Niall:

I held Kiersten's hand tightly as we sat in the waiting room waiting for our name to be called so we could see our baby. My leg was bouncing and Kiersten turned and looked at me grinning. "I'm so excited, Ni!" She said kissing my cheek.

"Me too, baby." I grinned and kissed her lips.

"Kiersten Horan?" A nurse called and we both jumped up and walked over to her. "Are you ready to see your baby?" She asked with a grin.

We both nodded excitedly and she led us back towards the room. They got Kiersten prepped and settled on a table in a hospital gown. I was given a chair to sit in but I could hardly sit still I was so excited.

They set up the ultrasound machine and the nurse squirted some blue gel on Kiersten's stomach making her jump. "Sorry," The nurse chuckled, "I should've warned you it was a bit cold." She said as she grabbed the little thing and used it to spread the gel around. She pushed the little thing around Kiersten's stomach and watched the screen. I watched it too, but I didn't know anything about ultrasounds or what I should be looking for so it didn't really matter for me.

After about ten minutes the nurse had stopped smiling. She wasn't frowning but she wasn't smiling anymore.

Another five minutes and she was frowning. "I'll be right back." the nurse said pulling off her gloves and quickly leaving the room.

Kiersten looked at me and I could see fear and worry in her eyes. "Everything is going to be okay. I'm right here." I assured her brushing some hair out of her face and pressing a kiss to her forehead. I think that we both knew that I was just saying that though.

The nurse came back with a doctor and he smiled gently at us, "Let's take a look at what's going on, okay?" He asked while pulling on some gloves. He moved the tool around Kiersten's belly for a few mintues before sighing and looking at us sadly. "Mr. and Mrs. Horan, I'm sorry but we can't find a heartbeat."

"W-what does that mean?" Kiersten asked her voice wavering a bit.

He looked at her with pain in his eyes, "I'm sorry Mrs. Horan but you've had a miscarriage.

Kiersten let out a noise that I had never heard before and brought a shaking hand up to cover her mouth. Tears welled up in her eyes making my heart wrench in even more pain. I could feel tears in my own eyes as she asked, "Did I do something wrong?"

The doctor quickly shook his head, "I want you to know that this is not your fault, in anyway. There was no trauma or any cause for this, please remember that it is not your fault or anyone else's. Right now we're going to get this jelly off of you and then we'll move into my office to talk about where to go from here so you can be more comfortable, okay?" He asked and Kiersten and I both nodded.

The nurse quickly cleaned up the gel and then turned the machine off. "You need to stay in your gown, but I'll give you two sometime. Come out whenever you're ready and take your time." She said smiling gently and squeezing my shoulder before leaving the room.

Kiersten got up and situated the gown so everything was covered up. She refused to look at me though, until I gently pulled her into my arms. I rubbed her back as she starting crying into my chest and I let my own tears fall into her hair.

"Shh, we're going to be okay." I whispered gently rocking her back and forth. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, we're going to get through this together, okay?"

"Do you promise?" She croaked out.

"Yes, I promise. I know that this is going to be hard, really hard but we're strong we will get through this." I said, repeatedly kissing her temple. We stood there for a few minutes before Kiersten pulled away and wiped her tears. "You ready?" I asked gently as I moved my hands up and down her arms.

"No, but I don't really have a choice." She said gripping my hand tightly and walking out the door. The nurse led us to the doctor's office and Kiersten and I sat down on the couch. I gently rubbed my thumb across her knuckles as she rested her body against mine.

The doctor explained what happened and really pushed that there was nothing that we could have done to stop it from happening. He explained that there was going to be a small outpatient operation that Kiersten would be put under for and she would be released that day, the operation wouldn't even take an hour.

"We're going to give you some pills to take that will balance your hormone levels back out. There aren't really any side effects that are too bad, just make sure to take it with food so you don't get an upset stomach. But there is something that I should warn you about. The pills are known to increase fertility, which is something to be aware of." The doctor said. "This is my advice to you. Stay strong. This is something that isn't uncommon. Talk to your friends and family, but most importantly talk to each other. There are groups and therapy that you can go to if you feel like you need it, don't hesitate to go. For some people they can really help, for others they don't, but it's something to think about. And finally, don't stop trying to have children. Wait until after the first full menstrual cycle is complete to have intercourse again, and then keep trying. Just whatever you do, don't let this discourage you. Don't give up because of this, okay?"

Kiersten and I both nodded trying to take in everything that he was saying. Then Kiersten went off to have her operation while they settled me in the room that she would be in until she woke up. The surgery went quickly without any complications and I sat in her room blankly staring at the football game that I had put on the TV. My hand was holding hers as I waited patiently for her to wake up so we could go home.

"Ni?" I heard her say.

I turned to look at her and smiled softly at the sight of her blue eyes open and looking at me, "Hey beautiful. How are you feeling?"

