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Sara. Sara. Sara. The name was always there playing in my head like a broken tape recorder. Who is she? What did she mean to him? The endless circle of questions and the endless circle of thoughts was slowly driving me to madness.

After first time. I somehow made myself believe that it was nothing but my imagination. My hallucination. My mind playing tricks on me. If it was that then it wasn't ending. The tricks, hallucinations, imagination. They were playing with my senses night after night, night after night.

Sara no, Sara Sara no. I was hearing something along the lines from his lips. A name. A meaningless name was disrupting my relationship and my peace of my mind. I knew that I was distancing myself from Jahan these days. What else could I do? Every time when I was with him. I wanted to grab on his collar ask him why did he every night whispered a name in arms of his wife?

I desperately wanted this name to be meaningless and belong to a meaningless face. This feeling. I never felt like this way before. It was vile and it hurt. It hurt bad. It hurts so bad that I wasn't sure that I even wanted to hear his answer. I was scared that it would hurt more to my already wounded heart.

It was only now that I realized that my husband never told me that he loved me. Ironic Isn't it. I never confessed too. Did I love him? Is that why it was hurting this much? I never been hurt like this before not even when I finally let ibad go.

Looking at my husband who was taking an oath looking as regal as before in white kurta shalwar and royal blue waist coat with matching cuff links and rolex watch.

I didn't feel happy that he won. I couldn't feel anything then the despair that was gripping my heart. Mostly everyone in this room was overjoyed expect mummy, pappa and me.

I couldn't stand it anymore so I excused and caged myself in my old room. Later after dinner, I asked Sana if I could sleep with her? I was already informed that Jahan wasn't going to come tonight as he was going to be in a party at farmhouse only for men.

I didn't think much about what kind of part it would be and found myself falling asleep.

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I entered my room expecting my wife to by lying on our bed sleeping peacefully but to my utter surprise, the room was empty. I checked balcony, bathroom and nothing.

I pulled my waist coat off before pulling the sleeves to my elbow. I wasn't going to sleep on this bed withoutout her. When I left the party early just to be with her.

I walked to the other end of corridor opening the door of her old room expecting her to be in there but she wasn't. Where could she be? Sana. She must be with her.

I strided toward Sana's room. I knocked on it once and then again. After the third knock. The door opened revealing Sana.

"Jahan bhai ap."

"Noor ander hai? (Is Noor in there?)

"Ji. She is sleeping."

I didn't wait for her to open the door for me. I swiftly walked past her into the room. My eyes landed on the figure under the sheets. I crouched down on her. She was really sleeping peacefully with some strands lying acrosss her face. Her pink juicy mouth a bit parted. Eyes closed. Black lashes curling at end. It wasn't time to stare at her as we had a viewer so moving the sheets, I placed one hand under her back and the other under her knees and picked her up in my arms.

This position offered a generous view of her surplus chest. I inhaled a sharp breath. We could get bumped into anyone on our way and I didn't want anyone to see her this way.

"Duppta."

"Ji bhai."

"Pass me a duppata."

She gave it me after few minutes and I covered her chest with it. I was about to walk outside but I stopped and looked at Sana whose eyes were wide open.

"Lock your doors before sleeping."

I walked out in long strides going straight to our room. I laid her on the bed and then took off my shoes and changed my clothes before joining her. She must have stirred a bit as she wasn't in the same position as before.

I pulled some hair strands of her face and then kept staring at her. I couldn't help but notice that she was avoiding me these days. I let her go through whatever she wanted hoping for her to come to her senses. Now my patience was also running thin and I wanted my wife back.

I couldn't understand the reason for this all. Was it due to our talk about kids? Even if it was then I hoped that she would relent.

I needed her only her. Nothing mattered. We already wasted so many years. I didn't want to waste anymore.

I couldn't help but place my lips on those almond shaped eyes, the wide temple, the ample cheeks and that round nose and lastly those succulent lips.

Muhabbat. Pyar. Love. I didn't know what these all things meant but I knew that I belonged with this women. I wanted to be with her and share my ups and downs with her.

After landing a small kiss on that mole on her cleavage. I pulled her in my chest nuzzling my nose in her hair inhaling that faint intoxicating raspberry lilac scent of her shampoo.

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I was running thorough the corridors in the courtyard with Hassam on my heels with a water gun filled with red coloured water in his hand. I accidently splashed juice on his new shirt which by his words was very expensive.

Now in form of retribution. He took the water gun from kids to stain my clothes. I never liked the feeling of wet clothes even for a second and secondly I liked this dress. Dadu especially ordered me to wear something nice as I was still a newly wedded bride and I was not able to say no to her. Here I was wearing a white chiffon anarkali frock with golden gotta and those kagan given by her. The front of half my hairs pulled back while rest of them flowing straight down my back.

I turned my neck a bit to look behind at Hassam who was right on my heels. I know that if he caught me then he wouldn't just spray a bit on my clothes but he would spray it on every inch of my body including my hairs and face. I should have run straight to my room and locked it.

