آ

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The honks of cars and the shrill beeps of motor bikes were easy to ignore under the soulful trance of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.

I rested my head gainst the seat, closing my lids as his voice pulled on my heart strings.

Hoye dade dilgeer

khichi yaadan ne lakeer

Sanu chann maahi

Gheereya-e - tereyan khayalan

I opened my eyes again. I looked through window pane of my back seat. The traffic was still full swing on the road. Our car was behind a long lane of cars.

The sky was rumbling with loud angry black clouds thundering again again. It looked like that it would rain anytime.

"Khan baba, kiya howa hai?"

(Khan baba, what happend?)

I was tired, waiting for so long. It had been fifteen minute but we were still waiting on road for the traffic to move. It was two pm. The off time for school student which made the traffic worse. Mummy wanted me home earlier so I kind of rushed from university. She didn't tell me the reason but she sounded quite elated on the phone.

"Bibi ji, koi jhagra howa hai."

(Bhabi ji, there is some quarrel.)

I placed my hand on my head. A quarrel in between Lahories. It was going to last longer and the traffic was not going to move any time soon. These kind of issues on roads was not an unusual occurrence in Lahore but today, It rattled me more.

An hour later, I reached the Sikander villa. I walked straight in to kitchen scenting the sizzling aroma of many desi dishes. To my surprise, I found mummy cooking on the stove while giving Gul Bano our servant instructions.

She looked at me and smiled. Her face was lit up with excitement and happiness.

"Finally, you are here. Aao. (Come) Give me a hand."

I washed my hands in the sink nearby and placed my duppata on the chair. She asked me to prepare mutton pilau with kababs. I immediately started doing the work. I was almost done with Kababs. I asked Gul Bano to take the tray of kabab and place it in freezer so that they could be fried at dinner.

"Did you invite some guest for dinner?"

Her lips pulled in to a large smiled as she beamed at me.

"Jahan araha hai. (Jahan is coming.). His flight is on board. He would be here at evening."

I didn't hear her after first sentence. The first sentence was the only one that I could focus on. The glass filled with water slid from my hand crashing on the floor breaking in to number of pieces. Jahan was coming. Why?

"Noor chanda."

I noticed that she was calling my name for long. "Ji mummy."

"Step away from glass." Now I noticed that Gul Bano was down there collecting the broken pieces in a bin.

"And hurry up get ready. Wear something nice."

"Ji."

I walked out of the Kitchen, upstairs in to my room. After three years, why was he coming now? Maybe it was for better. Now I could finally ask him for what I intented to for so long.

I pulled out a black trouser and black Kameez with golden lace and organza duppata. After showering, I dressed into it.

I looked at the large french window. The sun was already setting. There were hues of orange and red in the sky. I knew he would be here any time.

I looked at mirror for one last time. My black long hairs were in a low bun with some strands framing my face. My makeup light and natural with my peach gloss. My dark chocolate brown eyes looked captivating by the kohl.

We were all sitting in living room waiting for his arrival for hours. The night had already fallen. Mummy head was down as she tried to hide those teary eyes. Papa pulled her in his arms trying to console her.

She looked really desolate like someone smashed her hopes. The lightness on her face long gone. Some time, her state made me question that why didn't she ever blame me. It was easy. Some how for some reason. I was the reason. The cause due to which he never came back since three years.

"Bhabi ji, khana lagao." (should I set the table). Gul Bano came toward me asking the question.

"Yes, go." Saying this. I gave pappa a look. He pulled mummy toward the dinning table.

He must be late due to flight issues. "Ajaye ga." (He will come.)" She was assuring herself more at the moment.

I didn't say anything. I just smiled. I already lost my appetite but I kept pulling the spoons filled with rice to my mouth just for her sake. Papa gave me a look over the dinner which told us that his phone was unavailable. Somehow we both knew that he wasn't coming but we kept quite.

I placed a kiss on mummy's forehead as I walked up to my room. Jahan has been punishing his parent just to punish me. I couldn't understand , how he could he not realize it.

I changed into a simple silk trouser and kameez and laid on my bed. Mummy was the only mother that I knew. She may haven't given birth to me but she raised me and took care of me.

I was forever grateful to her and some how it ached me to see her like this. I pulled the covers up to just below my chest. I fell in to a good sleep after some time.

I was sitting on the chair beside my father who was on laying the hospital bed. So many tubes emerging from his body but he still smiled with an oxygen mask on his face. I held on to his hand which gave me light squeezes from time to time.

