《HIS SHADES OF LIFE》Chapter 67
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The proof of love
Meaning of the quotes in picture☝️:
My heart says 'Go meet Him'
But my steps halt as they begin to move (towards you)
...
My heart says 'Go meet her'
But my steps halt as they begin to move (towards you)
Sometimes my heart explains it to me,
Sometimes I try to make my heart understand...
_________________________________________________
Shahnoor's POV :-
The surrounding felt warm, sweats covering my body, I gulped on feeling the dryness of my mouth. The heavy eyelids slowly opened, blurry vision got clear further. Slightly I open my mouth and took a deep breath.
Tick, tick, tick..
It is so quite here that the only sound visible to ears is ticking of the wall clock. I sighed heavily before getting up and look around the dark yet lighted room.
"You up?" I look at the source of voice, standing near the door with a tray in his hands and that smile.
"Daud...I stil- *Coughs*" Before I can complete my sentence, I started coughing because of the dry mouth.
"Noor, here water." Daud said, quickly sitting next to me with a concerned gesture as he handle me the glass of water.
I slowly drink the water while daud stroke my back. Keeping the glass aside, I slowly look at him.
"Its so hard to believe you are here." I said, with a light smile.
"I know, its almost...nine months." He said, nodding.
"How's everything daud?" I asked.
"Jaise tha (The way it was before)" He said, looking in my eyes but I look down.
His eyes express much more than his words, its hard to avoid those feelings in his eyes.
"It shouldn't be...I thought you must have found someone by now." I said, still with the same smile.
He made himself comfortable as he slide down next to my knees, holding my hands, looking in my eyes.
"Noor.." He started but stopped for a second and cleared his throat.
"There's something I have told you, didn't I?" He asked the known question.
"Yes.." I said, with concerned gaze.
"Than why would you think of something like that?" He asked.
"Because...*takes deep breath* you should know...you should..take..care..*sniffs* take care of yourself...daud.. Allah*sighs* how do I explain this..." It is hard for me to express whats going on inside me, I bite my lower lip and tears escaped through my eyes.
Soon I felt a strong hand around my shoulder, he pulled me into a warm hug.
"You don't have to explain anything noor...I understand." He said, I shake my head in negative.
"No daud *Cries* No you don't un-understand whats-whats..going in my heart..its so..so difficult for me to... understand...why?..why it is always me?..why daud? Why do I have to care for others? Why can't anyone think of me? It is so difficult to tell..to tell that its hard to breathe... shahzaib.. shahzaib..he doesn't care.. But stupid me..I still...love him..why?" I cried, snuggling more in his chest.
Third person's POV :-
Abu daud knew this would happen, shahnoor had to face Shahzaib's past. Moiz told him everything when he was away. Abu daud wanted to come at that time but moiz told him to let shahnoor have her own time. And now that he came, she is crying her heart out infront of him, this isn't any help to his pain. He wanted to kill shahzaib but he knew what shahzaib is going through now.
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"Noor..tell me what it is that you want? I will give you everything even it is at the end of the world." He said.
"There's nothing...I-I want daud but... the happiness of my loved ones..I know.. there's time..they hurt me..but still I want a perfect life for them. I don't like it..it hurts me when I.. witness the pain and loneliness in their eyes. I know farah did wrong until now but I don't want her to be single mother, she needs a support daud. And I want him to come and take me...I want him to tell me that he loves me and missed me..and I want you to be happy..not alone anymore." Shahnoor said, roughly.
"Inshallah... Everything be as it is you want." Abu daud said with determined tone.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Abu daud woke up with the empty bed next to him, the fragrance she left behind is enough for him to feel her. He slowly traced the side of mattress on which she laid down last evening. Mrs. Rukhsar called her at 9:30 pm, so abu daud dropped her at her parents and also met her mother who was happy to meet him.
"I promise you won't have to be concerned about others from now onwards." Abu daud whispered and got up to get freshen up.
. . . . . . . . .
"Beti (daughter) you should*coughs* come back, this is your home. Its doesn't look appropriate for you to stay at your parents house for this long." Mr. Raees said on the phone to Shahnoor.
"I know uncle but what should I do? He didn't even called me once nor he came to take me." Shahnoor said, sadness engulfing her heart.
"Shahzaib isn't so good to show his feelings, he calls your mother everyday. Beti I know what happened but he is ashamed than and now too thats the reason he is finding it hard to face you." Mr. Raees explained.
Shahnoor took a deep breath, she finds it hard to explain to the elder about the situation she is in. And how can she go back without him calling her? It will be so embarassing.
"I may not be able to understand your situation the way you are finding it but beti don't leave your house just like this, what would become of it? Shahzaib doesn't *coughs* eat properly nor he stays home, he keeps travelling here and there making excuse of business trips even though he has his managers to take care of it. Think about it beti, I too am not well from couple of days." Mr. Raees said, coughing more than before.
"What happened to you uncle?" Shahnoor asked out of concern.
"I don't know but..I think I don't have much time." Mr. Raees said, making shahnoor worried.
