Kiersten:

"Niall?" I called as I walked into our house dropping my keys into the bowl that sat on the counter and kicking my heels off, not caring where they landed. I had just gotten done doing some stuff at the BYOKB office and I was really hoping for a back massage from Niall. I had slept funny the night before and my back was a mess of knots and Niall's hands could work wonders on it. Sure, he had been distant and we had been fighting a lot, but I decided that I was just going to let it go. He was obviously hurting, but he refused to tell me about it. But I knew Niall well enough to know that if I pushed for him to tell me he would just put more distance between us. And if my plan was going to work I couldn't have any more distance between us.

I knew Niall was home since his car was in the garage but he didn't answer. "He's probably asleep." I mumbled sorting through the mail.

"Hey." I heard from behind me and I jumped spinning around to see Niall standing there in sweatpants and a t-shirt with his guitar in one hand and a beer in the other.

"Jesus, Niall. You almost gave me a heart attack." I said putting my hand on my heart, trying to calm my rapid breathing.

"Sorry, I heard you call my name but I was trying to get this song down. Did you need something?" He asked arching an eyebrow and setting the guitar down on a chair.

"Um, no. I'm fine. You seem busy. What do you want for dinner?" I asked walking towards the kitchen, deciding to just let the back massage go. He seemed irritated so I decided to just go get a real massage the next day.

"Oh um, I'm going out with Eoghan and Laura, tonight. I'm leaving soon, actually. I better go get ready. Sorry." He said kissing my cheek so fast I wasn't even sure that it happened before he disappeared as quickly as he had appeared.

I sighed closing my eyes before making my way to the laundry room and pulling a pair of sweatpants and a tank top out of the dryer. I put my other clothes right into the washing machine since I was too lazy to go upstairs and change and put my clothes in the hamper.

I pulled my hair up into a bun with the hair tie that was on my wrist as I made my way into my office. I plugged my phone into the entire house stereo and sighed happily as Pharell Williams started playing through the speakers. I made my way into my photography room and happily breathed in the familiar and welcoming smell of the chemicals of the dark room, well dark half of the room. I had half of the room made into a dark room and the other half stored my cameras and such. I did all of my editing in my office on the large Mac that sat on my desk.

I grabbed a container of film from one of the drawers not even bothering to look at what it was. I just wanted to get my mind off of everything and develop some pictures, and the surprise of what they were going to be was half of the fun.

I walked back into my office and pressed pause on my phone so the music stopped, before pressing the button of the PA system, "Niall, I'm developing film. If you want to say goodbye you need to be down here in two minutes." I said before pressing play once again.

Niall walked into the room, "I shouldn't be too late. Should be home before midnight. But don't wait up for me."

"Okay just text me if you're going to be later than that." I said kissing his cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too." He said kissing my cheek, not my mouth like he normally would.

When I knew Niall was gone I cranked the music up even more and made my way into the dark room, shutting the door making sure that no light was spilling in. I flicked on the red light and started putting chemicals into the developing bin after putting the film on the spool. I submerged the film in water before getting it ready to put in the chemicals. I checked the chart and then gently placed the film in the chemicals for the right amount of time. When their time was up I rinsed them off before hanging them on the line to dry.

I flipped the red light off before lying down in the middle of the floor sighing happily as I drifted off into a nice nap on the hardwood floor of my dark room. It felt really good to get my mind off of everything and focus on something that I really enjoyed doing. Photography was really one of my passions.

I woke up an hour or so later and flicked the red light on to check on my pictures. I found them mostly dry so I decided that was good enough. I dumped out all of the chemicals into the large sink and then carefully took the pictures down off of the drying line. I carried them out of the dark room and into the kitchen where I laid them out on the counter top so I could see them.

I clenched my eyes shut when I realized what film I had developed. It was from a day that Niall and I had spent just the two of us in our house. It was from just before we had lost the baby. We were both so happy at the time. We had no clue all of the pain that was coming our way. We were a madly in love married couple who was expecting their first child. We were on top of the world. Nothing could hurt us. We had taken one of my older cameras, filling it with film, and then taking pictures of each other, ourselves, the animals and random things All of them were in black and white because it was a black and white camera, and they all were absolutely beautiful, no matter how heart wrenching it was to look at them.

My fingers were tinted a blue/green color from the dyes and they stood out against the crisp black and white photos when I reached for them. I looked at each picture carefully examining them before my phone buzzed on the counter.

El: Are you busy? Lou's kicking me out of the house to have daddy/daughter time. I have chocolate and wineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I laughed and replied telling her that she was welcome to come over as long as she hadn't opened the bottle of wine yet. It was only a five minute drive to our house but I didn't need her getting in an accident in between our houses.

Seven minutes later the gate buzzed and I let Eleanor in and opened the front door for her. "I'm here!" She called walking in with a bottle of wine in one hand and a grocery bag in the other.