The kazi was sitting on the chair in front of me. He was sitting beside him. He didn't concern me. No one concerned me at the moment other then my abba.

"Do you Noor Hamad Faris accept Jahan Sikandar Ali Shah son of Ali Shah as your husband in the names of Allah and, his rasool (S.W.A.T)?

I looked at my abba who looked at me awaiting for my answer.

"Qabool." (I accept.) I answered every time the kazi asked me breaking my heart in the process.

Mummy squeezed my shoulders after he answered the Kazi the three times. There were congratulations in the air of hospital room. Some how in this distraught situation every one was so happy that they didn't notice the tears that escaped my eyes but he did. He saw them.

That day I became Noor Jahan Sikandar Ali Shah alas only in name.

My eyes remained closed as I moved on my left side so my face was toward the large french window which had a rocking chair beside it, where I loved to sit and read.

I didn't know why today, I had the dream about that night. I occasionally had it and whenever I did. It proved to be disturbing. It was a night that I wanted to wipe away from my memory. Maybe then the hurt would been have reduced.

I opened my eyes noticing a shadow of man sitting on my rocking chair. The silvery glow of moonlight outlining the manly figure. I furrowed my brows and was about to close my eyes but then the figure walked up to me until it was sitting beside me on my bed.

It no more felt like a hallucination as he took a strand of my hair and pulled it behind my ear. I turned on the lamp and shot up moving away from him.

Jahan. Jahan was here. I looked at my husband studying him. The honey coloured almond shaped eyes framed my thick black lashes studied me too. His arched nose and small mouth with medium sized creme colored lip stayed put. His black hair were a bit longer then before. A heavy stubble was covering his otherwise clean shaped jaw. His arms encaged in an black suit shirt had bulging muscles. The same was with his upper body. It was more mascular and heavy which showed that he still worked out.

He looked dangerous, scary and intimidating and it isn't like he wasn't these things before. But now, this particular aura was more stronger.

His eyes lingered on my collar bones and to my neckline which showed a good amount of my cleavage. I hastily pulled the duppata beside my pillow and placed it on my chest to cover myself from his wandering eyes.

His eyes were now set on my face. I didn't if it showed that how scared I was with his abrupt visit but my heart was beating loudly.

"Ap yaha, kiya kar rahe hai?" (You here, what are you doing?)

He pulled out a cigarette from his pockets and ignited it from the flame of his lighter before finally placing it in between his lips.

"Kiya mujhe apne biwi se milne k liye ab ijazat chaheye?" ( Do I now need to have permission to see my wife?)

It was the first time he mentioned me as his wife no actually was the first time since he to talked to this so called wife.

"Ap jaye yaha se." (You should leave.)

"Q?" (Why?). His voice. It didn't change. It was same deep and baritone which added to his intimidating persona.

"Its 3: 30 am. Agay ap samajhdar hai. ( you are perspective.)"

He took a long drag of smoke before standing up and walking toward the door. From some where in my mind, A voice whispered it was now or never.

He was at the door when the courage built up in me enough to demand for what should I have long ago.

"Mujhe talaq chaheye." ( I want divorce.) He stopped right at the door turned on his heels.

I wanted him to give me divorce. Three words that's it. I couldn't give him divorce myself as I haven't signed for my right on nikkahnama like evey other woman in this society.

His jaw clenched with his eyes glaring a hole at me. I held my breath awaiting.

"Tum mere biwi ho. Main tumhare zuban se talaq ka lafz dobara kabhi na suno. (You are my wife. I don't want to hear the word of divorce from your tongue ever again.) I am warning you Noor."

"Sirf lafzon aur kaghzon mein." (Only in words and papers.) I clenched the sheets tightly in my hand. I didn't know where that courage was coming from when my heart was beating so loudly.

"Wo bhe badal jaye ga jaldi." (It will change soon.) He gave me fleeting intense gaze that said it all before opening the door and banging it behind him.

Three years. Weren't they enough? Now what does he want. He think he can claim his right on me. After no contact for these years. My abba died a week later after our nikkah and coming back to Pakistan to attend his Janaza look far away when he didn't even say three of words sympathy to me. He have been a heartless. A true heartless person. The call of Azan sounded in the night. It was fajar.

I walked to my washroom and did my wudu. Laying the prayer mat. I asked for Allah to guide me and to do what is better for us all.

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