"Uncle please, don't say such things. May Allah bless you with long and healthy life." Shahnoor said, slowly.
"But I want my daughter-in-law to take care of me in my last times. please beti, will you?" Mr. Raees asked.
"Uncle.." Shahnoor said, disheartened.
"So can I come to take you tomorrow?" Mr. Raees asked.
Shahnoor felt uneasy, she want to go and take care of Mr. Raees but for that she have to face him which is not easy.
"Than I will come, okay?" Mr. Raees said, taking her silence as a yes.
"Uncle..I-"
"I am not listening to anything, I am coming tomorrow with firoz. Be ready, okay? Allah Hafiz." Mr. Raees said and hung up before shahnoor can say anything.
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. . . . . . . . . . . .
"Will you be okay meri bacchi (My daughter)?" Mrs. Rukhsar asked, serving the coffee to the sisters.
"I don't know ammi..Raees uncle is not well at all. He keeps on insisting me to go back which is kind rude of me to reject every time." Shahnoor said, taking the big mug of coffee.
"That's true. He is elder and you can't keep on denying from your responsibilities too." Farah said, sipping the hot coffee.
"Hmm.." Shahnoor hummed.
"Mr. Raees is a good man, you should take care of him. Forget everything meri beti and move on." Mrs. Rukhsar said.
"Shahno.. shahzaib even gave me talak (divorce)... that's more than enough to proof that he loves you...than what's there to remember? Forget everything and live on." Farah said, remembering the day when she called him and seduced him.
~Flashback~
Shahzaib pushed farah and cleaned his lips with the back cuffs of his clothe.
"Shahzaib whats wro-"
"SHUT UP! HOW DARE YOU?! I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU WILL COME NEAR ME!" He shouted.
"But shahzaib I am still your wife, there's nothing wrong if we do th-"
"TALAK! TALAK! TALAK! (Divorce! Divorce! Divorce!) I SHAHZAIB AHMED MIRZA WITH ALL MY CONSCIOUSNESS GIVES YOU FARAH ZUBER KHAN DIVORCE! DIVORCE! DIVORCE!" Shahzaib said, red eyes boring into her glossy ones.
She fall down on the floor while shahzaib left her there without any last glance.
~End of Flashback~
"I had forgot...it long ago but he didn't." Shahnoor said and walked out of the room.
Mrs. Rukhsar and farah exchange the look of concern.
"Don't worry aunty, it will be alright." Farah tried to reassure Mrs. Rukhsar.
"Hmm..farah rehmat bhabhi called you." Mrs. Rukhsar said.
It is 2 months ago when Mrs. Rehmat and Mr. Zuber forgive farah, seeing she is pregnant and took her back to their house. Although it is a different thing farah loves to spend most of her time in Shahnoor's house.
"Yeah, I totally forgot about it. Chachi..." Farah said, putting the cup on the table.
"Yes beti.." Mrs. Rukhsar said.
"Can you please help me?" Farah asked, with a helpless expression.
"Help in what?" Mrs. Rukhsar asked.
"Umm..Ammi keeps on urging me to get married...I don't want to chachi." Farah said.
"Why not beti? This is a good thing you have to do it one day." Mrs. Rukhsar said, politely.
"I know chachi but not right now. I am pregnant, I don't want to be away from my baby even if..it is a...mistake." Farah said, the last word coming as a whisper.
"Mistake? Don't say such thing beti.. this is not appropriate." Mrs. Rukhsar said.
"But everyone will say it chachi, this is a fact I have to face life long." Farah said, vision getting blur with fresh set of tears.
"Take it as a blessing! Allah has given you a blessing and you are naming it a mistake! Are you out of your mind farah?!" Shahnoor said in a high tone, standing near the door.
"Shahno?" Farah whispered.
"You are blessed with a good news and inshallah Allah will bring someone who will love this baby and you as their own. You should not be unfaithful in your lord's decisions or its mercy." Shahnoor said, tears falling from her eyes as well.
"Shahno..I am sorry." Farah stood up and hugged her sister.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
"Your medicines are here in this blue basket, and this pills here are for your indigestion problem okay?" Shahnoor instructed farah, who kept smiling at her sister.
"Shahno, aren't you ready yet? They are waiting from last half an hour." Abdullah said, come in their room.
"Yeah I am ready just telling farah about her meds and all. Farah you make sure to take your medicines on time okay?" Shahnoor said, looking at farah.
"Okay madam..Now.." Farah walked forward and hold Shahnoor's shoulder with a smile and teary eyes.
"Go and complete your actual responsibilities..as a.. housewife." Farah said, making Shahnoor's heart race.
Shahnoor nodded before they all went out.
"I know he is such a shaitaan (naughty kid)" Mr. Raees said, pulling firoz's ear at which he acted of getting hurt.
Mr. Sharif, Mr. Zuber along with their Misses laughed off.
"So what do I do uncle? I can't stop myself from eating the tasty food ammi prepares everytime I come. And also I missed my sister-in-law too." Firoz said, refering Mrs. Rukhsar as his ammi with a pout.
