Zayn's POV

I refuse to believe that there is an exception in the horrid land of betrayal that beats one where my own boyfriend's daily routine has become 'discreetly' stabbing me in the back, then pretending like everything is sunshine and roses afterwards. Nothing beats knowing that I'm not sufficient for him, that I'm not wholly worthy of his love, and that he has to look outside to feel satiated again. The fact that Liam has been messing around my back for months now was not unknown to me, and I'm not just affirming my demeaning assertions wildly; I'm as sure about it as I am about my intact and unabated love for him, still.

The lingering smell of an unwelcome, malodorous (well to me it is) and foreign cologne reeks from almost all of his clothes now, the feral and vigilant look in his eyes whenever I make my presence cognizable in the room after surreptitiously watching his sly-fond smile that hasn't been directed my way for months now as his agile fingers moved across his phone's screen, the fact that Liam stopped attempting to unceremoniously still make his imprint in my life periodically like he used to do at the early stages of his affair, the longing look in his eyes that mustn't be present when I'm right by his side, completely neglected and disregarded, or maybe because he hasn't touched me in months; the same exact period this silent pandemonium against our relationship began.

My Liam used to always preach about my kisses and touches, but the way he flinches or huffs in annoyance once I invade his previously inexistent personal space had me thwarting all attempts in physically interacting with Liam anymore because that's the thing- he wasn't my Liam.

On the rare occasion where Liam had the decency to run a tense and awkward conversation with me, he never looked into my eyes. Maybe my forehead, nose, his fingers- anything but my eyes. The last time he did that, bore his eyes into my unreadable ones, which was months ago, he ended up cuddling me and crying into my neck, pleading me not to ask him any questions; and I had to hold back from telling him I know, that he doesn't need to beat around the bush with nonsensical apologies, but a foolish part of me wanted to see 'till when will Liam hold up this shallow veneer, which leads me to several months later and . . . who's counting?

I wonder if the person on the opposite side of the scene is aware of Liam's current status, if he knows that the malfeasant boy in fact has a boyfriend at home, waiting for him after they've done dealing their dirty cards.

It reached the point where I can almost sense anonymous's presence in our now cold and desolate bed. How can I not when the only person I have ever been infatuated with doesn't acknowledge my presence anymore? Liam could never sleep without having himself wrapped around me in a certain mechanism, but now he instantaneously falls asleep after he was done texting for the night, and it is like I'm a witness in this whole thing, like Liam cannot see me whatsoever.

And for once, I wish I wasn't so onto Liam, was not so mindful of everything about him. Maybe then, I wouldn't have known. I wouldn't have had to deal with incurable lacerations inflicted upon my heart by none other than their panacea, Liam.

In a moment of an epiphanic realization, does he think about me? Does he wonder if what he is doing is worth an eight-year-long relationship; is it worth everything Liam and I went through? All the tears, laughter, ups and downs, the love, the stolen kisses and nerve-wracking stunts we pulled together, everything we had?

Which brings me back to another prepossessing question, was it me? Was I the reason why Liam decided that he did not want this, us, anymore? The more I thought about it, the more it became a plausible factor. Wasn't I enough for Liam, do I not meet his needs anymore? Have I become a bane he could not deal with? Did Liam realize that he could do better? I was torn in an endless conundrum that had me doubting everything, even our entire relationship. Too many questions were flying around my head, pounding against my skull; their only way out is them being answered.

I shouldn't lie down and become subject to my own self-inflicted torment, while Liam was upstairs preparing himself for another mawkishly wasted night. On a whim, I decided to do something that I would not usually do under normal circumstances, but the current circumstances were anything but normal.

The first time I doubted Liam was when I smelled anonymous's cologne on him, so what if anonymous sniffed mine on Liam? Speedily, I sprayed myself with the strongest scent I owned, Liam's favorite, planning on hugging Liam before he leaves, leaving my trace all over him.

Maybe, just maybe, they'd break things off tonight, and despite what Liam did to me, I'm willing to take him back with outstretched arms. Liam is the soothing breath I intake, I can't let him go. He has become everything to me, and without him, I'll be a shell of a man. There is no life for me with no Liam adorning it, casting his sunshine effect on my morose days; Liam saved me once, and even if he's the reason I'm shattered this time, he can rescue me again. Simply put, he's my lifeline.

I was knocked out of my stream of thoughts when I heard his footsteps descending the stairs. He quickly headed towards the door, without sparing me a second glance, but I wasn't going to have that.

"Liam." I hoarsely let out.

He simply turned around and looked at me expectantly with an annoyed expression domineering his features, and ouch, Liam's expression was always tender and loving when it was directed my way; I could almost hear my heart internally weeping at that because was that it? Is that how it's going to be until I finally break?

"You're going out again?"

"Yes." He simply stated.

"C-Can I just hug you Liam? Can I hug you before you go to him and forget about having me at home, waiting and praying that you'll just stop what you're doing? You've been cheating on me Liam, fucking cheating on me for the past five months!" I knew my words would shock him to the core, and judging by his dumbfounded expression, he definitely was not expecting anything like that.

"W-what are you t-talking about?" He stuttered still in shock.