"Empty." Was all she said making me feel like my chest had just caved in on its self. There was no emotion in her voice or facial expressions and it hurt me a lot.

"I'm going to get the nurse and then maybe we can go home, okay?" I said kissng her forehead and leaving the room.

I knew that she was going to blame herself for it and there was nothing that I could say to convince her any differently. I was hurt by losing the baby, I was hurt a lot, but what hurt even more was watching Kiersten be in so much pain. It was nothing like I had ever experienced before. Yes, I had seen Kiersten in pain but it was nothing like this pain, this pain was mixed with guilt for something that she had no control over.

The nurse checked us out and I drove us home, my hand not letting go of Kiersten's for one second. She fiddled with the radio and plugged her phone in and I heard the beginning notes of Ed Sheeran's Small Bump start playing. My whole body contracted as I watched her stare out the window. "Babe, maybe would should listen to something else." I said reaching to change it.

"I want to listen to it, Niall." She snapped and I sighed but left it alone trying not to watch her emotionless face.

We got home and Kiersten hugged me once we were inside. I hugged her back tightly and buried my face in her air. "I'm sorry I snapped." She said quietly. "I'm just not really sure what's going on in my brain. I'm feeling all of these emotions but also not feeling any emotion at all."

"Shh, you don't need to apologize. I understand, boo. It's okay. Just know that I'm here if you want to talk, yeah?"

She nodded. "Thank you, Niall." She gave me a gentle kiss. "Can I just go up to bed and sleep I'm drained."

"Of course, come on I'll tuck you in." I said leading her toward the elevator.

When we got to the bedroom she changed into baggy sweatpants and hoodie before crawling into bed. "Ni?" She asked as I tucked her and Frank into the bed. Frank had always had a special way of knowing when Kiersten was hurting. Nando knew something was wrong but he was kind of an idiot, and still a puppy so he just watched her a for a minute before getting distracted my something else.

"Yes, beautiful?"

"Can you call everyone and tell them? I don't think that I can do it, especially not your mom," She said closing her eyes.

"Of course. Just get some rest, okay? Let me know if you need anything."

"I love you, Niall."

"I love you too, Kiersten." I said giving her a gentle kiss before leaving the dark room so she could get some sleep. I headed down stairs and into the music room going straight into the sound proof music and shutting myself inside. I slid down the wall and put my head between my knees and started crying so hard my body was shaking.

I was going to have to be the strong one. I was going to have to be there for Kiersten as she blamed herself, but I was so hurt too.

When I finally stopped sobbing and just had tears falling down my cheeks I pulled out my phone to call the one person I was hoping could help me.

"Hello?"

"Mum?" I croaked out my voice raspy and gravely from crying.

"Niall? What's wrong? What happened? Is everyone okay?"

"W-we lost the b-baby." I said struggling to say it out loud for the first time. I shakily explained everything to her and what the doctor had told us.

"Oh, Niall." She said and I could tell that she was crying too. "I'm so sorry baby. Do you want me to fly down there. I can be on the next plane out."

"No you don't have to do that, mum."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I can take care of her."

"Niall, are you okay though?"

"Not really, but I have to be because Kiersten is a lot worse than I am, and I can't handle seeing her in so much pain. She's blaming herself for it all mum, not matter how much I tell her or the doctor tells her not to."

"I know that it's hard to watch her blame herself, Nialll, but you have to put yourself in her place and let her cope in her own way. You just need to be there to hold her when she wants it and don't be afraid to let her comfort you too. You're married you're in this together. You are a very strong couple and you will get through this, but you will only get through it together."

"Thank you, mum."

'You don't need to thank me, Niall. This is my job. But I'm sure that you have a lot of people to call, but just remember what I said and don't hesitate to call me if you need anything. I will be on the next plane to London if you need me to be."

"I know you will be mum, and I'll call you soon okay?"

"Okay, Niall. I love you."

"I love you too mum." I said hanging up. I was glad that I called her first. She really calmed me down and made it a tiny bit easier to call everyone else and tell them. They were all shocked and asked if i wanted them to come over, but I turned them down every time. I think it was best that we just didn't see anyone that day. Kiersten needed her rest and I needed to find some strength. Paul gave me a few days off just to spend with Kiersten, but it was a crucial time for the album and I couldn't afford to miss too many days in the studio.

I fiddled around on my guitar for a while before Kiersten came downstairs and asked if we could order a pizza and watch a funny movie to get our minds off of everything. I quickly agreed and for two hours we didn't think about what had happened that day.

I was running my fingers through her hair as she rested her head on my chest as we tried to fall asleep. I was humming softly when I felt a couple of drops of water land on my bare chest. I pulled Kiersten's body closer to mine knowing that she was crying, but trying to hold it in. "Shh, it's okay to cry." I whispered rubbing her back.

"I was just so excited. I wanted Bubba so bad. We wanted Bubba so bad."