"Yeah, it is alright. He doesn't bother us, we feel happy when he comes here." Mrs. Rukhsar said with a smile as she looks at firoz, who grinned in response.
"Oh shahno is here." Arib said, everyone look at her.
"Chalein beti? (Shall we go daughter?)" Mr. Raees asked, standing up with the help of firoz.
"You should stay a little more." Mr. Sharif said, standing as well.
"Oh Inshallah some other time, we had lunch and now I want to eat my daughter-in-law's handmade dinner." Mr. Raees said with a smile, looking at shahnoor.
Shahnoor's POV :-
It is so hard to breathe, my steps halt infront of this very room in which I used to live with him. Even though, He isn't here right now. Jamila aunty told me that he went on a business trip to london and will come back in a week. It is kind of disappointing for me, I thought I would be able to see him after a long time.
I slowly grabbed the door handle, twisting it and pushed open the door. The first thing that hit me is his strong fragrance which always represented this room, it is all about him. Even me, I don't find anything within me but him. He is all over, running through the veins with a strong opacity. But the question is..Is he even aware of it? A lone tear escaped my eyes, my feet doesn't corporate with me to walk in. It is hard, I can't just go in like that.
'But you have to..' My inner voice said.
Taking some deep breaths, I walked in with cautious steps. Passing through the small sitting area, I came in our..his bedroom. My blurry vision roam around the room, it is all same. Nothing changed, it is just like how I left it. The same round bed, the love seat, the table, balcony, mirrors and the photo of us?
I walk towards the table next to his side of bed and took the photo.
"You look so happy." I said, tracing my hand on his photo.
"I missed you.."
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Days and nights went in blink of my eyes, I can't believe its 4 days already. Ammi, farah, baba and abu daud calls me everyday and asks if I am okay or not. But its all okay here, I don't feel that I had ever leaved this place.
'Maybe because my heart is always aware of this..' I thought.
It is in the darkness of night when everyone is asleep, leaving me all alone. Even if I am surrounded by all of them, there is still a empty spot which makes my heart deserted. How long do I have to wait?
"Not a single night I spend without crying for you... don't you..loved me..even once.." I whispered looking at our picture, standing near his side of bed.
My body flinched when two strong arms wrapped around my shoulder and waist.
"I loved you truly..." He whispered, everything stopped.
I couldn't hear anything but the sound of his heavy breathing, feeling his heart beating against my back, the warmth his body radiating on my cold one. That's it! He is here?!
My breathing labour, its heavy and difficult. He is here? For real? 8 months.. without him..his feeling...his touch..his fragrance... everything about him I craved for, he is now here. Holding me in his arm, safe and secure.
"I.." He began to talk, his lips touching my ear making me close my eyes.
"Uh-ha.." The sound of pleasure escaped through the thin passage of my lips, just a mere touch of his has great impact on me.
"I missed you baccha.." He whispered, kissing on my earlobe at the last.
Tears forming in my eyes as I open them, falling down my cheeks. This shouldn't be happening, how..what.. should I do? The words I wished to listen from last 8 months, finally he spoke out. Should I forgive him and be back to normal?
'Is it that easy shahnoor?' My inner voice questioned.
"No! Thats not easy!" I yelled, removing his hands from me and pushing him away.
Turning around, my eyes locked with his ocean blue ones. My knees weakened, I almost fall down but he caught me again. I jerked him off, being a mess.
"Don't!" I shouted, pointing my index finger at him.
"Don't you dare to touch me." I continued, gritting my teeth.
Sweats covered my body, heart rates faster and all I feel is..fear.
'Fear..why? Why do you need to be..like this? So vulnerable, so disappointed, so out of the time..why remaining behind?' My inner voice asked me, no..more likely accused me of being like this.
"Baccha.." He whispered, this word which I craved for so long to hear.
"I am not weak! I am forgiving you now! You don't deserve me! Nor you deserve my love.." The last sentence escaped as a whisper, tears flowing from my eyes reaching to my neck.
"I know.." He said, eyes roamed to the left side of the room before locked his gaze with mine again.
"I...know...I don't deserve any good...but I am sorry...baccha..you took to much time for your space...that too reasonable..I know.. *Takes deep breath* but..you should have know that I am really ashamed of my doings...I am accept that I did wrong.. please forgive me..I can't live without you..I can't believe you are here..I am so hap-"
"Don't flatter yourself! I am not here because of you but because of Raees uncle, he is not well that's why I came on his request. He is elder and I respect him, thats why I came." I cut off him by stating the reason.
~2 days later~
Shahzaib's POV :-
My heart ache to touch her, hug her and express my love for her but she keeps herself away from me by being busy in house chores and specially taking care of raees uncle. She avoids the eye contact, never reply to whatever I say or ask. She comes in the room late at night, when she thinks I am asleep but would never know its been a long long time this eyes have witness even a peaceful nap.
Tonight, it is really cold. Winds are blowing which causes the wind chime to rustle against eachother. I look at the clock.
2: 25 am
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