Here are 10 things that are fucking up your writing.

1) YOU'RE NOT USING THE COMMAS.

"My name is Kelsey and my best friend is Daniel and we've been friends forever and I can't imagine life without him and I think I'm in love with him."

Jesus Christ. My eyes are bleeding. Commas have a few basic rules, like using them after conjunctions to place a pause in what could be two separate sentences. The previous example was also a run-on, which is not good.

"My name is Kelsey my best friend is Daniel. We've been friends forever I can't imagine life without him. I think I'm in love with him."

Despite the sentences being incredibly cliche, at least looking at them doesn't give me a migraine.

2) YOU'RE NOT SEPARATING PARAGRAPHS.

"Cleopatra VII ruled ancient Egypt as co-regent (first with her two younger brothers and then with her son) for almost three decades. She became the last in a dynasty of Macedonian rulers founded by Ptolemy, who served as general under Alexander the Great during his conquest of Egypt in 332 B.C. Well-educated and clever, Cleopatra could speak various languages and served as the dominant ruler in all three of her co-regencies. Her romantic liaisons and military alliances with the Roman leaders Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, as well as her supposed exotic beauty and powers of seduction, earned her an enduring place in history and popular myth. Since no contemporary accounts exist of Cleopatra's life, it is difficult to piece together her biography with much certainty. Much of what is known about her life comes from the work of Greco-Roman scholars, particularly Plutarch. Born in 70 or 69 B.C., Cleopatra was a daughter of Ptolemy XII (Auletes). Her mother was believed to be Cleopatra V Tryphaena, the king's wife (and possibly his half-sister). In 51 B.C., upon the apparently natural death of Auletes, the Egyptian throne passed to 18-year-old Cleopatra and her 10-year-old brother, Ptolemy XIII. On September 2, 31 B.C., Octavian's forces soundly defeated those of Antony and Cleopatra in the Battle of Actium. Cleopatra's ships deserted the battle and fled to Egypt, and Antony soon managed to break away and follow her with a few ships. With Alexandria under attack from Octavian's forces, Antony heard a rumor that Cleopatra had committed suicide. He fell on his sword, and died just as news arrived that the rumor had been false."

Let's be real, none of you read that. I didn't even read that, and I'm the one who wrote... Ahem, copied and pasted it into this chapter. Section off the paragraphs so it's easier for the reader to take in the information without feeling overwhelmed.

"Cleopatra VII ruled ancient Egypt as co-regent (first with her two younger brothers and then with her son) for almost three decades. She became the last in a dynasty of Macedonian rulers founded by Ptolemy, who served as general under Alexander the Great during his conquest of Egypt in 332 B.C. Well-educated and clever, Cleopatra could speak various languages and served as the dominant ruler in all three of her co-regencies. Her romantic liaisons and military alliances with the Roman leaders Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, as well as her supposed exotic beauty and powers of seduction, earned her an enduring place in history and popular myth.

Since no contemporary accounts exist of Cleopatra's life, it is difficult to piece together her biography with much certainty. Much of what is known about her life comes from the work of Greco-Roman scholars, particularly Plutarch. Born in 70 or 69 B.C., Cleopatra was a daughter of Ptolemy XII (Auletes). Her mother was believed to be Cleopatra V Tryphaena, the king's wife (and possibly his half-sister). In 51 B.C., upon the apparently natural death of Auletes, the Egyptian throne passed to 18-year-old Cleopatra and her 10-year-old brother, Ptolemy XIII.

On September 2, 31 B.C., Octavian's forces soundly defeated those of Antony and Cleopatra in the Battle of Actium. Cleopatra's ships deserted the battle and fled to Egypt, and Antony soon managed to break away and follow her with a few ships. With Alexandria under attack from Octavian's forces, Antony heard a rumor that Cleopatra had committed suicide. He fell on his sword, and died just as news arrived that the rumor had been false."

Still didn't read it.

4) YOU'RE CAPITALIZING WORDS WHEN A CHARACTER IS SHOUTING INSTEAD OF USING ITALICS.

This may be just my opinion, but whenever I open a published book from a store, the characters express intense emotions in italics. Wattpad books sometimes make me feel as though the author accidentally turned on Caps Lock and forgot to turn it off.

"HOWARD! YOU SON OF A *****! WHY ARE YOU HERE? WHY HAVEN'T I KILLED YOU YET? **CK JAIL! I'LL SERVE MY TIME! AS LONG AS YOU'RE GONE!"

YIKES! THAT WAS- Whoops. Forgot to turn Caps Lock off.

Jesus. That was... a lot. A more professional way to portray this scene is by using italics. Italics show better expression than all capitals do; you can put emphasis on certain words and not just the whole phrase. I'll show you.

"Howard! You son of a Why are you here? Why haven't I killed you yet? I'll serve my time! As long as you're gone!"

5) YOU'RE DESCRIBING THE CHARACTER IN A BLURB BEFORE LETTING THE AUDIENCE GET TO KNOW THEM. AND SAYING DUMB THINGS ABOUT SAID CHARACTER.

"Carly (my main character): short (but a cute short) with curly blonde hair and freckles on her nose. She loves skateboarding and goes out with her brother a lot to skate parks. She has a bubbly laugh and is super energetic, always on the move. I just love her!!"

Let me just stop you right there.

Tell us these things in the actual story. Maybe the first chapter takes place at a skatepark, where we first meet Carly. We would automatically understand she liked skateboarding, unless she mentioned how her brother dragged her unwillingly along to watch him. Maybe her boyfriend later on mentions her freckles, and that's how we go, "Oh, she has freckles! Cute!" There's a phrase, "Show, don't tell." Show us her bubbly laugh when her boyfriend acts like a klutz, and show us how energetic she is when it's the middle of the night and her boyfriend is moaning for her to just sleep already. Don't just merely tell us these things; let us experience them.

