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He was standing there pulling on the knot of his tie before sitting down on bed and taking off his shoes. Jahan hasn't confronted me yet. I have been on my toes since dinner.

Right now. I was folding already folded clothes gathering up my courage to talk to him.

I sighed and pulled his night clothes from closet before walking up to him. He had a ignited cigarette in between his thumb and index finger from which he took continuous drag blowing the smoke right back at my face.

"Jahan."

It was like he was lost in his thoughts only realising now that I was standing before him.

"Ashtray."

I didn't mind the smoke but Jahan always made sure to not smoke in my presence. He only smoked in the balcony mostly avoiding the bedroom.

I picked up the ashtray from side table and took it in front of him. He thumbed the cigarette inside it and threw it in there.

"Ap se kuch ijazat lene hai." (I want to ask you permission for something.)"

He took hold of my wrist and tugged it pulling me on his lap as he snaked his arm on my mid.

"Ask."

"I was thinking about staying with Sana for the night."

"Ni."

I pulled his arm off and stood up walking some step behind to have some distance.

"Simple se he to guzarish hai. (Its just a simple request.)"

"A No is a No."

He stood up taking the clothes from my stretched arm walking up to the bathroom to change.

"Q ni? (Why not?)"

"Jab tak ye issue solve ni hota tab tak in cheezon k bare me ijaazat lene k bare me bhool jaye. (Forget about getting permission about these things till this issue is solved.)"

He walked inside closing the door. It made me frustrated. I just needed a night away from him just to think and maybe have some space. I know that it would do me some good and I couldn't even get it. The anger just brewed inside as I waited for him to walk out.

I glared head on at him as he walked in working a towel in his wet hairs.

"Just for once. Mujhe kuch karne de. (let me do something.)"

"Aur kuch. (Anything else.)"

He stood there calm and all noble with his hands folded on his chest. I felt like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum. It did nothing but well up the anger and frustration inside.

I couldn't handle it anymore so I walked out of the room into the balcony. I set on the swing. It was so large that I could easily lay on it so I did just that curling myself in small ball to avoid the bitter cold air. I couldn't tell which was more bitter the air or my heart.

I had no shawl and the thin silk shirt and trouser wasn't of any help. I was really cold but the stubborness kept me right where I was.

It must have been an half an hour or so. I couldn't feel my nose and my hands and feet were also cold hard.

I heard the the thud of his steps as he walled up to me and pulled me up looking right in my eyes.

"Dimag kharab hai tumhara beemar hona hai kiya. (Have you lost you mind. Do you want to get sick?)"

He pulled me in his arms. It felt good as he was warm but that didn't mean that I was giving up. I started throwing punches on his chest and striking him with my legs asking him to leave him but he kept a tight hold on me until he threw me on bed. He turned on the heater and covered me with blanket but the anger didn't diminish even a bit from his eyes.

"Masla kiya hai tumhara. (What is your problem?)"

He stood up and walked away a bit staring at me from distance with a visible twitch in his jaw.

"Ap hai hai mera masla. ( You are my problem.)"

I set on the with my hands on the bed supporting my weight.

"Excuse me."

His tone so calm as he looked at me with raised eyebrows. It suggested a calm before the storm but I put no heed to it, brewing the storm further.

Ap mere koi baat ni sunte aur mere har decision ko control karte hai. Main ab ap se thak gaye ho. (You don't listen to anything that I say and you control my every decision. I am so tired of you.)"

I spurted every bitter thing that was filled in my heart. I shouldn't have said the last thing but I only realized it late when Jahan gave me a very stormy and cold look.

He was on me in a second making me lean back to avoid his nearness. His fingers gripped on my jaw tightly as he inclined my face so that we were both eye to eye.

"Divorce chaheye. (You want divorce.)"

I shook my head parting my lips to speak but no words came out. He took it all wrong and now I didn't know how to palicate his anger.

"Thak gaye ho. Main tumhe ab aise thakao ga k divorce ki demand kiya us k bare me souchgo bhe ni. (Tired. Now I will make you so tired that you won't even think about divorce demand it much less.)"

He took off my duappta and pulled the covers away from me. He quickly latched on my neck sucking, bitting his way down as he pulled on the sleeve of my shoulder tearing it in process. They were nothing like those feather like kisses that he used to bestow upon me.

"Ja__h__an."

A moan escaped as he lips latched on my breast pulling my shirt and bra away. My body was succumbing to his rough ministration even through my mind was protesting against it. It wasn't about that he was rough with me. It was that he was hurt and was taking it out this way. We were physically so close but emotionally so far. I didn't like it.

