2 Tears softly flowed through my cheeks and fell onto the floor. My eyes never left the ground as Konahamaru's cries echoed in the wind.

The wind and rain howled almost in response to the sorrow everyone felt. I was standing next to Asuma and Daichi, along with the other Jonin. Asuma and I were in the front were family was supposed to stand.

Konahamaru's being held by Iruka in the back with the genin so he can cry in peace.

Its been a week since the battle that killed so many. None hit me as hard as my Hokages. I was there. I could have done the seal. I could have healed him. So what if Orochimaru escaped. At least he would be alive.

I can barely look anyone in the eye even myself. I was the first one to place a white flower on his grave. My fingers brushed against his gravestone and I could barely suppress a sob.

It's not the same as Sakura, Ino, or even the rest of the jonin. When everyone left he was the one that stood by me.

He raised me since I was born. He was more of a father than a grandparent or guardian. And here he is.

I promised that when I got into Anbu I would make sure he never got hurt. The smile he gave me was filled with such an absolute pride that I faltered for a second. Of course, I was 6 when I decided that I would enter Anbu to protect him so It was more of a childish dream looking back.

Nobody lives forever kit

I know that dammit. I know that better than most people. So why. Why do I still want to scream and shout?

I look up to see that Daichi placed his hand on my shoulder. His face is kept neutral, but I can see the absolute rage fighting to take over. And that thought makes this all seem more real. Because Daichi is the peaceful, quiet, all around loving person that in all my life I've never seen angry.

Then again after his aunt, Tsunade left he was also raised by the Hokage. At this time most people have left. The rookie 12 and their sensei's, Iruka, Konohamaru, Daichi, and Kyo still stood next to me in front of his grave.

"My world caught fire. You're the one who lit the spark" I sang and most people turned to me. Daichi's hand tightened around my shoulder.

"Now I'm playing with matches. All alone here in the dark. I had to learn the hard way. That salvation has its price. But I'll never forgive myself. That you were the sacrifice" My voice carried on through the wind and Konohamaru ran to me. Instantly I picked him up and barrier my forehead in his shoulder masking the tears that threatened to fall. Running my hands through his hair I continued to sing.

"I can't bring myself to say goodbye. I walk with my head up, say I'm fine but that's a lie. Your face will always haunt me. It's my comfort and my curse. I can't imagine any feeling could be worse. Than this goodbye" The rain fell down and l held Konohamaru closer. Daichi forced a reassuring smile not his face as his grip around me left and he placed his hands around his body as if keeping himself together.

Naruto's face was blank, and he was definitely holding himself better than me, even with his almost silent tears. Asuma's shaking and trying to hold himself against Kurenai to hide his tears.

"Some days the guilt inside. Becomes too much to bear I stopped seeking redemption I can't bring myself to care. I know I should be stronger Because I think that's what you'd want You'd be so ashamed if you Could see the nothing I've become. " At this point, I was freely letting my tears fall with a soft sob.

"I can't bring myself to say goodbye I walk with my head up, say I'm fine but that's a lie. Your face will always haunt me It's my comfort and my curse. I can't imagine any feeling could be worse. Than this goodbye" I repeat. Singing was one of my talents that the Hokage adored. As a kid, I would always make up songs while waiting for him to finish his work. He always told me that I could always make someone feel better when I sang.

After the Uchiha massacre, I mostly stopped singing and I could tell that the Hokage was disappointed by this.

Know even if its to late for him to hear it I will sing for him.

"I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you. I gladly would have taken your place" I sang and Diachi stiffened behind me. Konohamaru who was clutching onto my blouse let out a choked sob.

I saw Naruto go pale at the edge of my vision and Sakura sunk to her knees. Shikamaru was rigid and Choji's lips were pressed in a thin line.

Neji stilled and the sensei's looked at me in pity. I looked away from there glances and continued.

I wanted to always protect you, But I broke every promise I made. Please don't leave me" I sang Daichi's hand went back to my shoulder this time firmer. As if I were going to disappear any second.

"I can't bring myself to say goodbye. I walk with my head up, say I'm fine but that's a lie. Your face will always haunt me. It's my comfort and my curse. I can't imagine any feeling could be worse. Than this goodbye" I finished and placed both hands to my mouth cover the sob the threatened to escape.

I gave Konohamaru to Iruka and harashined away. I wanted to be alone. So no one could see my tears. But I didn't want to go to my training grounds and leave everyone without a way to find me so I went to the Hokage monument.

I instantly went into my mindscape and through myself at Kurama. I clutched onto his fur and sobbed. Ignoring the raging waves of my normally still mindscape.

"Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them." Rin tells me and I shake my head.

" Why does everyone I love leave me" I whimper and Kurama's tail hold me closer.

" It hurts" I whisper.

"The phrase ' time heals all wounds' is crap. You will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Because the ability to get over grief is what shows strength not the absences of the grief itself" Kurama states and I shake.

Hours pass and I am shaken out of my mindscape by someone coming to sit next to me.

" Akari" He states and I look at him. By this time my tears are dried. His face is back to being perfectly neutral.

" Hi" I whisper and he hold me closer to him.

" It okay to break Akari. As long as you don't let it ruin your life. Because you don't have to say goodbye. But you do have to say thank you. For everything they have done for you even if it hurts." he speaks softly and a fall onto his chest. Not crying just letting myself relax.

His head is on the crook of my neck and I can feel the slight sweetness of tears sokes through my shirt and I clutch on his shirt.

And for the next few hours we stay like this.