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It would have been a bit of surprise if Sara agreed to my demands without any protest.

There was protest in her very last sentence. Even if she remained silent through the whole process of signing but her end words showed that she won't give up.

"I will make you love me in these eight months, Jahan so that at the court hearing you will ask them to cancel the petition."

Determined eyes stared back at me. She was taking this as a challenge. I wasn't concerned with it so I nodded my head with stone cold face.

The next seven months passed mostly in peace. I spent most of my time in tours to different countries, even when I was in London. I only spent some days of a month in my apartment to avoid Sara.

I was forced with law to have Sara in my apartment. My work gave me enough of a excuse to avoid her. In these last month, I remembered Noor just as living itself.

I knew everything about her from her day to day activities, to her preferences. Ami never forgot to send me her pictures. I would look at her smiling, laughing sometimes blushing. It made me want to just leave and get back at her, to hear those talks, to see those smiles.

There were specific days when she would visit uncle's grave. At each of that day, I would make time just to see her from far.

When the dewangi (madness) would be difficult to control. I would call just to hear her warm soothing soft voice.

It was no different this time.

"Aslam Alikum."

She would wait for me to say something and then the waiting will go on for at least a minute until the call would be cut.

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It was one of those days, which I had to spend in my apartment. I walked in expecting Sara to dressed to lure me with a candle light dinner. There was nothing of such sort. I loosened my tie and set on the sofa nearby placing my things on table.

She came toward with a coffee mug. I was tired with meetings and work. The aroma of coffee was difficult to ignore. I took the coffee and she set by my side with her own coffee mug wrapped in her hands.

I waited expecting her to remind me about the fact that Noor didn't love me. Whenever we talked, a light conversation or whatever it would be. She would never forget to mention it. For another surprise this time, she didn't even mention Noor.

I relaxed sipping the coffee taking it sip by sip. It was too late for me to notice the haziness that enveloped my mind.

The next day when I woke up. I could remember nothing much. I noticed the state of my nakedness and stood up and pulled on the pants.

Sara came in smiling with only a shirt on. It didn't take me long time to understand the situation.

"What the happened here?" I asked through clenched teeth barely holding onto my anger.

"Exactly that happens between husband and wife."

This time. She really did outdone herself. I stalked up to her grabbed her arm tightly in my hand to make bruises.

"You drugged me."

"You were willing Jahan. You just needed a push."

I chuckled sarcastically at her reply and pulled her close.

"Jahan. I would do everything to have you with me. Play dirty even. I have loved you so much."

She was pathetic. I never really hated someone before but now if you could ask me about the person that I hated. It would be Sara. No actually, she disgusted me.

I looked right into her eyes as I spoke those words which were going to be true. "You will ask me to leave you Sara. Mark my words."

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The court hearing didn't happen at the chosen date. I had to send an application to court to give us two more months.

It was another day. I ignored Sara since that day. I was in the office after signing a deal to working together for a year with a know businessman. He was still young almost close to my age.

I was standing when I saw Sara and him interacting with each other. Sara never loved me. For her, I was just a challenge that she wanted to win.

I needed to just put her attention to someone who could match me. Harris seemed to perfect for it.

I made sure that Sara became his advisor from our company, giving him tours, telling him about our way of working and projects.

This way, she was guiding Harris to coordinate with our company making her spend more time with him.

I turned blind eye to her late night visits. To her not even sometime being in my apartment, when I walked in.

The fruit of patience was given to me close to the date of our hearing.

When I came home. Sara was sitting there on sofa waiting for me. I knew this was the moment, when she called my name "Jahan."

I set on chair opposite to her pulling on leg over the other leaning back on the looking right at her.

"You were right. I want you to leave me so by the next court hearing. We both will be free."

I nodded my head, the only indication that I heard what she said.

"It doesn't mean that I stopped loving you Jahan. I just have started thinking about my happiness. Its stressful living with you."

She stood up saying those words. Her hand carry was already ready. She took it and left my apartment.

After that, I again saw her on court hearing and our marriage was finally annulled like it never happened.

A month passed which I spent in winding things up for going back. Holding interview to find someone suitable who could handle the company here. It worked as an excuse too to mentally prepare myself to explain this all to Noor. I didn't want to start our relationship with lies.

It was unexpected to find Sara on my porch in the morning. She resigned from the company. We weren't in contact since the hearing.

"What are you doing here?"

"May I come in."

I side stepped giving enough space to allow her to enter in. She went straight to living room and set on the sofa.

I took a seat at the opposite plush chair.

"I am pregnant, Jahan."

I was shocked. It took me few moments to gather my bearings.

