"What do you think about kids?"

I was resting my head against the inclined chair. Only two words blinked in my mind.

"Innocent and blissfully ignorant."

"What about having your own kids?"

He knew that I was trying to dodge this question. It wasn't something that I was ready to discuss yet. I kept quite not willing to give anything.

He sighed before writing something down.

"You need to be more expressive Jahan. Not only with me but also with people close to you. Sometime some small explanations could save a damaged relationship."

I nodded by head not agreeing or disagreeing.

"You fear having kids for many reasons. As I said before. You need to let go of your fears. They are caging you Jahan."

"I am not caged." I rebuked not ready to admit them out loud.

"Then why haven't you gone back to Pakistan?"

I remained silent. I had no answer. No words.

"You have shown great progress Jahan. You don't have insomnia. You nightmares aren't much frequent. Depression is gone."

He waited for some more moments and then continued again. I was here to get better but I didn't like him, invading too deep.

"You should go back to Pakistan to your wife. I helped you as much as I could. Now it's only up to you, to fight your fears."

That was my last session.

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Looking at document in front, it was a development plan which needed my signature to start. Everything was given in it including money that was going to alloted by government and the total expenditure.

They really did see me as fool to think that I would give permission to start this. Starting this plan was killing to birds with one stone. It will benefit some high bureaucrats making them happy and the public will be fooled thinking that government was trying to make the city more advanced.

The basic need like food, health and education were deteriorating. And they wanted to me to allote money for some stupid big project.

My head raised from the documents in front of me, on hearing the thud of footsteps. Ibad was standing in my office with my secretary following in.

"Sir. He__________." My secretary was about to explain but I raised my head silencing him. I was in no mode to hear any excuse. I waved my head indicating him to leave the room.

Raising by brows at him. I leaned back on my chair with a stiff face regarding him with cold eyes.

"Jahan, I am here apologize." He pulled out his phone. "It's the original recording. I can send it to you."

"I don't need to hear it."

He brows furrowed as he stared at me. "What?"

"I trust my wife." A simple reply.

In the past. I made this mistake once but I wasn't going to repeat it. I had reacted extremely before but later on. I did realize that there was more to recording then what I heard.

He his lips. "I was angry. I wanted to hurt you and___________."

"Get out." I clenched my jaws hearing those pathetic excuses.

"We were friends before___just______."

I laughed mockingly at that and set forward with my elbows on table as I stared at him.

"Its not me to whom you should aplogize to. It's Noor."

He started at me before acknowledging. "I know and I would."

"But you won't be able to. Because I won't let you anywhere near her until she remain as my wife. "

"Jahan, hear _________"

"Get out. " I spoke each word with emphasize.

I started looking at the documents, ignoring his pathetic presence altogether. When I didn't hear any sound. I asked.

"Should I call security for you Ibad Hussain?"

At my words. A minute later, I heard the sound of steps leaving my room. Afterwards, I called my secretary to order him to not let this man ever enter in.

I never wanted to see him again.

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Tomorrow would be the day of my decision but today was the day of celebration. Hassam and Sana's engagement didn't came as surprise. At least not to me. I always felt that there was chemistry between the two.

We were in Sana's room. She was looking beautiful in elegant White sharara for her Nikkah. I also wore a white frock with golden crystal work at neckline and yellow gotta work at borders.

My hairs were in a bun with white flowers around it and a simple makeup. I was hooking the second jhunka in my ear.

"Uff. Tumhare humat hai Jo tum ne teen saal Jahan Bhai se contact k begair guzar liye. (You have strength that you spent three years without any contact with Jahan Bhai.) I can't wait to call him and we aren't even in Nikkah yet. "

My hand holding the jhumka stopped putting it on. Her words raised the feelings that I hid in my heart for so long that I didn't even realize about their existence.

It was freeing for me when Jahan left. I wasn't ready to accept this relationship which made me glad about his absence.

That's why. I never tried to contact Jahan. To even simply find about normal things like his whereabouts or health. In all that to not feel guilty. I kept blaming Jahan even through somehow I had an equal part.

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The function went past nicely. I was heading up to my room when Mummy stopped me by calling my name.

"Jao. (Go.) Jahan is waiting for you in car."

"Ji." I was confused.

"He is going back to city. Us ke tabeyat ni theak lag rahe aur raat bhe hai. Us k sath jao. (He doesn't look well and it's night too. Go home with him.)"

"Acha."

In a minute. I walked outside without even changing from the fancy dress. Opening the car door. I set in closing it behind me and strapped the seat belt.

He started the engine while I gave a short glance to his side profile. He really didn't look well. There was obvious perspiration on his face. My hand was about to reach out to check for fever but realizing our situation. I clenched it tightly, pulling it back from mid air.

To ignore his presence. I started to look out of the window. The car was moving swiftly through the roads until it stopped with a jerk. My hand in reflex went to my my fast beating heart.

"Main drive ni Karsakta. Chakar arahe hai, gare mere hath se slip horahe hai. (I can't drive. I am feeling dizzy and the car is slipping from my hands."

Jahan was leaning against the seat. I touched his temple which was burning with fever. We were on deserted road. It was dangerous to stay here for long.

I opened my side of door walked to his side, pulled open his door, took him to passenger seat and strapped him in before getting on the driving seat.

I couldn't help but be thankful to Abba for teaching me to drive a car. I drove straight to Shah Villa as we were already close to city.

