he would save himself the pain and them the time.

It only made me love him that much more.

After many meetups and late night calls which consisted of nothing but hysterical laughter on my side and Louis' feral and liberating personality to blame, I cracked and asked Louis out on our first date.

And when Louis pulled his lip ring into his mouth and released it with a bashful nod, I found myself holding a red rose and anxiously standing in front of his dorm room at 7 pm, ready to take him out to the whole cliché dinner and a movie.

The moment Louis swung his door open and blew my breath away with how flawless he looked, I knew I had taken the right decision with ignoring what people had to unjustifiably say for once.

• • •

Despite everyone's assertions I did not dump Louis because I realized that 'he was not worth my time', and said boy did not end up 'cheating on me and breaking my heart'. In fact, we were now living together after having moved out of the university dorms into the apartments one block away from the campus, and would be celebrating our one year anniversary in three weeks.

It's crazy how much love my heart held for Louis. He was so so strong; always taking shít from people for being 'different', but never failing to keep a smile on his face whenever he saw me while he pulled me close to his chest and pressed a kiss to my lips gently, lovingly, making sure I knew that I am loved and cherished.

Louis periodically voiced his concerns that he might actually be holding me back from finding someone worthy of my love; someone better than him, and I always made sure to tell him that I found him more precious every morning when my eyes fluttered open to be greeted by the ethereal sight of him angelically sleeping and that factually, people should be jealous that I had him, not the other way around.

• • •

"Yo Zayn, you still dating that Tomlinson dude?" One of my many ignorant friends snarked as we walked towards the cafeteria to grab some lunch.

"Yeah. Got a problem with that?" I quirked an eyebrow at him threateningly, almost daring him to spew some shit that I have heard countless times before.

"Everyone who cares about you has a problem with that." He drawled out, seemingly frustrated with me.

"Too bad then. Tomlinson is in it for the long run." I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly as we headed towards one of the many lunch tables littered around.

"Don't say I haven't warned ya mate." He patted my back roughly, then opened up another conversation that thankfully diverted my attention from our prior distressing topic.

• • •

After we both finished our first year of Uni, Louis and I took it upon ourselves to find jobs that were suitable with our studying schedules and slowly helped us getting used to becoming independent of our parents and students' loans.

And since Louis finished his shift an hour earlier than me, the older boy made a habit of having a table set with an appetizing dinner awaiting my arrival every night.

They were moments like these that had me questioning people's sanity and my luck because I was sure that Louis was my own personal angel.

"Hi baby." He greeted me sweetly, a bedazzling smile kissing his lips warmly.

"Hey Lou, how was your day love?" I questioned, carefully inspecting his expression as I leaned in to give him a soft peck on his still addicting lips.

"The usual." He answered nonchalantly, but I was no stranger to the real meaning behind his clipped response. I knew that that was short for the fact that he had endured yet another day of spiteful glares and muttered curse words from the ignorant people that roamed the campus.

"I'm sorry, Lou. I really don't understand their reasoning. Who the fúck gave them the right to judge you like that?" I sighed despondently, stepping closer to his body and wrapping him up in my arms.

"I've told you once, Zayn, and I'll tell you again baby. They know that I don't deserve you, which is actually true and I do not blame them for that. I don't mind what they say Zayn, as long as you don't leave me." I couldn't help but doubt his words. Of course it must have hurt him to have people hating him for no reason and taking the time out of their lives to make his a living hell.

"Don't worry Louis, I would never leave you." I promised sincerely, only to receive an awarding toothy grin in return that melted my heart then froze it with unfathomable love for this too-good-for-this-world boy before me.

• • •

"Zayn, I saw him with my own eyes doing drugs the other day." Could he have done that? No way, they're all lying.

"Zayn he was kissing someone else behind the cafeteria." What? Louis would never cheat on me, right?

"I saw him making out with Darla the other day." Everyone knew about her crush on Louis . . .

"He was fighting with some boys in front of the café he works at, and he beat them all black and blue. Aren't you afraid of being with him?" All these words were thundering up a storm in my brain, causing an extreme headache that had me failing to recognize what was even believable anymore.

"Don't you see him smoking weed with the other punks? That guy is always fúcking stoned. Everybody knows that, Zayn. How can you be so naïve?" Could I have possibly been a puppet in Louis' act of innocence?

Why did all these rumors suddenly seem so plausible . . . could I possibly be believing what people were saying about Louis for once? I mean we have been dating for a year now and all these rumors about him never ceased. Was there something that I have been blind to all along?

