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The red duppata was draped on my head and the pins were adjusted to keep it there. My head was down and eyes were on my hina covered hands. I didn't look at mirror to see my face.

A knock was produced on the door. They were talking and I ignored. There were sound of footsteps and the closing of door.

Two warm hands were placed on my shoulder. I raised my head and instantly my eyes found the brown of the bride in the mirror. I looked like a bride. Jahan k dulhan. (Jahan's bride.)

I placed my hand on mummy's hand and turned my head to her. There was a sweet smile on her face but a tear escaped her left eye.

She walked in front and took my hands. I stood up and followed her to the bed where we both set with her hands holding onto mine.

"Chanda."

She called me and I pulled my eyes away from lap toward her face.

"I acknowledge it that Jahan did wrong with you but you should forgive him now."

My throat tightened. Forgive him. I understand now the reason that he left but three years___________. Teen saal k beruhi. (Indifference of three years.) It wasn't easy to forgive and forget.

"I will try."

She pulled my head toward her and kissed on my temple.

"Shukria. (Thank you.)"

A knock was produced and Sana entered in room saying that the guest were already in the hall and the car was waiting downstairs.

A large chadar was placed on my head with a veil to cover my face. I walked downstairs to the front where a door was opened for me and I took a seat at the back.

The car reached the hall. I got out of the car and they took me to bridal room. They took off the chadar and the veil. They checked me last time.

I stood in middle as my cousins stood at my sides holding a red duppata with golden heavy work above my head.

I was standing before the hall. The doors opened. There was silence but then a song started to play. The music played and then a long word was sang by singer.

At this they asked me to walk.

I started taking small steps as the singer sang the same word again.

I could feel every eyes that kept me in captive at my every step as I walked on the long straight red carpet taking me up to him. I didn't look up to see if he was one of the them or not.

My hands were trembling as I got closer to the stage. My heart it felt like it would burst out at any given moment.

I was now close to the stairs and at the second call of this word again by singer. I climbed up one stair. A hand was there out stretched for me to help me take my second up.

This time. I looked up and his honey brown eyes held me with intensity that had my hands sweating. He was wearing black shirwani with golden work. Black hair slicked back and the stubble was still there but a bit lighter then before. I pulled my eyes away from his and looked down again.

I placed my small hand in his large one and released a deep breath that I was holding in.

His grip on my hand tightened as he helped me up the step. I didn't look at him again as he walked us to our seats. We set side by side but with some distance that was placed by me.

I felt overdosed by his cologne and It felt it like that was all I could breath. The guest kept coming sitting beside us giving gifts and duas. My eyes never left my hands or my lap even when people teased and made jokes.

My friends Zara, Rabia and Sana climbed up the stage holding a decorated glass containing milk. They set on the stage around Jahan.

"Sana, have you changed the party?" Hassam was the one to speak from behind sofa where he was standing.

She rolled her eyes. "You are just jealous."

"So Jahan bhai. Money and then this heavenly milk will be your's."

"How much?"

They made their demand which wasn't small but Jahan being Jahan took a out the cheque book and sighed the cheque and gave it to them ignoring the whines from behind that he made it easy for them.

They gave him the milk and he took some sips.

"Piye ge." (Want to drink it.) He pulled the glass in front of me.

I shook my head.

"Pe lee. (Drink it). It tastes good." His voice got lower and bit deeper.

There was a chorus of awws from behind. I still didn't take the glass. "Drink it Noor-e-Jahan. Kitne pyar se kah rahe hai. (He is asking with such love.)"

Another round of teasing started. My cheeks burned in embarrassment as I took the glass from him. Our fingertips brushed a bit in process. I enclosed my lips around the straw as two honey orbs stared intensely. I took two large sips before passing it back to him.

It tasted sweet. The milk was not simple milk but it was prepared specially by adding dry fruits, barfi and sweet things like those.

At the end. The photographer captured photographer with family. It was time for rukhsati.

The net veil was again placed on my head covering my face just above my lips. I stood up. His hand enclosed on my wrist. Taya abu held the Quran over my head as he walked me to the car.

Evey step felt heavy when I truly realized that I had no maika. I had no one there to cry tears and whispers sweet things for me at my rukhsati. I had no one to miss me and no home to miss. At this point, I truly missed the only blood relation that I had known. I missed Abba.

I looked at the night sky before me truly dark with little stars. They were so far that they looked lonely. I felt like one of littlest star in the dark sky. The cold wind creeped on me arising goose bumps.

The back seat door was opened. I took a seat inside. He got in to but I didn't care too lost in my loneliness.

I wanted to cry to relive myself of tightening of my throat and the burden on my chest but no tear was shed. I cried so many tears on the day of Abba's death that after that no tear escaped my eyes. I wanted so desperately but I could never. At least not for him and not when I missed him.

"Begum." (Wifey)

"Ji."

He took hold of wrist and tugged me so that I was pulled into his side and then he whispered in husky voice.

"Bohat zeyada fasla tha." (Too much distance.)

We reached the haveli like this with me sitting right beside him and his fingers holding on to my wrist.

The car stooped before the front door. As we stepped out. The fireworks started right at the moment. He helped me walked up the stairs. The vines on the rail were illuminated with fairy lights same as the fountain in the middle.