Stopping at the entrance, I walked up to passenger seat and pulled Jahan out of the car. There were no servants in house. Mostly were in Haveli and the remaining were given leave as no one was going to to come back for days.

It was very difficult to give support to a fully grown man. I pulled him to guest room downstairs instead of taking him upstairs. I breathed in and out after putting him on bed.

He was dizzy with hot burning fever that he lost sight to his surrounding. Calling a doctor this late at night was out of option.

I took some medicine to reduce face before slapping him lightly in his cheek to make him a bit aware. I laid him down on bed before giving him medicine. I took of his jacket, tie and unbuckled the belt. At last I took off the shoes and socks.

Turning on the light lamp only. I pulled a sheet to cover him. I felt his hand, neck and forehead to find them all burning.

I filled a bowl with lukewarm water and dipped a small towel in it as I set by his side and started to place it on his head to reduce the fever.

Half an hour passed like this replacing one towel with another. The low murmur pulled me out of my tired hazy state. At first I thought that those murmurs were just my hallucination but the second time when they got loud. It became difficult to ignore.

His body was writhing as he whispered some words again and again.

"Not her."

"Not her."

"Jahan, Jahan." I called him to pull him out of haze while my hand gently pushed on his chest.

He placed his hand above mine entrapping it on his chest.

"Noor. Mat jayinn. (Don't go.)

He kept saying the same thing hearing my voice. Subconsciously, my other hand started running through his hair as I kept whispering a same sentence until he was pulled into sleep.

"Idhar he ho. Kahe ni jarahe. (I am here. I am not going anywhere.)

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I didn't know. At what time, My body dropped while taking care of Jahan, making sure that his fever subsided.

Pulling my eyes open to the bright light, I expected my husband to be lying on bed but the spot was vacant.

In my worry last night. I didn't have time to change clothes, pull my hair out of bun, took off the jewelery. Surprisingly, My wrist and ear were free.

The bathroom door opened and Jahan walked inside. I stood up immediately. He looked better but it didn't mean that he recovered completely.

I walked up to him, took hold of his elbow as I tried to pull him to bed.

"Ap baithe. Nashta banate ho phir meds bhe to Laine hain. (You sit. I will make breakfast then you need to have meds too.)

He shrugged his arm out of my hold and walked to cupboard built in side table, leaving me standing there with confusion.

I didn't have time to spare a thought before he placed a document in my hand with a pen.

I looked down on the papers reading the title. "Divorce papers." They weren't signed but they felt heavy on my hand.

"Ap se wada kiya that na. (I promised you.) So your decision." He was staring at me.

I could only remember the reason that took us to this point. The bitterness filled my heart. I pulled my head above and shifted my gaze to his face.

"Ni chaheye divorce. (I don't want divorce." I placed the pen and paper in his hand.

"Q? (Why?)" The question in his eyes slipped from his lips. He didn't mean to ask me that.

"Ap k alawa Mera koi bhe ni hai. (I don't have anyone other then you.)"

His honey brown eyes brightened with my reply. There was visible delight on his face but my heart felt encaged with bitterness. I wanted him to feel what I felt. The hurt that I have gone through. Every vile feeling that blackened my heart. I wanted him to feel all of it.

It became easy for my lips to form those words that wiped the shine from his face.

"Apko chor k jao ge kaha. Is leye samjhota Kar liya ha jis tharha apne mujhe se teen saal pehle kiya tha. (if I leave you then where will I go. That's why I have compromised like you compromised with me three years ago.)"

My effort brew it's fruit. I saw the raw hurt that was impact of my simple words. He face contorted into anger replacing the hurt so suddenly that I even doubted if I really saw it or not.

He took hold of my elbow and pulled me forward as he encaged my orbs with his own.

"Kar liya Haina ab. (You have done it now.)" He gripped my chin with his free hand and tilted my face upward so our face were close enough that his breath fawned on my face.

"To is samjhote ko hase hoshe accept bhe Karlo. Sath rehna haina mere to Haste khush saje sawre biwi ban k raho. (Then happily accept this compromise. You want to live with me then live like a Happy, laughing dolled up wife.)

Anger. He used anger to shield the pain. My husband was a crafty man. I should have been satisfied but I wasn't.

"Phir qabool hai begum. (Then do you accept.)

He tiled my head upward with his head tilted downward with our lips only a breath away.

"Qabool. (I accept.)"

"Ahari choice the phir is k bad ni Jane doga. Souch lo. (It was last choice after I won't let you go. So think carefully.)

"Qabool. (I accept.) I whispers again with my eyes staring at him. It was a fact that I really had nowhere to go. No home. No one waiting to support me.

This fact did play a large part but even if you have a place to go back to. Is it really that easy to leave a person that you loved?

The thumb of his the hand that held my chin, traced my lower lip. "Mere biwi kitne bahadur hogaye haina. (My wife has became so daring.)"

With those last words like he was acknowledging my growth. He snaked his arm around my waist, pulling me forward as his lips trapped mine in a claiming passionate kiss.

I exhibited equal passion and kissed him back, taking the frustration out this way.

I had the first taste of feeling of inflicting someone with emotional pain. It was addicting but every addiction gave temporary pleasures until it start to eat your very heart out. The same happened with me

The more that pain I felt, the more I wanted to hurt him back. I did tried to restrict myself but It was difficult. Seeing him hurt just made me believe that he cared.

It was stupid and I know at the end. It would damage us both but was it wrong for me to want him to have the taste of what I felt?

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