The name Bubba absolutely crushed me. We hadn't called the baby Bubba once since we found out that we had lost the baby. I took a deep breath, "I know babe. And we will have a baby one day. Now just wasn't the right time. But we will whether it our baby or a we adopt okay? I love you."

"I love you too." She mumbled and buried her face into my chest still crying. She eventually cried herself to sleep. I lay there for a few hours just thinking about everything. Kiersten was in a very restless sleep next to me and my heart wrenched every time she let out a whimper or sob. Eventually though I fell into a restless sleep also.

The next day I decided to do something special for Kiersten and I drove into the city and went to a bakery. I got a box of pastries and a coffee drink for reach of us. Then I got some peach roshes frfom the flower shop and heaeded home. I got home and set up a cute little breakfast for us in the breakfast nook.

I went up stairs to check on her and smiled at her still sleeping figure. She was laying in the middle of the bed cuddled up with my pillow. She looked so cute I couldn't wake her up even if her Turtle Mocha was getting cold. Letting her get some well needed sleep was worth it.

I walked back down stairs and decided to get my mind off of why she was hurting by getting some house work done.

In the dining room was a stack of pictures that needed to be put into frames. They were pictures from the last tour and other thing that we did recently.

I came across a picture from our anniversary and smiled. I was lucky that I had gotten the day off, so I got to spend the whole day with Kiersten. We slept in and then went and got a couple's message and had a relaxing day not involving any press, fans, bandmates, tour managers, just us and one security guard. Then we went to a romantic dinner on the balcony of a fancy restaurant I had found that over looked the ocean and everything. We were in California so it was warm and absolutely amazing. I remember thinking on that day that they all say that the first year is always the hardest, but our first year started with amazing news-all of that shit with Demi was finally going to stop. And sure our year wasn't easy, but I thought that we did pretty well in the first year. The picture was us grinning with our arms wrapped around each other and standing against the balcony with the sun setting into the ocean behind us. I could see the bottle of wine on the table that I had Eoghan send us from London. It was the wine that we made on our honeymoon that the guy from the winery in Spain told us we had to drink on our one year anniversary. I had tried to get Kiersten to take just a sip of it but she refused because she didn't want to hurt Bubba.

I remember laughing when she just stuck her finger in my wine class and then sucked the wine off of her finger because she didn't want to break tradition. After that we finished dinner with some amazing dessert, and then headed down to the beach to lie on a blanket and stargaze for a while before going to back to our hotel. That was where Kiersten convinced that making love would not hurt Bubba, and that they wouldn't be able to feel lit.

I was torn from my reminiscing by a scream and a loud crash. I took of running and bounded up the stairs towards our bedroom until I realized that the sounds were coming from one of the guest rooms on the second floor.

I threw open the door and suddenly realized what room I was standing in. It was the room Kiersten and I had designated for Bubba. Kiersten was screaming and crying and throwing things.

"Baby." I said grabbing her hand and trying to calm her down, but she ripped herself away from me and after I tried a few more times I quickly realized that there was no way I was going to be able to calm her down myself. She was too lost in her pain for me to be able to pull her out.

I called the person who I knew could help me and they were immediately on their way. I was pacing the hallway outside the room and listening to her scream and cry feeling absolutely helpless. The gate buzzer made me jump, it was about twenty minutes earlier than I had expected. I quickly opened the gate and rushed down to the front door.

"Where is she?" Harry asked stepping inside and running his hand through his curls.

"Guest room." I said as another loud crash happened that send us both racing up the stairs towards the noise.

Harry threw the door open and quickly wrapped his long arms around Kiersten and lifted her up pulling her away from the mirror and broken glass that she had just punched. There was blood streaming down her arm from both of her hands. She was still moving and thrashing in Harry's arms so he quickly sandwiched her between us hoping that the touch of both of us could calm her down. She screamed a little bit louder for a few seconds before she started sobbing into Harry's chest.

Her knees buckled so we lowered ourselves to the ground and carefully cradled her between us as she continued to cry. I could feel tears running down my cheeks and could see them in Harry's eyes.

We started singing to Kiersten and we sang her all the songs that I used to sing to her when we were dating. Our singing and her crying eventually put her back to sleep.

We cradled her there on the floor in the midst of broken glass, shredded pillows, random things that had been thrown and even some tipped over furniture until Harry carried her up to our bedroom.

No words were spoken between Harry and I as he tucked her careful not to get blood on our bed spread. I quickly got bandages out and cleaned up her hands. Luckily her hand wasn't broken. They were both just bruised and bloody. I stood there gently brushing my fingers over her forehead where a light bruise was already appearing from something that had happened in the room. I looked at her face and even with tear stained cheeks she was the most beautiful girl that I had ever seen.

I walked Harry out and we stood at the front door not really sure what to say to each other.

"Thank you, Harry."

He nodded, "Of course, mate. I would be here any day any time to make sure that she was okay."

I just gave him a weak smile.