"I'm in the kitchen." I called back.

"These are cute!" She said pointing to the pictures that were still sitting on the counter.

"Yeah." I shrugged, "Let me just wash my hands and then we can go out on the back patio." I said walking towards my sink to try and scrub the dye off of my hands. I grabbed glasses and then lead her out by the pool. "So daddy/daughter time gets you kicked out of the house, huh?" I asked happily welcoming the glass of sweet wine from her.

Eleanor chuckled, "Yeah, Louis didn't want her to be distracted. He's trying to get her to talk and he's convinced that she will if I'm not there to distract her. He said that he needs to compete with the other boys. As long as she talks before July he'll have beaten Zayn in the date of the first word. Though I don't think vocabulary wise we'll win. "

I laughed, "Everything is such a competition with those boys. I know in their heads they're all competing for the first boy, too."

Eleanor nodded, "Well Louis' got a while to wait, I want Poppy to be at least two before the next one comes."

"El," I laughed, "That means you could be pregnant in four months, and she'll be two by the time the baby is born."

"Shhhh!" Eleanor said putting her hand over my mouth making the both of us laugh before she turned more serious. "Okay, if you don't want to talk about it just tell me and we don't have to okay? But just know that you can tell me anything and I won't judge you. What about you and Niall? Are you trying?" She asked. Her voice was soft as if she was afraid that she was going to upset me. Not that I could blame her for thinking like that. I sighed closing my eyes and resting my head against the chaise but before I could say anything Eleanor started talking again, "I'm sorry, babe. We don't have to talk about it."

"No, no. It's fine. It's good to talk about it right?" I asked turning my head to the side to look at her and she just gave me a sad small smile. "I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to get put back on fertility drugs."

"Back on?"

"Yeah, they put me on some right after it happened but I was only on them until my hormone levels were a little more balanced out, but I'm going back on so I can get pregnant faster, hopefully."

"Is that safe?"

"Yeah, my doctor said is safe and is signing for it and everything."

"Is Niall still being all distant and weird and stuff?"

I nodded sadly, "Yeah, he won't even talk about why he's being so distant. I just, I don't know what to do. Did I like do something wrong? I just don't understand." I said wiping away a fallen tear.

"Aw, babe." Eleanor said getting off her chair and getting onto mine, wrapping her slender arms around me. "It'll be okay. You're both just struggling with this differently. You'll figure it out together because you love each other and if there's one couple that's destined to be together it's you two." She said smiling brightly.

"Thanks, El." I said resting my head against her shoulder.

"You're welcome, love. I'm always here." She said kissing my cheek and then pulling away, "Now, what do you say we get drunk?" She asked getting back on her chaise and knocking back her entire glass of champagne making me laugh, I was really glad to have a friend like Eleanor.

I got home the next day from the doctor and found Niall out on the patio grilling a couple of steaks. "I'm making steaks for dinner." He said obviously hearing me step outside.

"Okay, that sounds good." I said before taking a deep breath. "So I have something to talk to you about." I said taking a seat at the table that was near the grill.

"Okay, what's up?" He asked turning the grill down a little bit and taking a seat across from me, bringing the bottle of beer to his lips and taking a long drink. I had to pull my thoughts back to the present conversation after he had distracted me with his hotness.

"I'm going to have to join you on tour a week late." I said picking at my chipping nail polish, avoiding eye contact with him.

"What? Why?" He asked.

"I'm getting some treatments done. It's not anything major, just hormone injections."

"Hormone injections? What the hell do you need those for?" He asked with his voice slightly raised.

I took another deep breath, "it's not anything to worry about. My hormone levels just aren't what they should be after...you know. The doctors say that it's not a big deal, it's just a good idea to try and get them back to normal." I said stretching the truth a little bit. I was getting hormone injections but it wasn't because of my hormone levels, they were fine. It was a part of the fertility treatment that I was starting. Two weeks of hormone injections and four menstrual cycles worth of medication, plus an injection that I would be doing myself every other week for the time where I would be taking the medication. If I wasn't pregnant after six menstrual cycle periods then they were going to have to try something more extreme.

"And you have to do them here?" He asked his hand slipping into mine, which was the most loving thing I had gotten from him in a while, besides the normal goodnight kisses.

I nodded looking down at the table again, "Yeah. I have to go in every day this week and everyday next week and then I can come join you on tour. So it's really like a week and a half in." I said loving the feeling of his fingers brushing over my knuckles. It was almost as if I had my Niall back for a minute.

Niall nodded standing up and pressing a soft kiss to my forehead, "Whatever it takes for you to be healthy, I can handle." He said before going back to the grill.

"How long till they're done?" I asked checking my phone for any notifications.

"About fifteen minutes."