"Carly popped an Ollie on her skateboard, tucking a loose strand of her unruly hair behind her ear as an easy smile stretched across her face. Coming to the skatepark was one of her favorite things to do with her brother. She laughed as he sailed by, feeling the breeze of his momentum as his wheels thundered across the pavement. Though she was smaller than the rest of the other kids at the park, she'd never felt inhibited by her size."

There. I didn't explain everything from the blurb, but showing rather than telling is way more professional. No one wants to read a short character description before launching into the story; they want to get to know the character as they journey along with them over the course of the novel.

6) YOU'RE NOT CAPITALIZING ANYTHING AND LEAVING A SPACE BETWEEN THE LAST WORD OF THE SENTENCE AND THE PUNCTUATION MARK.

"may was a nice girl . she loved everyone and always smiled . she was a great friend ."

Some things are easy on the eyes, but this isn't one of them. It's an easy fix, though.

"May was a nice girl. She loved everyone and always smiled. She was a great friend."

Add capitals at the beginning of every sentence and erase the space between the last word and the punctuation mark. Voilà.

7) YOU'RE MIXING UP TENSES IN THE SAME PARAGRAPH.

"Charissa walked down the hall, smiling as Jack approached her. 'How are you?' He asks, and she shrugs. Following him as they walked to class, Charissa does not know how to respond."

Okay. Let's break this down. Below, I've bolded all the tenses that disagree.

"Charissa down the hall, smiling as Jack her. 'How are you?' He , and she . Following him as they to class, Charissa not know how to respond."

Don't switch between past and present tense! Pick one and stick with it. Consistency is key. Let's pick past tense.

"Charissa down the hall, smiling as Jack her. 'How are you?' He , and she . Following him as they to class, Charissa not know how to respond."

"He walked slowly down the hallway, watching as the lights flickered. He felt scared all of a sudden, and didn't know what to do. He was mesmerized by the light, unable to stop walking. He followed the light until it shut off completely. He screamed, his fear growing by the second."

He, he, he. Too many 'he's! It gets repetitive, and not to mention choppy. Starting a lot of sentences with the same word messes with the flow. You can start some of the sentences with the same word, but just refrain from doing it excessively.

"He walked slowly down the hallways, watching as the lights flickered. Feeling scared all of a sudden, he didn't know what to do. Mesmerized by the light, he was unable to stop walking. He followed the light until it shut off completely. Screaming, his fear grew by the second."

9) YOU'RE OVER-DESCRIBING.

For example: "I stared at Jason; he was so mouthwateringly perfect. His curly, chestnut colored hair glistened in the light, each curl illuminated by the sun's rays. The freckles on his nose stood out perfectly against his tan skin, and the tip of his nose was slightly crooked if you looked close enough. He wore a crisp white shirt that hugged his defined muscles, and there was hardly one wrinkle in the fabric. Jason's left shoulder sloped down slightly further than his right shoulder, and so the fabric on his right shoulder was stretched a bit tighter than the fabric on his left shoulder. When he smiled, it was like a dream come true, even though one of his bottom teeth (third tooth from the middle to be exact) was turned in slightly."

Lord have mercy. Now, obviously this is slightly exaggerated, but some writers do a lot of over-describing. You don't need to lay out every detail of his appearance. When you look at someone, do you analyze the way the fabric of their shirt gathers at their shoulders? Absolutely not! So don't describe it.

Tip: show us only what is necessary to imagine him, and anything else pertaining to the specific plot (like scars or missing fingers or blood from where I stabbed him because he's so predictable).

10) YOU'RE USING EXCESSIVE DIALOGUE.

This could be one of the worst mistakes you could make, and I'll show you why.

"Amber perched on the edge of the bench, feeling agitated. Kyle reclined next to her, casually throwing rocks at the geese clustered near them.

'We need to talk,' Kyle said.

'I know.'

'What's going on between us?'

'I honestly don't know.'

'We need to resolve this.'

'How?'

'I think we should break up.'

'Seriously? You're breaking up with me?'

'Sorry.'

"I hate you! This is so not fair!'"

I think it goes without saying that there is way too much talking and there isn't any description of the characters' actions. What does Amber do when he breaks up with her? Does she gasp and slap him, does she stand up immediately and storm off, does she gape at him before collecting her thoughts? We don't know, because the reader doesn't provide any detail.

"Amber perched on the edge of the bench as though ready to flee the scene at any moment, blood pounding as she bounced her leg anxiously. Kyle reclined next to her as though he didn't have a care in the world, casually throwing rocks at the geese clustered near them. 'We need to talk,' Kyle said ominously. Amber wasn't an idiot; she'd seen the way their relationship had been deteriorating.

She knew why they were here.

'I know.' Dread filled Amber, and she picked an invisible fuzz off of her jeans if only to keep her hands from trembling and her eyes from pleading with him to give her a second chance. Her pulse quickened, and she swallowed hard, bracing herself for the inevitable.

'I think we should break up.' His tone is mild and indifferent, and Amber bristled. That's it? No 'I'm sorry things ended this way. I wish it had all been different?' No 'I'll love you forever even when we're not together?'

'Seriously?' She ground out through gritted teeth, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks as her fists curled at her sides. He didn't answer, just shrugging and fiddling with the rocks in his hands.

'Sorry,' he mumbled, and Amber snatched the rocks out of his hands angrily. When he sighed, cutting his eyes at her in annoyance, she lost it.

"I hate you! This is so not fair!' She blurted, throwing the rocks at him and jumping up. Ignoring his surprised yelp, she stormed away from him, fuming and wondering what she did wrong to cause his love for her to wane."

Quick, concise, and way better.

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