I was still looking back while turning around the corridor that I suddenly got bumped into a hard chest and was pushed back, ready to fall when an arms wrapped itself on my waist saving me from my fall. I was panting trying to catch some oxygen looking at my saviour.

"Noori mei....."

I heard Hassam yelling from behind before halting on his steps.

"Jahan bhai."

"Leave." He commended with his arm still around my waist.

"Oh... yeah sure."

I didn't need to look behind to know that he would be uncomfortably scratching on neck.

"Bhabi."

At Jahan's voice, his steps again halted. "Sorry, I wasn't able to understand."

He slipped back in english as it became his habit after living in Canada for years.

"Ye tumhari bhabi hain to bhabi he buleya karo. (She is your bhabi so call her bhabi.")

"Okay. Allah Hafiz Noor bhabi." He stressed on the word bhabi in that teasing tone and then left.

I didn't look at him as I knew if I did then I would be tempted to ask him about her.

"Ap mujhe avoid kar rahe hain. (You are avoiding me.)" It was a statement.

He grasped my chin and pulled it up but I kept looking down not being able to meet those honey brown eyes. I didn't want to see who actually took sanctuary in in those eyes.

"Mere tarf dekhe aur bataye Q? (Look at me and tell me why?)"

I pulled my gaze to his but I found nothing there other then the same adoration that I was so used to. There was nothing not even guilt for running my peace and my sleep.

"Mai apko ni batasakte. (I can't tell you.)"

I moved my eyes away again but he tightened his grip on my chin by a fraction making me look at him.

"Ap jante haina k main apke liye kitna possessive ho. Mujhe se ye apki beruhi ya mere affection me thore se bhe kami bardasht ni hote. Is leye ye sb ab khatam kare. Samajh gayi. (You know that I am very possessive of you. I can't tolerate your indifference or even a little bit decline in your affection. So from now on put an end to this all. Understood)."

"Ni."

I didn't know where that bravery came from to look into his eyes and boldly decline from his demand.

His eyes narrowed for a moment before he whispered as he pulled me close.

"Main samjhe deta ho. (I will make you understand.)"

He lips met mine wild and demanding not giving a room for second thought or breath. Jahan had been very sweet and slow kind of passionate with me not like this. My mind numb and my knees buckling just like every time. Quite moans leaving from my throat as he nibbled on my bottom lip. I felt my senses leaving me with his every caress on my shoulder. His hand moved down my waist to my ass cheek plastering me to his body as he inclined my head to dove his tongue deeper and deeper.

Finally he pulled away breathing heavily. My own heart not relaxing. I suddenly felt embarrassed realising my surrounding. Needing to hide. I buried my heated face in his chest.

I felt him lower his head to my neck placing kisses from there up to my ear before whispering.

"Sham tak ka waqt hai apke pass. (You have time till evening.)"

It was like a bucket of cold water was thrown on me and I woke up. His intimacy did things to me that I couldn't help but loose all of my senses.

He pulled me back a bit pulling om my lips again. Tugging on my bottom lip once, twice and then thrice with a soft stroke of his tongue. He placed a chaste kiss on my lips and then my temple before leaving.

"Allah Hafiz."

I saw him turning around the corridor walking down the stairs and then getting in the back seat of the car.

I didn't know what if felt at this moment as I walked back inside. I saw dadu sitting on her palang in the corner of veranda. I couldn't help from drawing the comfort from her and I found myself on my knees with my head on her lap as her wrinkled old fingers starting to caress.

"Kiya howa. (What happened?)"

I couldn't tell her even if she asked. What could I even say? I didn't want to burden her in this old age.

"Kuch ni. (Nothing.)"

"Kuch to howa hai. (Something must have happened.)"

I desperately needed to talk to somebody even if it was not in clear words. Even if I couldn't say excacly what I want at least I could share what I felt.

"Mera dil baitha ja raha hai dadu. (My heart is very heavy.)"

Before dadu could say anthing. Hassam came and interrupted our conversion.

"Noor bhahi is with dadu Sana."

I kept lying my head on her lap and ignored him. A minute later Sana also came in veranda.

"Bhabi q bula rahe ho Noor ko? (Why are you calling Noor bhabi?)"

"Yar bhabi hai to bhabi he bulago na. (I am calling her bhabi because she is our bhabi.)"

I didn't know why but his teasing was annoying and irritating me. In other condition. I may have blushed at it but now I wanted to him stop.

"Hassan I am Noor. Don't call me bhabi."

"Well I don't want to get killed by Jahan bhai."

He said jokingly but it made my throat tightened. Why everyone had to to listen to him? I knew that it was childish for me to be upset at this but it only reminded me how that my every relation was actually somehow given by him.

I ignored their arguing and pulled my head of her lap.

"Dadu mujhe excuse karde sona chahrehe ho. (Dadu plz excuse me. I want to sleep.)"

I felt her scrutinizing me but I didn't meet her eyes not wanting for her to see those unshed tears. After a while, it was like that she came to a conclusion.

"Jao rest karlo chanda. (Go and rest.)"

I rushed to my room falling on the bed letting those tears fall without any care. I wanted for this pain to go away. Ya Allah help.

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