As we entered through the door. The rose petal fell on us from above at each step. It felt like a rain of petals. Every one was standing in the veranda. They greeted us with sweet smiles and hugs.

Zarish apy took me upstairs with her. She opened the door of the room and pulled me in. It was dark save the candles on every single table. There were rose petal lying on table and floor randomly.

She took me to the bed which fortunately had no roses. She helped me to sit in middle with my lehanga spread around me.

I felt truly nervous in this setting. The balcony door even had fairy lights hanging illuminating the room further.

"Zarish apy." She was about to leave when I called her.

"Can you make him wait a little longer at threshold?" I quickly added. "I would like to have some time to myself."

"Sahe." (alright)

She turned but then I again called her. "Can you turn on the lights on your way?"

"No. It will ruin all the effort that I made to create this romantic setting." She left the room closing the door behind her and not giving me another chance to talk to her.

I closed my eyes and some minute later. I heard voices outside the room. His and that of my cousins who were doing rasta rukai.

I kept my eyes closed until I heard the creak of the door and the sound of the doors locking.

My eyes remained on my lap. I could hear the sound of each of his step. It felt amplified in this otherwise silent room.

He was now sitting in front of me. He didn't say anything for a minute. I felt nervous and scared and every emotion heightened as I waited for his next move.

"Noor-e-jahan. It sounds nice."

"Ji." I meekly whispered.

His hand grabbed both of my wrists as he pulled me forward to his side until I was leaning on him.

"Fasla pasand ni bataya to tha apko." (I told you that I don't like distance.)

His breath fawned on my neck raising goosebumps as he whispered. He hands were around my neck as he clasped a chain.

"Apka tuhfa. (Your gift.)" His index finger traced my collar bone.

"Shukriya. (Thank you.)"

My head was still down. I couldn't meet his eyes. I actually was barely handling our closeness. I wanted to just stand up and maybe lock myself inside the bathroom for whole night. His presence, scent and touch everything intimidated me.

He placed his index and middle finger under my chin and pulled it up. Those hooded honey brown orbs kept me captive and my breath faltered.

"Aur mera tuhfa janna." (And my gift beloved) He asked seductively in a husky whisper.

I parted my lips and then looked away and then looked back at him. I tugged on my lips not knowing what to do.

"Main (I) __________ ummm. Change__ karlo. (Can I change?)"

He bit back a smile that threatened to pull on his lips. "Jayein (go.)"

I pulled myself out of the bed. I clutched on my lehangs to hold it up and walked bare feet to the switch board to turn on the lights then I walked to the dressing table.

I took of every piece of jewellery and also duppata. I opened my hairs taking off the pins and placed everything in the cupboard. My eyes fell on the white pure pearl hanging in the gold chain resting in between my collar bones.

I was about to take it off but a order from behind stopped me. "Let it stay."

I walked to the cupboard and took a plain long silk kameez and trouser with a chiffon duppata. I took of to bathroom and changed out of my bridal wear. I wiped away all the makeup and walked back inside.

I placed my bridal wear inside the cupboard and closed the door. A hands gripped my waist and turned me around. He was only inches away.

He was now wearing a simple white trouser and kameez with his sleeves rolled up to the elbow.

He was too close for my comfort. I couldn't do anything as I was catch in between him and the cupboard. My fingers clutched on my kameez tightly.

"Ap ne mujhe mera tuhfa nahi deya." (You didn't give me my gift.)

"Apko kiya chaheye?" (What do you want?) The question tumbled out of my lips and I mentally slapped myself for even asking this. I further trapped myself in his seductive web and I was proved right with next his word and action.

"Ap." (You). A gasp left my lips. I didn't expect him to be so bold.

I parted my lips and his name tumbled out of them in a hoarse whisper.

"Jahan."

"Mujhe apna namm apke honto se acha laga. Aise he mera naam pukarte raheye ga." (I liked my name from your lips. Keep calling it like this.)

He completed the distance and his lips kissed and sucked the corner of my mouth. I held my breath as he lips skimmed downward my my jaw where they sucked down my neck.

I was stiff holding on to my shirt. I felt like I wouldn't be able to breath if his lips kept sucking at that spot. I hated and liked it at the same time. The sensation were too much and my body visibly trembled as his teeths clamped on the skin of my neck.

I pushed him away and he stumbled back a bit. "No."

"No." He repeated the same word holding onto my eyes. His jaw was clenched and he looked dangerous and Allah scary. An angry Jahan scared me way too much.

His arm shot out and wrapped around my waist as he pulled me toward his chest. He held my chin tightly and pulled it up.

"Biwi ho tum meri." (You are my wife) His tone completely changed. It didn't hold that adoration.

I opened my lips to say something but I couldn't form a word with the way that he stared at me.

"Rehne do. (Leave it.)" He pulled away and then turned off the lights before walking to the bed and laying inside the covers.

I remained rooted on my place. I felt disturbed. I didn't know what to do and then I remembered the talk that mummy gave me a day before my mehndi. She told me that a wife should not deny her husband as it caused bitterness in the relationship and she advised me to talk to him about my fears so that he will understand.

I knew that I should tell him about my fear for him. He probably thought that I denied him because of Ibad which wasn't good. I really wanted to reach out but my lips remained closed tight throughout the night.

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