I chucked acrimoniously, "Do you really think that I'm that ignorant Liam? I know that you're seeing someone else; I know that you don't love me as much as I do anymore, but you know how I am when it comes to you: 'foolish and utterly whipped by everything that is me'. Remember these words Liam? Do you remember the day you told me that? It was our sixth anniversary baby. Eight years and that's how you celebrate them?"

"I . . ."

"I don't want you to say anything right now. I want you to go now to wherever you were going to meet up with that person you deem better than me and thoroughly look at how things are now. I want you to see how all your promises of 'infinitely you and I' were flushed down the drain the day you decided to become unfaithful. Also, I want you to see if that's what you really want, the other person, not me." It hurt me to say the last bit of my implicitly reproachful speech, but I need to realize that this could always be an option in the end, that Liam would decided he didn't want me, us, anymore.

He wordlessly nodded and opened his arms for me to hug him, and I wasted no time in launching myself at him to be enveloped once again in the mystifying sensation I was denied for way too long now, and maybe to allow my smell to linger on every bit of Liam I can access.

After a couple of well-spent minutes in his burly arms that I adore so much, I pulled away and cast my gaze into his still aghast one, knowing that it held everything I've been feeling for the past couple of months, bitterness, loneliness and brokenness. Liam's eyes almost immediately brimmed with guilt, but I quickly averted my gaze and turned swiftly turned around to avoid anything he could say because I neededyyy him to think first.

I motioned for him to leave, hoping that whoever has been on the other side of this would smell my cologne.

Liam's POV

I left the house and hopped into the car, not too eager to leave Zayn like I used to before. What Zayn said kind of made me realize that what I've been doing to Zayn is inexcusable and so uncalled for. We've been together for eight years now, and me being the idiot I am only managed to pull a bastard move on him as tribute.

I can't wrap my head around the fact that Zayn knows. It's not that I don't love Zayn anymore; It's just that . . . I don't even know why I pulled the lowest stunt in the book in the first place. Why did I cheat on him with Ryan? Do I really love him or is it just lust I feel towards him? My relationship with Ryan is nothing like mine with Zayn. With Ryan everything between us is fervent, feral and rushed, but with Zayn it's everything lovely, divine and ethereal. I know for a fact that I still love Zayn; I just don't know why I did this.

What perplexed me the most is the fact that Zayn knew, but he didn't leave. I can see how hurt he is by this, yet he didn't put up a fight and abandon me, and this itself just amazed me.

I reached the restaurant in which I was supposed to meet up with Ryan for another filthily spent night- a night spent with someone other than Zayn. A night which featured me doing stuff that were on a level of intimacy that I used to only share with the older boy.

It stung.

It was not supposed to be like this. I would have never known that a day like that would come; a day where my own boyfriend would allow me to go and meet my affair in order to choose either one of them . . . and what the fuck have I done to Zayn?

I hesitantly left the car, not too keen on meeting Ryan; I just wanted to go to Zayn already and apologize to him incessantly, but I figured I should at least provide an explanation and a sort of farewell speech in which I would tell Ryan that I have been a cheating asshole all this time.

Upon my entrance to the glitzy restaurant, a waiter was already at my command, leading me to my designated table. I waited only five minutes for Ryan to make his appearance. He placed a kiss on my cheek, and wow, why does it feel so wrong and revolting all of a sudden?

"Liam I need to tell you something." Ryan stated sounding quite apprehensive. I took a sip of the fancy-starter champagne and motioned for him to speak.

"Liam, I'm sort of seeing someone right now? I mean we are not official yet, but I'm sure we'll be soon, well I hope at least. Anyway, I don't think we should continue doing what we're doing. It won't be good for me in the upcoming period, and I believe your new partner wouldn't appreciate this either."

"Partner?"

"Liam you reek of a perfume that is so not your style."

"It's my boyfriend's." I muttered.

"Boyfriend? Liam what the hell?"

"I know, I know. I'm going to fix this."

"Alright then. I'll see you around?" Ryan offered before he stood up, ready to leave.

"Of course. Good luck in that pending relationship of yours."

"Thanks Liam. Bye." Ryan placed one last friendly kiss on my cheek before he exited the restaurant in a hurry, no doubt wanting to meet his mystery lover.

I left some money for our drinks and a generous tip, and then I was on my way to fix what I broke, Zayn.

Zayn's POV

I sat on the couch, staring blankly at the wall, my mind whirring with the worst case scenarios of what could be the outcome of the night. Tonight may be my last one with Liam, or it could be the end to an old chapter and a start to a new beginning. Liam has been everything to me for the past eight years, and it will be excruciatingly hard for me to learn to live without him if he were to choose his affair.

I heard the front door slam shut, and I quickly snapped my head towards its direction. I dreaded the moment when everything would come crashing down on me, when Liam would tell me that he's done with us.

I don't think I would be able to live with the heartache.

Any sliver of doubt I had was instantaneously wiped out the second I found myself cooped up in Liam's arms securely. I knew then that Liam picked me, and shit that is such a relief.

Unspoken apologies and promises of forgiveness were exchanged in a single, most needed kiss.

Everything was reconciled between Liam and I, and I couldn't be happier. Maybe it was my cologne, or maybe it was solely Liam's conscience, but either way we were back to being LiamandZayn, eternally.

A•N•

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