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I stirred from the deep sleep with my senses awakening to my surrounding. The silence and darkness of the room couldn't hide the sensation of naked flesh against my own naked body.

The tangled legs and the arms caging me stirred the memories of last night which made me want to hide somewhere. The fact that I was naked as the day born under the sheets did nothing but made me flush in embarrassment.

My hand wandered aimlessly under my pillow and on sheets hoping to find my cell phone. I felt the touch of cold device under my hand and pulled it out. I pressed on home screen and the time showed.

It was half an hour after fajar azaan. I needed to perform ghusal to offer my namaaz.

The clothes weren't anywhere near to easily get my hands on. If the frock was near then I would have grabbed it and slipped it on. It would have covered me enough to make not walk naked.

First. I needed to get out of Jahan's hold without waking him up so that I could slip quietly in the bathroom.

I couldn't see his face properly but it looked like that his eyes were closed. Secondly, I could feel the gentle rhythm of his heart.

I moved my legs slowly which caused a bit friction in between my legs causing a burning sensation down there.

I swiftly managed to maneuver my legs out of his. A deep sigh escaped my lips. Now I just had to pull his arms off my waist. I just gripped his arm and lifted it a bit.

"Ap kiya kar rahe hain? (What are you doing?)" His voice startled me and I lost the grip on his arm placing my hand on my chest to settle my frightened heart.

"Ap jagein howe the. (You were awake.)"

"Ji."

He pulled me close such that my bare bossoms rubbed on his chest as he tangled our legs once again.

"Mane soucha k dekho to sahe k ap karna kiya chah rahe hain. (I thought that I should see what are you trying to do.)"

He tenderly pulled some hairs strand out of my face and afterwards started stroking my check.

"Mane soucha k ap thake howe hoge par ap to mujhe bohat active lag rahe hain. (I thought that you will be tired but you look very active to me.)"

He whispered hotly in my ear before grasping the end of my ear lobe to pull on it.

"Namaaz parhne lage the. (I was going to offer namaz.)"

"Acha." He turned on the lamp on his side before pulling away and so that I was free from his grasp.

I set on bed pulling the sheets tighter to my body while he laid on his side with his elbow propped on pillow and head on his palm looking at me with awaiting eyes. The sheet falling to his torso giving glimpse of those toned ripped muscles of his chest.

"Mujhe uthna hai. (I need to stand up.)"

"To utheye. (Then stand up.)"

I looked at him astonishingly with embarrassment as I expected for him to be not this shameless.

"Ap pehle ankhe band kare. (First, close your eyes.)

"I am not doing that."

He shrugged his shoulders looking at me head on not even moving a muscle.

"Jahan plz."

I whispered softly clutching the sheet tightly to my chest.

"Chale phir theak hai ap itna insist kar rahe hai to compromise pe ate hai. (Alright, if you are insisting this much. We can come to a compromise.)

I tilted my head to the right in confusion while he crouched his upper body a bit to pick his shirt from the floor. He offered me the shirt.

"Wear this."

I looked at him and back at shirt which will barely reach to my knees leaving my remaining legs naked. I again tried with a pleading expression.

"Ye ya kuch ni. (This or nothing.)"

I grabbed the shirt with one hand while other clutched the sheet. I slid my right then left arms in the sleeves as they alternated with holding the sheet. I buttoned it all up only leaving the first button loose.

I pulled the sheets off body. I stretched my legs and moved them a bit but then stopped as a hiss of pain left my lips. My legs were weak and having that sweet pain all over. It could be ignored but the other couldn't be. It felt only sore down there without any movement but when I moved there was pain where it felt like that there was an open wound which was being pulled. It hurt bad.

I was doing a breathing exercise finding the courage to move again and get down from the bed. When I was pulled from the bed into a familiar pair of arms.

"Dard zeyada horaha hai. (Is it hurting much?)"

I didn't know about the pain but I totally felt his large hand on my thigh which made me flush in embarrassment. I wasn't still comfortable around him with showing any part of my body.

"Ni. I am fine."

"My brave babydoll. Subha hote sath he ap k liye eik ointment le aye ge. Okay. (As the morning come. We will get an ointment for you.)

We both had the ghusaal separately. It was shockingly nice for Jahan to understand that I wasn't that comfortable to have bath together yet.

Today. This prayer felt different not because I was sitting on bed with prayer mat in front. It was different because we were praying truly like a pair made by Allah. I felt as Jahan wife in every way. Every pore of my body felt it and it blossomed something anew in my heart. The tears fell lightly as I prayed to Allah for this peace and content to stay forever.

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It was sunday. We were all sitting before the dinning table having dinner. I had requested Jahan to not work on sundays and he accepted my request.