"Okay, I'm going to go change." I said standing up and heading back inside. I wasn't happy about lying to Niall, well I didn't technically lie, but I wasn't sure with how he had been acting how he would take the fertility treatments. So, my plan was just to not tell him. Of course if I didn't get pregnant in six months then I would have to talk to him because the treatments would get more intense and I wouldn't be able to do it alone.

I changed into a pair of leggings and a big sweater before making my way back downstairs to sit outside with Niall. "Can you have alcohol?" He asked not looking at me as he got our dinner plates together.

"A little bit, yeah. Do you need any help?"

"Yeah, why don't you go pick out a bottle of wine and grab whatever sauce you want?" He said and nodded standing up and going back inside the house grabbing a bottle of red wine, a couple wine glasses, and the steak sauce.

Niall and I ate the dinner in silence and I can honestly say that it was the most awkward that I had ever felt around Niall. We just didn't know what to say to each other, but the more wine we had the lighter the air got.

"This is really good babe." I said nudging his foot with mine.

"Thank you, I'm glad you like it." He said flashing me a smile as he poured me my fourth glass of wine.

"Are you trying to get me drunk, Mr. Horan?" I asked raising my eye brows at him.

He laughed his cheeks flushed pink from the amount of wine he had, "Me? Never!" He laughed as his hand slipped onto my thigh.

The next thing I knew Niall was pushing me down onto our bed his lips attacking my neck and jaw line. My leg hitched around his hip as my back arched towards him.

"I love you, Niall." I whispered as my fingers tugged lightly on his hair.

"I love you too, Kiersten." He said a moan slipping from his lips as he said my name.

Two weeks later I was getting off the plane in Boston where I was finally joining everyone on tour. The doctors said that all of the injections went smoothly and said that keeping a journal of everything that was going on with my body would really help to track my symptoms and such from the treatments.

Bob carefully wove me through the crowd of paparazzi that had gathered to wait for me when I got off of the plane. "Kiersten! Why are you joining everyone on tour so late?" was the common question that everyone asked. I slipped on a pair of sunglasses as I continued to work my way out to the car that was waiting for me. "Are you and Niall fighting? Are you seeing someone else? Are you and Niall okay?"

I took a deep breath and let Bob continued to push me as I fought back all of the choice words I had for the people asking questions and shoving cameras in my face. The truth was, I wasn't sure if Niall and I were okay. After the night that he made steaks he was in constant rehearsal and prep for the tour, and then he was gone on tour, so I was home alone. Of course we talked and stuff, but it was mostly text messages back and forth when we woke up and before we went to bed. He was busy so it's not like I expected much else.

I slid onto the leather seats grabbing my phone from the expensive bag that had been hooked on my elbow. I was annoyed with the fact that I had to look nice to ride on a damn airplane. But My Dad the Superhero 2 was still being pushed in the media like crazy and I had to look absolutely perfect. Because while some people believed that all press was good press, I was not one of those people, and I refused for my team to be made up of those people either.

As Bob confirmed that someone had picked up my bags and that they would be in my room as soon as possible I sent Niall and Samie each a quick text telling them that I was on my way. Samie replied saying that the boys were doing interviews until late afternoon and that they were all in Zayn and Nora's room. She gave me the room number and I told her that once I got everything settled into mine and Niall's room I would be there.

The second I was in the elevator and away from the prying eyes of the media I slipped of the heels I was forced to wear and sighed deeply, glad that they were finally off of my achy feet. "I feel like such a diva today." I mumbled resting my head against Bob as we made our way up

Bob laughed, "You look like one."

"Bob!" I said hitting his shoulder, "You're supposed to tell me that I'm over thinking it and that I don't look like a diva."

He just laughed and showed me to my room. I walked inside and climbed onto the lush bed. I was kind of nervous to see Niall. The whole time he was gone I had felt like a teenage girl sexting her boyfriend, when in reality I was a twenty-two year old woman sexting her husband and there was nothing wrong with what I was doing but I still felt a little naughty.

I slipped out of my clothes and snapped a quick picture and sent it to Niall to see when he was done with his interview. Kiersten: I'm in your bed ;) Can't wait to see you.

There was a knock on the door and I quickly slipped the bath robe on before graciously taking my suitcases from the bellhop, thanking him. I needed to blow off some steam so I slipped into a workout outfit (http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=84643551) and grabbed my phone and headphones before sending a quick text to Samie just letting her know that I'd see her later.

I knocked on Bob's door and he opened it raising his eyebrows at my outfit. "Yes?"

"I'm going to the gym. Am I allowed to go by myself?" I asked a little saracastically.

"Yes, you can't get in unless you have a hotel key. Is there any reason that you're going to the gym?"

"I need to blow off some steam and Niall's still in an interview so he can't be naked in-"

"Stop, stop, stop." Bob said holding up his hand making me laugh, "Just go to the gym." He said before shutting the door in my face making me laugh again.