His bruising grip on my thighs as he pulled my legs apart and the nibble of his teeth as he pulled, sucked and bit on my skin leaving his imprint for me look for days followed by rough hard thrusts deep inside.

The night was spent like this and then the dawn came. It was just then that he stopped. He kept his word about tiring me out.

He pulled away from me lying on his side not pulling me in his arms like he did every time. The despair increased as the realization came that he didn't kiss me anywhere on my face as I waited for him to clean the sticky mess between my thighs like he always did before falling to sleep.

My shoulder started shaking as the sobs and tears started leaving from my mouth. I could understand the hurt that lead him to react this way. I was a wife who asked once for divorce and then avoided my husband for weeks after our sensitive talk and then had an argument which indicated that I wanted to leave. He was angry and he had every right to but it didn't hurt me any less.

I sniffed and cried with my sobs getting louder by every minute.

"Chup hojao. (Be quite.)"

It did nothing but make me sniffle more and more. The tears quickly leaving my eyes. He had his back on me and his indifference was doing nothing but damage to my already damaged emotional state.

I pulled on his bare shoulder shaking it gently.

"Jahan plz."

He turned to me with his honey brown eyes staring at me with indifference and coldness. I wanted that adoration back not this.

"I didn't mean it. I am sorry plz."

I placed my hand on his chest as more tears fell down my cheeks.

"Plz maaf karde. Main ainda aisa kuch ni kaho ge. Main apse alidhge ka souch bhe ni sakte. (Forgive me. I will not say something like this ever again. I can't even think about sperating from you.)"

I buried my head on his chest still sobbing as me tears fell uncontrollable on him.

I started whispering in sob joined with hiccups.

"Jo chahe... Hiccup mere sath kare.... Hiccup Main apke he to ho... Hiccup.... bs youn naraz na ho. Mujhe se saha ni jata. (You can do ... Hiccup.. anything that you want with me .... Hiccup... I am your's .... Hiccup.... Don't be upset with me like this. I can't handle it.)"

I only felt relived when he snaked his arms on my body placing a kiss on my hairs.

"Ab bataye ge k kiya baat the. (Now, will you tell me what was it about)"

I shook my hand as his hand moved up and down my back providing the comfort.

"Ok. Talk to me at your own pace then."

The morning set in with the chirping of birds as sun rays made its way inside from the slightly parted curtains.

I pulled away from Jahan standing on the floor feeling my toes and legs in which the later was hurting. They really felt week. I was in his shirt that was coming to my knees with longs sleeves that I folded at the end. The shirt smelled like him intoxicating with smoke, musk and hint of spice that drove my crazy.

I walked in washroom with my clothes. I did the gussal. When I looked at mirror. I found that body was covered with his marks. He didn't leave a single place. I knew that I was embarrassingly foolish but what I could do. I wasn't ready to let go of this peace. Even if what I heard was right. It could mean something else then what I was thinking. I didn't have the courage to ask him because I was scared of getting heart broken.

I walked out of the room towel drying my hair. I don't use dryer on daily basis keeping it's use on moderate level.

I walked up to him deciding to wake him for breakfast before leaving to go down to help in kitchen. I tapped my index finger on his shoulder before settling to slap on it lightly.

His eyes open in a second as he looked around before settling on my face. He wiped his face from the droplets of water that fell from my wet strands.

"I took your clothes out. Get ready."

I turned around to leave but he took hold of my wrist pulling me on his chest.

"Wada kiya tha. (You promised.) Remember."

I nodded my head in agreement.

"I was going down to prepare your breakfast and help in kitchen."

Two weeks in our marriage. I took charge of every single thing of Jahan from clothes to his meal everything. I always tried to prepare his meal by my own self.

"Shaam ko tiyar hojaye ga. Eik party attend karne hai. (Get ready in evening. We have to attend a part.)"

I nodded my head with small okay leaving from my lips. I looked at him. My eyes roaming his every feature. My heart beating faster for this man. He meant a lot to me and I didn't know if he knew that or not. The words felt so small in comparison to what I was feeling. I wish I could tell him and say it all but something stopped me and I couldn't. I adored and cherished this man. I wished he could see what my eyes were conveying at this moment. It was the same reason that I showed him the vulnerability that I could never show anyone.

"Mujhe choreye ga mat. (Don't leave me.)"

My lips pleaded desperately just like my eyes.

"Never."

He promised in a whisper. It felt sincere and I guess it should only matter and nothing else.

He placed feather like kiss on my forehead moving to each of my eye and then finally landing it on my lip just for a second. I felt cherished just like every time. I wish things would remain this way.

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