"Ab ap log honeymoon se agaye hai to hum khushhabri k muntazir rahe. (You two came from your honeymoon so should we be awaiting for a good news.)"

I know what news she was awaiting for but Jahan been very particular about using protection whenever we bedded. I always thought it was because he wanted us to have a good understanding before moving to that phase. At this moment when he only gave Mummy a thin lipped smile with his fingers clenching tightly on his knife and fork. Call it a wife intuition but it felt that there was something else.

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I was sitting before dressing table putting lotion on my hands. The balcony doors were open blowing the cold air in.

It was definitely was very cold outside and Jahan was standing on balcony wearing only a thin shalwar kameez. I decided to call him inside.

I secured the robe on my body before walking out. Jahan large figure was standing under the lantern glow surrounded by the cigarette smoke. His hand was on the railing while the other was holding cigarette from which he took drags.

"Jahan ap theak hai. (Jahan, Are you Okay?)

I placed my right hand on his back to provide him with comfort. This sense to soothe him. It came naturally. He turned on his heels with cigarette now clenched under his teeth as he took drags of smoke before taking it out and butting it on the railing and throwing it down.

"Itni thand hai. Ap yaha kiya kar rahe hai. (It's so cold. Why are you here?)"

"Ap bhe to itni thand me khare howe hai. (You are also standing in this cold.)"

He gave me a look of disapproval before pulling a shawl from the traditional swing and wrapping it around my shoulders.

I placed my hand on his cheek while his upper body was crouched a bit to wrap the shawl.

"Ap ko Mummy k baat ne itna disturb q kar diya hai. (Why Mummy's talk disturbed you this much?)"

He pulled away from me walking two steps behind before waiting a minute to speak again.

"Noor mujhe olad k chah ni. (I don't desire for children.)"

His words left me bewildered. Every one desired children at some point in their life especially eastern men.

"Magar q? (But why?)"

He walked those two steps back cupping my cheeks in his two large palms.

"Ap mere liye kafi hai. (You are enough for me.)"

"Par mujhe to chah hai. (But I do desire.)"

"Ap kehna kiya chah rahe hai k (Are you trying to say that) I am not enough for you.)"

I pulled his hand away from my face and moved back feeling frustrated that he would think or even say something like that.

"Ap apne apko sun rahe hai Jahan. (Are you listening to yourself Jahan.) These aren't related."

It was the first that I raised my voice at Jahan. We had arguments but I always conceded. His outright refusal made me angry.

"I don't want you to bet your life on for the survival of a child. Ap jante hai kitne aurteen aj bhe delivery me mar jate hai aur apki ami bhe to apko deliver karte howe mar gaye. (Do you know that how many women still die during delivery and even your mother died while delivering you.)"

He enclosed my hand in his own pulled my chin up. "I don't want that to be you Janna."

His talk about my ammi didn't hurt me as I had already made my peace with her death. A part of me did understand his concerns but it doesn't meant that I agreed with him.

"Jahan mout to Allah k hath me hai. Ap isko lekar q preshan horahe hai aur apko pata hai jo aurat is halat me marte hai uska Allah k hai kitna makam hota hai. (Jahan, Death is in hands of Allah. Why are you worrying about that and do you know that how much of position a women have infront of Allah when she die in this condition.)"

He pulled his hand away from mine and walked away a bit. I didn't want him to be upset with me so I grabbed his hand tugging on it to have his attention.

"Naraz na ho plz. (Don't be upset.) I can't stand you being upset with me."

He pulled my hand toward his lips and brushed them on the back of it.

"I am not upset with you. Mujhe bs apke honto se is tarah k baat pasand ni aye. (I just don't like these kind of talks from your lips.)"

I took one step forward and placed my head on his chest with one arms around his back while my other hand clutched on front of his shirt. My eyes down looking at the floor as he wrapped arm around me while his other hand moved up and down on my hairs.

"Main ainda aisa nahi kahoge magar main apse agree ni karte aur nahi main concede kar rahe ho. (I won't say something like this again but I don't agree with you nor I am conceding.)"

"Jb waqt aye ga tab dekhe ge. (We will see when the time comes.)"

He placed a kiss on my hairs before burying his nose in them.

That night, I was unable to sleep thinking back on our conversation. I couldn't understand why he would say something like that. It irked me more then I let on. I wanted to have kids of my own not right away but sometime later.

I moved a bit when my ears caught a mumbling sound. It was Jahan again mumbling something in his sleep. Must be a nightmare again.

I pulled the duppata on my head and recited surahs in my heart. I was about to blew it on him when a name fell from his lips causing havoc on my peace.

"Sarah."

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