The realization that I might have trusted Louis too quickly, too easily, for my own good, hit me harder than ever, and the sudden feeling of . . . disgust towards Louis settled in the pit of my stomach.

When I returned to our house, I was greeted by the previously heartwarming sight of the set table and a patient Louis waiting for me, but instead of that filling me with love and appreciation, I felt contempt and annoyance towards Louis and successfully anything he did.

I took a seat next to him wordlessly.

"Hey Zayn." He said with the usual smile on his face.

"Hello." I muttered tight lipped.

"Are you alright?" He took my hand in his in what used to be a comforting manner but now just made my skin crawl, a frown marring his features. I slipped my hand from his grasp, causing his frown to deepen.

"I'm fine." He flinched slightly at my harsh tone. He leaned in to kiss me, but I shifted my body, so his lips landed on my cheek instead. He pulled away, and I saw the look of hurt that crossed his features at my obvious rejection. A pang of guilt pinched at my heart, but I didn't make a move to apologize for my out of character actions and to comfort the wounded boy.

"Excuse me." He stood up abruptly and quickly walked towards the bathroom, but before he left, I saw two lonely tears cascading down his cheeks from his now sad and dull azure irises.

• • •

"Zayn he is dating someone else behind your back."

"He's never seen without a cigarette in hand now."

"They're not normal ones Zayn, it's weed."

To my utmost disappointment, I found myself believing every single word.

• • •

I do not know what got over me that day, but I suddenly found all the words that were piling on top of me concocting some harsh invective with the aid of my mind that burst on none other than Louis himself the moment I stepped foot into the house.

But maybe I should have stopped short to notice how more fancy everything seemed, how Louis was slightly dressed up, and today's date.

"Louis, I don't think we should be together anymore; you're not good for me." I stated coolly, my tone icy cold, one I never thought I would ever use on the appalled boy standing in front of me, smile having vanished from his face the moment I spat out my words.

"W-what?" He stuttered, his voice a pained whisper.

"You heard me." I snapped impatiently.

"But - but what did I do?" He sounded so broken, it almost made me back down and just envelope him in my arms and apologize profusely for what I just said, but I could not back down now. Louis was the one who betrayed me.

"I believe them Louis; you're no good for me. I'm sorry, but you need to leave." He gasped in shock, his eyes brimming with tears almost instantaneously, and the look of understanding that filled his face twisted at my heart painfully.

It was like my mind and body were controlled by the demons that have been whispering all the scandalous statements about him. My heart though was screaming out for him, but he was too hurt to hear it.

"I understand. I - I love you Zayn. Happy anniversary baby." He croaked, so quietly and so vulnerably, one last time.

My mouth dropped open in horror and realization as I watched Louis run out of our house.

Everything seemed to fade into insignificance as I focused on one thing; I might have fúcked up my only chance at happiness, and ruined Louis after I promised him that I would never hurt him like everyone in his past.

I was no better than them after all.

• • •

Two weeks after the saddening encounter between me and Louis, I finally saw him again.

I had to swallow the lump down my throat at the sight of him. His eyes looked so hollow and void of any emotion. He almost looked like a walking shell of a man.

His hair was back to its natural brown color, the piercings that I loved to play with were no longer adorning his face, and worst of all, Louis went through the painful process of removing most of his tattoos that gave him the 'punk' look, but I could clearly see one that was not there before.

On the side of his neck, one of my favorite places to kiss on him, was an emboldened i ain't all bad that had me covering my mouth to muffle my sobs.

What was worst of all was the sympathetic looks people gave him after he now fit into their definition of normal.

My heart ached for him; I was the reason behind all this. I pushed him into destroying the shield he had constructed to protect himself, but still ended up not being strong enough to defend him from the heartache I caused him.

I abandoned him after I told him that I never would, and he never did actually do me wrong or prove to me that he was unworthy at any point in our relationship.

• • •

"What's with the sudden change in Louis Tomlinson; what happened to him?"

"I heard he wanted to prove that he wasn't as bad as people made him out to be to someone. He wanted to look acceptable enough to be able to reach this person's standards. I believe it's Zayn Malik?"

But my precious baby was not aware of the fact that he should not be the one trying for forgiveness. It should be me, the one who unexplainably left him just because of some false rumors that plagued my brain and made me lose my conscious track of thought.

Louis was perfect, but I was the one who told him that he was not good enough for me.

And when Louis' best friend, Harry, passed by me and whispered harshly in my ear, "congratulations man, you broke him; hope you're happy now," I wanted nothing more than to fall at Louis' feet and to beg for his forgiveness.

I did not know that leaving him was what was toxic for the both of us.

A•N•

2240 words

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