《HIS SHADES OF LIFE》Chapter 29
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Peace.
.
Meaning of the quotes in picture☝️:
It is very difficult to understand the misery of daughters, There is no place for them in the same house, Where they are born.
_______________________________________
~present~
Shahnoor's POV :-
He was sitting there in front of me with my sister sitting opposite of him
In a beautiful haldi dress, everyone was gathering them with laughs and joy. When I look at him, he looks the most happiest man of the world like if he had won the biggest lottery of his life. While on the other hand when I look at my sister, she looks like a dead rose without any bloom just as her soul leaved her body.
I was her in our room only when she was getting ready for the function, he book 4-5 people to get her ready. Some are beautician, dresser, mehendi artist, and Allah knows who. She asked me If I will not attend the function as I remember,
~Flashback~
"Shahno, won't you come?" Farah asked but I didn't reply.
"Ma'am please look here, I have to do last touch ups."The beautician said irritatingly for third time. And farah ignored her while looking at me.
"Shahno, won't you apply haldi(Turmeric) on your sister? Were your dreams are just for saying?" Farah said almost crying.
"Yes, I dreamed of applying haldi and henna on you for your wedding but mene kabhi tezaab lagane ka nahi socha farah.tum kehti ho ki tumhare khushiyon ke janaze me aake khush ho jau, toh yeh main kaise karlu) (But I never thought to put acid on you. You say be happy at the funeral of my happiness, so how can I do it.)" I said narrowing my eyes.
"Think shahno, why I am doing this. you'll pray for my happiness na, than why won't Allah make me happy, huh?"She asked and I look at her without having an answer.
"You'll be late, everyone is waiting for you. Go now."I said as I look away.
Than I heard them walking out and closing the door behind.
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~End of flashback~
Tears steam down on my cheeks, I was looking at from the window. The rasm(ritual) started as they first applied little oil on both of them. They won't be able to see each other as a curtain was spread between groom's family which 90% includes only man of black suits and bride's family.
But when I look at them, they look so beautiful together but that won't change my about his work.
I know he have seen so much in life, may Allah make him a better person and may Allah give my sister ability to heal his scars. I remember our talk on terrace from yesterday evening,
~Flashback~
His eyes were holding tears that were unshed because he won't let them out, the only reason of his was that he wants to be seen strong not weak. He quickly turned his back on me and wiped his face with his bare hands. Than he look at me with a smile, I couldn't define this man. He is so confusing, I furrowed my eyebrows.
He took out his handkerchief from his pocket and look at me. Than he came forward and hold my chin with his left hand as he wiped my face with his handkerchief. I remember my first encounter with him the day he did same in the remand room. I didn't even knew when I started crying. As he finished he backed away.
"You are crying for me?!" He said while his voice held amusement and confusion.
I kept looking at him, trying to look through this man's soul because soul doesn't lie, right? My vision got again blurry because of my tears as I recall his just words.
"Heyy~"He said while cupping my face with his warm hands.
I don't know what's got into me, I cried harder and harder as this is the last moment of my life. I place my hands on both of his. I don't want him to touch me.
I don't want to feel sorry for this man here, I wanted to recall all his repellent deeds and the people he killed remorselessly.
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"Baccha."He whispered.
His voice was just not heard by my ears but also travelled through my veins which constantly increasing pain, an extreme pain to my body, brain and most importantly my heart.
"Ple-please.. Le... Leave.. Me." I almost whispered shutting my eyes completely, never wanted to meet his hopeful gaze.
"I will but won't you allow me to be happy just once in my life, huh?"He ask as his grip on my face got stronger.
I tried to remove his hand and succeeded than I turn my back on him. I won't look at him, I won't become weak. This is about my sister and if I need to be selfish than I will be.My right hand caught the railing, I took deep breath.
"g-go..away..just...go...away..Go Away!"I screamed.
I heard him inhaling deep breath than I heard the sound of footsteps as I look at my left on his retreating back. He walk out silently without a second glance.
~End of flashback~
I broke down instantly, I covered my mouth preventing it to make any noise. I cried and cried until I felt nothing left inside me. Not only its about my sister but also about my mother, my ammi.
I have seen baba cursing under his breath time to time and he taunts ammi whenever he gets the chance, even here. She wanted to cry but she smiles for her dignity, for baba's respect and for us. Baba never thought that his deed would be repeated to his daughter, he never thought how we will face such cruelty. May be its true that daughters never have their own life, they came in this world firstly depending on their father and secondly on their husband as both have equal rights to taunt them, beat them, disrespect them, accuse them. But all she have to do is sabr. Nothing for herself but sabr.
It horrifies me, this life. To the point that I wanted to end it. There would be no regrets, If I die. Yes it would be so much better, like no pain, guilt, I don't have to face any one who would slash my heart into pieces. Just if I die..
I tried to stand, lifting myself with the help of the window frame, but its actually hard as I haven't eaten anything. I took help of the wall and walk towards the large table place in front of the bed. I took the knife that was kept in the fruit bowl on the table.
With shivering hand holding the knife, I sat on the left side of bed.
"Ya Allah..." I said while looking up as my eyes crave to see my creator.
"Ya Alla-h..."I cried while taking the name of one and only.
"Ya mere Allah... ah..ah.."I couldn't stop, I wanted to say many things to him but my mouth was shut as the words were itching to come out but the tongue wants to keep it lock.
"Allah.. Th.. This world...is really cruel.. so please let me come...to you.. Forgive me as I know... I.. Am..committing a sin, but... I don't wanna stay.. Here anymore... I wanted to be with you.. To talk to you, I have many peoples complaints to do. So forgive me Allah.."And with that I shut my eyes tightly and cut my wrist deeply.
Red droplets getting absorbed by the white silk bedsheet, coloring it with a flow. Soon all the pain and stress started fading away like this thin air.
"Shahno~" I heard Ammi's voice but she is not here.
"Ammi.."I whispered.
"I...I..am..sor-" Without completing the sentence my body felt heavy, my breath slowed down, and I flopped down on the bed.
Slowly each and every part of my body started feeling numb. Tears made my vision blur.
"Ya... Allah.."I said.
"La ilaha illallah muhammad-" Everything before blackout.. As I find my,
Peace.
To be continued...
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