"I am not asking us to be together. Harris is very supportive. I just thought that as you are the father. You should know about it."

She placed a file on the table and left. I opened the file. There was a ultrasound scan with all the information. She was two months pregnant.

I didn't do what to do with this new information. The night passed and I knew that I couldn't ignore it.

My stay in London extended. I accompanied Sara to ever single appointment. When the doctor told me that it was a girl. I grew more attached, buying little pink girly clothes, shoes, stuffed and all kind of toys. I even prepared a room for nursery in my apartment.

I knew that it would be difficult to explain this to everyone especially to Noor. I was ready to take accountability. I couldn't just leave my babygirl.

Sara was now seven month pregnant. I reached the hospital and found her there waiting for me. She was a bit cranky through appointment which I ignored.

We were on the road. My car was parked on other side of road. Whenever Harris wasn't able to pick her up. I dropped her to their place. It happened rarely. I guess today was that rare day.

We were on side walk. The cars were moving on the road. The red light turned on and the cars stopped.

She started arguing while people started crossing the road.

"You choose me as his guide for your personal reasons."

That's how she started. Maybe it was pregnancy hormones but she was over reacting.

"I loved you Jahan and you manipulated me."

At last sentence, I turned around and looked dead im her eyes. "I did."

I didn't know if it was my calm composure or something else. Something very different triggered in those eyes. Hatred maybe.

She wiped her tears looking directly in my eyes as she cursed me.

"You will feel the pain that I felt of loving someone without getting an ounce of affection."

I was star struck held by her words not noticing that she was at the edge of sidewalk as she added in further, carrying her curse to sky by air.

"You will lose her Jahan."

"You will lose her. "

That's were her last words as she slipped and at the same time. A speeding car rushed, hitting her hard that she fell in her own pool of blood.

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Sara had severe head injury with fractured bones and spinal cord. She lived only for two days.

The baby girl came out alive but not healthy. Her lungs were damaged and her head had internal bleeding and trauma. It was a miracle for her to be even breathing.

She remained in incubator for a week with many tubes coming in from her mouth, nose. Sometime she would open those blue eyes of her other then that there were no movements.

There were less chances for her to even survive the surgery and it was painful for her to live like this. Every doctor told me the same thing.

With a heavy heart, A week later. They took off those tubes. I took her in my arms. She was so small that I was scared that I would hurt her. This was the time that I also called adhan in her ear and touched her snow white skin.

She took her last breaths in my arms. My namszee and prayers weren't answered. I begged Allah to save her. I wasn't a exactly namszee before but afterwards I grew more away from my religion.

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A year passed in depression, insomnia and working. I distanced myself from people, attending less calls from Pakistan.

I was only going through day by day with taking care of my basic needs. I couldn't sleep more then for three hours due to nightmare and that were just some of the nights. Most nights, There was no sleep.

My health got worse until I fell and got hospitalised. I was diagnosed with depression and insomnia.

My therapy started. Things started getting better with time. I started to conquer my fears but not every each of it was conquered.

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It was one of those therapies. My therapist was sitting in front of me with a file and a notebook where he wrote things once in a while.

"Did you love Sara, Jahan?"

"No." It was straight reply.

"Not for a once?" Raised brows but face as expressionless as before.

"I never felt anything for her. Hatred for a small time but other then that nothing."

"What about after her death?"

The day was still vivid in my mind. You can't forget something that became source of your nightmares.

"She cursed me before her death. I see her everyday in my nightmare. Her words and then the accident but at the end the person lying in blood isn't her. It's Noor."

My therapist looked at me while nodding his head.

"Jahan. You need to let go of your fears."

"It's difficult to."

"I understand. You are doing good. You sleep better and you aren't much depressed now but it's not healthy to hold on to those."

I nodded my head. He exhaled noticing my tense expression before moving to other topic.

"Okay. Do you love Noor?"

It was a difficult questions which I couldn't find a reply to.

"I_____I don't know. I just know that if I feel anything close to love for anyone then that would be for her."

He wrote something on his notebook with his signature pen before he asked me something else, stressing on words.

"What is love to you, Jahan?"

"I don't know."

"Anything, a close idea." He promoted me further studying my expression. Her face came in mind in a snap.

"It's something very precious and invaluable that you just can't throw that word on anyone. It's not that she doesn't deserve it but it's people like me who don't deserve to feel it."

"I see." He nodded looking at the time in his wrist watch.

"The session ends here."

I stood up, planning to leave this comfy room.

"Jahan." I remained still waiting for a advice.

"You do love her."

It was a straight honest statement with no question or explanation. I didn't know what to feel about it. I couldn't even believe it but he gave me something to think about.

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